Phantom Of The Fiction

[bgmoth]

[mishka47]

good enough for today

[phantomofthefiction]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 where's the lie?

[vargesz]

[screnwriter-deactivated20220724]

''there's only one bed.''

''i'll bandage you up.''

''who did this to you?''

''i didn't know where else to go.''

''can you be my date to the wedding?''

''you're my best friend. i've always loved you.''

''shut up.'' ''make me.''

''i would never fall for you.''

''then why did you do it?'' ''BECAUSE I LOVE YOU''

''oh. oh.''

[ouatsqincorrect]

Regina: You're annoying.

Emma: Then stop holding my hand.

Regina: No.

[guilty-as-battery-charged-deact]

The Addams Family renting out rooms in their huge mansion cheaply to broke college students.

The students digging it because the craziness and the bugs are pretty much the same as any other dorm house. Also, Morticia and Gomez treat them all like visiting cousins, not like tenants to abuse and exploit. 

[guilty-as-battery-charged-deact]

One of the tenants is a creative writing major and Gomez and Morticia house them up in the tower because of the quiet and the inspiring view

They’re supposed to be working on a typical coming-of-age story but after living with the Addams for just a week the project is becoming a horror-Gothic-romance

They go to their room after classes one day and find Thing correcting the grammar errors in the manuscript with a red pen 

[specialstarfish]

and yeah, the students pay roughly market value for their rooms, but that doesn’t stop gomez from shouting “capital idea!” and handing them wads of cash when they tell him about their weekend plans or what they’re researching, so they basically end up living there for free

[gholateg]

In the same vein, half the them have to turn into exceptional fencers, because Gomez just doesn’t give a shit, and if he sees you in the library, its fucking Sword Fighting Time. 

Fester and Pugsley find out one of the college students is trying to get into chemistry and woo boy, there has never been a faster study of how to counter various acidic chemical reactions due to “water” balloons in campus history. 

Morticia and Grammy are keeping the horticulturalists on their toes with their Black Tulip/Rose hybrids, which can flick their barbs a foot away from their stem system. But it’s fine, one of the kids has managed to breed Aloe with the anti venom. 

Lurch makes sandwiches for everyone who’s too much of a coward for Grammy’s cooking. Any music major will find him looming over them, utterly stone faced as they practise until they finish, when he’ll smile, and slowly applaud. 

And the spookiest thing of all

Wednesday and Thing will find your thesis. They will critique it in every way imaginable. 

There is no escape. 

[aardvarkingmad]

I especially love the idea of Gomez spotting a student in the library, throwing a sword at a startled student, shouting, “En garde!” and lunging at him/her with a sword of his own.

Student (later in life), when asked how she jumps from quietly doing research to handling a sudden influx of ER cases so quickly and easily, says, “When you have to snap out of deep concentration on biochem to fight for your life then get back to biochem without losing your train of thought…you learn or you die.”

[soap-stains]

This has made me laugh so hard-

[tinygiantrobotsinouterspace]

And you know how chatty Gomez is when he fights, he’d probably help more students work through creative blocks via swordplay than any education counselor in a stuffy little office.

[breelandwalker]

Gomez Addams as the embodiment of the Rubber Duck Method for struggling students via surprise swordplay is directly on brand.

And I firmly believe that long-term residents who finish their degrees suddenly, mysteriously, find that their student loans have been paid off. The family attends every single graduation ceremony and claps and cheers for “their” students as boisterously as any parent. They make a particular point of doing so for the ones who have no other family in attendance.

[villainous-queer-deactivated202]

do u ever want something so bad that you can’t even write wish-fulfillment about it u just. cry. instead.

[swindle94]

I fucking CRY everytime I read these. Out of the good feels.

[pyreflydust]

Saying “I’m back on my bullshit” is funnier when you cycle through hyperfixations at random intervals because no one knows what bullshit you’re talking about unless you’ve made it obvious before or while saying it.

[pyreflydust]

To be back on your bullshit you need to be off your bullshit ever. But I’m over here jumping from bullshit to bullshit like I’m playing some kind of platforming game. The only times I’m not on my bullshit are when I’ve fallen off the platforms and can’t get out of the lava to get back on my bullshit.

[anxietyproblem]

[low-shear-velocity-province]

It's very easy to say that magic doesn't exist, but ultimately computers work by channeling lightning through a series of crystals, so who's really to say.

[tigerkid14]

"It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works."

Terry Pratchett, 'The Wee Free Men'

[my-nameis-jasper-deactivated202]

I asked my kids if they’d prefer a secret garden or a secret library and my son shook his head and was like “I don’t trust the secret gardeners and librarians”

[my-nameis-jasper-deactivated202]

Me: what if there aren’t any gardeners or librarians.

Son: there’s always a librarian. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. And it’s a garden, there has to be someone taking care of it or it isn’t really a garden.

Me:

Me: this was supposed to be lighthearted

[my-nameis-jasper-deactivated202]

Daughter: don’t trust the secret librarian.

Son: any librarian who hoards a library to themselves is hiding something.

Daughter: /nods seriously/

Me: why are you two talking as if from experience should I be concerned

[skiplo-wave]

The kids are right Jazz

[supreme-leader-stoat]

But what if I want to be the secret librarian?

[my-nameis-jasper-deactivated202]

Me: what if you were the secret librarian?

Son: wouldn’t be a secret library. I have nothing to hide.

Daughter: so not a secret librarian. A good librarian.

Me: you two are on a wavelength I can’t understand

[brawltogethernow]

What a way to find out your kids went on a whole-ass portal fantasy adventure at some point.

[oviids]

i’m screaming Xena caused the Ides of March

[lilydvoratrelundar]

[lemonsharks]

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

[sighinastorm]

I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.

[therinde-dreams]

My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT

[idhren]

She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar

[rowark]

(X)

[iredreamer]

Abigail, Abigail, Abigail… The World to Come (2020) Mona Fastvold

[elementilda]

Imagine being the writers who messed up a story this perfect.

[non-binary-laurie-strode]

You’ve been hit by 🔪

You’ve been struck by 🔪

A Roman Senator 🔪🔪🔪