ik the meme is dead at this point, but what is writing if not a fickle muse that bonks me over the head saying “why dont u write a coffeeshop au but with kfc”?
so without much further ado: modern au! kfc worker diluc x tired uni student reader
He claimed he was doing it for experience. Diluc claimed a lot of things, but you knew better than to actually take most of what he said to be the truth. He claimed he hated you, he claimed that he preferred working alone, and he even claimed that this job was just something he did to pass the time.
Okay, maybe the last part was a little true. You never pried too much into it: you were just an exhausted student trying to survive until the weekend on three hours of sleep a day and venti-sized Starbucks (no pun intended).
Getting chicken was just a convenient way to fill your stomach while keeping your roommates from stealing your food. Xiangling always did her best to fill the refrigerator, but Xingqiu, Chongyun, and Xinyan were more likely to swipe your muffins than try whatever the hell Xiangling made last.
Diluc on the other hand? He was a renown tycoon, or so the rumor said, and rumor continued on to say that he was just working here to kill time and to get better at talking to other people. He told it to you once a few visits back, telling you that his stepbrother wanted him to step out of his usual brooding, office work.
You wondered if you should tell him that working at KFC was probably not what his stepbrother meant by getting better at his social skills.
The smell of crispy chicken and oil hit your nose like a wet blanket when you pushed open the doors to the KFC. You hastily shoved your car keys into your pocket, feeling for your wallet to make sure it was there before approaching the counter.
It was empty, save for the red-headed worker that you’ve gotten close with. Diluc glanced at you as you walked in through the door, squaring his shoulders and looking at you with his gloomy eyes like always. “I’ve been expecting you.”
“You don’t need to say it like you’re going to drag me off or something,” you laughed. “I come here almost every other day.”
“The usual?” He asked, poking at his monitor. He made no attempt to joke back at you, and you let it go.
“Yeah. And don’t forget the extra biscuits. My roommates love those,” you added, pulling your wallet out to hand over a couple crumpled bills. Diluc reached out for the money, his fingertips brushing against yours momentarily.
Xingqiu, ever the avid fanfiction reader, always gushed about how lovely it would be for you to fall in love with Diluc and to live the cute romance of your dreams between the dashing tycoon-masquerading-as-a-chicken-shop-worker-for-funsies and you, a student so sleep-deprived and burnt out that even a stove of failed cookies would be more alluring than you were.
If Diluc were to even see something remotely admirable in you, even you’d be surprised. But Xingqiu loved his fantasies, and it didn’t hurt to let him daydream and live his fanfictions out vicariously through your mostly lackluster life.
Diluc held up a handful of coins, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Your change.”
“O-Oh,” you stammered, straightening up and swallowing. “Um, you can keep it.”
He raised an eyebrow quizzically at you.
“Like for tip. Yeah, you can keep the change as tip,” you smoothed over, exhaling nervously and averting your gaze.
Diluc kept his eyebrow raised but tucked the excess coins away. “Most people don’t tip at KFCs. That stuff is usually saved for restaurants and bars and coffee shops.”
You wanted to smack your forehead.
“Well, consider it a gift, from a friend to another friend,” you mumbled, sighing.
“You consider me a friend?” He pressed on, almost like he couldn’t detect the fact that you were awkwardly trying to just keep the conversation from going to the hills while waiting for your food to come out.
“We see each other often… I mean, we’re not like super close, but we know each other by name,” you offered, shrugging to ease the tension. “Do you not like it when I call you a friend?”
Diluc blinked slowly. “I don’t mind. You can call me your friend. I’m going to check on your order. It should be about done.”
You nodded, letting the enigmatic cashier slink back into the kitchen. You knew that the other worker here was Noelle, and you only saw her on the days that Diluc wasn’t here.
He reappeared a few minutes later with a bag of chicken, handing it over to you with gentle hands. “Enjoy your food. I’ll see you again in a few days?”
You took the bag, nodding. “Of course. This is the best place to get a quick dinner for everyone in my dorm building.”
“Hm. You should bring them in sometime,” he replied calmly.
“You say that every time. And every time I tell you that they’re typically too busy,” you chuckled. “Take care, Diluc.”
“Take care,” he murmured, letting you walk out of the restaurant.
You placed the chicken in the backseat of your rundown car, the warmth spreading across your fingertips. Diluc was an odd soul, but he wasn’t a bad one. You wondered what he made of you, and you wondered if you could invite him out someday to enjoy the chicken he sold along with your other friends.
Just like the fanfictions Xingqiu read. You could practically hear the giggles he would usually give when he would pester you for more details about your conversations with Diluc. There wasn’t much, you typically reasoned, but it was seemingly enough to keep him entertained time and time again.
You supposed your humiliation was a small price to pay for the entertainment of your roommates and Diluc’s eccentric friendship.
Someday, you told yourself as you started your car up and took off for home, someday you would get to know him well enough to invite him without messing things up.
Someday.
Just that thought enough was all you needed to entertain the notion of properly befriending the jaded KFC server.
when an odd curse turns everyone in teyvat into catpeople, la signora and zhongli entrust their colleagues to you while they sort out the issue. you’re simply caught up in the middle of everything, only to realize that the feisty harbinger and the aloof adeptus have begun fighting over you to stake their claim to make you their master.
i had brainworms and wanted an excuse to write catboy love triangle so here u are
“Can you two not fight for three seconds!?”
You shuddered, inhaling deeply and nearly slumping to the floor of Wangshu Inn as Xiao and Scaramouche glared at each other, mere seconds away from jumping onto each other and squabbling like the world depended on it.
You couldn’t help but make a weary mental note to yourself to apologize to Verr Goldet later for all the ruckus, and then you made another mental note to check the veranda to make sure the two boys wouldn’t have left any claw marks.
“Why do I have to spend my day here? With him, no less? He’s been glaring at me the entire time!” Scaramouche spat. “I want to end this as quickly as possible myself, so I don’t get why Signora thinks I can’t help her!”
“My instincts don’t lie to me,” Xiao hissed back. “And you reek of someone who poses a threat to Liyue.”
You groaned loudly, shaking your head. “Look, none of us are happy with whatever’s going on, but we have to make the most of what we have, okay? Just be glad that whatever curse has hit Liyue is one that makes us into cat-people and not like… I don’t know, geovishaps taking over the place!”
Xiao tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “That would be a breeze for me to handle. At least this Fatui scum wouldn’t be here then.”
You mentally smacked yourself in the head. “You know that’s not the point! Can’t you two at least try to get along? So that you can stop fighting? Doesn’t it get tiring?”
“I don’t like having my pride tickled. I don’t know about you, but I like being respected and revered by those around me,” Scaramouche added on, crossing his arms. The dark indigo tail behind him swished annoyedly, and he huffed. “To think that Signora and that Zhongli fellow would just run off… Seriously, does Signora think I’m that incapable?”
Xiao bared his teeth, a low growl sounding from his throat. “She must have left you here for a reason.”
Scaramouche glowered at Xiao, his ears flattening against his head as he sneered at the yaksha. “Is that an attack? Are you questioning my authority? Surely an adeptus would understand the diplomatic consequences of being so quick to threaten a Fatui Harbinger…”
“I don’t care about things like diplomatic relations,” Xiao muttered, his ears twitching annoyedly. “My task is to protect Liyue. I know I say that I don’t harm mortals, but if need be, I will strike down anyone who dares to raise a hand against the very ones I’ve been tasked to care for.”
“Okay, okay, can you two both calm down?” You pleaded, stepping in between the two of them. The two acted like you wasn’t even there, stepping closer to the poor traveller and glaring at each other from across your shoulders.
“I didn’t know that defending Liyue meant being so protective over this little traveller here...,” Scaramouche laughed, the malice clear in his voice. You tensed up when the Fatui Harbinger snaked an arm around your shoulders, leaning in so that his chest pressed up against your side. You craned your head, confusion flickering across their face at how suddenly close Scaramouche was.
You didn’t know Scaramouche could be this… cute.
“Why does it matter to you who I protect? They’re staying in Liyue, and therefore, they’re my responsibility,” Xiao grumbled back, his golden eyes flashing with fury. You felt your breath hitch in the back of your throat when Xiao tucked his arm around your waist, shoving his chest against the other side of your body. His angry gaze never left Scaramouche, and you felt like you were going to melt.
Was Xiao always this bold and touchy?
“G-Guys…? What’s going on? Is it your cat hormones or something?” You stammered, your heart beating like wild from the proximity. Your head raced as the two catboys simmered with distaste at each other before they both snapped their heads at you to look into your shaking eyes.
“You’re going to be my master!” They both announced.
You blinked.
The two catboys froze, realizing that they had blurted the same thing at the same time, and immediately turned to the other, the contempt in their faces escalating dangerously. A terrifying shadow fell on Xiao’s face as his hand started swirling with a vortex of Anemo power, and Scaramouche gave a sadistic chuckle as he cracked his fingers, his Electro powers crackling and coming to life with each second.
“I believe that it would be fitting for someone as respectable as I am to stay with them,” the Harbinger stated coldly. The purple lightning criss crossing his fingers crackled dangerously, and the sunlight seemed to dim as the lightning grew brighter and brighter.
Xiao, not one to lose, gave a displeased huff, keeping his head proud as a gust of powerful wind began to overtake the area, swirling around the three of them in a circular motion. “They’re within Liyue borders, so they’re my responsibility.”
The veranda shook with the pressure of the immense powers being asserted at once, and any normal person would have started running for their life at this point.
Your fingertips shook; there was so much going on so close you all at once.
“WHAT?????????”
The two instantly stopped their quarrel to snap their heads back at you when you shrieked out of nowhere.
“I-Is everything alright?”
“Did you hurt yourself?”
“I-I-,” you stammered, your lips quivering and your hands clutching your cheek. Scaramouche held his breath, his periwinkle eyes flickering like the false stars. Xiao leaned in, the tips of his long hair brushing against your face.
Your eyes started to sparkle brightly like diamonds, a huge grin breaking out on your face as you took your hands and placed one each atop the boys’ head, burying your fingertips into the soft fur of their ears. Both Scaramouche and Xiao tensed up visibly before unconsciously melting into the touch, their hatred for each other temporarily quelled by the attention from you.
You laughed gleefully, barely able to contain yourself from the sheer joy coursing through your body.
Uh, if it's not too late can I request hc of Chongyun with masc! crush who has a pure yin energy? I'm very curious about it👉👈 you can ignore this if your rq are full! :)
Also congrats on your new blog!🎉
chongyun ,,, absolutely superb what a funky lad
on that note: im not entirely familiar with how yin-yang energy works, so i did some research! my depiction will not be perfect due to that, and if there’s anything that needs correction, please tell me!
Chongyun struggles with balancing what he believes to be his duty and his innate energy. This often leads to him restraining himself in hopes of being able to live up to his destiny, and it also often leads to his friends poking ridiculous amounts of fun at him (read: Xingqiu). Love is passionate and fiery, and while Chongyun isn’t one to push away the prospects of love, he does wonder whether he should be honest with himself or to keep to the cool personality he’s been trying to maintain in hopes of fulfilling his dream of hunting down demons.
So he’s rather enchanted when he reckons that the two of you together should balance each other out. Of course, he tries to drag you around everywhere to hunt for demons to properly exorcise. It can be a bit funny to see him try to convince you to climb mountains and wade through swamps together by claiming that it can be a romantic date! Don’t tease him or get mad at him for it: most of his attempts at trying to be romantic towards you is stuff that Xingqiu fed him for laughs. Chongyun swears he won’t fall for Xingqiu’s tricks to get him all flustered in front of you, but the rascal bookworm always manages to rope him into all sorts of dumb situations to see him flounder around in front of you.
Chongyun does hold a slightly naive side to him. He’s someone who grew up with fantastic tales of demons and exorcising, and he’s someone who’s curious about the world and what he can actually achieve with his own two hands. Part of him believes that you’re his soulmate, his perfect opposite that exists to balance him out, and he wants to tell you how he feels. The only problem is that he has absolutely no experience with romantic endeavors, and he only ends up feeling like a fool whenever he turns to his friends for wonky advice. Not that you mind: it only endears him more to you.
“Chongyun, please don’t tell me you actually climbed a mountain for these,” you breathed, watching the boy as he struggled to keep a neutral expression, mud and dust smeared all of his face and hands as he held out a handful of violetgrass flowers.
“I-I heard that getting nice flowers would be a good gesture,” he choked out, thrusting the flowers into your hands. “And everyone knows that the harder the flowers are to get, the prettier they are.”
You shook your head, laughing softly. “I bet Xingqiu set you up for that one, huh? Well, they’re very pretty. Thank you for the gift, Chongyun. You’re always so nice to me; I can’t help but swoon a little.”
The boy made a noise between a cough and splutter, clearing his throat as he stood up straight. “Well then... Xingqiu said the next thing I should do is ask you out on a date so... Would you be willing to take a walk with me...?”
Not a request but I come in defense of kaeya from that anon calling him a flat ass. There was someone on reddit a few months ago that analyzed all the genshin boys in blender and his model has the most detailed ass from anyone, even surpassing Zhongli in terms of detail. Thank you for coming to my ted talk and have a nice day!
OH WORM?
KAEYA MY BELOVED.... WITH A BIG BRAIN AND A BIG ASS
hi hi! could I request diluc headcanons with a clumsy yet polite fem s/o? thank you & good luck on the new blog :]
heehoo emotional constipation go brrr
Diluc’s not the best at articulating his emotions. Don’t get him wrong: he knows how to handle himself gracefully in social situations, but he isn’t one to lavish you with praise or fuss over you and tell you to be careful in the way that others might. You’re someone who can understand him without needing many words, so he feels more comfortable leaving the whole charade and dance of flowery speech to his public persona and letting himself be more true to his more quiet nature when you’re around. All in all, this is to say that he shows his love for you through actions rather than words.
As much as he says he hates his moniker as ‘The Darknight Hero’, he does do his best to watch out for you and keep you from getting hurt like a real knight. He can’t be at your side 24/7, but he insists on accompanying you when you need to head out far away to fend off monsters and make sure you don’t fall into traps. If something ends up happening, then Diluc swoops in to clean up the mess as neatly as he can. He’ll patch up any wounds you might have gotten from accidents, no matter how small or how big they may be, and the way he squeezes your hand and looks longingly at you is enough for you to know that it’s his way of telling you to be more careful next time.
Even if he may not tell it to you directly, he dotes on you quite a bit. Whenever you smile at him and tell him thanks for escorting you or whenever you insist on helping him out with whatever you can around the winery, Diluc melts on the inside. It’s been a long time since he last felt cared for and valued, and you always make sure to thank him for his work and remind him to put himself before everything else at times. It’s a warmth he’s craved for a long time, and while he maintains his stoic front around you, he hopes you can tell that he’s grateful for how much you look after him too.
“You really didn’t have to do this,” you laughed softly, approaching the gates to the heart of Mondstadt. “I’m sure you have lots of things to take care of back at the winery...”
The arm Diluc had around you didn’t loosen one bit. “And leave you to get stuck in the middle of an Abyss Mage’s camp again?”
You bit back a sigh, shaking your head a little in defeat. “Still... You have a life of your own, and I don’t want to hold you back or anything. But... Thanks for walking me here. It’s nice to know that you care so much.”
Diluc swallowed thickly, averting his gaze from you. “It’s not much... You go and take care of whatever you need to here. As for me... I’ll come pick you up later.”
SCREAMS HELLO 😘 DON'T MIND ME GKKFJRKDJDJ can i request a scenario for xingqiu taking care of his s/o after a fight? 💘💕 TYSMMM
here’s our resident xingqiu kisser 🤗
content warning(s): injury mention, death mention
“A key point when applying bandages is: apply the bandage firmly, but not tightly, and secure the end by folding it over and tying a knot in the end.“
“Ow! Xingqiu, that hurts…!”
You tried to yank your arm away from your boyfriend instinctively, and Xingqiu, expecting you to do that, gripped down on your wrist as he calmly dabbed at the scratches with a cotton ball. You winced, a small hiss escaping your gritted teeth.
“It would hurt less if you didn’t go rushing headlong into battle without stopping to see if there was a better way of resolving the issue at hand,” he hummed, pressing down on your wound. You flinched again, huffing your cheeks out and glaring daggers at the boy. He hummed a casual tune, as if he was indifferent about the fact that a gang of hilichurls had nearly beat you into pulp.
You sniffed, sticking your lower lip out in a childish pout. “The hilichurls were attacking the poor fruit seller! I couldn’t just stand by and let them do that!”
“I was going to dispel them with my Vision and fighting techniques so that no more collateral damage would take place, but you went running in before I could do anything,” he replied smartly. “Now stay still so that I can patch up your wounds.”
“It hurts,” you grunted, still displeased with his answer. “And at least I got the job done.”
Xingqiu bit back a laugh. “If that’s what you want to stay so adamant on. The disinfecting potion will sting for now, but it’s better than risking an infection and then having that escalate into something else. I read all about it in the medical records of a history textbook. There would be blood and wounds and pus everywhere, and-”
You raised your other hand, cutting him off. “-Spare me the gross details. I really don’t need to think about infections while I literally have an open wound.”
He flashed you a smug grin, as if you had proved him right. You turned your face away from him, giving a small huff as he set the cotton ball down. Even if he wasn’t laughing or anything, it was easy to pick up on the fact that he enjoyed toying with you like this.
The worst part of it all was that he wasn’t entirely wrong either. Sure, you did save the fruit vendor who was scared half to death, but maybe Xingqiu could have handled it gracefully had you not sprinted into the heat of battle.
Not that it mattered anymore. What counted most was that the fruit seller was safe, right?
“I’m going to bandage your wounds now,” Xingqiu announced, snapping you out of your thoughts. He held up a few white strips of medical bandages, grinning. “Did you know? Before bandages were invented, people would wrap wounds with sugar and honey. I bet that would attract every insect in the region to come swarming at you.”
“Do you have to phrase it like that? Most people fuss over their lovers when they’re hurt, yet you’re making it sound like I’m a pig being led to slaughter,” You sighed, shaking your head. Xingqiu offered another innocent yet snarky smile at you, taking your arm again to gently wrap the strip around the wound.
“I suppose. But I have to remind you that both you and I aren’t like most people,” he chuckled, his careful fingertips brushing against your bare skin. You bit back your equally snotty reply, choosing to stay quiet and just let him have his fun. Your petty squabbles with Xingqiu only seemed to serve the boy more entertainment, and you learned early on that staying quiet was often the best way to keep your boyfriend from making even more fun of you.
“Well, if you’re so insistent that I do something more akin to the gestures of romance novels than martial arts ones, allow me,” he spoke up. “I’ve finished bandaging you up, but there’s still a little bit leftover. It would be such a waste to throw it out too…”
You perked up, watching with curious eyes. Xingqiu slid his hands around your wrist again, taking the excess strip and tying it down over your bandaged wound. His finger slid around the fabric, tightening it into a beautiful knot, one that resembled a four-leaf-clover.
“Fine handiwork, if I do say so myself,” he huffed, chuckling under his breath. “Consider a good luck charm and a reminder not to go running into battle.”
You laughed exasperatedly, but you still let yourself fawn over the gesture a little. “It’s pretty. Thanks, Xingqiu.”
“With pleasure, my little lark,” Xingqiu replied. He pat your arm fondly, rubbing little hearts into the bandages with his fingertips. “I’ll make sure to tie on a new one whenever you have to change bandages, so you have to come to me to get them changed, okay? No one else in my household can tie knots as well as I can.”
You reached over with your uninjured hand to ruffle his hair, eliciting a surprised squeal from him. “I’ll make sure to come to you. C’mon, let’s go do something fun. I don’t want a few scratches to hold me back from doing all the exciting things I usually do.”
Xingqiu’s golden eyes lit up, and his mouth broke into a huge grin as he scrambled to his feet, helping you up. “If your body allows you to then… How does sneaking off to the beach sound? I read the most wondrous tale of a sea warrior the other night, and I’ve been dying to see if I can apply his techniques to my own training…”
You laughed loudly, ruffling his hair again. “If you wanted to take me out a beach date that badly, you can just say so. Alright, let’s be off before your servants catch us.”
I have arrived and brought some pasta. May I requests for our flat asses duo (Kaeya and Childe) for domestic hc's please 🍝
mihoyo gave them flat asses bc they would be too hotsexy powerful if they were double cheeked up
Kaeya’s a fun lover to have around the house. He likes to keep you on your toes: stealing teasing glances at you while you do the dishes, sneaking his arms around your waist as you cook, asking for a kiss when he has to depart for his duties. He isn’t around often because of how demanding his duties as a captain of the Knights of Favonius are, but he tries to make the most out of his moments with you by trying to make you smile.
Of course, it goes without saying that he cherishes the quiet moments too. Kaeya has lost so much in his life, that it feels almost wrong for him to find happiness by settling down and being so vulnerable to someone else. Commitment is terrifying for someone like him, so it’s moments like when he curls around you for sleepy cuddles or offers to make dinner instead that you know how much trust and love he holds towards you. You are both simultaneously the greatest and the most terrifying thing he’s allowed himself to have, so archons forbid that you break his delicate heart in any way.
On the bright side, knowing that he has a home where he belongs warms his heart like nothing else. There’s something rewarding about returning home after a long day at work and seeing you perk up when you see him. You never fail to welcome him back with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, and Kaeya’s heart melts at knowing that this domestic bliss is something he deserves and should enjoy. He’s hesitant to tell you how grateful he is for this, but you can usually tell by the romantic stares he gives you over meals or the way he squeezes your hand tightly, not wanting to let go for even a second.
“Hey there, darling,” Kaeya chuckled, sweeping some of your hair out of the way to press a good morning kiss to your forehead. You groaned against his chest, sleepily grabbing at him to pull him back down into the warmth of the sheets.
“Five more minutes, Kaeya... You always get up so early...,” you mumbled, clinging to him. The dark-haired man laughed, but he made no visible attempt to shake you off. If anything, he held onto you as well, keeping you tucked away in his arms.
“My stomach wants breakfast, and I want to eat with you before I have to leave for work,” he chuckled, leaning down to sneak another kiss to your face. You scrunched your face up into a little smile. “Just five more minutes, alright? You should thank your lucky stars that I can’t resist your cuteness...”
If you can somehow deal with Chile’s affinity for bloodlust as well as grow close enough to him to win his heart, a storybook domestic life is practically a given with someone like him. Childe’s a family guy, and he dotes on the idea of a cozy home with you and with his entire family. He’s someone who can do anything, so there won’t be a problem in getting him to flourish in a domestic setting. He can cook, he can clean, and he’s great at dealing with money to boot!
He loves surprising you by spicing up everyday mundane things. Meals become more exciting when he’s dishing up a rare fish he caught himself, laundry turns into a scene straight out of a romance movie when he insists that you two should hang things up on a clothesline, cuddles turn into anything from tickle sessions to him watching over you as you doze off in his arms. As terrifying as Childe can be, he still does have a rather romantic streak that he flaunts, and it inevitably creeps into his private life. There’s two things Childe loves most: the thrill of battle and war, and the comfort of deep, intimate love.
There’s hardly a quiet moment when it comes to domestic life with Childe. He’s always on the go, be it taking orders or dragging you around to make the most of his moments with you. While it can be tiring to keep up with how... eccentrically vibrant he can be, it’s his way of protecting you from the harshness of the world. He knows his job isn’t one that’s deemed conventionally honorable, but you’ve accepted him nonetheless. In his eyes, the least he can do is protect the peace that you’ve entrusted him with your domestic life together, and he’ll do all he can to literally squeeze every drop of joy he can from these moments with you.
“You’re going to trip if you keep running around like that,” you remarked, laughing lightly at your boyfriend as he raced past you. You wanted to scold him for holding the laundry basket so haphazardly like that, but he seemed way too excited to spend time with you that you didn’t have it in your heart to go through with it.
“Ah, can you blame me for running? The sun is shining, you’re shining, and life is shining!” He chuckled, grinning brightly at you. “What a time to be alive! I want to soak it all up.”
“Oh, you’ll be soaking alright when I make you wash those clothes again after you drop them,” you shot back, smirking at him. “Hold the basket properly, and let’s get the laundry done fast so we can do something fun.”
Catboy maid headcanons for xiao, scaramouche, zhongli, kaeya and diluc?
Like, they lost a bet and have to drink a potion from albedo that turns them into catboy maid or smth pls?
-mac bulli anon
if u see me rotting, no u didnt
Xiao’s displeased by the transformation, but he has better things to do than to get worked up by a small thorn in his side. He has evil spirits to get rid off, and archons be damned if he’s going to let a pair of furry ears and a tail get in the way of his duty. It’s an odd sight, seeing him swing around his jade spear with his mask on, only to be moe-fied by his ears.
He insists on carrying out his own duties, saying that your selfish desires to have him as your maid won’t overrule his original contract to Rex Lapis. Chances are, you won’t even get him into the maid outfit before he goes running off to dispel some spirits. It can’t be helped: Xiao is someone who values Liyue’s peace before he values anything else, although he does feel a bit fuzzy inside when he sees how ecstatic you are over how cute he looks.
If he does find a moment of reprieve, that’s your best chance to capitalize on his transformation. Xiao claims that he needs no attention or extra love from you, that he’s a yaksha who works alone out of fear of harming you, but he’s still someone who craves for the gentle touch of a fellow being. Tell him that he’s done a good job and that you’re proud of him while cupping his face, and next thing you know, he’ll have slotted himself against your body and tell you that this isn’t necessary, all while his tail wags around happily. Archons forbid that anyone tries to interrupt your cuddling session, because he’ll start hissing like an actual cat the moment your attention is turned away from him.
Xiao purred against your skin, his head resting on the area in between your shoulder and neck. He was always cat-like to begin with: coy, distance, but still gentle and affectionate at the right times. You fondled his ears the way he liked them, and his tail curled up in satisfaction.
“What a pretty kittycat you are,” you cooed, your voice low and calm, like the careful trills of a lullaby. “Always working so hard... Always caring for someone other than yourself... What a good boy.”
“...Keep going,” he murmured, scooting closer to you when you stopped petting him for a second. You let a smile grace your lips as you stroked his soft fur again, enjoying the way the catboy immediately relaxed against you.
How adorable.
Scaramouche is livid, to say the least, by this change. He’s a Fatui Harbinger, and someone who demands nothing short of utmost respect and authority from those around him. Being demoted to not only a servant, but not even a human one at that, is a stain against his spotless, untouchable command.
The entire time he’s placed under your care, he grumbles and snaps at everything that comes his way. He mutters that you should be grateful he’s even putting up with this, and he might just flat-out refuse to do the things you ask of him—until you tell him that you’ll ask someone else, like Signora or Childe. Only then does he come scrambling back to you with a pout on his face and his ears pressed against his head to scold you and say that he could do a better job than any of those sloppy Harbingers could.
He also threatens you, saying that you owe him for humiliating him like this, but he also forgets all about being mean to you the moment you start petting his ears and scratching behind them. Scaramouche swears on his life that he hates being treated like this, but the way he clings to you and purrs loudly clearly says otherwise. He’ll get huffy and frown if you stop petting him, so be prepared for him to completely monopolize your time.
“I hate you for this,” he hissed, practically bristling in your lap. You bit back a laugh, feeling the way he wrapped his arms tightly around your torso, pulling himself as close as he could to your chest. “You’re terrible.”
“It’s ‘You’re terrible, Master’ to you,” you teased, burying your fingers in his hair to tease his ears. The Harbinger opened his mouth as if to snap back at you with a haughty remark, but he immediately melted into your touch instead, giving soft mewls and twisting his head against your skin so that he could feel more of your touch.
“I-I still hate you,” he grumbled, forcing himself to frown at you and huff. He dug his nails into your clothes, settling his chin on your shoulder so that you couldn’t see the blush rising to his cheeks. “Master.”
Zhongli has seen his fair share of oddities, being an archon and all, so he’s grown to get used to whatever life throws at him all while honoring his own approach to life and any traditions he upholds. While being transformed into a cat and a maid, for that matter, is surprising, it’s probably nothing more than a mild inconvenience to a god that once held the ability to shift into a variety of different forms.
He’s a skilled and knowledgeable man, so he’s more than willing to assist you in a variety of topics. His one condition while being placed under your care is that you treat him with the same respect you would show him at any other time. While he may be relatively polite and mild-mannered, he still was a very potent and feared God of War at one point in his life. He doesn’t expect much from you; just drop any funny business around him, and he’ll entertain you for hours with his knowledge about politics, arts, and other fine subjects.
Zhongli is good about keeping his emotions in check, and even with cat ears and a tail, it’s still fairly difficult to gauge how he truly feels. Of course, his new body does betray him every now and then: a flick of his tail to signify intrigue, ears pressed against his head for annoyance, a twitch of his nose for interest. It’s best not to tease him or pry into how he feels whenever he does make an odd movement, but it wouldn’t hurt to present yourself appropriately depending on whatever mood he’s in based off of his little actions. Besides, it’s not everyday that you can see someone as respected and feared as Zhongli in a cute maid dress with his tail swishing excitedly behind him.
His entrance was quiet, and the only thing that even signaled his presence in the room was the rustle of fabric as he walked towards you. His tail was still, and his ears perked up like it had been for the day, ever since he downed the transformation potion. “I brought you tea.”
You looked up from your paperwork, smiling softly at the former archon. You pulled a stray chair close to where you were seated, inviting him to sit down as he set the teacup down in front of you. “You shouldn’t have!”
He shook his head, his ears twitching with the slightest hint of satisfaction as he sat down. “It was about time you took a break. I thought I would remind you not to push yourself too far by bringing you something to relax with. Do drink up; I brewed it myself with prized leaves.”
Kaeya’s all about staying a step ahead of the game, and the moment fluffy cat ears and a tail sprout up on his body, there’s a good chance that he’s already found loads of ways to capitalize on his features to get what he wants. The best way to get information from anyone is to get them to let their guard down, and it’s hard to be intimidated by someone who looks like a stuffed animal.
Which is exactly what he does. There’s a good chance that Kaeya’s been observing you for a while, for whatever reasons he might have (be it personal or for the Knights of Favonius), so he’ll definitely use his cat features to his advantage. He’ll snuggle up to you and let you relax by teasing you with his tail and his ears, and he’ll let his silvery tongue do the rest as he extracts bits and pieces of information from you like he was extracting honey from a beehive.
Kaeya rocks the whole maid concept better than anyone else. Flexibility and adaptability are just a few of his many strong suits, and he might even go along with playing pretend with you just out of the goodwill of his heart. He’s extorted you already for loads of intel, so the least he can do to get you to keep staying so lax around him is to humor you just a bit. It’s also a good chance to see you smiling and laughing as you bury your head into his hair, and it sure doesn’t hurt to hear you gush over how much of a majestic catboy he is.
You felt his fluffy tail slink against your arms, Kaeya splayed out across your lap with the most smug smile you’ve ever seen from him. “Awwww, your tail is so cute! I wish I could just hold it and fall asleep! It feels just like a cloud!”
“Does it now, Master?” Kaeya purred, batting his eyeslashes. It had only been about fifteen minutes since he barged into your room to show off his cat features, and he had already gotten enough info about you to entertain him for weeks. “You can pet me more, if you’d like.”
You lit up, completely oblivious to the fact that Kaeya had you wrapped around his little finger. You were far too innocent, too careless even, and Kaeya found it amusing. “Oh, Kaeya! You’re the best!”
Diluc’s also fairly annoyed by this mess, but he isn’t one to viciously fight against what’s already happened. It is rather irritating to have to put all of his responsibilities aside for another day, but he’s capable businessman who’s used to having to adapt to all sorts of situations. Being turned into the catmaid is by far not the worst of his problems, but it’s enough of a change to actually make him think about how he presents himself not only to you but the people of Mondstadt as well.
He has maids around his winery, so he mimics his ow behavior with what he wants of them. Of course, you don’t make him cook or clean or anything like that, and similarly to Zhongli, he makes sure to treat you with respect as long as you do the same. Diluc’s a very pragmatic man, and he simply takes his duty as a maid to keep you out of trouble, accompanying you whenever you need to head out to protect you from stray monsters or helping you with any finances that you might have to sort out.
His only request is that he doesn’t let anyone outside of his immediate circle know about his current affliction. The last thing he needs is his reputation as a respectable tycoon tarnished, and he sure as hell doesn’t need Kaeya strolling around to mess with him. If it incentivizes you to keep the whole temporary catmaid thing under wraps, he’ll tell you that it can be a little secret between the two of you. It’s best that you give him your word, lest you end up on the wrong side of his stoic mannerisms.
“Good work today,” you remarked, offering up a meek smile to the Dawn Winery owner. “It must have been a lot of work. You know, having to deal with the whole transformation thing while running a business.”
Diluc glanced momentarily you, his ears pressing against his head. You wasn’t sure if it was out of annoyance or shyness, but you decided that it was the latter, as Diluc hadn’t walked away from you just yet. “It’s fine. Albedo said it should wear off any day now.”
“Mmm. But still, if you ever need help from me, let me know, okay? I know I’m your ‘master’ temporarily, but we’re still friends,” You laughed. The corners of Diluc’s mouth twitched as he turned away.
please be patient and nice with me! i am a human being with a life and limits, so please be considerate when requesting and talking with me!
on that note: if i say i am uncomfortable with something, please drop it IMMEDIATELY.
i write exclusively for x readers! i will not accept oc requests or chara x chara requests.
about admin!
hi! i'm macaroni (or mac)!
18 years old; uni freshman
agender (they/them pronouns)
i also run @twstpasta (mostly sfw twisted wonderland blog)!
what i will write for!
scenarios and headcanons are all good!
i also do texting/social media aus now!!
limit of five characters for headcanons requests!
limit of one character per scenario, unless it is a poly scenario! in that case, i will allow up to two main characters!
limit of two characters for socmed works, unless it involves a groupchat!
NON-CROSSOVER aus are fair game!
what i will not write for!
qiqi, klee, and diona will only be written in platonic contexts! this is not negotiable.
morally dubious content if the prompt doesn't call for it (ie: don't ask for weird stuff if you aren't asking for a horror au or anything)
incest/non-con/you know the drill
oc content/oc-coded requests
requests involving medical conditions
crossovers
songfic requests
nsfw
things to be mindful of when requesting for me personally!
avoid anything that involves discrimination on the basis of race, sexuality, and/or gender. gender is an extremely sensitive and important topic to me, so please be respectful.
gender was a huge problem for me to grapple with in the twst fandom, so please be mindful of my own comfort when requesting!
the more characters there are in a request, the longer it will generally take!
tags!
"serving the macaroni" — writing
"stirring the macaroni" — not writing
"devouring the macaroni" — writing from other blogs
