Time for me to put my money where my mouth is!
I recently finished the first draft of a large Fanfiction project I've been working on - and now I'm looking for feedback.
Welcome to JoanLock [Working Title]. Fem!JohnLock, Uni!Lock. Joan Watson, medical student, EMT, and reserve soldier, thinks her life can't get any busier or more exciting. When one of her DOAs becomes a homicide investigation, she meets the brilliant and infuriating Sherlock Holmes. Sparks fly, and Joan is whisked into a world of intrigue and investigations. While Sherlock enlists Joan as a partner in his relentless pursuit of crime-solving, they both face ever-growing threats and danger.
Rated M for Language, Sexual Content, and Violence. Reader discretion is advised.
I'd appreciate any feedback you have! If it helps, here are some things I'm looking for: 1) What is your initial reaction to Joan? What about her have you learned, and is there anything that draws you to her? 2) What is your initial reaction to Sherlock? What about Lestrade? 3) To be fully transparent, the orientation is a scene I'm considering deleting. If I do, what are the most important things about the characters that should still be included in the story?
âWelcome to orientation!â Shouted the preppy upperclassman through the auditorium loudspeakers. After hearing from our wonderful President and Financial Advisors, now itâs time to let the fun begin!â
A round of courteous applause echoed through the audience.
âTo get things started,â She continued. âWe have a fun exercise to both get you better acquainted - and encourage you to have safe sex!â
What in the bloody fuckâŠÂ Joan thought to herself. Stationed towards the back of the auditorium, the close-cropped blonde blended in with the sea of a thousand other underclassmen of St. Augustineâs class of 2016.Â
âCan I have all the boys please separate to one side of the auditorium - how about to the left? And all the girls to the right. Please make a single-file line.â
It took several long minutes for the students to shuffle into place and in doing so, sent many bewildered looks to each other. Looking concerned herself, the upperclassmanâs face pinched like she suffered from constipation at the wait. Eventually, two makeshift, though winding, rows of students were formed.
âAlright! Thank you everyone. Now, as we go down the lines, each person will be paired with a partner of the opposite sex,â The speakerâs eyes glittered and a corner of her mouth turned up as if getting away with saying a dirty word. âAnd youâll each be handed a cup with a clear liquid in it. Do not drink it! You and your partner are pretending to be at college party - and youâve decided to hook up! Letâs take a quick moment to find our âau pairsâ and chat!â
Achingly slowly, the lines slouched forward, matching couples who gathered their cups and awkwardly shuffled off together.
Joan glanced about the large room, trying to predict which boy she'd match with out of sheer boredom. Christ. At least itâs better than getting screamed at during basic. She scratched her head, feeling the soft fuzziness of her buzz cut. While the ROTC allowed women to keep their hair long and pinned up for exercises and service, Joan had opted for the more traditional menâs cut. More practical, she had thought, always getting in the way anyhow.
Picking at blunt nails, the medical studentâs eyes roamed around the crowd, people-watching. Some couples split off giggling, others in complete silence. As the lines shortened, small talk began to fill the space. To Joanâs amusement, the speakerâs face slipped into one of consternation, checking her watch repeatedly as the minutes passed. Joan watched as a boy across from her sent a wink to the one behind him, whose face blushed scarlet. One paired couple stood with their faces in their phones, idly sneaking glances at each other. Two boys in line shared a screen, seemingly watching a video together. From the fifty feet away that she was, Joan took in their absent, bloodshot eyes and the tilt of the phone away from other eyes. Definitely high, she thought and chuckled to herself, probably watching porn too. She watched, entertained, as yet another boy demonstrated a knack for trouble, surreptitiously slipping a nondescript ring into a pocket after glimpsing his partner in line.
The girls were no better, it seemed. The girl in front of Joan swayed on her feet, stare glassy in the face of the world. Two whispered in tandem towards the front, angling their torsos in conspiracy. One girl towards the back was furiously typing away, taking dramatic pauses to glare upwards into space before typing away at some response. If nothing else, school will be interesting, mused Joan.
Eventually, it was her turn to reach the front. The girl before her stumbled into a table full of cups, capsizing a number of them, as her partner and several other event volunteers scrambled to keep her upright.Â
Joanâs eyes caught sight of her partner, a slightly younger boy with an angular face, whose slight sneer made him appear right savage. To Joanâs amusement, disinterest radiated from his every move, from his snatch of the cup to his hurried pace away from the crowd, almost forgetting - or completely ignoring - Joan. Somehow, she just managed to keep up with him - which is why she came up short at his sudden stop about halfway through the auditorium. Sharply, he turned to look at her, dark eyes squinting at her form. Surprised, Joan noticed that they were about the same height, except for his upward spiral of brunette curls.
âNursing or pre-med?â He barked.
âSurgery, actually,â She answered, startled. âWith a minor in pediatrics.â
The boy pursed his lips in a gesture Joan wasnât sure was derision or frustration.
âAnd⊠you?â She ventured.
âToxicology. Chemistry. Engineering.â He huffed. âAnything to spend my brotherâs money.â
âPosh git.â Joan sent a wry smile. The boy just furrowed his eyebrows. âJoan.â She shot her hand forward.
Interrupting their stilted conversation (Which was good, because Joan was positive the boy wouldâve rather spat on her hand than shake it) the speaker crowed into her microphone. âNow that everyoneâs found their hookup, and hopefully had a chance to exchange pillow-talk,â She winked âour volunteers will add a solution to each of your cups. If both you and your hookupâs cups turn pink - congrats! Youâre pregnant!
As harried volunteers scurried about, dropping splashes of âsolutionâ into every cup, a slow surgence of of pink expanded throughout the auditorium. Some couples turned pink themselves upon the matching results, boys crowed if they were âpregnantâ or not, and one unfortunate girl chugged her glass before taking her âtestâ - upon doing so, spit all over her unfortunate partner.
âTheyâre using fucking phenolpthalien.â Joan muttered under her breath, causing the boy to quirk an eyebrow.
A volunteer rushed up to them, poured an explosive dollop of phenolpthalien into their two cups and scurried off again. At the twin pink swirls forming in their respective cups - Joan sent a saucy wink to the boy. âGuess youâre my baby daddy.âÂ
And promptly burst out laughing at the surprised - disgusted - face he made towards their incriminating solutions. Several people looked their way.
âRemember kids!â The speaker tried to instruct the other students, who couldnât be more than a few years younger than her, over Joanâs uproar with mild success. âAbstinence is the best form of protection! But your chances of not getting pregnant are better if you use protection! So go out there, and if you have sex - have safe sex!â
Christ, Joan thought, what are we thirteen again?
Volunteers opened the back doors to the auditorium and the hundreds of students trapped inside practically sprinted like horses out of the gate. Without much ado, the boy dumped his cupâs contents into Joanâs, handed her his cup (which Joan took reflexively, damn!) and joined the mass exodus.
As the stranded volunteers - even the speaker seemed to have vanished with everyone else - began to mop up the disregarded cups, full or otherwise. Joan wandered over to the nearest water fountain, dumped the solutions, and tossed the cups away in a waste receptacle. Idly, she wandered out of the auditorium, checking the time on her phone. 8:05 P.M. They released early.
As Joan started to feel the vibrations of bass music through the sidewalk -Â these college kids donât waste any time do they? -Â her phone rang.
âJoan? Thank you for picking up, Joan.â It took her a moment to place the voice. âI know you said you had orientation tonight but we could really use the help at the hospital tonight.â It was her EMT supervisor.
âYeah, we finished early. Iâll head on over.â
âChrist, youâre a godsend. See you soon.â
Twenty minutes later, Joan walked into a wall of chaos just through the doors of the St. Augustineâs teaching hospital. Joan had chosen this university for exactly this reason. In addition to having a flexible ROTC program, an acceleration rotation program, and multiple medical electives, the school partnered with its teaching hospital to offer jobs for its students. Joan had applied, and gotten into, an EMT role which worked well with her schedule.
She was greeted by a nurse at the ER counter. âThank god youâre here, youâre needed for an emergency call that just came in. Old lady just fell down her stairs.â
Joan made a beeline for the locker room, where she climbed into her uniform, suddenly glad she had gone through the pain-in-the-ass that was job training two weeks ago. While inconvenient, it meant she could jump right in during moments like these. And she was grateful for the distraction. Most of her ROTC mates were older and didnât return to Uni until next week. Joan didnât usually feel lonely while working.
Now dressed, she grabbed her medical kit and headed towards the ambulance bay. A driver, rough-looking with scarred hands, was waiting there for her. With barely a greeting, they were off. The next six hours were filled with emergency calls, stitches, pulse readings, and one heart attack. It was almost 3 AM when they got an unusual call, about a woman who was found unresponsive in an abandoned building on the edge of town.Â
It was Joan who pronounced DOA.
Soon enough, several cop cars had arrived and Joan was subject to routine questioning. It was a lanky, younger-looking sergeant who questioned Joan. Though she hadn;t seen him before, he knew well enough that she was new.
âHavenât seen you âround here before. New EMT?â He scribbled on a notepad before offering his hand. âGreg Lestrade; get any more of these and Iâll be seeing you around.â
âJoan,â They shook hands. âJoan Watson. Iâm part of a work-study program at St. Augustineâs. Hate to admit it, but it seems Iâll be around often.
âWell, one thing to look forward to - some nights after a long stretch, the boys like to get together for a pint. You should join us sometime.â
Joan sent him a lopsided smile. âCheers, that sounds great.â
Their conversation went no further, as they were interrupted by a familiar figure with a mop of curly, brunette hair. âLestrade, your crime scene is abysmal. As usual.â
âYes, yeah, yeah - get to the point Sher-â Greg never finished.
The other boyâs eyes locked onto Joan and interrupted him. âYou,â He addressed Joan. âWhat did you notice about the body?â
Joan sent a disbelieving glance Gregâs way. âI gave my statement to the police.â
âUseless, your talents are better served helping me.â
Greg held up a hand, stemming the boyâs brewing tirade. âWait, you two know each other?!â
Blue eyes met dark ones as Joan and the boy each took stock in what the other had said. Looking over at Greg, Joan caught his questioning glance.
âMet at orientation,â Joan delivered with a straight face, cocking a thumb in the boys direction. âHeâs my baby daddy.âÂ
The boy flushed scarlet. âDonât be daft, Lestrade,â He snapped at the sergeant, then Joan. âDonât call me that!â
âJust a joke mate,â She half-heartedly placated him before explaining to Greg. âWe got partnered up for a safe sex speech; utterly ridiculous.â
âAre they still doing that!?â Greg laughed incredulously. âI did that years ago - canât believe theyâre still pulling that shite!â
As Greg continued to laugh, Joan sent a pointed look over to the boy. âNever got your name.â
âSherlock Holmes. 1031 Bleeker. Yes, thatâs just down the hall from you. Body. Now. Crime is waiting.â With a suffered huff, he flapped the ends of his coat and hurried off, ignoring the crime scene tape and several officers who shouted after him.
Greg was still chuckling under his breath at Sherlockâs exit. âNever seen âim so ruffled. Who are you, Joan Watson?â
âNever mind that - what the hell?â
âOh, Sherlockâs a student - with you, sounds like - got a relative with pull over the force and an interest in forensics. Shows up and badgers everybody, then usually solves the case.â
âYouâre telling me,â Greg gestured up to the crime scene. âYou oughta see him work. Got a minute?â
Joanâs eyes flicked towards her EMT partner. Rufus, she had learned sometime throughout the night, was attempting to light a cigarette with shaky hands. Bastard had been jumpy all night. Checking her radio, Joan noted there were no incoming calls or emergencies. She figured she was in the clear for at least a few minutes, so she nodded to Greg. He led the way. Waving away the two other sergeants at the door to the decrepit building, Greg ushered her up three flights of stairs to a familiar body. The roof to the building had long rotted away in sections, staining old apartment or office walls an off-while, green, mildewy color. The floor wasn't in much better shape, boards swollen in the London rain, and now, blood. The body was still left the way Joan remembered - face down over fingernail scratches in the floor - and covered in pink. Yes, the woman was dressed head to toe in the color, with a hat in disarray and only one pump hanging limply off a foot. Sherlock stood slightly away from the body, peering out the window in thought. Some distance away, a forensic tech took photographs of the scene.
âCause of death.â Ordered Sherlock.
Joan sent a side-eyed glance to Greg. âThought that was the coronerâs job.â
âThe coroner is an idiot and I donât care what he thinks. What would you say is the cause of death?â Sherlock spun and paced to the opposite end of the room.
Greg handed her a set of nitrile gloves with a shit-eating grin. Joan huffed, but snapped them on, to the shocked alarm of the tech in the room.
âShe canât touch the body!â
âSheâs an EMT, she already has. Anderson, you dolt.â Sherlock snapped.
Ignoring them both, Joan squatted by the body and leant over, reassessing her initial observations while on scene. The womanâs eyes were open in that eerie, absent way normal for the deceased, but uncomfortable for the general public. Joan noticed burst blood vessels - petechial hemorrhaging. The womanâs body lay face-down, with her head twisted sharply to the shoulder. Joan slightly lifted it, similar to the way she had earlier to take an absent pulse, but focused more on detail she hadnât noticed at the time. The womanâs lips were blue and a faint whiff of gastric acid caught the air.
âAsphyxiation.â Joan determined out loud.
âBy what cause?â Sherlock countered.
âShe choked on her own vomit,â Joan continued.
âFinally!â Sherlock crowed. âSomeone who isnât completely useless!â
Joan ignored him to continue her own examinations. She gazed at the throat, to find no evidence of bruising or strangulation. She examined the hands and wrists, where recently manicured hands had been chipped or torn away in the womanâs manic scraping of the floor. There was no bruising on her arms or knuckles - no defensive wounds. Ripped pantyhose on her legs only suggested that the woman had tripped and tore them at one point, and her ankle with the missing pump was swollen, probably with an injury relating to the missing shoe.
âShe was forced here, probably with some kind of weapon, and hurried. I think she was made to take something that caused her death.â Joan announced, figuring her time was up and she should return to her job aiding the living.
âExcellent, but youâve missed some major details,â Sherlock burst into a full analysis of the scene as Joan peeled off her gloves and tossed them into a forensics garbage bag. Sherlockâs tirade had sparked an argument with Anderson, and as the two strove to shout over the other, Joan strode back towards Greg.
âYou werenât kidding.â She mused.
As they stood off to the side for a moment, Sherlock interrupted his own argument with Anderson to shout, âThe case!â and sprinted out the room, down the stairs, and into the night. Utterly bewildered, Joan took that to mean it was indeed time to go back to work. She shook Gregâs hand, bade him farewell, and set off to find Rufus who was furiously puffing his third cigarette and completely oblivious to the world.
Joan spent the rest of her shift with a few more calls and an enthusiastic âThank you!â from her supervisor. She trudged back to her college dorm, idly eyeing 1031 Bleeker as she happened past, and readied for bed. She was convinced the strange night would be the last sheâd see Sherlock Holmes. She was wrong.