So we made it to Melbourne. Jet lagged. 13.5 hours is a long time anywhere nevermind in a long metal tube with nowhere to go. We got the FAPAS bus from the airport which stops in Brighton. We were staying with my Godfather, Doog/Paul/Roker, his wife Kathy and 3 boys Jack, Sam and Tom. It was so nice to recover from the jet lag with familiar faces and some luxury, I can't imagine getting over it in a hostel. We got off at the wrong bus stop and Manph managed to buy us our first pint in the time we had to wait, which we then had to down, this probably didn't help the jet lag. We tried to stay awake as long as possible but gave in to a power nap after lunch - the Spanish have the right idea. When we finally woke up, we had a tour of Brighton, the suburb our hosts live. Picture desperate housewives and you're there. Ladies who lunch, 4x4s, boutiques, mid-morning Pilates classes after dropping little Lachie off at school and yacht clubs. We would embrace the lazy lunches and coffee shops but Manph is still to be persuaded on the Pilates. It was a great base for us to have in Melbourne and we were looking forward to entertaining/looking after the 3 boys for 2 weeks - the parenting qualification began here. We headed into the centre and we visited the information point in Fed square. In typical fashion, we stocked up on tourist leaflets determined to fit as much of Melbourne in as possible. Everyone was really friendly, literally everyone. We went for a beer and a burger followed by a coffee and to satisfy Manph's need for itineraries we began planning. We wrote down everything we could do, how long it would take and how much; ending up with an action packed 2 weeks of early mornings and late nights. Truth be told we struck most things off the list in favour of lie-ins, spending time with our hosts and doing what we actually wanted to. Here's a list of some of the things we did in Melbourne: MCG Tour/National Sports Museum Sporting fan or not - visit the Melbourne Cricket Ground. For around $24 (c.£12 - half it) you get a tour of the impressive and iconic 100,000 seater stadium. All of the guides are members of the Melbourne Cricket Club (which currently has a 40 year waiting list) and are really knowledgeable, fun and friendly - even when England have just won the Ashes. You also get into the National Sports Museum which focuses mainly on Cricket and Aussie Rules but looks at all sports that have been played there. The highlight is the interactive zone where we learned Manph can't kick a 'Footy', she is marginally better than me at Netball, I need to take up Cricket and we're both terrible at Archery. Aussie Rules (Footy) Game If you're in Melbourne in late autumn through to early spring go and see an Aussie Rules game. Our hosts are massive Western Bulldogs fans and they made the Grand Finals, which were due to be played during our stay. They normally play at the Etihad Stadium but thankfully for us the AFL made them play it at the MCG. We got dressed up in our borrowers jerseys, scarfs, bobble hats and barracked for the Doggies. The ground was only just half full but the atmosphere was amazing (in a different way to 'Soccer'). Unfortunately the lady sitting behind us,squealing 'Go Crows' after every point wasn't too pleasant and the score line didn't go our way (as is the case with all teams I support). The Adelaide Crows beat the Doggies 14.18 (102) 16.18 (109). Even if you don't have a clue what is going on, it's a really exciting game, more so than any other sport I've watched I think and you might be lucky enough to see someone take a 'Speccy' or get 100 goals in a season (everyone runs on the pitch to celebrate with them apparently). Shrine of Remembrance - obligatory tourist activity We went to the shrine first, it is free to get in. The building is impressive and the views from the top are great. The museum in the foundations of the shrine is excellent. It documents Australia's military history, particularly their involvement in the two World Wars. It was good to pay our respects and understand this but it also made us appreciate how easy our journey was over here as opposed to the young men doing it on a boat in the early 20th Century. Botanical Gardens We had a lovely day (one of few) to visit the botanical gardens and it was such a nice place to walk around especially so close to the city centre. I think we were a bit early to visit as not much was in bloom so there were few colours apart from luscious green. In the height of summer I would probably pay for the aboriginal tour of the gardens. It's really interesting and varied when you walk around as well, if you're into that. Victoria Market It was early spring when we visited Melbourne so it wasn't very busy and some of the tourist attractions hadn't yet opened including the night market. We went along to have a look around and it was typically a market - probably worth a trip during the summer when it is open in the evening. Coffee I hope you like coffee...if you do drink as much as you can, even if you don't, do! There is a real coffee culture in Melbourne, they take it really seriously. I wouldn't claim one coffee was better than the other but all the cafes have different vibes and feels, so try as many as you can. Some of cafes we liked were: Balmains - Brighton Brighton soul espresso - Brighton Dukes - Melbourne cbd Degraves espresso - Melbourne cbd Auctions Doog told us over breakfast that houses in Melbourne are sold by auction in their gardens or around the pool. With so much space the houses are massive and many people knock down old houses and rebuild bigger, more modern abodes on the plot. Later that day, a modest bungalow was going to auction just off Brighton's Main Street so we went along hoping not to be the only people there. We weren't. There must have been at least 50 people in the small garden. The estate agent began his pitch, which was like a modern Australian version of an Ancient Greek political speech - minus the Toga, more theatrical than we expected. The asking price was $1.5m (c. £750k), we didn't think it was worth that and alas, no one bid. Don't scratch your nose either, an expensive snot. There are loads of auctions, which are in the weekend papers, so find one nearby and don't feel awkward to attend - a great cultural experience. Melbourne show The first big event of the summer began on our last day, the Melbourne Show. Essentially Melbourne's version of an old country show. We were recruited to chaperone the boys around the event, particularly the Showbag Pavilion. To be honest, it was a rip off to get in - $38 per person - but looking past that it was a great day, despite more rain. There were hundreds of stalls ranging from food and drink to furniture and mattresses. There were lots of animals and fairground rides; it was like an English country show on Australia's finest steroids. We found ourselves in the woodchopping barn, I had been excited by this as soon as I saw it on the map. My excitement was reaching fever pitch (there is a joke in there somewhere about nearly having wood) as I entered and pretty ladies handed out Nivea moisturiser samples. We settled in for the axe throwing contest which an American competitor won with 3/3 bullseye's. We were told the history of woodchopping, the preffered stance, the use of Dunlop Volleys. Manph wanted a coffee with 10 minutes to go until the scheduled chop-off time, I obliged as I wanted to try as many coffees as possible. As we left the compère/referee was asking competitors if they were ready, they were ... but Manph was ready for a drink. She thought it was a ploy to make sure people wouldn't leave the tent (why would they?). As we returned, Algeria's blind entrant was finishing chopping his wood, we had missed it and I would never look at Manph in the same way. To make up for it Sam and I went on a ride. It always adds to the experience knowing the man with the bong eye who lets you on the ride has also built it and is responsible for its maintenance. We survived and it was fun. We then went to the Showbag Pavilion. Basically all of the major sweet ('lollies') brands produce a bag for the show which is great value. The boys spent days researching which bags they wanted and we walked around the room 3 times checking they had picked well. Manph and I came away with a couple of bags too. (The Melbourne Fringe - similar to Edinburgh's - was about to start as we left. There was loads going on and we would have definitely got involved in this if we had stayed) Ackland Street (St. Kilda)/Brunswick Street (Fitzroy)/Lygon Street (Carlton) All of the suburbs in Melbourne have their own character so I recommend just walking around and discovering them. St. Kilda was the closest to Brighton so we spent a bit of time here. Ackland and Chapel Street are both cool with lots of bars and cafes on. The cake displays are impressive in the windows. A couple of friends had stayed here last year and loved it, again I think it was out of season so was quite quiet. We found a good pub quiz and pie night at Big Mouth and although we won the wooden spoon we had fun - pommies don't expect to win Australian quizzes. Brunswick Street/Lygon Street are on the other side of town. We got off the tram at Brunswick Street right outside 'Naked for Satan', a bar we had been recommended by Manph's friend. It specialised in vodka and had a rooftop terrace with great views, the cocktails were good too. Brunswick had lots of charity shops and was quite quirky and hipster. We then went to Lygon Street for dinner as it specialises in Italian. We went early and as it was quiet all of the restaurants were empty. The waiters were touting for business and we managed to get our drinks and a starter for free, which is always a good thing. In the summer, both streets would have a great feel. Lorne (Great Ocean Road) Doog and Kathy have recently finished building a beach house in Lorne, a little town 2 hours drive from Melbourne. The drive was great with some amazing views. We arrived in Lorne and the house didn't disappoint either. We were only there for a night but we went for a walk into the forest where we were assured we would see a koala and maybe a wallaby. Getting up early, the walk was refreshing but Sod's law we saw no koalas or wallabies. However, on our walk to lunch Kathy spotted one near the house - they must teach koala spotting at school in Aus. Later that day, we took the paddle and boogie boards to the ocean and had a swim. It was freezing. Doog showed me how to paddle board, I did well mostly because I didn't want to fall in. I tried to ride a wave back in but eventually fell off. Manph and I tried boogie boarding, Manph lasted about 10 minutes whilst I refused to give up. Doog was determined to get me to catch a wave, I was about to accept defeat when I did it! It was a brilliant feeling. We drove back that night and both really enjoyed catching up with Doog, he had us in stitches with some of his tales - everyone loves a poo story. Getting around Melbourne is one of the easiest cities when it comes to getting around. The city centre is a compact rectangle which is easy to walk and they also offer free trams in this zone. All of the attractions are in this area or 10 minutes walk from it. As we were staying in Brighton, we bought two myki cards for $14 each and topped up $30 each week for unimited travel. I'm not sure we used the trains and trams enough to make it value for money but it was good not having to think about paying for each journey or topping up. The trams and trains are really reliable. However, the fines for not using your Myki can be quite hefty and we got checked a couple of times a week by the transport officers - who can only be described as CIA style parking attendants. Melbourne is really flat so walking and cycling are great. They have their version of Boris bikes which we used once and were cheap. Things we didn't do - but looked decent: Eureka Tower The Gaol River Cruise The Zoo (much to Manph's disappointment) Sea life centre Carlton brewhouse National gallery
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