all this jewelry ain't no use when it's this dark. it's my favorite part, we see the lights, they got so far. it went too fast, we couldn't reach it with our arms. wrist on a wrist, a link of charms, yeah, laying, we're still a link apart. it's like we could die here all young. like we could dye hair all blonde. if we could see in twenty twin, twice we could see it 'til the end.
ever since lacey first went to MALIBU to visit jamie and his sister, she immediately fell in love with the atmosphere there. it was almost as though she could hear herself think and she certainly couldn’t get that in LA. so she bought a special beach pass to use for the last few weeks of summer. her notebook was in her lap as she scribbled away — trying to piece an article for the best new products released this summer. as soon as she saw jamie out in the water, she couldn’t help but start to laugh. what a small world. “ i think i’m good for now, thank you, though ! ” she says. “ you know, i swear, every time i see you you’re in the water. ”
jamie stopped paddling and sat up on his board, feeling the sand rise beneath the water, the seagulls overhead drowned out by the sound of the waves crashing. he’d reached the shore, and, his grin blossoming to the point that his eyes narrowed, he realised he’d reached lacey davis. he should have been surprised, but he never could be. not with the pacific stretching out before him. the water was like a magnet, pulling people in with the tides. he carried the surfboard carefully as he waded back to hot sand and the journalist — she was writing in a notebook, possibly the most journalistic thing she could be doing, and jamie laughed back. ❝ that’s because the water’s always the best place to be. but i’m sure you already know that, since you’re here. ❞ he paused, adjusting the board’s tilt under his arm. ❝ i meant what i said, water’s perfect and we’ve got the beach to ourselves, come on ! i’m not taking no for an answer. ❞
he was soaking wet, his neoprene wetsuit clinging tight to his body, hair saturated with salt and his eyes stinging just the slightest bit, but jamie was still grinning as he swam back towards the shore. as he got closer, back to the sun, he could see clearly that there was someone sprawled out on the beach, calling to them from the water. ❝ you should come in, water’s perfect ! ❞ he yelled, smile wide. the private beach was nearly empty, given that most of the club that owned it’s members were on their summer holidays not in malibu. he was, technically, trespassing.
JOSEPHINE: u know considering i have the flu…. i still look good.
JOSEPHINE: w/ this in mind can someone bring me some soup.
JOSEPHINE: feel like im dying.
JAMIE: Might be a little salty if I bring you some soup, considering where I am right now
JAMIE: If you need a waterproof phone case, this one is killing it
JAMIE: Actually, I’m almost done, what kind of extra salty soup you want ?
JAMIE: By the way, did you get that part ?
JAMIE: Lotta questions, I know. Sorry !
he was making a very concentrated effort not to let his gaze fall below sienna’s shoulders, warm brown eyes fixed firmly on hers. ❝ it’s so weird not to be surrounded by old white men and their bored wives who have donated to the macnair campaign, isn’t it ? ❞ jamie said, ❝ i think there’s a sick part of me that misses being asked when i’m getting married and having new voters — sorry, new children, ❞ he grinned, a smile that might be called wicked by anyone who saw it, ❝ i need a reason to drink something and there aren’t any open republicans here, give me one. call me ❛ daddy of genovia ❜ if you have to. ❞
he saw her out of the corner of his eye at first, a flash of flame red hair in his periphery he didn’t follow until he had finished his drink in one long swallow. he wasn’t entirely sure he had seen her in person this year, scarlett existed primarily in text messages and those exploitative gossip magazine headlines he refused to even look at when he walked by them. jamie walked up to her with his empty glass in hand, holding it aloft with a smile. ❝ i was just about to get some more water, ❞ he said, suddenly aware it might sound as though he had done more than just walk pas those headlines, ❝ what are you drinking and would you like another one ? ❞
running her fingers through her blonde hair, lacey was slowly starting to become DRAINED from all of this social interaction. while she loved dressing up and doing her makeup, she was always mentally exhausted by the time these were over. as she wandered throughout the room, she found jamie and a small sigh of relief left her lips. “ don’t worry, i’m NOT here to interview you. ” she tells him, a small laugh leaving her lips before she glances out towards the sea of people. “ you’re probably used to events like this, aren’t you ? ”
jamie lit up at the sight of the journalist advancing towards him, grin blossoming on his lips, his smile taking over his face and making his eyes crinkle at the corners. ❝ lacey davis ! ❞ he said, voice slightly raised to be heard over the party the gala had devolved into, ❝ fancy seeing you here. you look beautiful, if you don’t mind me saying so ? ❞ jamie laughed as punctuation after a long, purposeful pause. ❝ it would be okay if you were here to interview me, can’t put a fish in the water and expect it not to swim. but i’d say this is a little more exciting than i’m used to, you can never really get used to all the tuxedos and gowns. what about you, been to many galas in your day ? ❞
❝ no offense intended – or maybe just a bit – but this might be as worse as the time you tried to take me surfing. ❞ mason pauses for a brief moment, his eyes glancing over to gauge jamie’s expression. that day hadn’t been terrible. he knows that. he’s sure that jamie knows that. still, he can’t help but try to push the other’s buttons. ❝ it might actually be worse. ❞
❝ we all have to do things we don’t want to, mase, ❞ jamie deadpanned, a near-perfect imitation of the words he had told a thousand times, before galas and dinners and rallies and dates with acceptable young ladies, ❝ you’re very lucky that the things you don’t want to do but have to are galas and surfing lessons. ❞ his expression remained neutral, save the instinctive slight arch to one of his brows at the idea of regarding going surfing as something terrible. ❝ what are you drinking ? looks like you need something stronger, we’ll make this bearable. ❞ he remained neutral. he was, after all, the son of a politician who wanted to go all the way.
❝ okay i’m about to step way the fuck out of my comfort zone but i can’t find any of my girl friends to help me out. and you just so happen to be another really good friend of mine. so can you come to the bathroom with me & help me go pee? i’ll smother you with hugs? because i feel like i’m about to explode i seriously have to pee really bad! ❞ she chuckled, hoping that jamie would be comfortable enough to help her out.
it wasn’t the strangest thing jamie had ever been asked to do for a girl he knew — that likely went to one of his sister’s old friends, did they still talk ??, who had begged him to pose for her figure drawing course ❛ as a favour ❜, or to one of the girls who went to ucla with him and asked jamie to pretend to be her ❛ future surgeon ❜ boyfriend when her parents came to visit — he was the designated purse carrier, the muscle, anything they needed him to be. he was surrounded by women, constantly. it did no good to piss them off. ❝ gonna need a lot more than hugs if i’m going to risk angering any of these creeps who think you’re their future wife, ❞ jamie teased, ❝ come on, let’s get this over with. ❞
brown eyes roll with ease at his comments, it was a manoeuvre she’d perfected over the years. ❝ you’re totally right. i forgot that politicians were renowned for their honesty!! ❞ sarcasm drips like honey from the mouth of a certain yellow bear, but it’s accompanied with a smile. ❝ it wouldn’t surprise me. i mean, he wouldn’t be the first member of your party to simply aim high in order to pursue their own agenda. honesty’s a good trait, but not one that runs in this family. ❞ her comments, fuelled by anger and distrust, aren’t remarked towards her twin. he’s different, the inevitable exception to every rule, but it does admittedly kill her to witness him working for the people she regards as the dark side. ❝ well, if the head chef suggested it, i am but a mere mortal to refuse. ❞ pearly whites beam in display, while lithe body hops onto the kitchen counter, ass firmly on the same place in which they eat. ❝ catch any totally tubular waves lately, bro?? ❞ accent accompanies words, vaguely mocking of the californian surfer stereotype.
❛ it’s not my party, ❜ jamie wanted to say, but then they would start arguing about why the hell he would campaign so aggressively for them if he didn’t have blood as red as theirs. he had no answer for that. not yet. perhaps not ever. ❝ don’t make fun of me, ❞ he said, opening the fridge and staring into it, momentarily forgetting what he meant to get. rosé. it was hiding towards the back of the fridge, probably because it belonged to one of his housemates. he’d buy them another bottle later, he didn’t have the time or the energy to rake himself over the coals with guilt over stealing from the fridge. ❝ i could be out there, ❞ jamie tilted his head towards the wide, glass doors that opened onto the deck, overlooking the pacific, ❝ hanging ten and ridin’ dirty on a bitchin’, radical glassy, but my aggro sister wanted to have dinner with me. i’ll probably go out after dinner if there are any clean waves left. there were some massive ones this morning, almost made me wish i went out on dawn patrol like i used to. you want to come ? ❞
📖 for what my muse would write about yours in their diary.
❝ i worry about jack a lot. i know he hates it when i do because i have to be the devoid-of-all-emotion sibling, and i’m totally cramping his style by being like a mom, but i don’t care. it’s just.. it’s like we have totally have that twin-telepathy down. he’s in pain?? i’m in pain. he’s happy?? i’m shoutin’ from rooftops and getting plastered. i feel like i live so much because i know he can’t. because he’s obligated to the family, or whatever, to be the sane one. but i want him to let loose sometimes. all he ever does is go in the fuckin’ ocean, and either he’s sleeping with a mermaid or he’s got some type of mental death wish. who even knows anymore. ❞
📖 for what my muse would write about yours in their diary.
❝ 15 june, 2017 01:27 a.m. pstmarin county. but they’re all starting to blur together, at this point. i know i should pay more attention, i’m not an idiot ( thought i can think of a few people who might disagree…. i digress ), but it’s like i look out into the crowds or glance around the room and there’s nothing to tell apart. should i be concerned about that ? dad’s already lost iz, he doesn’t deserve to lose both of his children, right ? does he ? am i being too naïve, too short-sighted, because it’s not as if any of his policies actually affect me ? i’m so tired of thinking. i just want to float endlessly in the sea. disappear while it’s dark and not come back.
04:52 a.m. psti think i figured it out. it’s iz. they started putting up a wall, not planks of wood but concrete too high to scale without being obvious, without holes to crawl through, between the public beach i used to go to all the time and the private club’s property further up the pch and all i can think is that that’s what’s going to happen to us. i’ll see her less and less and less and then i won’t see her at all. god. i don’t want that to happen. i don’t want to lose her. i don’t want to lose anyone but i especially can’t lose her. we’re always shared everything and i don’t know what it’s like to share nothing. i have to call her. i’m going to do that. as soon as we’re both awake. go down to the public beach and have drinks and go out as the tide comes in and find what lies under the tide pools.
05:00 a.m. pstdad and iz. the ocean and the shore. i don’t know how i can be torn in so many different directions at once and still survive. i know i can’t do it much longer. i need to decide. i need to be truthful with iz and dad and mom and myself for once in my goddamn life. i need to get this weight off me. i need to do something.
fuck, i need to sleep. ❞
📷 for what my muse would say to the paparazzi about yours.
❝ not funny. not even slightly. that’s my sister, that’s my family, take a moment and think about what you would feel if someone was screaming obscenities about your sister, or your brother, or your mom while all these lights are flashing in your face. just think about it. step back. i know you’d love to get pics of a gubernatorial candidate’s son swinging at you and you’d love for me to hit you or smash up your camera so you can sue, but that’s not going to happen. i’m going to ask you, politely, to never call izzie macnair that again, but if you cowards want to, say it to her face and see if you survive. ❞
💋 for what my muse would say to the person trying to woo your muse.
❝ you have to take it slow with izzie, there’s nothing she loves more than waiting for a relationship to grow. no dramatic gestures, no professions of love or anything like that. she hates surprises and she hates presents, you can’t get her anything, she wants to buy everything for herself and would probably stop answering your calls if you tried to buy her so much as dinner or flowers. it’s simple, really, think of all the things you think she would like, and then reverse it, because that’s how she works. doesn’t make sense ? do people ever make sense ? does anything ever make sense ? oh, one other thing, she loves long, long beards with crumbs stuck in them. she’s got a thing for them. ❞
17:04 jamie macnair 📲 lizard : some fool asked me for advice on ‘ wooing ’ you17:21 jamie macnair 📲 lizard : sorry if you actually liked them
🔪 for the eulogy my muse would give for yours.
❝ this is never a place where you want to be standing. it feels impossible to do my sister justice with words alone, which is one of the reasons why i wanted to speak to you all here, surrounded by one of her favourite things in the entire world, art, with the people she loved most, and maybe we can all feel the excitement and the joy and the love she felt standing in this gallery. when we were at our grandmother’s funeral when we were younger, someone told me ‘ funerals are for the living ’ for the first time. i was offended, then, because the day was clearly about my grandmother down to the hymns and verses chosen and the cathedral we sat in in boston, but i understand it now. we are the living. this is for us. and it is extraordinarily painful and i half-expect that she’s faked her own death to avoid some unwanted suitor or a rabid debt collector or because she’s going to make a performance art piece out of this movie — then she’ll really be dead, because i’ll kill her myself— but when i sit too long in silence i understand, too, that she has moved on no matter how much i loved her. and i want to celebrate her, and celebrate our lives with her, free from everything that can ever make a person suffer, unless she’s in hell, which is a very real possibility, and i want to remember her now. i want to tell every story i told her, every story she told me, every story we both starred in. i can’t promise i won’t break down, and i can’t promise i won’t run to the bathroom at some point and never come back, but i want to try. if you have something to say, please, please, come stand beside me, please tell us what you remember about her. ❞
💌 for a letter my muse would write to yours.
❝ 2 april, 2013 hey iz. so, this is hong kong. victoria harbour to be specific. i tried to find the postcard with the most pictures on it, but none of them could really capture how vibrant this city is, it’s so alive that if you stand still for even a moment you’re going to miss something. mom hates it, probably, but she grew up in boston, so does she even understand culture ? haha. i’m kidding. she’s reading this over my shoulder. we miss you so much ! but we hope you’re having fun without us. knowing you, you probably are. just try not to forget your dear old family, climbing mountains and eating the most amazing food in the world. two words: hawker fare. two more: dim sum. one more: noodles.
seriously, i think you and i are going to have to come back to hk ourselves, maybe backpack around asia, because i’d love to see thailand too. there’s this ngo in thailand i’ve been researching, i think you’d love it too, it’s for children who are victims of labour and sex trafficking, there are a bunch of homes for them scattered across cambodia and thailand and they always need volunteers. maybe in the summer? i’ll remind you later. and send a bunch of links, you can check it out for yourself.
i’m running out of space, but i love and miss you iz, you’re killing it and i’m so proud of you, i’ll see you in a few days ! expect for all three of us to crash the second we land. you might have a dead family for a few days. love you !!! jamie ❞
📫 for a letter my muse would write about yours to a third party.
❝ james macnair 12:11 pm (4 weeks ago)
hey dad—
quick note before you start writing your remarks for tonight.i talked to izzie. she doesn’t want anything to do with the rest of the campaign, and i think your time is wasted trying to get her back in. it probably looks better for you to have a politically split family in california, it draws in the liberal family vote you’ve been courting recently and could sway some of the more dead-set liberal voters if you let her say what she wants to say. ‘ more liberal by association ’, something like that.
see you really soon, dad. thanks, your son
james patrick macnairmacnair for governor, registered in the state of california601 s figueroa st | los angeles, ca 90017-3847 | usa | direct: +1 888.123.4567 | internal: 89101 fax: +1 888.987.6543 | mobile: +1 888.888.888 | [email protected] | electmacnair.com | bio twitter: @jamiemacnair
the information contained in this e-mail message is intended only for the personal and confidential use of the recipient(s) named above. if you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by e-mail, and delete the original message.❞
📨 for a text my muse would send to yours.
23:44 jamie macnair 📲 lizard : iz, hear me out, come on.23:46 jamie macnair 📲 lizard : asmr is weird but this is actually really good, i fell asleep like four videos in. it’s just this japanese person ( we never see their face ) cooking with no background music or talking and it’s just really bizarrely calming. 19:46 jamie macnair 📲 lizard :https://youtu.be/3ATRf32cocg19:47 jamie macnair 📲 lizard : now, i do still love me some ocean sounds volume xiii, ….
💬 for a text my muse would send to yours to a third party.
14:08 jamie macnair 📲 [ PRIVATE] : so i was thinking we go all out, get a bunch of those gold balloons shaped like letters to spell out ‘ i z z i e ’ , i’ll probably have to buy two hundred bottles of chambord and moët, i haven’t decided on catering or whether i’ll just make everything myself but i think i can get shojin out for menu planning, obviously we have to have lots of flowers, i think there’s a place out in studio city of all place that’s known for their orchid arrangements. and venue, obviously, we need to nail down a venue as soon as possible. i’m thinking the house in hollywood hills. maybe. there’s also that estate in palisades that always feels like it’s haunted.14:18 jamie macnair 📲 [ PRIVATE] : is this too much ??? 14:20 [ PRIVATE ] 14:23 jamie macnair 📲 [ PRIVATE] : yeah, you’re right. cut the flowers. but i can still get a few bouquets right ???
💀 for what my muse would say upon hearing about your muse’s death.
❝ no. no, check again, you have to be wrong. i want to see someone else, i want someone else to check, let me check, please, just let me check, she was just— no. no, no, no. no. please don’t touch me. please. please just let me— i have to— no, no, i can’t, she isn’t gone. no. no. ❞
👪 for what my muse would say to your muse’s child about them.
❝ hi, baby. hi — yes, izzie, i have to be shirtless, it’s good for bonding, they do it in scandanavian hospitals— i’m going to be the coolest uncle ever, alright ? bonding early is a necessary part of that— lay off me, i’m trying to talk to my new best friend— that’s your mommy, we’re fighting. i think i just won. oh, baby, where do i even begin ? you’re so beautiful. wow, i. wow. i can’t believe you’re here. finally. you look just like your mommy too. i have so much to tell you, baby. let’s go over here, let’s let iz sleep, she worked hard. where do you want me to start ? all my sagest wisdom from these long years i’ve spent on earth ? your mom’s deepest secrets ? do you want to hear about your family ? i know. why don’t i sing you something, let’s sit down here.
i see trees of green, red roses too, i see them bloom for me and you, and i think to myself, what a wonderful world…. ❞
👊 for what my muse would say upon hearing yours has been arrested.
❝ how much is your bail ? i’ll do my best to keep mom and dad from finding out, but i can’t guarantee anything, iz. i’ll be right over, i’ve got to go get a lawyer from that firm dad has on retainer. don’t argue, i don’t have time to find you a nice liberal attorney, you’re in jail. i’m not even gonna ask what you’ve done this time, so don’t try and tell me, i don’t want to be an accomplice. was it for a good cause, at least ?❞
💒 for the toast my muse would give at your muse’s wedding.
❝ now, as most of you know, i’m izzie’s older brother. some might say ‘ twin ’, but i prefer ‘ older brother ’ because i was born almost a full hour before her and because fraternal twins share about the same amount of dna as ordinary siblings. i’m a doctor, i know these things. but, i have to confess, it would be a glaring omission if i kept ignoring ‘ twin ’. for the first few months of our existence were were packed in very small together, and once we were born, we just kept sharing everything. we shared rooms, even when our parents bought houses with more than enough of them, we shared friends, we shared toys, and, i think, we shared a soul, a heart. we still do, despite how drastically different we appear. i’m quieter than you, iz, and the fact that you probably want to argue about what i’m about to say just proves my point further. i leave a lot smaller mark. but when i’m passionate about something, my passion is as wide and infinite and deep as the pacific, it is the pacific, and there is only one other person in the world whose passion is like that too: my sister. you’re extraordinarily lucky to be the person she loves, and i hope you know that. if you don’t, i’m coming after you.
now, if i was to give you evidence of all of izzie’s passions, not just her new partner, we would be here for a few more hours. i read online that wedding toasts are supposed to have embarrassing anecdotes about the person you’re toasting, and i think it’s safe to say that as izzie’s older brother, her twin brother, i have more than anyone else who’s going to be toasting after me. but i think i’ll spare her tonight, mostly because i want her to keep loving me instead of turning that love to passionate hate. instead, i want to remind her of a time we thought we’d never survive, when it seemed we were on opposing sides and we would never find our way back. iz, i’m so glad we made it. i’m so proud of you. i love you. i wish you the utmost happiness and i would kill to be an uncle, at this point. to my partner in crime. to izzie. ❞
