Do you have any tips to help someone who keeps failing? I have been trying for several years now to get started and feeling more and more hopeless every year. I have attended $$$ events, lost weight, moved closer to major cities. Then of course COVID struck and made things worse. Is there something I can do that can help me gain an "in" or are certain things just not meant for some girls.
Yes i screamed it... but that’s because thats thee most important thing in succeeding.
Secondly Congrats on taking the steps and trying.....
(THIS MIGHT MAKE MAKE YOU NEUROTIC.... If you already are then DO NOT DO THIS)
The following is also important
1.) Have you askeed your self why you keep failing?
Take a pen and paper and spend an entire day by yourself. Think, play things over in your head and Analyze.... This is probably the only time i truly suggested, over analyzing the crap out of your life, decisions, faliures and successes.
(a) What mistakes, do you keep making? or What mistakes do you think you keep making.
(b) what makes them mistakes
(c) Would those actions have worked out better in something else or displayed to someone else
(d) who and/or what would this action work on
2.) List your obstacles ... Every single one you could think of...
.....Obstacles you have gone through - What caused it? who caused it? (Regardless of who caused it... You owe some responsibility still own up to it... But remember BE KIND to yourself...)
There is a fine line between being kind to yourself and completely absolving yourself or any responsibility when owning up to the responsibility of things gone wrong
......Obstacles repeated - How do you NOT repeat this Again?
.......Obstacles Imagined and Obstacles that could still happen (based on different things, character flaws, finances, men’s personalities, race, looks, nature) Get as detailed as needed.
Man plans and God unplans ...
However, as humans we have ability to at least creat contingencies... try to come up with possible contingency plan and POSSIBLE action on how to still not stand still when one of those obstacles appear... Basically figure out another way to scale through, wiggle through, swim through... whatever way (As long as there is life, health and will... there is a way.... After all people have clawed out of dungeous using only a stick or even their finger nails)
3.) What have you tried that didnt work? or keeps failing... List it
4.) What ever 3 is that didnt work... What is the alternative that you haven’t tried.
5.) Clearly you see this as an investment if you have lost weight, moved etc... What is missing in the picture? (I don’t know you, nor have I spent time with you or know your thinking process or views... So this is something even if you dont know what is missing... You have to sit and think... Sleep on it, give it time but remain introspective but be mindful to know when clarity presents itself.
Being brutally Honest with yourself is the only way to know what is missing and where you are missing.
Example: I met a gorgeous black girl A few months ago. From the get go, I knew she was hypergamous... The men also knew. But there was something missing and i couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Until we were all talking with the men present.
She carried herself as a pretty girl, sweet and bubbly... But she made the mistake of trying to emulate the white woman’s countenance... So she could be doted on same as a white woman... I can’t explain this in detail.
But while it is good to emulate things noteworthy in other people... She lost her self and her own personal spark. As a black woman... She avoided the pitfalls of a stereotypical black woman (quote on quote)... in the process, she mistakenly lost her goddess quality and blended in with the rest. The men moved on from her.
My Point is: WHAT IS MISSING... Are your run of the Mill? What is your core
Do you havee set standards? expecattions of yourself and of the Men and of your surroundings?
Do you keep it? Do you up hold it or do you switch or lower it under pressure?
Not to give too much information... I refused to live in the poor neighborhood when i moved off college. I lived in a condo and lived Smack in the center of the wealthy part of the city. I was not in this lifestyle then... But it was simply my standards... And even though it meant staying on campus longer till i got it... I did that.
Example 2: I have friends who do not care what hole they enter to get entertained (granted you can meet people anywhere)... But I am not the type that goes out very often... So why will i waste my few outings in some frat boys bar or club
Example 3: I met a man who recently sold his company with upwards of $80 Million... I wasn’t told... I was aware of the process and listened to him through the proceess complain about delay in the closing and trying to avoid tax etc
He was deperate to meet me in person. As a matter of fact the day he closed. He flew me to his city (I went cause i was bored). Long story Short... He is the type of man that got lucky... There isn’t much in terms of competeition... Thinks he knows everything, thinks himself black people savior and makes comments such as “If there were black women like you”... Has some racists views he doesnt think is racists... I met his friends... I liked one (But he just recently got remarried and was the smartest of the bunch). They had pissing games who had thr most rolex collection etc... He was crazy about me... Still is even without so much as a kiss and i spent my weekend there. (Had my own hotel room)
But, I knew while the money was there, he was generous and was crazy about me... It would drive me nuts being with him and interacting with his friends... My standard here is that I won’t deal with anyman who so much as stresses my mentally especially as I am a black woman... I wont take nonsense.
My Point is : What do you compromise on that you do? It is a long road being steadfast to your standard... But it has been worth it for me.
Do not use anyones standard... Create your own and work on keeping it... Men will despise you for it... But respect you all the same.... It is a weird placed to be.
7.) What type of events do you attend. When you attend events, go out etc... What do you do? How do you approach these events? Do you wing it? Do you plan it? Are you fearless and confident or shy or just pleasant enough to exchange pleasantries alone? What vive do you give off?
How do you dress? Different styles can come across different ways... Some ooze Sexy, some ooze elegance with a hint of sexy, some basic, some regular, some say just another event person
8.) Closer to Major cities : what part of that do you live? Even if you are not in the center of things... Where do you go when you go out? How often to do go to wealthy areas, who do you interact with there?
There is a plethora of questions who have to ask yourself.
With Covid I have met people (but then, I work for myself and have more freedom to move around and also take mini vacation in other cities) And I already have a network... So, I have a leg up -
But, I know girls here and people are also still meeting people.
What is stopping you? What avenues and methods have you tried? Have you thought outside the box?
Hopeless? No... Wrong direction... As you fail you learn things that dont work so that should amke you hopeful.
Also, I am a big beleiver in manifestation and law of attraction. Feling hopless will only make things more hopless...It will attract more faliure...
Find ways to think more positively, ways to turn negative things out of your into potentially positive things... In this case you dont not have to be rational... Imagin everything negative happeneing has a positive...
e.g : A man cancelled on you = It wasn’t meant to be... It might have turned into a teerrible situation for you... Thank God or the universe for saving you from whatever it is you arent aware of.
eg : Covid happening : Time to make more money, invest. Brush yourself up, level up some more, learn new ways to meet this men and become more resilient so you come out fire when, the world isnt tupsy turvy
e.g : Getting older: Perfect, the more sure and certain you become in yourself, the more you actually find out what makes you stand apart, the more you find out who you are and realize that whateve amount a man was going to give you last year, you’ve outgrown it with age, maturity , acheivements etc.
You get the gist.... NEVER FEEL HOPELESS
You can feel sad... But not hopeless... Dust yourself up and try again...
Maybe one day i will take time out to share some of my own short comings and faliures... Cause i think we share the successes more that people think there aren’t mistakes and faliures an short comings... I have had them, and I continue to work and fix them.
The only thing is after my introspeection... and brow beating myself and figuring it out...i don’t like to dwell on the faliures... I put my self to work updating myself. Besides I think sharing more good news bring more good news and vibes... But, there isn’t anyone that can claim to not have had obstacles and faliures.
Finally: My sister beleives everyone has a destiny... But everyone is also capable of changing theirs...
With regards to your question... About certain type of girls ...
Some people might find it harder, or lack the resources and know how
But trying, pushing ones self, acquiring knowlegde and doing whatever it takes (of course within reason and comfines of morality ) Is what makes the difference.
As i write... I know women who took their entire savings to go to ST Barts for New Year... (Would I? NO) But some would... My point is.
You will go as far as you are capable of seeing yourself go.
So if you want a change in your pattern... You have to break the wheel... Try something new you havent tried yet... And a new approach.
Question for you: “Gain an in?” Into what circle do you want an in? What type of man
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