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@pepsi-maxwell
vinny, they/them, 30-something, 🔞
occasional wrestling blog
i write filth sometimes. when the mood takes me, i make gifs
ao3: GodivaDevice
writing side blog: @godiva-fic
I'm going to give Alex a little walk
actually while we’re talking about this- mocking a bi woman for having a boyfriend when she should have a girlfriend isnt cool or funny or progressive its really annoying actually
I was literally just talking yesterday about feeling like a "bad queer" because to anyone who sees me, I'm a cishet mom with a cishet boyfriend. I'm actually nonbinary and bisexual, but because I'm not flamboyantly queer, I feel alienated in a lot of queer spaces.
Making fun of anyone for their relationship is shitty. And tbh I'd rather be in a room full of cishet allies than fellow queer folks mocking me for being with a man.
People who say being "straight passing" is a privilege miss all the ways that folks who fall into this category are very savagely and cruelly erased from queer spaces by queer people until finally they feel like they're not queer enough to belong when they literally belong as much as anyone else. Being repeatedly erased from your own community is not the privilege some folks think it is.
ok NEW TAKE: ruben symbolically married niall at the wedding
wore the traditional black of a groom
nodded yes at the altar while locking eyes with niall
said his vows at the reception
murder-fucked niall to consumate the marriage
death parted them but briefly
Reddit user has cracked the code on how to read fanfic and study at the same time
(image via twitter)
original reddit post
birth of venus
this is in excel btw. and this image is exactly half green and half pink. and for each shade of green there is an equal number of "opposite" pink pixels. and this represents a major leap forward in excel macro use by me
the origin of this concept was, oh, what if you were trying to recreate an image as a tapestry? and you had, say, 24 colors of yarn? and you wanted the image to have equal amounts of each color of yarn? how would you effectively use the yarn you had to create the image? you'd have to look at all the colors of the original image, then look at your yarn colors, and find some consistent method for choosing what original colors are replaced with what yarn colors. but then it turns out there's a lot of different rules you could imagine or follow, which produce different-looking images. and you can end up with something like this:
which is cool. and it would be cool to say, find a granny square cardigan pattern with 24 squares, knit these squares, make a sick cardigan. but then i realized i don't know how to knit or anything. and once you accept that there isn't really a clear "application" and this concept lives on a screen, you open yourself up to more possibilities. a la birth of venus.
step 1: python script that looks at the original image and generates an excel spreadsheet the same dimensions (793 x 1322 pixels = 793 x 1322 cells), and each cell is populated with the hex code of the color that appears in that pixel of the original image
step 2: excel macro to generate list of every unique hex code that appears in the excel spreadsheet.
step 3: excel macro to calculate the R, G, B values of each of those hex codes.
step 4: excel macro to fill each cell with the color of that hex code (not necessary, i just like to do it).
step 5: I add in Saturation (the difference between the largest and smallest RGB value) and Lightness (average of all RGB values).
step 6: pick a color palette. i always find myself gravitating towards groovy seventies palettes with warm reds and oranges, so i decided not to do that this time. i looked on coolors and found a color palette that was all dark greens that were similar to each other. there were only like four colors or something in this palette. and to make it truly different from the other project, there should be a small gradient. so i determined the smallest possible change between colors and used an excel macro to color it. i was going to stop here and do the entire image in shades of green (inspired by that guy on tiktok that paints using only one color) but then. idk. i realized the "opposite" of each color was an equally subtly changing pink. so i imagined that the end of this process would be an "abstract" image, with subtle variations of pink and green, that would end up suggesting birth of venus.
so all told, i had 502 unique replacement colors, 251 of which are green, 251 of which are pink. (793 x 1322) / 502 = either 2088 or 2089 of each color.
step 7: find some method for finding the difference between the original colors of the image and my new color palette. I use a method of comparing, R, G, B, S and L:
((abs(R1 - R2) + abs(G1 - G2) + abs(B1 - B2)) / 3) + abs(S1 - S2) + abs(L1 - L2)
and you come up with something like this. on the left, those are colors that appear in the original image. across the top, those greens are the colors i'm replacing it with. in blue, that's the number of each new color i have to work with (it's just blue for contrast). and in the center, this pink area, that's a giant spreadsheet with the "objective" difference between each original color and each replacement color. it's pink because i have some conditional formatting applied, ignore that part.
and in this situation, you have some choices to make. in the original image up there, i used a schema prioritizing light and dark--i.e., i looked at the darkest color (pure black) that appeared in the original image, then found the closest replacement color (i.e., the replacement color with the smallest number). then did the same with the lightest color. then the next darkest, next lightest.
but i'm going to do it slightly differently this time. and i don't know how this image will come out looking.
if you look at the "first" green, closest to the left, and sort by smallest to largest:
you can see that these colors on the left are closest to the "first" green i've decided to work with. that might seem odd. i mean, #7F9800--> #00a94f are pretty close, but #A95400 is red. but that's just a difference in hue. really, #A95400 and #00a94f are very similar in lightness and saturation.
and this also calculates the number of times that color actually appears in the original image. that first specific green, #7F9800, only appears twice. but some colors, like actual black #000000, appear something like 46,000 times. and if you add all the numbers in the "frequency" column, it should exactly equal the sum of each replacement color (2088 ish x 502).
step 8: excel macro again. this one is complicated. basically it sorts that first "green" column (column E in my spreadsheet) from smallest to largest. then it adds each cell in the "frequency" column until it reaches or surpasses the blue cell above column E, which for this particular color is 2089. it copies those "original image" colors and their respective frequencies over to another sheet. for the color that surpassed 2089, it splits in two. then it deletes that column E. Then it makes sure "frequency" and "replacement color sum" still total. then it runs again on the new column E, until the whole spreadsheet is used up. and it generates something like:
[color from original image] [number of times that color appears] [replacement color, filled in]
and there's approximately 8000 lines of that.
i have the replacement colors in the order above. starting with vivid green, slowing transitioning to dark green, switching abruptly to bright pink, slowly transitioning to pale pink.
step 9: another excel macro. this one looks at original image broken down into hex codes, then looks at the generated list and replaces each [original] color with the replacement color, that exact number of times.
end result of these macros, following different "rules" of assigning replacement colors to original colors, is this:
which looks different, obviously. but it is the exact replacement colors, and same number of each replacement color, as the original up there.
at maximum efficiency, it took about 20 minutes to complete step 8 and 9. i have a vision of creating a series of these, each time "starting" with the next replacement color, and then making a gif of it. idk how to make gifs though
@magnetictapedatastorage seems up your alley
did someone just reinvent the jacquard loom in excel
what is yours is mine and mine is yours
the craziest part about the whole episode is that niall admitted to hooking up with mona and fathering ruben's kid right after he also admitted to being gay. we as the audience knew that he just hooked up with mona to get back at ruben, but ruben is discovering that his brother betrayed his trust by hooking up with his wife, his child isn't actually his, the only reason his brother did this was to get back at him because his brother isn't even into women, and he went to prison & therefore missed his mother's death for beating up the wrong guy, all at the same time, right after he confessed some deeply personal info about himself and the abuse he experienced.
it absolutely makes sense to me why this would evoke a much deeper reaction and sense of betrayal than even when ruben was sent to prison the first time. while ruben made threats to niall that first time because of his 'betrayal', he moved on and didnt carry through with them, even when he was still bitter. while this time he has also lost everything in his life -- his mother, his child, mona, and even niall again because of his betrayal. and as much as ruben claims to take responsibility for his actions in this episode, we also see how he continues to engage in the same behaviors and continually blames others for provoking his violence, just the same as he did when he was young. so of course this time he will take it further, will actually try to kill niall, because ruben can't accept that his own actions have led to his life being shitty, and just like niall has been blaming his internal homophobia and his shitty life on ruben, ruben blames his violence and his shitty life on niall and niall's wrongdoings towards him.
i also noticed how when ruben confesses how his father sexually abused him, and how he had physical reactions to it and had complex feelings surrounding it, niall kinda withdrew from him. and it really brought to mind how ruben kinda did something similar to niall in a way, by basically forcing him to have sex with mona, and later on in the hospital, and at several points by groping him and just general borderline or straight up sexual harassment. neither of them mention this but i think that is a big reason why niall ends up not wanting to hear about everything -- not because he is dismissive of sexual assault, but because ruben's words bring to mind the same things he feels about ruben. and even when niall confesses being gay, he still will not vocalize how he feels about ruben, that is still the boundary that cannot be crossed, until it is finally crossed in the last moments of the show, and when niall is the ultimate victim of ruben's violence.
and while i dont think niall wanted to die per se, he is willing to walk into that barn with ruben likely knowing what will happen to him. even when he could have taken so many other steps to diffuse the situation, like calling the cops, or just not going into the barn with ruben, he always was going to do what ruben wanted. he is reckless, because he craves rubens presence and attention even when he should stay away. like niall said, it's a chemical addiction; even when niall has been away from him for years and hasn't chased him down like he did in episode 4, he is drawn right back in, and he can't resist ruben.
we can also see that just like ruben, niall has not really changed, even as he has. although he may have finally come to terms with being gay, and is getting married to a man, he still looks miserable, even before he finds out about ruben coming to the wedding. so in the end, they are back at the beginning: both niall and ruben are tortured by their own minds and unable to escape the cycle, until eventually ruben externalizes that violence like he always does, in a way he can't take back. niall says in episode 4 that he died a long time ago. i think this is true, but it is also true, probably even more so, for ruben. so their deaths at the end of the show is just an externalization of that inner death, and an outer culmination of the cycle of violence that has already destroyed them.
"These two know each other so well." AEW DYNAMITE | 06.03.26
✨⚾️ BASEBALL YURI ⚾️✨
you love me, don't you? what? you love me? where is this going? just answer the question. well, of course i do. you're my, uh-- no. no caveats. stick with the emotion. where do you feel it? hmm? your love for me. where do you feel it? is it here? listen, ruben, i am not sure what this is all about. just answer the question. i suppose love is most felt in the heart, right? no, fuck that fucking mug response. answer as you. i want to know where niall kennedy feels it. i feel it everywhere. everywhere? yeah, it sort of runs through me in a way. describe it. i can't! i can't describe it! yes, you fucking can! mr. fucking poet laureate, or whatever the fuck it is you've won, your job is putting shit into words. so come on. spell it out for me. clearly. in a way i can understand. it's like... dangerous. oh, yeah? it is the best and the worst thing all at once. it's like the only thing. it's the only thing i've ever felt. it's like i'm fucking... high off of you or something. chemically dependent. i don't know.
Top traits to give a character
Self-sacrificing
Self-loathing
Insufferable
It/its pronouns
Homosexuality
Aromanticism
Gender (the more the better)
A superiority complex
Dead eyed stare
Inability to process own emotions
Dog motif
The last subtitle being "grunts apathetically". There's no real catharsis. It's a hollow ending. Numb. Feels like a complete emotional rug pull. . Its so....banal almost.
These are all compliments by the way.
Richard said:
Niall finally using that sgian dubh.
my favorite part of this whole thing tbh
how daniel molloy feels after trying to conduct an accurate interview about vampires, but his subjects are louis de pointe du lack of information, lestat de lyingcourt, armanipulator, and claudead.
there's something in kris's avoidance of harley between grand slam + the shida street fight that is so....... like do you ever feel annoyed or repulsed by someone that has some of the traits you hate about yourself but without the self-loathing ?
when they first started hanging out it was prettty clear that harley was glomming onto kris as Big Stat Daddy (in keeping with her time as saraya's lackey) and recruiting her for the feud with penelope and megan, and since at that point kris was pouting about willows rejection in her lone wolf i-don't-need-anyone era it probably felt like she was doing harley a favor - and in return she got the chance to slip back into a protector role . and then that became a real friendship, and kris nudged harley towards willow for the tag tournament, and harley by sheer force of will* got "her parents back together"
but willow and harley were in australia for the strap match, and they were licking their wounds backstage for the 2outof3falls match at revolution . and suddenly kris had to cope with the realization that a) she needed help that b) her friends hadn't given her and c) half the reason they hadn't was because she not only hadn't asked for help but had spent the last year and a half telling everyone who would listen that she didn't need or want it - because enduring alone was what made her stronger.
so now this nerve that kris thought she'd numbed if not killed off entirely is exposed and raw and without a championship to craft an identity around her insecurity is through the roof and the thing she's been telling herself is in hindsight an obvious lie and she's stewing in resentment of her friends and her own weakness - and here comes harley . undeterred by her own title loss and somehow despite being rejected by willow completely confident that kris will be happy to tag with her and train her. and she doesn't even have the decency to be ashamed about any of it