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@phillipwalsh
It just..if you be positive all the time, youāre sort of being in denial. You just need to embrace it and feel how you gotta feel so if that means you gotta be negative, then be negative.
Okay, that sounds pretty smart. I promise you I'm not desperately trying to be one thing or the other, I'm just... trying to go on, is all.
If you need to be negative, then be negative. In fact, I insist on it. Sometimes itās healthy to be. Donāt mention it Phillip.
You insist on me being negative? Now that's something I haven't heard before.
"Just black it is. Yeah, I picked some up this morning so theyāre still pretty fresh. Thanks, sometimes Iām sure Iām a lot more old than I actually am.Ā
"I don't think there's anything bad with being old as long as it means muffins. I would love to take one of them."
"I can introduce you to some if you want to. One of them is the roof of the shop, after hours, itās silent and you can see everyone from up there, but it also has a nice view of the stars when the sky is clear. Itās quite nice. Have you ever tried camping? Donāt worry about it, you will."
"The roof? Really? I have to say that sounds quite impressing to me, I would love to see that some time. And camping... no, can't say I have. I grew up in a trailer, but that's it."
"Well, I came to find that there are some pretty good places for being left alone here in North End, but thatās just because I never really cared to be in the companionship of other people, but right now it seems more needed than ever. You just have to do your thing, Phillip, one day this will all just be a fucking bad dream."
"You should show me some of those places, because I could really use a place to hide at the moment. It seems that's not possible anywhere I'm heading all the time. Thanks, I'm trying that. Just waiting for myself to wake up."
"Coffee it is. Milk? No milk? We uh have some muffins and stuff too. I went a little overboard. Iām like a grandma."
"Just black, thank you. I need as much of an energy boost as I can get. Muffins? You know, that does sound appealing. And not at all like you're a grandma."
Thatās a good attitude to have Phillip and of course, like I said before, Iām here for you and Iām sure others will be here for you too.
I hope it's going to hold up, because right now I have no clue how long I can stay this... positive. But yes, I know. Thank you.
"Blame them? No, youāre right, we canāt, however, we can run away from them and spend five minutes alone, which is another thing people are not doingā itās like theyāre walking in pairs all over town. Thatās good, then, right? Youāre already back to work? Thatās a good way to distract the mind.ā
"You're right about that... I didn't see anyone alone for a long time. It's probably because of all the destroyed places and whatnot. I mean, I haven't been alone in forever either. Yeah, that's good. I hope that's good. I'm just trying to focus right now."
Thatās very nice to hear, thank you, Phillip. It justā¦it just takes time. You just need time. Maybe youāll get to a point whereā¦doing something or saying something will make you feel better.
I hope you're right. I wish it wouldn't take time, but... I know that everyone always says time heals wounds, so I will try my best to live with that for now. Just breathe and move on as best as I can.
"I guess that I can rather okay with that, not talking about the storm will be nice right nowā I feel itās all Iāve talked about the last few days. Did the Apollo stand up well? No damage done, I hope."
"Nobody has another conversation topic-- can't blame them, but I wish I could. Apollo is okay. Minor things that have to be fixed, but it'll be good to go in no time."
"I have an idea or two. You donāt have to talk, Phillip, because I donāt know much how to comfort a people, actually I donāt think I ever do it, but Iām a good listener, if you feel like it." She shrugged a bit, refilling his glass. "Come on big guy, bottomās up."
"I don't want to talk, so we're good. We can just drink and talk about everything that doesn't have to do with... this. Thank you-- and cheers to that."
Of course, Iāll be here as long as you need me and Iāll be your friend as long as you want me to be. I know you will, but still, if the road to recovery can be shortened somehow, I want to help.
You're a pretty good friend, so you can rest assured that I'll want you to be my friend as long as possible. I don't really know how recovery works, Helena. I never lost someone because they... died.
Hold Back The River | Open
TReagan tried to think of how to answer his question as she led him back to her apartment. She hadnāt realized how much she was shaking until they got inside. Her head was pounding and she silently let him upstairs and pulled off her scarf as they stepped inside. She immediately went towards the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of vodka and set it down on the table before she lifted herself up on the counter, her favorite spot to sit when she would watch Audrey make magic in her kitchen. She twisted the cap off of the bottle of vodka and winced as she took a few sips. āUgh fuck, that is gross,ā she commented before she too another sip and held it out for Phillip. āSierra said they found her under the debris of inHale. The whole building collapsed and fucking Audrey..she was supposed to be with meā¦ā She sighed and shook her head as she wiped the tears from her face and grabbed a towel to blow her nose in. āThis is allā¦fucked.ā
Phillip followed Reagan into her kitchen, where he leaned against the table and inhaled a deep breath. It was as if he was painfully aware of the shadows of Audrey's presence in here-- just because he knew that she must have been here before. So the bottle of vodka Reagan offered him was very much welcome, no matter how strong and disgusting, to numb the pain in his chest. "Fuck", he mumbled as a very vivid image formed in front of his eyes of Audrey being buried by a collapsed building. Not exactly an imagination he ever wanted to have. "Fuck, she could have at least... she could have at least died peacefully", he whispered against the bottle, before he took another quite big gulp, only then handing it back to Reagan. "Yeah, right. This is fucked. Extremely fucked."
I didnāt even knowā¦wow. Iām so sorry Phillipā¦if thereās anything I can ever do to helpā¦whether itās lend an ear or whatever, please, just let me know, alright? Iām here for you.
Yes, thank you. I'm glad you're still here, at least. And my friend. But I'll be fine, sooner or later.
"Of course Iām right, Iām the queen of no feelings, weāll get you nice and numb, okay? Donāt ever go slow."
"You have no idea how good this sounds to me right now."
"Uh, I think I may have her number here somewhere, hold on. You sure you donāt want coffee or anything?"
"A coffee would be great, actually. I could need one very much, thanks."
Audreyā¦Hale? Oh no, thatās awful! Iām sorry Phillip, she was such a sweet and wonderful girl.
Yeah, Audrey Hale. It is... awful. More than that. But I guess I'll have to deal with it somehow.
