in repair

not together, but I'm getting there 19 | anorexia recovery | runner | vegetarian be nice. especially to yourself.

[comemorningslight]

I know how easy it is to idealize the anorexia. It seems so safe and comfortable and easy. It promises that you will be the best, the skinniest, the prettiest, and that everyone will be jealous and simultaneously want to be your friend. Reality check. That is a crock of shit. I know it sometimes feels like you could go back to the eating disorder and just be “better” at it. But I’ve made that mistake and I’ve made it many times. It would break my heart to see you give away years of your life chasing after this bullshit illusion that doesn’t exist. Here is what will happen if you go back: You won’t have to deal with life or your feelings. That is the truth. I’ve spent years in that place. It’s safe and comfortable. But it’s only half-alive. One day you wake up and realize that you’ve never been in love or made real friends or graduated college or taken the GRE or gotten work experience or had fun or fucking anything. It is hard to look back on wasted years. Believe me, I know. You will feel shitty in the eating disorder. No one will want to be around you because you will be a boring, neurotic mess. You will lose the things you really want. It’s tempting to get sick so that you can be taken care of. Remember that I am here and I am listening. You don’t have to write your pain on your body. You can say it out loud. I will hear you.

Part of the letter my friend from treatment left for me today. (via comemorningslight)

[joshuafanning-deactivated201901]

[standingcowrrdly]

sucks when you’re just sitting around having an okay day and suddenly a wave of I Wanna Die™ hits you

[fluorescent]

[lovelustquotes]

[remanence-of-love]

[bofransson]

[wirily]

[taylorswiftz]

[anancientheart]

[4i912u4851556u291w5-deactivated]

…the act of starving yourself is one of the most alienating experiences you can possibly have. Have you ever tried to do anything on a profoundly empty stomach? Despite myths about increased concentration, intensity, or imagination, you feel like a trace of grime on a countertop. Sure, hunger energizes you at first—experts disagree over whether hyperactivity in anorexics is primarily the result of hormonal cues or the conscious desire to burn calories. But then the fatigue sets in. You feel like a torn net through which the thoughts pass, hazily. You cannot speak or write or do. Starving doesn’t transform your life into one glorious act of self-expression. Starving silences who you really are.

Katy Waldman, There Once Was A Girl: Against the false narratives of anorexia (via someinstances)

[micdotcom]

Reporter Brian Karem takes Sarah Huckabee Sanders to task during briefing over “inflammatory” media comments

[parentheticalaside]

Look at her face. If reporters actually forcefully pushed back on this shit, like White House correspondent for Playboy Brian Karem (???), maybe we’d get somewhere. Instead, day after day, the White House press corps quietly allows the White House to push them around and then makes mildly annoyed remarks about how unfair it is on Twitter.

[girlbossjodiarias]

I cannot believe PLAYBOY correspondents have more of a spine than CNfuckingN

[jumpingjacktrash]

well, i think they can be pretty confident president pervo won’t shut their magazine down

[lizardtitties]

As much as the “I read it for the articles” thing is a bit of a joke, Playboy actually has a surprising history of decent journalism. I had an early 70s one that had some very good political articles on Nixon and such things, and one or two shirtless women. It’s much closer to magazines like GQ than Zoo.

[itsnotjustpms]

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works. Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight. If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead: “You look so healthy!” is a great one. Or how about, “You’re looking so strong.” “I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.” Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body. Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one. Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself. Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say, “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself. Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes. Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with. Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture. Teach your daughter how to cook kale. Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter. Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside. Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants. Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.

Sarah Koppelkam (via embracingwild)

[embracingwild]

the girls you read about, the girls you admire and long to be like, the girls that inspire you - they break down. i promise you. hermione granger, malala yousafzai, elizabeth bennet, jo march, katherine johnson - they all have broken down. they have had moments, days, even weeks, where they wanted to give up, to let go, to settle. even if it’s not written in the pages, i promise you that it happened. there is no shame in falling on your knees before you pick up the sword.

you are not weak for breaking down. that is where strength comes from.

[wordsnquotes]

So please ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? And then go do it.

Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead (via embracingwild)

[peanutbutterismymiddlename-deac]

Girl, you look fine. The only one that has a problem with your legs is you.

[fyp-psychology]

We all walk among people in crisis and are unaware of their suffering.

Mary Pipher, Reviving Ophelia (via fyp-psychology)