Milliner's Wings

she/her

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[in-love-with-movies]

Penelope (2006)

[totearup]

One of the things the time jump between Heated Rivalry and Long Game robs us of is seeing the effect coming out to his team has on Shane in real time. And that experience does a lot to inspire his anxiety and responses in TLG.

No one will ever convince me that there's not a connection between Shane coming out to his team, it not going well, and Shane volunteering to start an even more intensely restrictive diet than he was already on, that also punishes his relationship. Just like I will always view Shane's anxiety around Ilya coming out to the Centaurs/his friends as a trauma response based on how badly it went for him.

One of the most heartbreaking parts about Shane's performance diet to me, is how in both My Dinner with Hayden and TLG Shane and Ilya mention how they love to cook together, and it's like a fun couple thing for them. It's a point of connection, something they do together aside from hockey. And, unlike hockey, it's something they don't compete about.

Shane's performance diet robs them of this. There's a scene in TLG where Ilya has done a bunch of research to find a meal they can cook together that fits in Shane's diet. And Shane is delighted by this. But, notably, he puts no effort into finding other recipes they can do this with again. He tells Rose he likes the discipline of his diet, and I don't think he means just in regards to what and where he's eating, I think he also means in his relationship.

There's another major change we see in Shane between books. At the end of Heated Rivalry he's talking fairly optimisticly about both of them coming out to friends.

This is at the cottage. Very soon after they've decided they're in a real relationship. It's hard not to compare this with Shane's sheer panic in TLG when Ilya talks about coming out to Troy - not even about them, just about being bi - and also to the possibility of even meeting the rest of his team.

So, what's happened to Shane in the last three years that makes him go from joking around about coming out to his friends to rabidly controlling his relationship and protecting every small detail of it that he possibly can?

The fucking Voyaguers.

[gaynehollander]

Shane has always been a big napper. When he was young, school really tired him out. So many different people around him for such an extended period of time, expectations of certain behaviour, having to socialise, having to pay attention, having to answer questions, the constant hum of fluorescent lights overhead. He came home exhausted and in need of a nap more often than not. There were also the panics. Sometimes they were big, sometimes they were small, but they usually left him feeling wrung out and he didn't really function well until he'd had a nap after one. Becoming a professional hockey player hasn't changed this, if anything it's made it a useful skill. A little post-practice nap is sometimes just the thing he needs and a pre-game nap can make all the difference to his play. With the constant travelling and endless timezone changes, napping becomes a necessity.

Ilya, however, never quite got the hang of it. He knows a lot of his teammates nap whenever and wherever, falling asleep before games in hotel rooms or resting up on the road, snores filling the team bus or plane, but Ilya can't quite get there. It's probably a remnant from childhood, from not feeling safe enough to let his guard down like that. He can't even imagine what the reaction would have been if his father had come home to find him asleep on the couch. He was certainly quick enough to accuse him of laziness without Ilya handing over additional ammunition for free.

But Ilya loves holding Shane when he naps. He loves how quickly his body grows lax, loves the gradual shift in the depth of his breaths, loves the warmth of his body pressed against him, loves his sleepy little sounds and scrunched little face when he wakes up, loves that Shane trusts him enough to be that vulnerable around him. Shane doesn't really know that Ilya doesn't nap, not with how often Ilya's the one to suggest one, not with the way Ilya makes sure to feign coming out of sleep as soon as he feels Shane shift in his arms in that particular way that suggests he's waking up. He doesn't want to risk Shane feeling like Ilya's doing him a favour with holding him through his naps, doesn't know whether he can admit how much he loves their naps even though they never include Ilya falling asleep. He likes the way things are. He doesn't want to risk it changing.

Eventually it does change though. Not because Shane discovers Ilya's secret of never actually falling asleep but because, a few years into their marriage, Ilya start... actually falling asleep. He never plans to. He loves getting to spend that time resting with Shane while staying alert enough to catalogue his every sleep-muddled sigh, his every shift. He just feels so warm, so full of love, so incredibly safe that one day he just... drifts off. After that it keeps happening. He has Shane in his arms, he's enjoying his breathing, he's loving this moment, he doesn't want to lose consciousness, he wants to stay in it, but his eyelids are drooping. He lets them shut, just for a minute, but then he wakes up to Shane's smiling face, his eyes soft and sleep-warm, his hands gentle as they cradle Ilya's face and run through his curls, and he can't be mad at himself for having missed out on those precious moments if this is what he gets to wake up to. Time is no longer a limited resource. Safety is no longer conditional on remaining alert. He has the rest of his life to enjoy this, to let himself be lulled to sleep by Shane's breathing and waking up to his soft touches. He can let his eyes drift shut and trust that Shane will still be there when he wakes.

[plain-flavoured-english]

As a Greek, in response to the current controversy about Matt Damon being cast as Odysseus, I'd just like to share that one of the moments that changed my brain chemistry as a kid was reading a novelized version of the Odyssey and coming across the following description of Odysseus when Circe sees him for the first time and thinks he's hot: "his hair curled like a clematis and his eyes were very brown".

So may I present my own casting choice for Odysseus:

[plain-flavoured-english]

Excuse me???

[ruffboi-mags]

you are right and you should say it.

[instantduckninja]

Is this the face of a man who would put his own infant in front of a plow to avoid going to war?

Absolutely not

You know who would try that shit?

Is this the face of a man who would defy the very gods to get home to his wife?

You know who would defy the gods just to show he could get away with it?

[fluffmugger]

The last thing Penelope's suitors ever see:

[mayflowersinapril]

A universe grows on my body, where your hand touches me Suddenly the world returns, all that it has taken away

- Mashrou Leila, Radio Romances

[mayflowersinapril]

I'm adding the rest of the song below the cut because it really is quite beautiful and I've been thinking about it a lot.

ربي, نفخ الحب بصدري صعبان علي يا زمان أسامح سنين الحرمان خلاص هوانهم كان زمان يا الي انت حصتي في الدنيا كل عمري قبلك ضاع سدى يا مبرر عمري بالهوا حبيبي حررني من جهلي عوضني سنيني الي فاتتني

My god blow love into my chest It's hard for me, oh time, to forgive the years of deprivation Enough, the days of shame are in the past O you, My share in this world All of my life before you was lost in vain But with your love my existence is justified My love Free me from my ignorance Compensate for the years I have wasted

[wistfulcynic]

there is no heart for me like yours, now complete

Ilya Rozanov has been drafted by Boston, the number one pick overall, but his father doesn't want him moving to America and so takes steps to block his visa. He's going to have to go back to Russia and stay there forever and that, thinks Shane Hollander, is wrong.

It's so wrong that Shane can't stop himself from doing something about it. Even though that something is the most reckless, the only reckless thing he's ever done in his life. He marries Rozanov in secret, to keep him out of Russia and put him on a path to Canadian citizenship.

Shane's got a five-year plan to get him there and when you have a plan nothing can go wrong. Right? Right. When you have a solid plan and a marriage that's on paper only there's no risk of feelings getting involved. Not on Rozanov's part and certainly not on Shane's.

Right???

(or, the story of how Shane Hollander fell in love with his own husband)

LINK

“Look at all of these fucking assholes playing on my team now,” Rozanov crowed as he surveyed the room. “Some of them I really fucking hate.” 

“You’ll get over it,” Hollander said. 

“Somebody will,” Rozanov agreed. “They will also get over hating each other, since they all wanted so fucking badly to be here. They will not hold grudges. There will be no grudge-holding on my team, Hollander.” 

No one seemed quite certain how to respond to that, then a voice from the back of the room piped up. “Rozy, you prick, you plan to say that to our fucking faces or just whine to your husband behind our backs?” 

Rozanov turned a terrifying, delighted grin on the man who’d spoken. Borgen, Jace thought. Defenseman from Vancouver who bore more than a passing resemblance to the Mountain from Game of Thrones. 

“I would always rather speak to my husband than to your fucking face, Borgy,” Rozanov said. “But since you ask, yes.” He clapped his hands together. “Every asshole in this room listen up. And yes, that is all of you.” The grin was gone, in its place a look that every one of them had seen on Roz’s face before, on the ice right before he fucking demolished them. “This team you play for now will be unlike any you have ever been on, and not just because your captains sleep together.” 

Hollander rolled his eyes but he said nothing. Neither did anyone else. Jace glanced around but none of the other players were reacting to Rozanov’s words in any way.  

The scowl that formed on Rozanov's face encompassed them all. “That was a joke, dickheads,” he said sternly. “First rule of being on this team is you all fucking laugh at my jokes. Will not be hard, they are always very funny.” 

“If it helps you can laugh at him not with him,” Hollander said, and that startled genuine laughs from Jace and most of the rest of the team. Rozanov sighed dramatically, but Jace’s keen eye spotted fond amusement in the glance he shot at Hollander. 

“This team will be different,” Roz took up his speech again, “not because Hollander and I fuck but because we do not fuck around. We are the best and we expect you all to meet our very high standards. We have chosen you specifically for reasons that are very clever and calculated and if you want to know what they are please come to me so I can have the pleasure of explaining what goes on inside Hollander’s head. You will regret you ever asked.” 

[millinerswings]

This is one of the best fics in this fandom so if you've been waiting for it to be completed your moment is now here!

This has been such a delight to experience as it came out chapter by chapter. Thank you @wistfulcynic for all the joy that your update emails have brought me over many weeks. 💖💖💖💖💖

[thevioletcaptain]

i fear the dysfunctional executives have locked me in the boardroom

[penandinkprincess]

laughing about the idea of shane who has a vasovagal response to needles because i know in my heart that he would believe in his ability to beat it

he would believe so hard

HE is the master of this situation, and he can BEAT IT

he is MIND OVER MATTERING

he is FOCUSED

he is DETERMINED

he is PASSING OUT IN THE PARKING LOT

[penandinkprincess]

shane comes to, sees The Face and just immediately slides the towel on his head down to cover his eyes

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

THISSSSSSS!!!!!!! curate your own internet experience. block them because they’re allergic to peanut butter, block them because they have what you don’t, block them because they dislike your favorite food, block them because you don’t like their layout, block them because you can.

blocking is NOT a personal attack against someone. it’s you curating your own internet experience and catering for your comfort, and you have every right to do that.

you, yes, you!!! you CANNOT tell other people to censor themselves for your own comfort and personal likings. you CANNOT tell them what they can or can’t post. you CANNOT tell them what they can or can’t write. you CANNOT tell them what they can or can’t draw. BUT you CAN block them for whatever reason.

that block button is offered to you for free. use. it.

[khaleesiofalicante]

gurlsrool read and enjoyed my fic

[gurlsrool]

this is the understatement of the year. “gurlsrool read my fic and it fundamentally changed their brain chemistry” is more accurate

GO READ IT!! It’s like if a 2000s rom com starred a deeply insecure Ilya Rozanov who plays with puppies for a living. Come ON!!

[arahir]

google is truly hilariously useless now. like catastrophically useless. i have it on my phone still and tried to search a fanfic and the ai overview thought i was confessing love to it. tried to search the proper spelling of a a word that meant frustrated and it consoled me about being frustrated. we're literally in idiocracy

[arahir]

just switched to duckduck go again and tried the last 4 searches i did on google and instant and full relief that coursed through my body as the top search return for each one was exactly what i was looking for. good god

[creamsiclemelt]

ik im preaching to the choir rn but my god im tired of people softing the jagged edges of ilya to better accommodate what they find comfortable and appealing. ilya is, canonically, kind of a dick. he likes to mess with shane. he likes to tease out what shane wants and then take what he wants and tangle both of those things up to create a satisfying moment for them both. he's not a puppy whos looking for someone to train him, hes not a rescue dog whos looking for someone to worship

[creamsiclemelt]

ALSO i hate that this kind of thing also then changes shane into something he's not, into someone he's not. he's not looking for a boyfriend who needs shane to tell him how to function. he's not looking to learn how to teach a dog tricks. he's looking for someone who can take charge sexually and also participate equally in emotional vulnerability.

and yes, he's also into the fact that ilya's an asshole. he likes it. he finds ilya's shithousery FUN!

[ozth]

found this three year old draft buried in my files. is it funny? I don't remember

[wispsofwhimsy]

no no you’re on to something don’t leave this in the notes!

[millinerswings]

Some tech companies require their staff to use AI and show leaderboards for how many AI tokens each person has used. In response engineers have coded bots that automatically consume AI tokens performing junk tasks in order to boost their numbers because they don't want to lose their jobs.

And so the AI bubble continues to inflate...

[theconcealedweapon]

[maarvarq]

Always bear in mind that there is absolutely no legitimate evidence that Luigi was actually the one who killed the insurance company guy.

[theconcealedweapon]

Of course he wasn't. He was at a party with me that day.

[tiny-space-whale]

No but like literally, actually. All bits aside.

He didn't do it.

The cops very clearly planted evidence on him because they had to make an arrest because all eyes were on them and whoever actually did the deed was making them look stupid.

Why would the real killer hero have kept the weapon on his person and traveled two states over while carrying it and a manifesto in his bag, conveniently turning the crime into a federal matter? The same guy whose bag they found in a park, filled with monopoly money? Why did the police turn off their bodycams, take Luigi's stuff, drive a block away, turn their bodycams back on, go back into the restaurant, and then arrest him?

From the moment of his arrest, even left-of-center media has been presuming his guilt without examining anything (e.g. calling him "the killer" instead of "alleged" or "accused") and then when I say he didn't do it, the nearest person chimes in with some quip that tells me they think he did do it but should go free anyway. Don't get me wrong, I would have the same attitude if he had done it. But he didn't. It makes me feel like the only sane person in the world, even among my staunchly leftist friends.

[frontmansdefender]

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Big and small henchmen for the villain in one of those secret-life-of-mice movies from the 80s