I Hate Kids slash j

I’m an adult. This is an alt of @/pan-fried-autism. Minors DNI

[pichupotatoes]

look if you SOMEHOW got here from my main account dont go Makin a public spectacle ok?

Anyway, I’m Pichu, I’m an adult, this is where I go to be extremely Randy. she/they + any but it, connoisseur of the strange and unusual. I draw heretical dramatical horny stuff here. Don’t be surprised if you see monster related stuff, I’m a terato girly lol

[incognitopolls]

If a friend asked you to send them nudes, would you?

Yes, with some conditions or after asking some questions

Yes, no questions asked/unconditionally

No

Not applicable (I'm always nude/don't have friends/show results)

Voting ended onApr 1

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

[theehorsepusssy]

[pichupotatoes]

NSFW ALPHABET WITH SWAP!GREM. Template by @/the-coldest-goodbye

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Clingy and affectionate. Wants comfort and cuddles from Nik.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) They arent really sure what their favourite part of their own body is, but they really like Nik's eyes.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Like his regular counterpart he likes it RAW

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Sometimes they think about purposefully biting Nik's dickolai lol

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) He wasnt very experienced before marrying Nikolai, but he knew what he didn't like.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) They like being on top for personal reasons, but bottoms when they and Nik are (REDACTED)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) For the most part, he's pretty serious.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Basically the same as their normal counterpart.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Also the same as his normal counterpart.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) They actually have trouble masturbating without the use of toys.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) He's a little into breeding, but he also likes when Nikolai praises him during.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) The bedroom

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Same as his normal counterpart, with the addition of PROCREATION!!!!!!!

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) They have difficulty being fingered for very long, don't like being restrained, and if you touch their scruff at all, they're completely taken out of the mood.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) While he loves both giving and receiving, he prefer when Nikolai exclusively uses his mouth.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Medium-slow to medium-fast.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Not actually very into quickies, unless its like a handjob/quick oral.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Though they're not as up for experimentation, they're a lot more up for risk cuz they almost exclusively do things raw with Nik lol

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) same as his normal counterpart.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) They own the Hitachi Mini and a vibrator, as well as a strap on.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) He doesnt tease sowwy

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) They can be pretty loud, but they actually try to be quiet. Mewling, yowling, moaning, all that good stuff.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) When he was He lost his virginity under the football bleachers in senior year. 2/10 experience.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) Basically the same as their normal counterpart, although sometime after they hits 44 you're gonna find hysterectomy scars.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Mood dependent-- anywhere from absolute 0 to medium high.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) Also the same as his normal counterpart.

[pichupotatoes]

if you unironically draw blowjob face I can’t respect you as a porn artist ngl

[zygon-commander]

The censored version of super graphic ultra modern girl that plays at my workplace is actually superior because they censor the word “fugly” so Chappell just goes “He was wearing these……. Jeans.” and it sounds way more devastating

[irisunmuted]

"okay ❤️ yay ❤️" remains an unmatched response

[pichupotatoes]

musings about my personal life below becayse I have no idea where else to put it

with the sparse amount of times I’ve used the dildo I bought, I’ve come to the conclusion that FUUUUCK WHY CANT I HAVE SOMEONE WITH ME TO HELP OR WHATEVER!!!

Like I find it difficult to get even the tip in and my ass bought a SMALL SIZE. idk if it’s cuz I don’t prepare myself properly, but tbh I have trouble getting two fingers in anyway 😭 and then when I’m putting it in and I feel the slightest uncomfortable sensation I get too scared to do much

idk I wish I had someone at least kinda experience with me to help me out with that

[homunculus-argument]

Hey people who have several pets, with obvious differences in intelligence levels: How did you figure out that one of them is smarter than the other? What do they do?

[mikkeneko]

There are a lot of things that lead me to think my elder cat is unusually intelligent compared to other felis domesticus I have known (understands pointing, can open every door and cabinet in the house except the ones with round knobs or that I added child locks to, understands enough English to know from a phone conversation that a stranger is coming to the house) but in terms of specifically comparing one to the other, there was The Case Of The Mousey Puzzle Box.

When we got our younger cat Skadi, her favorite toy was (still is, but she's calmed down with age) the rattley mouse. She would bring the mouse to be thrown for fetch so many times that not even two human adults in the house could keep up with her. So my partner started making puzzle boxes to put the rattley mouse in that would occupy her for longer.

So, we have a setup: mouse is in the puzzle box, puzzle box is on the floor, younger cat is trying to resolve the puzzle box, elder cat is sitting on the cat tree observing all this. Skadi spends about fifteen minutes trying and failing to get the mouse out of the box. She sticks her paw into the holes. She sticks her nose into the holes. She pushes the box to and fro on the carpet. She meows beseechingly for a human to come solve the problem. Sticks her paws into the holes again.

Finally, she gives up on the puzzle box and wanders over to see if there's any food to be had. As soon as she walks away the elder cat gets up from the cat tree, big stretch, jumps down, walks over to the puzzle box, hooks a paw under the edge and flips the whole thing over, spilling the mouse onto the floor.

Gives the younger cat a look of utter disgust as if to say "That's all you had to do!" and then walks away, utterly uninterested in actually playing with the toy.

[bisexualbaker]

Older cat just subjected to fifteen minutes worth of those horrible mobile game ads where the player is failing really badly to make you want to play.

[only-tiktoks]

[fieldbears]

Sharing the secrets of your hearth with strangers who will never be able to meet or thank you. Honoring the dead through learning their traditions of the home; emulation and exaltation. A good carrot cake.

[poeticnorth]

Me: *playing FF8 and come across a save point*

My cat, Miss Molly:

[cosmos-kitty]

Working on a new set of stamp designs and these are the first two illustrations, this one will be themed around snakes and berries 🐍

Western Glossy Snake + Blackberries White-lipped Tree Viper + Cloudberries

[furbasement]

Art: Beau

[were--ralph]

imagine fisting a clown then pulling a line of handkerchiefs out

[were--ralph]

you press his prostate and it honks

[maylilithreign]

learning how to perform cunnilingus by licking cream cheese frosting off of cling wrap

[thickness-protection-program]

Ok what if I wanna learn but don't like cream cheese

[jaevle]

pussy

[thickness-protection-program]

Wait fr?

[blackandwhiteboysandmen]

[cybermannete]

I know I requested something already with Teddy but I thought of something maybe interesting with Freddy our beloved Yeti~🥰 At this point you can see I love big men, muscular or fat or both I don't mind😏. Point is, it's that my boy doesn't get enough love so if could help with a scenario please?

Both Freddy and reader have not been subtle with what they want. They have been shameless flirting with eachother for a while getting more and more sensual each time and with light yet knowing touchs. And this time it was about to hit the breaking point as Freddy gets close about to kiss them but is gets interrupted by Bev and Koa as Bev needs help with something. Frustrated on both end by being 'cock-blocked' but Freddy puts on a smile and goes to help them. Telling reader that's they'll finishing talk tomorrow or later and before he fully leaves reader decides they teasingly lick the popsicle she was eating while they were talking early with a knowing look. Making him flush and growl softly and looking at her with a feral grin as she knows she's in trouble next time.

When it happens, it's not super fast, but there no point in beating around the bush of what they want. It passionate, loving, soft Dom- Freddy, not a brat but definitely teases an regrets it later- reader, multiple creampies or just multiple orgasm in general, growls and biting [giving and receiving because I know he would definitely be into that~🥰😏], like soft degradation but it's more of playfully then anything, a little on the more feral side of things but still in control...or trying to be~.

But in the end it's very cuddle and sweet, peppered kisses, after care and sweet nothings in their ears and just cuddled into his chest or being spooned.

Again you don't have to do this I know I did an ask already but I loved how you wright these characters and I needed more. Your amazing and keep up the amazing work an take break when you can, ok~

here we go :)

contains: build up to smut, teasing, yearning, constantly getting interrupted, a lot of build up tension, made this nice and long for you anon <3

im also going through grief because my most recent DE session, mitchell linn REJECTED me even though we shared a beautiful passionate night together. FUCK that guy

"I'm just sayin', there's no shame in ordering food in." Freddy spoke to you as you sat on the edge of the counter, listening in on Freddy talking. Luckily with the heatwave outside, Freddy's ice cold hulking form provided you some kind of nice cool breeze. "Sometimes we have those days where you just don't wanna get up and make somethin'!"

You sigh, a popsicle in your hands. A blue raspberry flavored one. "Yeah, but I feel bad for spending almost twenty bucks on it.. a lot of it goes to the tip. Which of course, I'm not not gonna tip someone. That's their entire income." You explain, your lips wrapping around the icy treat as the flavor hit your tongue.

Freddy hummed, patting your back. You noticed how his clawed hands lingered on your lower back, where your tank top ever so slightly raised above the waistband of your shorts. Right where your skin was. You breathe a sigh and gaze up at him as your lips stay latched on the popsicle. Freddy noticed, of course. how couldn't he? Your pretty lips working on the tip of that popsicle, the little suckling noises leaving you. It. Was. Perfect to him. He tried not to growl deep in his chest. But he let a friendly smile come on his lips as he rubbed your back. "Well, if you ever feel like hungry, you know Freddy'll take care of ya, yeah?" He chuckled a bit. You noticed that teasing glint in his eyes.

Your eager eyes meet his, and you didn't fight against the smirk that came on your lips. "I know you will." You breathe, your voice lowering a bit. "You always know just what I need.."

Freddy chuckled, his chuckle slowly droning into a groan that settled in the back of his throat. "And all I really need.. is you." He murmured, leaning over you on the counter. His whole thigh could easily burrow in between your legs. If there is a God you were thanking him for your size kink. He leaned in, his ice cold breath hitting your face as you leaned in with him as well.. A good makeout session on the counter? Oh.. hell yeah. You close your eyes, and then-

"Freddy!" Bev's voice rang through the kitchen, causing you and Freddy to pull apart with a startled gasp from the both of you. Your face was red, and Freddy's face contorted with politeness.. with just a hint of frustration in his grimaced smile.

"Hey, Bev. Everythin' alright?" Freddy asked, doing his best to stay contained and trying not to ask Bev to leave you two alone so he could bend your pretty ass over the counter and-

"I ran outta lemons and limes for my drinks.. mind giving me a hand with that?" Bev asked with a soft smile. Bev was a sweetheart, and you couldn't get mad at her for cockblocking.

Freddy looked at you, before looking over to Bev. He gave a toothy smile, "Absolutely, Bev. Be there in a second." Bev gave him a smile a thumbs up, making her way back over to her little bar area. Freddy took a deep breath and turned back to look at you perched on the counter. You were so perfect, it hurt him. "You don't mind if I go help Bev, right?"

You shook your head, giving a sweet smile. "I don't mind at all." You say, sitting up a bit as you took another lick of your popsicle, totally not on purpose to try and distract him. And it was working. Freddy's eyes lost some of that warm kindness, and was now replaced with a hunger that would not go away. Like some kind of animal in heat.

Freddy finally growls, and damn did it send a sweet hot wave down to in between your legs. He leans in and whispers to you. ".. You're getting it later." He chuckles, pressing a light kiss to your lips before backing away from the counter and heading over to where Bev's bar was. You were in so much trouble..

"F-Fuckk.. ohhh.." Freddy groaned, filling you to the brim with his hot load for the third time that nice. You shuddered, your arms draped lazily over his shoulders as your entire body was on the verge of collapse. Luckily, his strong arms held you up.

When Freddy wanted you, he wasted no time in getting you. With a throbbing cock and deep rumbles in his chest, he manhandled you but managed to stay so sweet and gentle. But the way he fucked you was just disrespectful.

Pushed up against the edge of the counter, one of your legs hooked around his hips, keeping him locked in deep inside of you. He felt like he could cum just from shoving himself inside. No matter how many times you two would fuck, you will never really fully adjust to his size. And he will never fully adjust to just how small you were against him.

"Not.. not enough.." He hissed. "Not enough.." He grabs your hips, going back to his pistoning of his form, allowing himself to fuck the cum back into you. Every drop he wanted inside of you. Even if it he had to plug you full himself, that cum was staying in you. No exceptions. He could tell just how tired you were, yet you managed to stay levelheaded enough to sink your teeth into the cold flesh of his shoulder, which made him growl and lightly shake. "Yeah, you wanna bite me?" He asked, before he retaliated with a harsh bite into your own shoulder. A squeal and a babble left your throat, the burning pain turning into bubbling pleasure that added onto the impending orgasm of yours.

"Look at you, a little pathetic whimpering mess under me.." He chuckled, pushing up your thighs to hold your legs above your leg. Your legs were numb. Honestly? Your entire body was numb.. Your eyes couldn't stay open, and you sure as hell could not keep your mouth shut with moans and babbling. How could you with a massive cock destroying your insides? "I'm gonna cum again, can you handle one more for me?" He asked softly to you, his head lightly cocked to the side. "Please?"

Did you nod? You couldn't remember. Nor did you keep track.

Freddy shut his eyes, his cock twitching again on the inside of your gummy walls. He trembled, his groans growing into growls and snarls. He had to grab something- He mentally apologized to Cabrizzio.. His hands reached up above his head where the cabinets were, and his claws dug into the wood of the counter as his orgasm tore his body apart. He shut his eyes tight, more snarls leaving his mouth as you were filled once more..

"... I think you need new cabinets.."