2024 is a terrible year to be a henchman. The word "minion" is barely usable and you can't even say "goon" anymore.
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Monterey Bay Aquarium
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
h

tannertan36
dirt enthusiast
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Not today Justin
cherry valley forever

ellievsbear
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
noise dept.
$LAYYYTER

Kiana Khansmith

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
will byers stan first human second
i don't do bad sauce passes

PR's Tumblrdome
Keni
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@perhaps-perhaps
2024 is a terrible year to be a henchman. The word "minion" is barely usable and you can't even say "goon" anymore.
recently we were out on a hilltop taking photos of the comet and suddenly some car's headlights blind us from across the bay. literally four miles away.
who the fuck is out here with these nuclear fusion powered headlights. who puts naval searchlights on their fucking toyota tacoma.
Sodus Point, east of Rochester, NY
mystery solved
psst hey voli are you doing okay? haven't seen you in a few days, i hope you're alright
hii, sorry to worry you!! i do this sometimes where i go off the grid for a bit hjgklj :'] i'm doing okay! (i mean, disregarding the general state of the world and the very low morale hjkjg) im safe and vibing at the moment <333 i hope you're doing okay too anon, these are difficult times, but we'll get through it :']
Volition
"oh boy I sure wish there were a fast, free and private alternative to google chrome"
the humble mozilla firefox:
Reading this book is like being hit on the head by a cast-iron pan multiple times
Context: This is a grocery store in the town of Black Mountain, NC, which was devastated by Hurricane Helene. The police will not let anyone in to get food or clean water or even baby formula and diapers, not even if they have cash to pay. This is being framed as "stopping looters". This is apparently the best thing the cops have to do with their time, during a widespread emergency.
The store has no power - the food will rot anyway.
Context part 2: The text is from The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck. I'm gonna put the whole thing here, bc if you haven't read it I think you should.
“The works of the roots of the vines, of the trees, must be destroyed to keep up the price, and this is the saddest, bitterest thing of all. Carloads of oranges dumped on the ground. The people came for miles to take the fruit, but this could not be. How would they buy oranges at twenty cents a dozen if they could drive out and pick them up? And men with hoses squirt kerosene on the oranges, and they are angry at the crime, angry at the people who have come to take the fruit. A million people hungry, needing the fruit- and kerosene sprayed over the golden mountains. And the smell of rot fills the country. Burn coffee for fuel in the ships. Burn corn to keep warm, it makes a hot fire. Dump potatoes in the rivers and place guards along the banks to keep the hungry people from fishing them out. Slaughter the pigs and bury them, and let the putrescence drip down into the earth. There is a crime here that goes beyond denunciation. There is a sorrow here that weeping cannot symbolize. There is a failure here that topples all our success. The fertile earth, the straight tree rows, the sturdy trunks, and the ripe fruit. And children dying of pellagra must die because a profit cannot be taken from an orange. And coroners must fill in the certificate- died of malnutrition- because the food must rot, must be forced to rot. The people come with nets to fish for potatoes in the river, and the guards hold them back; they come in rattling cars to get the dumped oranges, but the kerosene is sprayed. And they stand still and watch the potatoes float by, listen to the screaming pigs being killed in a ditch and covered with quick-lime, watch the mountains of oranges slop down to a putrefying ooze; and in the eyes of the people there is the failure; and in the eyes of the hungry there is a growing wrath. In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.”
― John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath
“hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”
“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”
“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’
“uuuuuh hold on”
*fishes something out of my pocket*
“mikey what do i do?”
“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”
*stuffs it back in my pocket*
“uhh yes please the meal would be great”
this is like Schrodinger’s fucking meme because half the time the pic is deleted and the other half it’s visible
remember when this post caused the jackson family to sue tumblr
>first day of a class that the professor stresses is very difficult
>ask if it’s challenging material or taught poorly
>professor doesn’t understand
>pull out a diagram showing what is challenging material and what is taught poorly
>professor laughs and says “it’s a good class, sir”
>look inside
>taught poorly
Free worldbuilding idea:
Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all.
“Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don’t trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes.”
“Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston’s Divine Circle of Teleportation. There’s some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It’s way safer.”
“I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? ‘Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles’? That’s just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don’t even interact with each other.”
“I’ve been looking at this scroll all morning and I’m 90% sure that the scribe didn’t even look at the standard for pyromancies.”
“Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?” *indistinct vocals* “Dave, I’ve seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support.”
“I can’t get this fucking spell to work, Jane, can you look it?”
*passes a scroll* *a few moments of silence*
“I think you missed a bookend rune right here-”
“GODS DAMN IT! IT’S ALWAYS SHIT LIKE THAT! THANK YOU!” *angrily scribbles on parchment*
(It takes five more aggravatingly tiny adjustments before the spell works)
I don’t play wizards anymore because they’re too much like my day job.
Instead of a orb the wizard has a little statue of a duck he tells his spells to and then swears when he spots the obvious mistake.
You beat me to it! I was going to add that the reason why wizards and witches always have familiars around is so they can Rubber Duck at them until they realize what the mistake with their spell is!
Outsiders get it wrong and figure the familiars are somehow teaching spells to their owners, but no. It’s just explaining to Firewing what you’re trying to do with this teleportation matrix until you realize that you’ve been using telepathy crystals to power it the whole time like a FUCKING IDIOT!
Programming is magic (derogatory) so why shouldn’t magic also be programming (derogatory)?
Dogs have had many jobs throughout history, in this case: Revenge.
love how the king was just like nah let's see where the dog is going with this
Reverse John Wick.
when the objectively bad person has traumatic and honestly reasonable reasons for why theyre like that but it doesnt excuse their actions and only serves to make them more tragic as a character
Hitachi is one of the leading manufacturers of superconducting magnets and neutral-beam injection systems for fusion reactors btw
"Aunty Mary and her friend Ruth" (1910)
>video claiming to be essay/history on a topic
>ask them if its analysis or summary
>they dont understand
>pull out detailed chart explaining what's analyzing the ideas and motives behind a text and what is just presenting information without thinking about it
>"it's a good video, ma'am"
>watch it
>summary