W H E N

THROUGH THE THICKET, I AM BLINDED. THERE IS NOTHING SAVING ME. I AM DROWNING IN MY OWN FEAR. vent blog for kxxng

[bymessy]

[pexsant]

the numbness always makes me feel better.

[pexsant]

< “ its okay. i deserve this ” >

[pexsant]

[ P r i v a t e ]

< “ IS THIS HOW I TREATED OTHERS? IS THIS THE PROBLEMS OTHERS FACED?

I AM SORRY. I AM SO SORRY... THE MEMORIES ARE COMING BACK.. THE VOICES AS WELL... THEY ARE MINE.. ” >

[pexsant]

< “ I’M SORRY ” >

[pexsant]

< “ THAT IS WHAT THIS IS ABOUT? I AM SORRY I DID NOT INVOLVE YOU, I JUST.

I DO NOT KNOW, THERE WAS NOT ME FORGETTING. I JUST DID NOT THINK TO INVOLVE YOU. I DO NOT KNOW. ” >

[pexsant]

< “ AMI, YOU KNOW YOU WERE NEVER A PET TO ME. YES, I STILL LOVE YOU. I MEAN THAT. YOU KNOW THAT. ” >

[pexsant]

< “ I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO BE SORRY ABOUT. BUT I KNOW THOSE POSTS ARE OF ME. BUT I AM SORRY. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO TO FIX THE ISSUE. ” >

[hahanoui]

[pexsant]

< “ I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO BE SPOKEN TO DIRECTLY THEN. THIS WAY MAKES IT FEEL LIKE YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE SEEN SPEAKING TO ME. ” >

[pexsant]

< “ TELL ME WHAT YOU WISH FOR ME TO DO. SEEK YOU OUT? SPEAK TO YOU AND ENGAGE CONVERSATION? ” >

[pexsant]

< “ NEVER IN A MILLION SWEEPS. ” >

[pexsant]

< “ IT WOULD BE A HARM TO YOUR THINK PAN TO THINK I DO NOT THINK OF YOU STILL. BUT I WISH NOT TO APPEAR SPRUNG ON YOU, AS WE BOTH NEED TO MOVE ON FROM ONE ANOTHER. ” >

[pexsant]

do  not trust me, i can very easily fake how i feel vocally and through text and i will always bottle up my emotions and you will never know because i hate confiding into people in fear of eventual abandoment

[pexsant]

time to drink lmao

[pexsant]

a lot of times when i get stressed i hear my brother in my head going “what do you have to be stressed about” and it makes me so mad lmoa like, sure, i’m not paying taxes or care/house payments or for school so like, what reason do i have to be stressed? i don’t do anything but sit on my ass and do nothing, right? i do absolutely nothing!! what do i have to be stressed about right!! nothing i feel matters or what i do!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[pexsant]

im literally picking my skin off lmao im so stressed