[strangerindunya-403]

“If perhaps, one day, we did not meet on this earth, and the cup of death set us apart, then our next reunion will be in the abode of eternity, where every kind soul, lives along side a kind soul.”

- Shāykh Faris az-Zahrāni [رحمه الله]

[inkskinned]

you get used to it, but it's tiring, because they need you to understand your own life as a series of goalposts. what college are you going to, what's your major going to be, whatcha gonna do with that, oh where will you settle down, when can i expect grandkids.

for the longest time my goals have been so blurry that they track into each other, their undefined edges slipping quietly back into the soft night. today i want to be a writer; tomorrow i will want to be a doctor, later i will wish i took that law school free ride. how the fuck do people just know what they want to do with their life?

where do you want to be in five years? i want to be alive; which is a huge step for me. ten years ago i would have said i want to be asleep and meant i hope that i'm dead by then.

but i want a yellow kitchen and a stand mixer. i want a garden and a fruit tree (cherry, if i can make that happen) and a big yard for my dogs to play in. i want to come home and read poetry out loud to someone and have them close their eyes to listen. i want a summer watergun fight. i want to make snowmen. i want to be the house to go to for halloween. i want my life to settle around me in a softness, for it to lay down gently. if i am very, very, very lucky, i want to travel; finally go someplace overseas.

of course i don't know what i want to be doing professionally. what i actually want to be doing is curling up beside my dog, settling in to read. i want to be making myself a cup of good coffee.

i can't answer the other questions. whenever people asked me what do you want to be when you grow up, i used to say i hope i'm happy.

i hope i'm still kind, five years from now. i hope i never get jaded and mean. i hope i have stayed in therapy. what do you picture yourself doing? when will you actually be an adult about this? why are you so afraid of being ambitious?

am i not ambitious? the other day i rearranged my furniture which doesn't quite fit into my apartment. i watered my plants. i'm going to try to propagate a cherry seed. my five year goal is to spend more time laughing. to lie down in a patch of sunwarm moss. to relax for a minute. to close my eyes and think oh thank god. this is why i stayed. this is finally it.

[peanutbutterjelly16]

20:15 Surely the hour is coming-- I am about to make it manifest-- so that every soul may be rewarded as it strives

إِنَّ السَّاعَةَ آتِيَةٌ أَكَادُ أُخْفِيهَا لِتُجْزَىٰ كُلُّ نَفْسٍ بِمَا تَسْعَىٰ

20:16 Therefore let not him who believes not in it and follows his low desires turn you away from it so that you should perish;

فَلَا يَصُدَّنَّكَ عَنْهَا مَنْ لَا يُؤْمِنُ بِهَا وَاتَّبَعَ هَوَاهُ فَتَرْدَىٰ

[inkskinned]

i got new glasses for the first time in about two years. it keeps filling me with wonder: the shivering vibrance of leaves, the texture of snow dancing, little playful shadows all rich and sacchrine. i understand better the phrase drinking it all in; everything is so beautiful suddenly. i can't stop just looking at things, struck with awe.

in a few days (or maybe hours), this experience will be normal for me, and then i will stop appreciating it as fully. i will need to pay rent, send emails, be a person. the patient splendor of ivy will be rote again.

i am not unaware of the metaphor. my therapist and i drink hot chocolate together over our video call. i was talking about how sometimes the days lap against each other, grey and muted, pale in their similarity. "this morning," i say, "the sun came through the trees. and i could see it."

just for a moment, it was all new to me.

[xanaxfarts]

Photos from the LA Riots against ICE (2025)

[inkskinned]

everyone says you can always restart. that your future isn't forgotten, just sort of misplaced. they name actors and singers and authors who started at 46, 59. they cite chappell roan's 10 years. they tell you to push and push, that some day you'll open a door and the truth will be behind it.

but what if you aren't a celebrity in sheep's clothing. what if you're just a normal person. most people aren't exceptionally talented or else talent wouldn't be exceptional - right? what if you're just another median person; not ever startlingly bad nor terrifyingly good.

you put the shopping carts back and you walk your dog and you write poems on the internet. you have grown a plant or two; killed a few others. you did okay, overall, and you've been okay most of your life. not valedictorian, but you were a smart kid. you had some hard knocks, but you got up again. your life is just - average. you probably will never sing onstage at coachella. most of the time you are at peace with that - someone needs to drive the speed limit. life isn't about extraordinary circumstances, it's just about building a life you love and figuring out how to live in it.

but you would like to feel as if you'd found "the answer." everyone else seems to have some kind of talent they are born nesting in - and meanwhile you just exist. is that why you cycle through crafts and hobbies and activities like a roulette wheel? are you waiting for the moment where it turns out - all this time, you've been a visionary. a genius. all this time, you were special. even you: someone who has-never-been.

crawling up your throat: something bitter and savage. not quite a feeling of wasted potential. after all, you need to first have potential in order to waste it.

[viliere]

Carl Sagan, Cosmos

[heartbeatsallah]

Whatever you do, pray for the ability to see your own sins, your own hypocrisy, and your own shortcomings. Never lose sight of that — never get so carried away pointing fingers that you forget you, too, have abscesses that need tending.

Makhūl رحمه الله said:

I saw a man crying during his prayer, so I accused him of showing off, so I was prevented from crying for a year!

[Al-‘Uqūbāt: 83]

[depsidase]

[androgynousbirdtale]

No one talks about who did it first and inspired the NAACP to do a publicity stunt in which Rosa Parks did it.

Claudette Colvin

Claudette Colvin is a civil rights activist who, before Rosa Parks, refused to give up her bus seat to a white passenger. She was arrested and became one of four plaintiffs in Browder v. Gayle, which ruled that Montgomery's segregated bus system was unconstitutional. Colvin later moved to New York City and worked as a nurse's aide. She retired in 2004.

[the-badger-mole]

Claudette Colvin was so important to the movement but so few people know who she is. Rosa Parks did what she did because Claudette was pregnant and unmarried at the time. The activists who were promoting her case thought that her circumstances would be used to discredit her, and they were almost certainly right. A pregnant unmarried teen would be dragged through the mud today, let alone 1955.

It's so wild that people think that the Civil Rights era was so removed from us. Claudette Colvin is still alive. She was only around 65 in 2004. I was a child in 2004. My mom is only 10 years younger than her. A lot of the people who fought for our rights are still living today. So are the people who tried to stop them.

[fluffy-appa]

Every person's portion of Al-Izzah (honor, glory) is according to his portion of obedience to Allah

Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur'an

إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَتْقَىٰكُمْۚ 

Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.

(Surah Al-Hujurat 49:13)

[xabura]

Katara in The Earth Kingdom Chronicles said that she developed an attraction to Jet because she didn't have to mother him. She was so happy that she finally had someone she could rely on for support rather than being the one constantly providing it. Then she is punished by the narrative for liking "bad boy" Jet, and ends up with Aang, the boy she had to mother all the time.

[kaffarnabikum]

Attaching yourself to this life will have you lose your purpose. For your only purpose is to be a worshipper and understand that you’ve never been created to remain here. Put the seeds of righteousness into this earth, and depart from it as a stranger.

[julaibib]

[theonlyonepath]

[nuzaa3]

واثبًا نَحو مماتي .. أبتغي فيهِ حياتي

حاملاً روحي بكفِّي .. نحو قصدي في ثباتِ

Leaping towards my death.. seeking in it my life

Carrying my soul in my palms.. towards my goal in steadfastness

[julaibib]

Your deen is upon your akhlaq. Even if you have memorized the Qur'an, fulfilled sunnah and nafl prayers, and have a lot of Islamic knowledge, if you don't have good manners and treat people poorly, you lack the basic foundation of true faith.

[salsabeeel]