Car's Weirdness

Carissa, Bi/Pan, 18, Disastrous Imagination, Bookworm, Wierdo Friend, Musicals Are Awesome YouJustDidGinger on AO3

[carsweirdness]

Wish me luck as I actually post something to ao3 instead of having 70+ docs open in various stages of completion.

[onlypayforwhatyouneed]

dick is short (heh)

Jason: offhandedly I'm pretty sure I officially reached my maximum height Dick: What Dick: You mean you kept growing after you came back? Jason: Well, yes Dick: So how tall are you? Jason: 6 feet 3 inches Dick: oh. Jason: Hehe dickie you can't call me little wing you shortie Dick: oh. Jason? Jason: ya? Dick: You should've stayed dead Jason: fuckin excuse me? ------- Tim: Ugh, is it just me or has that door gotten shorter? Dick: snidely No Tim it hasn't Tim: oblivious Guess I've grown some more Dick: rolling his eyes Really is that so? Tim: Hey, I think I'm taller than you now. Ha never saw that coming Dick: You should've never became Robin Tim: bitch what ------- Damian: Richard I demand you to take me shopping as I have outgrown my clothes Dick: reading a file Just wear some of mine Dick: I cannot as they don't adequately fit me Dick: why not- Dick: looks up oh Damian: smug You don't need to feel ashamed Richard, its merely genetics and I- Dick: You should've stayed with the league Damian: what the fuck

--------

Tim: hey Dick, are those lifts? Dick: SHUT UP AND DIE KILL YOURSELF I HATE YOU Tim: calm down holy shit- Jason: he's just salty he's the shortest. Here watch Jason: HEY DICK, DRINK SOME MILK Dick: HEY JASON, HERE'S A CROWBAR Jason: Isn't he just the sweetest?

[theactualriddler]

maybe listening to the In Rainbows album by Radiohead while looking at doomed yaoi during a depressive episode isnt the best idea but fuck it we ball ig

[sandmandaddy69]

[get-thee-to-a-shrubbery]

[ferret-on-pancakes]

[its-your-mind]

[miteistic]

[nick-nonya]

[cleanedupcorporationprogress]

[boothyghost]

[all-save-challenge]

I love this post especially the rat part

going on me feed

[trolleybusaberrations]

what do you mean there are exactly zero rats i. this post

[bingle-official]

[primordialsoupvendor]

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

[cthoseris]

[molotovgrifter]

sorry i said gay when you and your buddy had a massive falling out and tried to kill each other. it just kinda looked like that.

[ao3commentoftheday]

Did you know that AO3 allows fics with homicide in them? There’s a whole tag for Major Character Death and even more tags so you can find exactly what kind of character death you want to read. 

Don’t they know that murder is illegal? You just know there are a bunch of homicidal maniacs out there who love to read those stories. They write them, too, in between killing people. 

Anyone can read the stories on AO3! Kids can read them! They’re getting exposed to stabbing, poisoning, even guns! And they’re writing the heroes doing the killing, too! That’s basically telling kids it’s okay to go out and murder their families. It’s promoting violence and encouraging homicide and if we don’t do something about it soon, you’ll be murdered next!

[zoanzon]

[ao3commentoftheday]

The devil came to my house and tried to burn it down, which is why this post exists in the first place.

[ramen8008]

Tim: [on laptop] you guys, you won't believe what I found

Steph: [pokes her head around the corner] oooh what is it?

Tim: you know how Nightwing was named handsomest/sexist vigilante of the year

Dick: I live to impress

Jason: blegh

Tim: right... Anyways there's another poll. For handsomest/sexist vigilante, silver fox edition

Duke: please tell me it's what I think it is

Tim: yes. Batman won. By a HIGH margin

Steph: [snort] How. He most is face is covered behind that cowl

Tim: [Scrolls down] I don't know but there are comments under the results oh...oh. yeah I don't think you want to know

Duke: okay you can't just do that and not say anything

Dick: yeah show us. What did you see?

Tim: really guys you don't want to see-

Jason: [takes laptop and places it on his lap] Got it

Everyone: [looking over Jason's shoulder]

Tim: really guys nobody needs to read that. Oh god the comments. Horrible, I need to bleach my eyes

Jason: Eh can't be that bad- oh

Dick: [covers Damian's eyes] How is that public? There are children online!

Cass: Dad can not find out about this

Damian: unhand me Grayson, I am not a child

Jason: I think I want to die again

Steph: [leans over to read] "I get that he's supposed to be all mysterious and scary but I know if I could just peg him I'll have him-"

Tim: Steph stop it. Oh god. My ears

Jason: that's not even the worst one. That's actually pretty tame compared to... [Covers screen] nope absolutely no

Steph: oooh what does it say?

Jason: not anything safe for anyone below 21 that's what it says

Duke: you can't be serious

Dick: Is it really that bad?

Jason: [lifts up laptop to let Dick read]

Dick: ...

Dick: [deadpanned] I should have been on that trapeze with my parents

Jason: [snorts] yeah and I should have stayed dead. Wouldn't have to read this shit

Dick: [holding back laughter of shock] I don't- it's just so explicit- I don't even think that's possible. Like limps and flexibility considered i- what the fuck man

Cass: now I'm more curious

Jason: nope. Trust me. I'm saving you all from trauma

Tim: i think it's a little too late for that

Jason: it's still a nope

Steph: Found it! [Waves her phone at the others]

Duke: Read it for the class

Steph: [clear throats]

Bruce: what is going on here?

Everyone: Nothing!

Bruce: what's that in your hand-

Steph: *throws phone across the room*

Bruce: ...

Bruce: [sighs] you know what? I don't even wanna know. Just get to dinner everyone. Alfred's waiting

[haveihitanerve]

The most crucial element of the BatLantern relationship is that Hal has to have beef with at least one of the batkids- whether its genuine or more on the joking side, this man genuinely needs to Loathe A Child. Its a necessary element of his being in love with Bruce

Bruce and Hal start dating early and Dick has a sticker in his chart that says “Does Not Play Well With Others”? Fuck yea. Dick is screaming obscenities at him, Hal is screaming them right back. He has genuine fucking beef with an eight year old. “Hal, he’s eight.” “Yeah, and he’s about to learn how aerodynamic that makes him. Hey fuckhead wanna see the sun up close?” “I’d like to see you try, wannabe glow stick!” “Oh you little rat fuck-” “Hal-” 

I can’t see Young Jason having problems with him but Adult Jason and Hal would genuinely draw each others blood. Hal is a Husband first and Step-Father second- he has no patience for Jason and his Red Hood vendetta and guns and anger. He understands where its coming from but he will not let Jason take his insecurities and unwarranted aggression out on him and Bruce, not a fucking chance. Until Jason takes off the mask and drops the guns, Hal is relentless and unflinching on that point. 

Tim and Hal have a rivalry based exclusively on their jealousy of each others Allotted Time Spent With Bruce. Hal is coming home from a long space mission and all he wants is to have Bruce wash his hair and then fall into bed together and not emerge for the next week. But when he staggers in the door Tim has accidentally fallen asleep on Bruce’s lap and Bruce cannot move if one of his kids is on top of him so Hal just has to settle for a quick kiss and go wash his own hair. Bruce is making Tim breakfast in the kitchen and Hal comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist, kisses his neck and drags him away. Hal and Bruce are sitting on the couch being Cute and Tim rushes in, wedges himself between them and starts talking to Bruce about his day while kicking Hal back. Hal has resorted to locking Tim in Air Jail with his ring to get some alone time with Bruce, and Tim has resorted to outside sources to keeping Hal occupied. Or rope. 

Hal and Damian honestly I can see them having Problems early on, but I think Damian is actually the first one of the kids to accept Hal. (if you saw my headcanon saying that Damian is the last one to accept Hal shhh no you didn't) Damian doesn't think he’s worthy of being with his Father and Hal thinks Damian is an arrogant little shit head. Dick and Hal vibes. He sticks out a foot to make Damian trip as he’s running past. Damian stabs him with the craft scissors when Bruce asks Hal to help him with a school project in a desperate effort of having Bonding Time. Its glorious

Hal and Duke are my favs. Duke is BatLantern’s love child and I will die on that hill. Duke is merciless and will not back down. Hal physically cannot stay away from a challenge. “You're so in love with him you look ridonkulous.” “Please never fucking breathe in my direction again.” 

Hal and Steph have a petty rivalry and it gets Serious a total of one time because Steph refuses to accept that she does actually care for Bruce Like That and it pisses Hal off because then that means she has no rights to hate on him or have this rivalry with him in the first place because she’s not his kid and he only has this relationship with bruce’s kids- but then after the Serious Argument it goes back to being fun. Prank wars and petty bullshit. “Who filled my entire apartment with water and made it an aquarium?” “I wonder who.” “Hal I cannot fucking get to school.” “Damn. should've thought of that before you bedazzled my ring.” “You bastard-” 

Hal and Cass have a one sided rivalry and by that I mean both of them think they're crazy. Hal thinks Cass would like to murder him and Cass think Hal hates her. Hal’s hanging out with Bruce and cuddling him and Cass just appears at the foot of the bed and Hal screams so loud the bats in the cave fly away and falls onto the floor before running away because clearly Cass wants to spend time with Bruce and who is he to get between them hahahaha- hes not that suicidal. Cass sees this and is like :( he hates me. Hal is just scared of her. But they get over it and its lovely. Cass gets two girl dads

Hal and Barbara are flinty eyed and don't have a rivalry they have genuine beef. Hal is doing a mission and all of a sudden the cameras that hes switched off are back on and now hes running for his life. Barbara is sitting in her living room reading a book and then suddenly shes two miles away without her wheelchair. Barbara hugs Bruce on his wedding day and mouths that she laced his piece of the wedding cake to Hal over his shoulder. Hal wraps a gag around her mouth with his ring during the “if anyone objects speak now or forever hold your peace” time comes.

Anyway. It's important Hal has Beef with at least one or all of the Batkids. Its just a part of being in a relationship with Bruce- he has to Loathe A Child.

[bruce-wayne-enjoyer]

Hal to a bunch of children: You're playing checkereds. I'm fucking your dad.

[theprofessional-amateur]

Using Marie Skłodowska-Curie to shill your AI garbage is, uh, certainly a choice.

On one hand, keep her name out of your mouth

On the other, this shit is kinda the “ let’s put radium in everything!” Of the moment

[yawpyawp]

YES! I HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT THE AI TREND IS THE RADIUM CRAZE ALL OVER AGAIN! similar to then, we probably won’t see meaningful regulation/limitations on it until it kills a high-profile rich guy

[innerchildabortionclinic]

your cat was an honor to see in the window

[beemovieerotica]

idk if i told the full story on here but i signed up for a research study where they were testing a new opioid, and it was supposed to be up to 5 injections increasing the dose to see what people could tolerate

i got the first dose and almost immediately fainted. they had to call in a whole medical team and it was a huge fucking deal

i was kicked out of the study and got a phone call later where they were supposed to tell me what the drug was, so i could avoid it in the future. they told me it was saline water. a placebo. i fainted from the placebo effect.

anyway, it's been a few months and i just got an email from the same department asking me to be a research participant in a new study: testing the effects of open-label placebo.

open label placebo is when the subjects and the researchers all know it's a placebo. they're testing the power of my mind. my power to imagine anything.

i like to think that they chose me for this specifically based on their past experience with me. "get the guy who fainted like a little bitch boy from saline water." anyway i just submitted all my info and i'm looking forward to getting started.

[papayafromtv]

goodie two-shoes newly adopted jason todd is one of the funniest fucking things to come out of the batfamily fandom, actually. y’all remember that episode of the office us where dwight gets fired and the day afterwards micheal is all sad like ‘why haven’t the cleaning ladies arranged the toys in my office and watered my plants?’ and everybody tells him ‘no dwight used to do that.’ ? in the funniest way possible i want this to be bruce and jason.

jason todd who was such a sweet eager-to-please kid. he literally adored bruce for taking him in and letting him be robin, so he was doing literally anything he could think of to make his adoption worthwhile to bruce. being the model student at school, keeping his room immaculately clean, training as much as he could--the enthusiasm was genuinely baffling to bruce, who up until that point had only ever dealt with dick motherfucking grayson as a child under his care. at first he thought something was wrong with jason, or that he was covering something up. alfred had to pull him aside after a few months just like 'no he's genuinely this much of a people pleaser, master bruce. this isn't an act'. they had no idea what to do with this kid.

bruce doesn't even know most of the stuff jason does, he just assumes these little things Happen to Happen, and doesn't consider that it isn't alfred or that it might not be a coincidence. he counts himself lucky that jason is a well behaved kid and doesn't look too far into the details of how far that behaviour goes. so through the years after jason's death, bruce is genuinely just... fucking baffled.

"alfred, why did you stop making those little smoothie pots and leaving them in the fridge for my breakfasts? i really liked them, but you never have them anymore."

"...what smoothie pots?"

"the ones you always left in the door of the fridge for me, with the post-it notes telling me to have a good morning."

"i have never made you a smoothie pot, master bruce. i fear this was another of jason's little habits."

"...shit."

"indeed."

"so you don't know how to make these smoothie pots?"

like- i want jason to have literally been doing the most random fucking stuff you can think of. he was organising bruce's sock drawer, watering the plants in the downstairs bathroom, stapling together all the WE files in bruce's office so that bruce wouldn't misplace any of them. he was going above and beyond to make bruce's life as easy as possible in any way he could think of for YEARS, and he did it all so quietly that bruce never noticed until jason wasn't around anymore and all of a sudden his life was real fuckin' inconvenient and he had no idea why.

i just think it would be funny if red hood does a big identity reveal in front of all the bats and bruce just instantly bursts into tears in jason's arms weeping about how 'alfred let the fern die and they had to buy a new mop bucket because nobody knew where jason had stored it last' and jason is just. very confused holding a sobbing batman because he genuinely forgot that he used to do any of that stuff. meanwhile dick's in the background next to tim and he's just like 'so were you the one that organised the west attic? 'cause tim thinks it was the spirit of thomas wayne and we've been arguing about it for six months.'

bonus points if the league of assassins comes into it because at some point talia comes to visit damian and her and bruce get to chatting about jason, and bruce gets all teary and fond as he waxes poetic about how amazing and helpful jason was as a kid living around the manor, all the stuff he used to do, and then he turns to talia to ask what he was like living with her and she looks at him with the eyes of a long-dead veteran to tell him 'within his first two months he'd blown up two watchtowers, taught damian to call us all slurs in six different languages, and shaved a strip of my father's hair off while he was asleep. over his time with us he has personally contributed to the creation of ninety-three new rules around the compound, and the day before he left for gotham i personally watched him set fire to one of our helicopters.' and then there's just a really awkward period of silence because bruce has no idea what to say to that because HIS time with jason was fuckin great.

[robs-your-robins]

I want Lex and Bruce to have a sort of friendly relationship in public though Bruce fucking despises Lex and Lex think Bruce is an idiot unworthy to be in his space but in public? They adore each other, casually ripping on each other and always doing interviews and photo ops especially if one company is out selling the other. Lex always teasingly says, "I'll have to take you out of this game if you keep winning like this" to which Bruce just beams and if LexCorp is ahead, Bruce brings Lex a tiny 2nd place trophy because yeah, he's dropping his new eco friendly affordable car tonight that has literally boosted WE's worth on the stocks, so yeah, enjoy your participation trophy Lexie.

And they both hate having to smile and get along with each other so they really jab at each other where it hurts. Lex casually talks about Bruce's numerous failed engagements and sometimes if he's feeling brave, goes after the kids and rips on Bruce's relationship with them. Bruce, in an effort not to go full Will Smith, immediately retaliates with lengthy accounts of him getting railed by Superman, with enough detail that the audience knows that it's not just a joke and Lex, somewhere around "almost as big as my leg, right-" just jumps up and starts interviewing the interviewer about, I dunno, polar ice or some shit.

[renegadesstuff]

ship x quotes: goodglass's version 💚 [157/?]

[vixvigil]

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

[brucietales]

IMAX????

[butchdogs-md]

you need to understand that i have two sets of headcanons. there's the set of realistic headcanons based on my genuine reading of the show, and then there's me playing pretend with my dolls.