[paymenonevermind]

You know,

It just donged on me that I make for a great filler, apparently. Makes sense why praises and reassurances always felt generic to me - never heartfelt. I wear my heart on my sleeve and people see that and use it against me. They know I will be there. They know I go lengths for my loved ones. They know. And instead of genuinely embracing it; me, they use it for their own benefit. Naturally, I get the shit end.

Fuck alla that. I’m not turning cold but I’m definitely taking heed to this newfound epiphany. I’m protecting me. Reclaiming my time. Protecting my energy. Embracing my peace.

Respectfully, fuck everybody. I’m doing Me.

[paymenonevermind]

LB

Thin line between sexing and loving.

Intentions.

You start off one way, you better commit.

Showed your hand. What did you expect?

Energy.

The vibes don’t lie. Depends on who’s listening.

How you feel about me don’t mean I feel the same.

Communication.

Speak to be heard. Listen to speak.

We never understood each other.

We were supposed to meet.

We enjoyed one another.

We poked the bear.

We laughed.

We cried.

We.

Nonetheless, a time well spent.

If it were up to me, we would Be.

I spend nights thinking about what it could’ve been

& what is was.

[stay-close]

I'm in pain because the day is ending and somehow l am never healing.

Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait In Letters

[lalandsla]

how to love others from abc and dmx!!!!!!

[paymenonevermind]

Deal with it!

“Only you can choose how you react to different situations in life.” 

In other words, I can’t blame others for my reaction. My reaction is on me. Often I would justify my irrational responses- I would claim it takes an action to cause a reaction. But that excuse deflects from who is actually in charge. ME. I give too much power to situations when in reality, I set the tone. The last 3 years consisted of suppressing my emotions and placing blame on people and circumstances. I am ready to let go of those dreadful habits. In order for me to become the better version of myself, I need to challenge myself. Every conflict whether big or small is an opportunity to prove I can always remain level-headed. Instead of avoiding uncomfortable situations, I am going to embrace them! My plan moving forward is to put in overtime, e v e r y d a y. I have my four bodies (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) to feed daily - all while building and maintaining relationships with others. Within every 24 hours I am granted, I vow to not short one part of me over another. I am ready to unite with who I am destined to be. 

[paymenonevermind]

Back like I never left

I have to make up for lost time. It has been awhile since I have confided in myself about my day to day thoughts, emotions and decisions. If I remember correctly writing to myself was how I managed to keep sane. I consider the time apart necessary - I learned what avoidance can lead to;  the heavy weight of “What if”. Life’s a journey but it does not have to be tiring. I thank God for every stage of my life. And with that being said, I would like to consider this my recharge chapter. 

[vistavia-deactivated20190330]

[sheabutterbitch]

It’s wild but, it’s no coincidence that life gets harder for you when you’re doing the right thing. Keep going.

[gaterade]

singing both parts of “Promiscuous” by Nelly Furtado 

[just-shower-thoughts]

People assume that “Courage, the cowardly dog” is either a misnomer or an oxymoron; but Courage was courageous because he could act in spite of his fear.

[kizilvesurekasi]

[partialbirthabortion]

a society that allows people to starve when there is food has failed. like. that’s it.

[firsthome]

[bringingbackhiphop]

[90sart]

[musicisthelife]

[sniper-at-the-gates-of-heaven]