Confessions from the Underworld

she/her, older than Google and Dolly the Sheep - sometimes #book quotes

[tomatotext]

and, look, I’m not complaining, not at all, but this is why it’s very important to be abundantly clear and specific with your Etsy witch.

[officerhaughtstuff]

You’ve heard of the Roaring 20s........

now get ready for the Screaming 20s - coming to a decade near you in 2020

[heterokatedison]

is it too early or can we start screaming now

[heterokatedison]

in retrospect perhaps we should have started sooner

[jorolle]

this post is the equivalent of a newspaper from the day of the outbreak being blown past by the wind after you wake up in a post apocalyptic world

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

My fav version of poll song #854 tbh

Mash-up source: video by 5piersy

[unadulteratedhideouttrash]

[ourmutualignorance]

the devil said it's lindsey graham's turn today to speak with mitch mcconnell for 20 minutes

[fozmeadows]

Source

[pmamtraveller]

sleeve tattoo

[filmnoirsbian]

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[filmnoirsbian]

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

[filmnoirsbian]

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

gshsjb

[oscar-isaac]

RYAN GOSLING "I'm Just Ken" wins Best Original Song at the 29th Annual Critics' Choice Awards (January 14, 2024)

[forsovngarde]

[stillmuseum]

[junewild]

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

[berenshand]

some highlights from my students’ romeo and juliet modern interpretation projects:

- someone made a username for friar laurence with 420 at the end - the same kid who put 69 in romeo’s username like i wouldn’t know what either of those things mean - the girl who added ‘clean’ at the end of all the songs on her juliet playlist like lmao girl i know spotify doesn’t have the clean version - the kid who said romeo and juliet killed each other - the weird dichotomy of kids who put love story on their playlist vs the kids who choose bad blood - the kid who wrote ‘get a room’ as tybalt’s comment on romeo’s couple pic - the kid who said ‘romeo is probably one of those douches who follows a ton of people so they follow him back and then he unfollows all of them’ - the one who legitimately used the word ‘alrighty’ do kids say this in their text messages???? i thought i was the one talking like an elderly person but okay - the one who made romeo’s username ‘montagoose’ - the only kid who acknowledged that posting about your secret relationship on instagram was a bad idea - the girl who wrote that romeo would unironically say ‘#blessed’. she’s right. - the one single solitary girl who wrote mercutio as gay as shakespeare did (she’s also the only one who used mercutio at all which is a tragedy but whatever) - the one who wrote romeo’s insta bio as ‘thus with a kiss i die… LOL RIP ME 😂💀’ - the one who made benvolio’s username benvoliYO

[thatsnicebutimmarried]

You are an excellent teacher

[segamascott]

[garaks-padded-bra]

this fuck ass kitten somehow got behind the kitchen cabinet built into the wall and INTO THE WALL . i got him out with funny toy on stick and shredded chicken but i got so scared i almost threw up and now the entire house must be babyproofed

[garaks-padded-bra]

I had to take him into the utility room with me while i was finding duct tape to close off the bottom of the fireplace as well, so he wouldnt despawn when i was gone, and WHEN I PUT HIM DOWN TO GET THE DUCT TAPE, HE MANAGED TO NUTTY PUTTY CAVE HIMSELF IN ANOTHER CRANNY I DIDNT KNOW EXISTED. AND AS I PULLED HIM OUT BY THE ASS HE CRIED LIKE A HUMAN BABY. do NOT make me feel bad for saving your dust bunny spelunking ass you SICKO

He had me doing this shit 3 times today

[garaks-padded-bra]

he is SICK of it

[escuerzoresucitado]

[layton-heritage-posts]

WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG-

[layton-heritage-posts]

ABSOLUTELY CATACLYSMIC WRONG BLOG MOMENT. WORST MOMENT OF MY CAREER.

[parkchanwoohoo]

Genuinely evil and dark-sided to put the periods between the letters in "milf" and "dilf." Like what is M.I.L.F. that is a supervillain organization composed entirely of cougars. Whoa that's a great idea actually post canceled hold on

[berryinnit]

t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it