I Feel So Lost At 27 And It Scares The Hell Out Of Me
27 October 2025 | 5:42 am
It has been three weeks since I’ve gone radio silent on my socials — Facebook, Threads, Instagram, and TikTok. The people in my life can only text, call, or email me to reach me. Very few people are privy to my phone number and email address, which means I have managed to buy myself a fragile sense of peace, at least, for now.
I initially intended to delete all of my social media accounts lest I eventually lose my sanity. But after mulling over the facts, as someone who lives on a lower-middle-class salary, I don’t think it’s possible for someone like me to go full analog in today’s society. To an extent, I think, it has become integral for a person to have some sort of digital footprint. So, I gave up on that idea.
I don’t know what’s happening to me.
I woke up one day and a cloud came over me. I brooded over the things that I am not — the rational part of my brain blamed my excessive consumption of social media. The internet has made information easily accessible at all times. That’s old news. What they don’t talk about in abundance is that when you’re constantly being exposed to a divergent set of opinions and lifestyles, you get pulled into all sorts of places until you start to tear at the seams.
See, for a while now, I have been trying to be my most authentic self on and offline. I have been practicing how to allow myself to take up space and be seen by others as I am. I have been actively seeking out communities I could be a part of, pushing myself out of my comfort zone to build new relationships, and nurture the ones that I have now. I have been doing the legwork towards my own betterment. But, to my disappointment, all that hard work has come back to bite me back.
Social media had been a potent tool for me to document my life, my sorrows and joys, my hobbies, opinions, and passions. At the same time, it had made my screen time soar through the roof. Not only that, but being able to see what other people think or what they are up to affects me greatly in the sense that it is compelling me to assess how I am faring in life compared to them.
I am nowhere near where I want to be. At 27, I have not yet achieved nor come close to achieving anything remarkable or noble compared to my peers. And what’s really messing me up is the fact that I am trying my hardest to meet and love myself where I am. Yet, it feels as if I’m not getting anywhere.
I am single, living back with my parents after living alone and with other people for a year. I have a sizable amount of debt that takes a chunk of my salary fortnightly. I have no savings or emergency funds. I am out of shape, physically and emotionally. I do not feel like I am good at my job, nor do I feel like I’ll ever grow into it in the near future. I don’t think I have any profitable skills. I have no prospects. I just feel terribly ugly inside.
Being online has also made me accessible to people of all sorts, which sometimes leads to being caught up in their business without meaning to. Spilling tea has become a commodity for a sense of belongingness, which I have unfortunately bought into. And I am not proud of that. It is an experience that is socially and emotionally exhausting.
And when I do post something about my life, it no longer feels authentic to me. It feels curated. Even now, as I write this essay, part of me wants to withhold personal details of my life to protect myself from any information I disclose being used against me.
In my heart of hearts, I know I don’t need to behave as if I am being observed under a lens. But it does feel like that sometimes. I have met peers who judged me for how I appear online and I have done the same at some point.
I understand that the internet is a big, fat lie, even more so with the massive integration of artificial intelligence across all platforms. I know there’s always more to what people post about, and that it is foolish to fall prey to it. But sadly, I am only human. I cannot always think rationally.
It is not wise or safe to share one’s intimate thoughts online. I wish I could simply bottle them up or maybe tell them to someone else to free myself of the burden of these thoughts—except I don’t have anyone in my life with whom I can share these thoughts as intimately as I am writing this now. I also tend to be caught up in my own head, and writing allows me to have a sense of control over my emotions.
I feel safer sharing them here because I reckon no one will read my thoughts anyway, even if I do choose to publish this online. This whole thing is ridiculous because Substack is still a form of social media. Yet, here I am using a version of the very thing I am running away from.
I guess the reason why I am writing this is because I am lonely, and I need someone to go through this with me because I’m scared. I will say, though, it’s not all losses. My screen time has been lower over the past three weeks. I have been doomscrolling less than I usually do. I have been reading a lot and keeping myself company by trying out several hobbies, and it has made a few improvements to my mood. But I still have a long way to go.
I still intend to be off social media as much as I can, using it once in a while for brief amounts of time and spending most of my life offline. I think a healthy amount of introspection will do me good, maybe it will help me find my place in this world. I don’t see life in full color right now, if I am being honest, and it’s doing a number on me. But I will try to put up with it. Maybe this is just a phase. I sure do hope it is.
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