Perfect Bird

A feel-good/resource blog focusing on mental health and LGBT stuff. (Note: this is a side blog!)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

What is Appropriate Assertiveness?

An assertive person is someone who:

1. Values themselves and other people equally

2. Has the confidence to say both “yes” and “no” – without feeling that they have to defend their position

3. Is willing and able to stand up for themselves, and ensures they are treated with fairness and respect

4. Takes responsibility for their own needs

5. Takes responsibility for their words and their behaviour – and admits when they have failed, or have made a mistake

6. Expresses their true feelings in an honest way (while being respectful and considerate of others)

7. Can handle disagreements in an open, healthy way so problems are addressed (instead of being ignored or hidden.)

[westindianheaux]

this is also a key in healthy relationship dynamics btw.

[closet-keys]

my genuine advice to younger-than-me wlw & questioning women about sex: it’s supposed to feel good. if it doesn’t, you shouldn’t have to do it. if you don’t enjoy something, you’re allowed to not like it. no matter what it is. even stuff that our culture says is essential to sex. you’re allowed to not like pain or crude language when you have sex, you are allowed to not like penetration, you’re allowed to not like oral or anal, you’re allowed to straight up not like being touched (being a stone top is okay!!!), you’re allowed to like things that most straight people don’t even consider sex but feel good, you’re allowed to like things that most cis people don’t even consider sex but feel good, you’re allowed to have preferences and enjoy sex and decide against sex that doesn’t feel safe and good. there is so much pressure to feel like you should like certain things, and I want you to know that it’s important to find out what you actually do like, not just what you feel like you’re supposed to like. you’re the one living in your body, and you get to decide what feels pleasurable 

[sheisrecovering]

[gender-transcender]

sheisrecovering:

Not having friends does not make you unloveable.

[perfectbird]

"extremely isolating and lonely" exactly. more so because I have to internalize it. thank you for your words. thank you

i’m glad i could help in some way, anon. you’re not alone and i’m here for you!

[perfectbird]

I just want to say thank you for the post about wlw feeling lonely and isolated because I can really relate to it and Im so happy Im not alone in this and thank you so much for using wlw; Im so happy with the recent trend of using sapphic or wlw before that it was all called lesbian and for me, a bi girl with a preference for women, it felt really isolating as well. So, thank you!!

You’re very welcome, anon! ♥ And I like the rise of inclusive terminology too - bi/pan women and lesbians need to stick together and support each other!

[perfectbird]

every single person in the world has something unique to offer, something they can do well, some way they interact with people, something they think, something they make. your existence is worthwhile. you deserve to be here and live and take up space. even if you don’t have anything to offer now, that doesn’t mean you won’t in the future, and if the future you is worth something, so is the present you. you are worth something. no matter what.

[backwardsorbust]

here’s to the mentally ill people who don’t have the motivation to apply anymore

here’s to the people with anxiety so bad they can’t call back anymore

here’s the every person who seems normal on paper but is visibly awkward at the interview

here’s to every mentally ill person passed up again and again by someone neurotypical or passingly neurotypical

here’s to the people with frustrated parents who insist that you “aren’t trying enough”

here’s to the mentally ill people that are having a hard enough time not killing themselves

here’s to the visibly mentally ill looking for jobs

i’ve never seen a post like this, and i know it’s hard. keep trying but at your own pace.

[tozozozo]

more pat self-help advice from dr. tozo

[perfectbird]

shoutout to all the lonely wlw, to those who have never been on a date, who’ve never had a girlfriend, who’ve never been kissed or held hands, who feel like they never will have any of that, or deserve it. being a wlw is often extremely isolating and lonely. wlw wedding photos and stories about wlw relationships and stuff are all very valuable and important and need to be shared - it’s proof that we CAN find each other! but it can also intensify those feelings of loneliness - it seems like everybody has had these experiences, is in love or has been once, and you think why am i the only one? the fact is, unfortunately, it’s hard for wlw to actually meet each other and find connections. your relationship status is not a reflection of whether or not you’re “worthy” of love. you are. and you’re not as alone as you feel right now, i promise. there are people out there just like you, feeling just as hopeless and alone. you just haven’t had the chance to find each other yet.

[gloomy-draws]

[burymewithmyplanner]

Form your habits

free printable you can download here

Forming your habits can be extremely difficult, here’s a tool that can help you achieve that. I use a 21 days calendar because it’s customary in these sort of things. It’s not scientifically based but usually 21 days are enough for most people to create a new lasting habit. Sometimes you’ll need more.

All the sections in the printable are there to help you, so I really recommend you fill every part! Let’s see what those are:

Triggers - it can be anything, even an alarm on your phone, but I suggest you ‘latch’ your new habit to some old one you have. Like if you want to start flossing, use as a trigger ‘after washing my teeth’ or something logical like that. Also put this printable somewhere you can see, so that you’ll be reminded of it!

Rewards - while the habit in itself should be a reward you definitely need something a little more short term because sometimes it’s difficult to see the long term plan. Something small and easy, like congratulating yourself, or crossing off the task in your planner or app, or buy something small like a song or an app, or do a little dance or whatever it might work for you and might bring a smile on your face.

Why am I doing this? - This is possibly the most important. if you don’t have a personal reason to form a new habit you’ll never find the motivation to do it.

Tiny Victories - More often than not you’ll face all sort of obstacles during your attempt to form your habit. Consider from the beginning a list of small wins that are a ‘lighter version’ of your habit. So you don’t have to punish yourself if you don’t get that day to perform your habit. It will make it easier for you to start the habit and it will not become a chore. 

“but I just don’t want to today…” - We are our worst enemies. You know yourselves pretty well, you probably have tried more than once to attempt this habit, so you know how many excuses you can come up in the next 21 days to avoid working on your habit… “I’m too stressed to do this” “I was so good yesterday I can take a day off” “I’m on vacation”… and so on. Make a list of replies to yourself, now that your excitement is at the top so in the next days you’ll be able to read it again and convince yourself to actually do what you proposed yourself to do.

Here’s a list of good habits you might want to try:

daily review of your planner

cleanup your desk

meditate

take a walk

exercise for 30 minutes

15 minutes of gesture drawing

wake up early

work 30 minutes on your personal project

use a language app

write in your journal

clean something

drink enough water

[bodysexgender]

This could be great for recovery from eating disorders, self harm, etc.

[pulp-fucktion]

My mental health nurse just sent me these and i thought they were worth sharing

[healingsuggestions]

i’m not giving up on me

[lovelustquotes]

[autisticadvice]

For those days when you just don't have the spoons for showering:

Greasy Hair: raid the spice rack. Plain arrowroot powder makes an effective dry shampoo with no scent or irritating chemicals. Just shake it directly onto your roots, scruff it in well, and brush through. Sometimes I’ll even sprinkle on some cinnamon or nutmeg because it smells so good.

B.O.: If you can get your hands on it, 160-190 proof grain alcohol (everclear) will kill the b.o. causing bacteria and neutralize their odor. Either dab or spritz it anywhere you feel is getting “funky”. It’s odorless once it evaporates, and you can spray it directly on most fabrics, too. It will sting if you get it in your eyes, though, so avoid using it on your face (your face doesn’t smell anyway!).

General Dirty Feeling: Take a “cat bath”. Just dampen a washcloth (or cut up an old, soft cotton tee shirt for extra comfort) with lukewarm water, and give a quick wipe down to anywhere you feel yucky. It’s very refreshing. Bonus points if you can purr.

And Remember: if anyone in your life treats you badly just because you aren’t slathering yourself in perfumed soaps, that’s their issue. Humans are animals, too. We don’t naturally smell like fruit or flowers. It is NOT something to be ashamed of. You’re still valid and deserving of respect.

[itastemetal-deactivated20200404]

bpd tip

Emotional Permanence Issues

bpd is pretty much synonymous with lack of emotional permanence. a vast majority–if not all– of us have trouble remembering or recalling, emotionally, whether or not we are really cared for by our loved ones. this is a very difficult issue at hand because another major obstacle is coming off to everyone as clingy, obsessive, needy, etc (a negative stereotype.)

one way i’ve found helps with restoring, even if only temporarily, a sense of emotional permanence is to keep some kind of log of the positive emotional experiences with our Favorites and other loved ones. this could be:

     • keeping paper records– write down a description of the positive experience to read over at low points. 

     • keeping screenshots of meaningful messages: including “I love you’s,” affirmations, compliments, reminders that they are always here if we need them, etc. 

     • taking photos / making physical photo albums (this is a great one because it also gives one a sense of accomplishment when it’s done!)

     • keeping a #tag of posts from friends that evoke good feelings (for example: my “friends” tag, which is full of photo sets and things that remind me of how many wonderful loving people i have in my circle)

or anything else you can think up that may help you in times of distress or feelings of abandonment. this method can also assist in preventing splitting people on emotional drops!

and no, it’s not weird to do this. don’t be afraid of seeming obsessive. you are not. this is for your benefit. there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel cared for.

[uprroom]

Rupi kaur / milk and honey