undisclosed desires

Nicole | 22 | Michigan | Panic! at the Disco groupie | Phil Lester told me to give him a hug once

[notahungrywish]

Hear me out: what if Shane was the one who tried to get Ilya to do an open relationship in TLG?

Obviously Ilya tragically attempting to please his bf and keep him happy by telling him to fuck other people is already excellent whumpy goodness BUT

Imagine Shane’s deep insecurity born from knowing he was never enough for Ilya and desperation to compete with all the other women Ilya openly fucked and the shame of knowing he MUST have done something wrong for Ilya to have just ghosted him for so long after they hit it the first time culminating in Shane trying to pretend he’s okay with Ilya sleeping with other people.

Ilya finally realizing how deeply he fucked Shane up by conditioning him to accept that he would never be enough for Ilya. That all his little comments and digs and fuckboy games actually landed and Shane really didn’t understand or believe he’s enough for him. Even though they’re dating and in love. Even though Ilya assumed Shane must at this point know how mind numbingly absurdly ruined him for everyone else good Shane is.

Maybe instead of Shane actually pitching it to Ilya he just casually references the other women he assumes Ilya is still seeing, or makes some comment in bed begging Ilya to tell him he’s his favorite and then apologizes after because “sorry I know that’s needy it was the heat of the moment I know you love me I just get jealous sometimes”.

Just Shane casually assuming he’ll always have to share and never be enough for Ilya and Ilya horrified to realize just how resigned Shane is to assuming Ilya will never be satisfied with him the way Shane is with Ilya.

[notahungrywish]

Great news, I decided to completely abandon my grad school assignments due today, my work project due tomorrow, and all sense and responsibility in order to drop everything and write this. I didn’t have any intention of actually doing it myself but here we are I guess.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/80069411

PLEASE other people write this fic idea, mine is just a one shot done in single sitting because I couldn’t get it out of my head.

[hrgifs]

We haven't had time to see your show yet. It's about hockey, right? Yeah, kind of.

[hrgifs]

I like you. I like you, too.

[unlikelychildchaos]

My headcanon of the day is that Ilya is not used to getting calls from family members unless they need something from him. Nobody ever calls him (maybe apart from Shane) to just simply check up on him. So the first time David calls him on a random day of the week, asks him about his day, hands the phone to Yuna to do the same—Ilya is a little confused as to why these people are just randomly calling him. He even texts David after they've hung up to confirm if they needed something and have just forgotten to mention it. When David texts back "no son we just wanted to check up on you" Ilya sits and stares at that text until he feels his throat close up and there's an odd sting in his eyes.

[queer-sigh]

Ilya would panic seeing his phone light up. That horrible cold feeling of anxiety would twist his stomach. He’d been waiting for this. When someone else in his life would want something from him. He answers and steels his voice as usual, waiting for the request, the demand, the yelling. But the call is pleasant. Kind. It doesn’t stop Ilya’s throat from tightening, his mind from spiraling.

The Hollanders hang up and Ilya’s heart is still racing. There’s got to be some kind of catch. He’d rather know now than live in this horrible, dreadful unknown until the Hollanders tell him what they really want. He texts David.

Did you need something?

Those three cursed little bubbles.

No, son. We just wanted to check up on you.

Ilya reads that text over and over until his vision blurs. No. He will not cry over a text message. His throat is tight, and the anxiety hasn’t completely calmed, because there’s no way. There’s no way this is actually why David Hollander called him.

[unswerving-dysfunctional-loyalty]

[shillanov]

i am constantly thinking about how all ilya wants is shane's attention (and also how he does it in such a dramatic way each time):

despite having sex every week and having a whole roster, ilya consistently texts shane for TWO years. sometimes even being left on read. his DICK PIC got left on read and he wasn't deterred. most persistent booty call ever

ilya's green-eyed monster upon seeing shane at the club with someone else, because it's not him, and his response is to grab a girl directly in shane's eyesight and make out with her while keeping eye contact the WHOLE TIME.

ilya's grumpy reaction when shane gets a text from rose. how dare this woman make his man laugh. even though this man had already rejected this woman for him. he's like "i can't believe y'all had sex" even though 1) ilya.... he's gay and didn't enjoy it 2) you have sex with women every week and actually enjoy vagina you have no basis for this

ilya's petulance when shane spends even a SECOND on the phone with hayden even though they've already been inseparable for days and have two whole weeks together. the man pouts and clingily puts his chin on shane's knee. then he pulls out the most devious trick in the book. just because he could literally not stand a second without shane time.

shane and ilya in the lake. shane is literally doing nothing but sitting on an uncomfortable rock as he watches ilya do handstands. it's giving "mom! look at me!" and ilya still wants more, so he keeps bugging shane ("is this where you do yoga?" "how is the water? let me splash you"), kissing his ankle, and finally being satisfied when shane gives him a little kiss.

and i think my favourite thing is this: once shane gives any indication to ilya that he's in, giving ilya that reassurance to take that leap, ilya doesn't hide how much he wants that attention anymore. no longer pretending that he doesn't give a shit when he's given too many shits all along

[my-2nd-account]

Meanwhile in his opponent's room:

[shanerozy]

shane + ilya's lap

[karmacharmeleon18]

Ilya might be a dog person but he's NOT a golden retriever boyfriend.

Ilya is a cat. Ilya makes eye contact with Shane from across the room and slooowly reaches his hand out to knock his expensive skincare products off the counter. Ilya wants attention and wants it now and who cares if Shane's on the phone with his bff? Ilya will hiss and scratch at anyone who hasn't earned his trust but let Shane pet his belly and boop his nose. Ilya will explode the whole house if Shane doesn't pet his hair the second that he wants him to. Ilya was made in a lab just to annoy Shane and be loved by him more than life itself.

Ilya is a cat.

[mrmnn]

fond

[my-2nd-account]

The difference is that jealous Ilya looks homicidal while jealous Shane looks suicidal

[snap-crackle-cunt]

what shane says: im gay

what shane means: i can never love a woman in any way resembling the way i love you and when i tried she called my shit IMMEDIATELY so what im trying to say is i can't sidestep whatever we are the way you can, i will never ever love anyone but u

what ilya hears: somewhere along the line of our multi-year situationship that began with me immediately sucking ur dick, i have determined that i like men.

what ilya says: ya no fucking shit bro what

[millinerswings]

"I like you" isn't just a stepping stone to "I love you" - it is a distinct narrative beat in its own right.

As the audience, we already know that Ilya loves Shane because we heard him say it in Russian. But we also know that love is not enough - Shane loves Rose but they weren't compatible. Sometimes love isn't enough, for a variety of reasons.

This is why Shane and Ilya are terrified of coming to the cottage. Because we still don't know if they're compatible beyond the incredibly hot sex and psychic level hockey passes. The tuna melt date was nice before Shane crashed out, but that was just one afternoon.

"I like you" is the missing piece in their relationship. I know that I love you and I desire you and we play good hockey together, but do I like you?

The cottage scenes answer: yes. I like playing with you and I like cooking with you and I like talking to you and I like sharing space with you and I like sleeping next to you and I like waking up with you. I like you.

I like you and I love you and I still have no idea how we can possibly make this work but I really want to figure it out.

[eastofshane]

supporting the shane as snoopy agenda

[ilya as woodstock], [ilya as woodstock pt. 2]

[mumble-muse]

the problem with the gay hockey show is that the acting is great, the lighting is great, the music and costuming are great, the care taken is incredible, but you can't recommend it to normal people without sounding like a pervert

[flywingsinajar]

insane pull tonight big fan

[ghostongasoline]

lmao 😭