Friendly Fire

[themoonandmyman]

baby Ilya’s tiny angry Russian ranting when Irina won’t let him stay on the ice and his cheeks are all bright pink and his little nose is wet and he’s plopping down onto the ice and crossing his arms and yelling NYET NYET NYET.

Across the ocean at the exact same time, the exact same thing is happening to a very exhausted Yuna Hollander.

[hudconvent]

ilya opening their mail one day and then yelling SHANESHANESHANE who rushes in to where ilya is holding up a piece of mail gleefully

its a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and its undeniable that it’s ilya’s (very few orange lamborghinis in the area) so shane is like “wow way to go. another few of those and your license is finally going to get revoked” and ilya is like “no. look closer.”

and shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo, is ilya’s hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap

shane is beyond mortified but ilya keeps trying to hang the photo on the fridge

[lavenderprose]

Shane and Ilya have to put Anya in her crate if they plan to have sex anywhere but behind the closed bedroom door because one time Ilya slapped Shane while Shane was blowing him and Anya (who they thought was asleep in the bedroom) ran down the stairs and used her momentum to throw herself at Ilya, knocking him over. Then she stood in front of Shane growling at Ilya until Shane got up and hugged him and showed her that he wasn't afraid, then she whimpered and ran back and forth between them because she couldn't figure out who she was supposed to apologize to. They spent the rest of the night giving her treats and belly rubs.

[lavenderprose]

Shane in the locker room of any given All Star Game after he and Ilya get married and are playing on opposing teams for the weekend: If we don't beat those guys I will actually spend the rest of my life thinking about it. This is your only chance to prove to me that you belong in the NHL. This is not a friendly game, this is a grudge match to the death. I want you all to lock in like you have never fucking locked in--

Meanwhile, Ilya: Woohoo boys let's play some fucking hockey [Timber by Pitbull blasting at full volume]

Cliff Marleau, probably: Hollander's gonna kill you in cold blood, man.

Ilya: Cliff. Cliff let me look in your eyes when I say this. I know. I will enjoy it very much. My night ends the same whether I win or lose, Marley. Anyway. [Song switches to Party Rock Anthem] LET'S MAKE THEM WORK FOR IT BOYS. WOO

Cliff: Dude what is this playlist.

Ilya: It is called 'Prom Night 2013.' Was a good year for me, Marley.

[kylak-vadera]

How Lestat sees Armand/How Louis sees Armand/How Daniel sees him

[yaoiblackmold]

The Danlou dynamic so far in season 3 has been hysterical to me because those two desperately needs a friend to vent to but they literally have nobody that knows their entire life story except eachother. BUT they're still mad at eachother so they don't want to comfort the other person. Which ends up becoming two one sided confessionals with no comforting where Daniel is pouring this heart out about his maker-fledgling bond and Louis is like 😐 sounds weird, and Louis is talking about how the book hurts his feeling, his lingering grief over Claudia and Daniel is like 😬 well anyways here's the Talamasca.

[dailycatsblog]

[ilyasvodka]

hollanov have a fight and shane locks himself in their room with his dildo and makes sure his man hears just how good he can fuck himself without him. and comes from knowing that when he unlocks the door ilya will be DESPERATE and he wont be able to walk tomorrow and forget what they were even fighting about

[argillaforma]

shane: haha you played bad today mr hunter

scott: your breath smells like russian dick, whore

[argillaforma]

when they come out and everyone is confused why russia's greatest love machine ilya rozanov is fucking boring shane hollander and ilya is like no no he is perverted sex freak i am the boring one honestly i can't keep up marleau

[galecstatic]

okay we get it shane hollander is fucking yours and yours only no one is taking him away from you jesus christ

[laviejaguardia]

I love the everyone wants to fuck Shane Hollander agenda so picture like, Ilya at a team member's bachelor party and the whole Raiders team is there and everyone is drunk and they're playing games and just yelling out answers at the same time to questions like what's your favourite position and age you lost your virginity and giving each other shit for the answers but then there's what player you would go gay for and suddenly the whole team yells Shane Hollander at once to stunned silence afterwards and Ilya has the worst fucking night of his life

[hoko-onchi-writes]

I’ll never get over Ilya being like no no, I must set record straight. I want to fuck your son since the literal moment I first saw him at seventeen. It was freckles. And then I fuck him. Repeatedly. For entire decade. He gave up that ass like absolute freak. He is my good little boy. Yes, that is right. Since the markets crash and millennial dream is dead. I hear on radio, then I fuck your son. We grow old together. Lovers.

[gaygoatshane]

happy pride

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[chemdoodles]

1x04. The Death Stare. Starting Episode 4! :)

[lavenderprose]

The thing about the Cottage is that yes they are making love. Yes they are saying the most emotionally vulnerable shit that they have ever said to another living person. Yes they are going at it missionary style bathed in moonlight and calling each other baby about it.

They are also, crucially, having the filthiest and nastiest sex that two guys in their twenties with an extremely willing monogamous partner can think up. Things are WILD. They are Yes And'ing each other in ways that they are legit going to have to process by sitting quietly alone in a room for an entire day at some point in the future.

They're going at it raw, of course. Ilya is spitting in his mouth and making Shane thank him for the privilege, then calling him a slut when he does. Shane is letting Ilya chase him through the woods. He's wrapping Ilya's fingers around his neck and begging while Ilya tightens his grip. Ilya decides at one point that if Shane can't come on his cock alone then he doesn't get to come. Shane doesn't receive oral a single time at the Cottage without having to swallow his own cum. Ilya walks around with a piece of gauze on his forearm because Shane bit him and drew blood. Ilya fucks Shane with his nose way up inside Shane's armpit the entire time, huffing and licking. Ilya comes on Shane's face in the shower and Shane is so far down and loves the feeling of being marked so much that he asks Ilya to piss on him. Shane is never more than two minutes away from having Ilya's tongue or dick in one of his holes, no warning given aside from a command to spread his legs or get on his knees.

It's a fucking tour de force of debauchery. And this, too, is lovemaking.