a loon

sel. 19. he/them. 🇵🇸 NSFW 18+ hollanov talk. also @the-rambling-bluebottle (main acc) & comeliliesandcolumbine (young royals posts)

[ilyasvodka]

i love how tumblr decided to play muppet babies with shane hollander the jock who says fuck you to everything

[ilyasvodka]

shane hollander having a jade pendant which everyone assumes is an Asian Cultural Thing but really it just matches ilya’s lovely eyes when he’s annoying him

[comeliliesandcolumbine]

PSA it’s ridiculous that we have to be doing this but reminder to tag all your stuff on a03 no ai if you haven’t already

[cephalopodie]

connie’s into scrapbooking now

[ilyasvodka]

adult shane making eye contact with yuna holding his fat baby self in the produce aisle at the roku kmart

[ilyasvodka]

may i interest you in: intersex ilya headcanons

his extra breast tissue and stuff like that are part of his condition that remained despite grigori trying to get it medically fixed when he was a child without his consent. (to which irina was so furious about he let it go) he and alexei not respecting him partly comes from that

ofc he can still nine inch dick shane down crazy style and generally passes but has a lot of differences/questions that he only really understands once he gets to america and starts meeting other intersex people and learning more modern biology and how his hormone chemistry works

shane has never heard of intersex people of course but he sits there and just listens to ilya talk about what its been like and holds and says he still loves him so much. the day they see their first progress pride flag with the purple ring on the yellow is an emotional day for both of them. ilya can also carry their child if they want one♥️

[ilyasvodka]

boston teases ilya for walking slow because hes old but really carrying nine inches and the fattest ass in the tri state area just does that to his poor hips

[ilyasvodka]

*ilya voice* three flashes if you are ghost of my dead mother. thats what i thought asshole go to sleep

[bellabs-dream-lab]

Just remembered I had this screenshot on my phone somewhere and had to post it here because it really speaks to me

[snowsmoked]

You cannot convince me that Shane doesn’t get private sports massages at his house. I’d imagine Ilya might do them occasionally with the team massage therapist in the Bears recovery room, but Shane has them regularly and refuses to have them done in public.

Mostly because he’s loud. If you’ve ever heard athletes get these massages, they hurt/feel amazing and it is common for athletes to moan/groan/gasp loudly throughout.

So when they’re living together, Ilya is white-nuckled in the kitchen gripping the counters as his husband is laying on his massage table sounding like he’s getting fucked six ways to Sunday.

He can’t even watch because Amanda is there and Ilya doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

He finally caves and heads to the shower when Shane gasps out, “yeah, right there, fuck.”

He can’t prove it, but he’s pretty sure Shane used to get these massages in the home gym instead of dragging the massage table into the living room. And people said Ilya was a menace.

[ilyasvodka]

…or the story of how ilya becomes the most locked in student mcgill medical school has ever seen for a massage therapy license in two months so only HE gets to take care of shane and make him moan and ‘practice’ on him in the meantime. no fucking way is he letting her be another rose landry

[ilyasvodka]

we talk a lot about shane telling his hookup of ten years ‘i think i’m gay’ but there’s also the fact that he told him right after that YOU aren’t gay. because i said so. 10/10 professional psych diagnosis 👍

[ilyasvodka]

ilya rozanov, connie from admin, and dane solari seeing each other in roku city hall

[ilyasvodka]

the paradox of fat baby shane and normal adult shane coexisting in roku city implying it is a place beyond the concept of time and physics and shane is constantly aging and being reborn somewhere else in nirvana while ilya is Just Some Guy

[ilyasvodka]

sign that says Native Shanebug Habitat Do Not Cross Or Pick Their Favorite Flowers

[shaneposting]

myilya is a chronic bug bite scratcher and myshane has an almost preternatural ability to know when he’s doing it. ilya will indulge in a lil scratch safe in the knowledge that shane is several hours away in montreal and then shane will pop up behind him like HELLO 1-800-R-U-SCRATCHIN

[anya-rozander]

[ilyasvodka]

what is vampire marleau’s vast knowledge of transexual transylvania