The Case of the Marriage Retreat - Payneland Fake Marriage (M, ongoing, regular updates.)
Edwin and Charles go undercover to an Welsh manor house for a week-long couples retreat. They are there to investigate a black market magic auction. While they investigate, they are pretending to be a young married couple.
Edwin has accepted that Charles doesn't feel the same way about him. But pretending to be married stirs up feelings he thought he'd learned to live with.
And Charles? He's experiencing what it's like to be seen as a bisexual man for the first time. Maybe it suits him better than he thought it would?
âAre we sure this is the best way to crack this case, mate? I mean, we could just haunt the place and watch them,â said Charles.
The Dead Boy Detectives stood behind a giant old oak by the gate of an old manor house in the Welsh countryside. The building was as imposing as it was beautiful - and more than a little creepy. It was made of washed white stone in a C shape - three storeys high and a presence against the misty rolling hills of the land surrounding it. The building had once been owned by some extremely wealthy lord, and the architecture reflected that storied and wealthy past.
It was late autumn and there was a snap in the air that promised frost. Even with most of its leaves gone, the branches of the oak were close enough together to obscure the pair from the occasional car that rolled up the lane.
âThatâs still part of the plan,â said Edwin. âBut if we enter as ghosts, we must remain as ghosts. Which means weâd lose the opportunity to question anyone should the need arise. If we enter with disguises in place, we can do both.â
Edwin shifted his weight and clasped his hands firmly in front of him. He stared up at the house and tried to push down nerves. Buildings like the manor house brought back unpleasant memories of his childhood. Although his family was not in possession of a stately home of their own, relations once removed did. That meant heâd spent holidays at a house like that - a perpetual outsider even though he looked like he belonged.
âRight, well, Crystal registered us by posing as our travel agent,â said Charles as he pulled an envelope out of the inner pocket of his jacket. His endless backpack was draped over one shoulder. Both also had small roller suitcases packed with items one might need for a week-long retreat in the country. âIf anyone asks, we took anâŠâ he consulted a note from Crystal, â....Uber from the train station.â
âWell,â said Edwin as he tugged on the front of his jacket. âI suppose thereâs nothing for it but to begin our investigation. Youâve got the disguises?â
Charles stuck his hand into the backpack and pulled out a ring case. He popped it open and presented it to Edwin. âShould I get down on one knee?â he quipped.
Inside were two wedding bands. One was gold with a strip of silver, and the other was silver with a strip of gold.
Edwin felt his mouth go dry. The reason for the rings was purely practical, but the symbolism was a gut punch given his recent confession on the steps of Hell. âWhichâŠemâŠwhich one is mine?â
Charles eyed Edwin. âYou alright? Itâs not too late to back out.â
âNo, no. This isâŠâ Edwin took a deep breath, â...this is far too important. âIf this retreat really is a cover for trading in dangerous magical artifacts, someone must put a stop to it.â Then he stuck out his hand at Charles, fingers splayed. He looked away like he was about to get a shot.
Charles eyed him, then shrugged. He picked up the gold ring with the silver stripe down the middle, then slipped it onto Edwinâs ring finger.
Edwin felt the energy of the spell trickling out from the ring the moment it was on. A magical bluish fog enveloped him and twisted around his body.
The first time donning a disguise was always very strange. It was as if the magic was forming itself to his body and coupling with his spiritual essence.
The spell Charles had endowed the rings with was heartier and more solid than their usual disguises. As âAunt Cindyâ, Edwin did not feel the world any differently than he did as his real self. He was also incapable of eating or drinking, and the spell would lose power after a time.
The rings werenât gold and silver by accident. The metals were endowed with alchemical principles that made them their own battery to both power the illusion and make them altogether more real. The inner band could be twisted to activate or deactivate the illusion as needed.
The rings were powered by their ghostly essence, which had the side effect of making them sleepy. While wearing disguises, theyâd sleep about seven hours a night to recharge the magic.
For that reason, and for the length of time theyâd be spending undercover, theyâd opted for faces and bodies not that unlike their own.
When the magical smoke cleared from in front of Edwinâs eyes, he looked down at a larger and thicker pair of hands and a plain navy blue suit with a t-shirt underneath. He was also wearing a faun wool overcoat in a classic and aristocratic cut.
Charles was likewise examining his hands. His disguise was dark-haired and dark-eyed, with curly hair - though not quite as curly as the real thing. He was a little taller, but a fair bit broader. His eyebrows were thick and expressive. He was wearing jeans with a black t-shirt, a plaid overshirt and a black leather jacket.
When he smiled at Edwin, it was all Charles, no matter how different he looked. Edwin would have found his disguise handsome regardless, but knowing it was him provoked a ping of longing.
âFucking aces,â said Charles. âBlond suits you.â His accent was still his own, but his voice was quite different.
Neither of them knew for sure why it was impossible to craft a disguise that was identical to their ghostly forms. Edwinâs theory was that if it were possible, it would be akin to coming back to life. Which is something Death would obviously not allow. The disguises they were wearing were as close as Charles could make them to their real selves as the magic would let him make them.
Edwin reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone. He poked a passcode into it just like Crystal had shown him and opened the camera app. Usually he resisted using technology, but Crystal rightly pointed out that two young men in their twenties who didnât have phones would stick out. So sheâd given them both a crash course in How Not To Look Like An Old Person Using a Phone 101.
Edwin flipped the camera around to selfie mode like Crystal had shown him. The face that was staring back at him was less like himself in some ways than Charlesâ. He still looked incredibly aristocratic, but his hair was golden blond and his eyes were blue. His features were altogether softer. He touched his cheek and his lips, which were quite full.
Charles stepped up beside him and draped his arm around his shoulders. He leaned into the frame and hit the button to take a photo with a big smile on his face, his cheek pressed against Edwinâs. âWe look brilliant. I think this is going to work. Câmon, letâs get inside.â He clapped him on the shoulder and then grabbed the handles of both their suitcases and started to drag them up the lane.
Edwin stared at the photo of two strangers. They looked very different, but the longer he looked, the more he saw the people they truly were.
âCome on, mate!â called Charles. âOr should I say, babe.â He winked. â I can feel the cold and I donât much care for it.â
Edwin slid his phone away and then rubbed his hands together. He did feel a little cold. âFascinating,â he murmured to himself. What other sensations had the disguises given them?
âEdwin! Come on!â called Charles from where heâd already engaged a couple making their way up the walk.
Edwin straightened his shoulders, then made his way up the lane to join Charles.
The entryway of Llanfair Hall was packed with arriving guests sipping welcome cocktails as they waited to be escorted up to their rooms. Porters moved through the crowd and collected bags from the guests in exchange for a ticket. There was a banner that hung above the great hearth that was crackling with a blazing fire.
WELCOME TO THE LLANFAIR HALL COUPLES RETREAT
By the time Edwin made his way through the hall and past the crowd, Charles was already at the front desk signing paperwork.
âAh, there you are. Was wondering if you got lost or something,â said Charles. He was brimming with energy and excitement.
Edwin smiled gently. It made him happy to see Charles so excited, even if he was rather uncomfortable. âHere I am,â he replied. He hadnât spoken since heâd donned the disguise. His voice was quite similar to his own, except deeper and more resonant. He walked stiffly up and stood beside Charles.
âMaria, this is my husband, Edwin,â said Charles as he signed the paperwork.
Theyâd opted to keep their first names for the same reason the disguises werenât that different from their real selves - to reduce the chances of slipping up. Theyâd spent an inordinate amount of time brainstorming surnames until theyâd landed on Bond-Holmes.
It was laughably easy for Crystal to guess which part of the surname belonged to whom. She warned them people would point it out, but they hadnât been able to agree on any other combination of names. So Edwin and Charles Bond-Holmes it was.
âWelcome, Edwin,â said Maria, a round-faced woman in her early thirties with braided hair and a lovely Welsh lilt. âIs this your first time at Llanfair Hall?â
âAh, yes, yes it is. Though my family used to summer not too far from here,â said Edwin. That was the truth. And that was why the architecture of the Hall invoked such strong - and not altogether pleasant - memories.
âCan I just sayâŠâ said Maria as she leaned in, âItâs lovely that weâve got so many couples such as yourself this time around. Weâve really been trying to let folk know that everyone is welcome here.â
Charles was visibly confused for a moment. He blinked, then looked at Edwin and he caught her meaning. âOh! Oh. Yes. Em, yes. Well, all marriages need a little help sometimes, yeah? Thatâs what theyâve got in common.â Then he stood there smiling awkwardly.
âCharles,â said Edwin gently. âPerhaps we should let the next guests check in?â
âRight, right! Well, it was lovely to meet you, Maria.â Charles grinned. It was remarkable how much of his real self shone through on his new face.
âLet me know if you need anything, Misters Bond-Holmes. Have a wonderful stay,â said Maria. âWe just ask that you wait for a porter to escort you to the room so we donât get congestion on the stairs. It wonât be but a minute. Youâre some of the last to arrive.â
Charles swept a pair of keys off the counter and stepped away. He leaned in to murmur to Edwin. âThis might be more difficult than I thought. I know it wouldâve been harder for you, but itâd be easier for me if your disguise was a woman.â
âYes, well,â said Edwin tightly. âIâm not. So youâll simply have to deal with it.â He reached out and grabbed one of the keys and then started up the steps despite Mariaâs instructions. He wasnât sure why exactly that bothered him so much, as it had been his idea to make his most often-used disguise a woman. But something about it in this context felt like a rejection.
âEdwin!â Charles called after him.
Edwin made his way through the crowd. He felt anxiety creeping up his spine. It took him a moment to realize that he was anxious because he wasnât accustomed to being seen by so many people. Heâd chosen an older woman as a disguise in part because he did not want to be perceived by the living world as he truly was. In his current form, people saw him very close to his real self, sexuality and all. It made him extremely self-conscious and eager to get out of the public eye.
He climbed the twisting wooden grand staircase up to two levels to the third floor. Edwin kept out of the way of porters carrying bags up and escorting guests to their rooms.
There were thirty rooms at Llanfair Hall, which meant twenty to thirty couples there for the retreat. The majority of them were not likely aware of the dark magic auction and were instead used as cover. But some of them were there expressly to pick up dangerous dark items. The challenge would be to figure out which was which.
There was a healthy mix of same-sex and heterosexual couples he passed on the way to the room, which made Edwin feel less self-conscious. Most were in their late twenties up to early fifties, well-dressed and either stylish or posh. The retreat was not five stars, but the accommodations were luxe enough to attract a more upscale clientele.
It was too early to start building profiles of people and everyone was on their way to where they were going in a bit of a hurry. There would be time for a proper investigation later.
Edwin made his way to their assigned room, which was down a narrow hall in the west wing of the hotel, away from most of the other guests. They had chosen that one on purpose, to make their comings and goings easier.
On instinct, Edwin tried to phase through the door. He bounced off it rather embarrassingly, since the spell made him as solid and as real as a living being. He reached a hand up to touch his stinging nose.
âWell that was an altogether foolish thing to do,â he muttered to himself.
Then Edwin fumbled with the key and turned the lock. He pushed it open to reveal a large and inviting room with exposed wooden beams and high ceilings. The walls were covered in rich wood panelling while opulent carpets covered the floor.
There was a seating area with a small table in front of a fireplace that was warm and inviting. A welcome basket and a schedule for the week sat next to it. Their suitcases were already waiting on a side-by-side pair of folding luggage racks. All the furniture fit in very well with the historic setting while not looking run-down or kitsch. It was the perfect balance between luxury and modernity.
Past the seating area was a large king-sized bed with a beautiful handmade quilt and contrasting throw pillows in shades of red and gold. A large steamer trunk sat at the end that brought back vivid memories of time spent in similar estates as a child. Past the bed was a small balcony that looked out over the back garden and a small pond. There was a giant portrait on the wall of a hunting scene. The painting was dated 1917 in the lower left hand corner.
Edwin closed his eyes and tried to centre himself. As he did, he began to really take stock of all the ways the spell was acting on his body. He could feel a residual chill on his skin from the time spent standing outside. He could smell the wood of the old building, and the faint hint of woodsmoke from the logs in the fireplace. He rubbed his finger over the surface of the wedding band. It felt cold to the touch but was quickly warming up the longer he spent indoors.
When he opened his eyes, Edwin found himself staring at the bed.
The bed. Singular. And one of the things the disguise did was make sleep a necessity.
Edwinâs cheeks burned hot. He turned away to face an old silver mirror with gilded edges. The blond posh young man stared back at him, his aristocratically pale cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He shifted and looked away.
Edwin found himself hoping against hope that the investigation would take up most of their time. Otherwise it was going to be a very long week.
