Hello blue-hell site.
This tree I saw at the conservatory is giving major ME vibes. Being allowed to recover in place. What a concept. I’m coming up on 3 years entirely outpatient and things are altogether different and still very very hard. I still have, as much as it kills me to say, an active eating disorder - and - I don’t identify as a person with an ed anymore. The struggle is so much more multifaceted now as things have sifted and risen to the surface.
Probably more than anything right now I’m really struggling with my OCD. I have so much shame, and then shame for feeling shame, about struggling with rituals and compulsive rumination. I’m super grateful for my therapist and her validation/frustration that my ocd wasn’t diagnosed for treated until just the last three years. It helps a little to know that my brain has always been this way - and now I have the choice to engage with obsessions and intrusive thoughts with more awareness.
It’s really been a *journey* because I had/have so many ideas of stereotypical OCD and how I’m just masquerading as someone who has OCD. I have to SHOUT @ my brain that my obsessive and intrusive thoughts are not “me.”
idk friends in the void., being a mentally ill person is hard.
