this is no ordinary lamp

this blog is not about aladdin it only has an aladdin cover because it's from when i was obsessed with aladdin and i'm too lazy to change it now

[pickypickypeak]

i’m changing my nick and icon here on tumblr soon. because i’m tired of them lol. shout out to 2019 me for being such an aladdin truther

[pickypickypeak]

while there are reasonable things to complain about in the new Odyssey movie, a lot of what I'm seeing online just feels like a rehash of when the live-action Little Mermaid came out, when everyone was fine with a cast full of white British and American actors but suddenly want to raise a fuss when there's a person of color. Even though

a) Black people have always existed in more places than people seem to think they do

b) Ariel was part of a fantasy species of half-fish people and Helen was a demigod who came from an egg because Zeus fathered her while turned into a swan, so I would say realism is a less of a concern with those particular characters than the rest of the cast who were also not Danes or Greek but didn't draw the same amount of backlash

long post incoming i fear.

i haven’t seen the movie yet, but it’s both funny and depressing to me that people online are growing increasingly comfortable with saying stuff (online! that everyone can read!) that sounds like “i have such a strong opinion about this piece of media i genuinely never engaged with until i had to complain about poc in it”. like literally no offense but the moment you start complaining loudly about black helen in the odyssey because it “makes no sense” or because it’s “historically inaccurate” is the moment i know you know nothing about the odyssey lol. she’s BARELY in it. if you knew roughly what the odyssey is about your immediate reaction to the casting news should have been “i’m surprised nolan even put helen in the movie”. not “this will ruin the movie” because you would know she’s barely in the text. and as it turns out, she’s barely in the movie as well. who knew. like even if it ACTUALLY was this apocalyptic catastrophe of a casting choice, in which world would it be worth the controversy given how little she appears? you genuinely want to convince me that a 3 hour movie can be ruined by an actress who’s there for 2 minutes and this is the most important thing ever? because those are comments i genuinely saw. i saw people claiming the whole film was gonna suck because of this single thing. do you want me to believe that all of them are classicists or people who are passionate about the odyssey? and not just trolls? okay let’s buy that they are complaining about the historical inaccuracies (which they had to look up because they genuinely didn’t know who helen was before the other day, nor if she was real or from a book or something). there’s a BILLION things you could complain about. including helen’s skin color, of course. some of those inaccuracies are actually worth discussing! yet, like every single time, it seems like the only thing bothering you is a woman’s skin tone. a woman appearing for 2 minutes in a 3 hours film. sure this is a big problem that needs to be discussed, and our declined woke culture is destroying society. 2 minutes of a black woman existing. in a movie. you get what i mean. at this point it’s useless to even give reasons and try to explain it to them, to me these people know they’re racists and they’re choosing to be illeterate. if a person still gives the “oh then let’s make black panther white!!!!!1!1!11!” as a response in 2026 they’re simply being trolls, there is no way that they’re serious.

like do you realize they had to make up elliot page playing achilles in order to have something to complain?

i firmly believe you can be against a blind casting choice and not be a racist, like i have seen comments of greek people criticizing the complete lack of a greek cast and like, i can get behind that. but please just read the comments under every trailer. then look me in the eye and tell me they’re coming from a place of love. they’re not. once again, most of the controversy is coming from people who actually don’t even know what they’re complaining about.

[slutisnotabadword]

WHY DIDNT NO ONE TELL ME THAT DESCENDANTS 5 WAS GONNA COVER THE MOST UNDERRATED END CREDIT DISNEY SONG TRUE TO YOUR HEART????

[pickypickypeak]

new gen kids watching the end credits of this movie: a new song?

me: TRUE TO YOUR HEART YOU MUST BE TRUE TO YOUR HEART THAT’S WHEN THE HEAVENS WILL PART AND BABY SHOWER YOU WITH MY LOVE

[not-your-average-url]

I miss when ads were a single click and then they’re gone. Now every ad has a minimum of three phases where you watch a video, exit the still frame of fake gameplay, and then exit the app download. That doesn’t even touch on the ones that forcibly take you to another app after opening a tab in safari without you ever touching the screen.

I hate advertising. I hate that you can’t do anything without companies jumping down your throat with mostly bullshit ads. I hate that billboards exist. I hate that every company unanimously decided to make their ads longer and longer. I hate that ad blockers try to charge you money and there are in app purchases to remove ads. I hate that my attention has become commodified. I hate that there’s nothing I can do about it.

[pickypickypeak]

descendants 5 thoughts i’m so tired (spoilers)

THE BAD (most of it)

i think 5 is an absolute improvement over 4 but oh my god. i swear the choices for this franchise are so increasingly absurd. like you can’t even start.

first of all, i know this was always the case with descendants names but i feel like we crossed a line. like what do you mean luisa madrigal from encanto had a baby and went “i’ll name him luis so his name sounds almost exactly like mine”. are you for real. did robin hood really name his son robbie. robbie hood. like are they actively doing this to their kids to mark their territory or what. also wasn’t robin hood a freaking fox. also very nice to know no one learned anything in the encanto finale and generational trauma is still going strong in the family madrigal where, apparently, gifts are also hereditary now. also very nice to know captain hook’s healthy family where no member cares about each other keeps growing. i guess the man is planning to outnumber the lost boys or something

most creative new gang of villains so far because it’s made of: 2 grown characters from the first trilogy played by different actors, 2 kids of villains who already have established kids and THE DESCENDANT OF A DESCENDANT. modern literature

seriously though what happened with the hatters. because you see that’s confusing here. descendants has always been “x, child of x disney character” (and that’s often already confusing). so why on earth couldn’t they just have mad hatter and his son. it also would have made sense for the mad hatter to have business with the queen of hearts. no sir, they had to have maddox (kill me) hatter, son of mad hatter (who never appears btw), as the father, and max hatter (i’ll kms) as the kid. JUST USE MAD HATTER AND HIS KID. LIKE YOU DID WITH EVERY OTHER CHARACTER IN THE FRANCHISE. if you replace maddox hatter with mad hatter the movie is 100% the same only less confusing!!! why are we doing descendants of descendants!!!!!

Too Many People in the main group like how do you not see this from 100 miles away. it wouldn’t be a problem if they all contributed to plot or simply were funny enough to justify their existence but we literally hear robbie, felix and the twins speak like 3 times each (songs included). you could genuinely put them out of this movie and wouldn’t lose much. tbf at least the twins dynamic with hazel was fun but WHY DO THEY KEEP REPEATING “SMEE” LIKE THEY’RE POKÉMON. felix and robbie being thrown around again and again would have been a funny gag if we actually got to know them and cared about them but i genuinely don’t remember a word they said. what a waste cause i can tell the actors were good with the little they were given

i wish we knew max from the previous movie since red apparently knew him. i have so much beef with how the hatters were handled. guy basically had to accept red and chloe changed the timeline to fix their own problems and that in doing so they ruined his life but. cool

so cinderella has a magic mirror which she “didn’t use in years” that leads straight to the queen of hearts’ throne room. that raises no questions at all. meanwhile paolo montalbán was barely in this my man deserved better

i swear fairy godmother’s wand never served one purpose in the descendants universe i’m not even sure it’s magic by now. why did maleficent even want it in the first place. however when they do one (1) descendants movie without melanie paxson that’s the end of the franchise. icon

THINGS I LIKED

i was 100% ready to witness a terrible wonderland cgi environment but i was pleasantly surprised (it wasn’t GREAT but it wasn’t bad either? they played with it a little bit? they made accurate alice references?? well done descendants, well done). chessy was quite insufferable to me like everytime she was on screen i wanted to hit her with a hammer but i feel like it was the point of her character so she delivered? also she looked pretty fine knowing how cgi was in the previous movies (horrendous).

hazel is an easy highlight for me, she had an actual personality and funny interactions with the group and i genuinely enjoyed her character (even though she’s the 87th child of hook but i’ll give her a free pass). pink needed more space as well but i liked her relationship with red being a plot point. i wish they expanded on it a bit more. i’m very intrigued by her last scene

i WILL say red and luis as a couple looked a little random at first but by half of their song, i was sold sorry. they’re actually a cute couple and the actors do have chemistry they just needed a little more time together to develop their relationship, also the shared butterfly motif between wonderland and encanto is pretty smart and makes sense

i LOVED how brandy and rita ora were more featured in this and i would 100% buy a movie about them (i missed young ella and bridget though). i swear rita ora was having the time of her life and i’m all here for it, brandy was also very funny and well. her vocals. both genuinely great really

i’m too lazy to look it up but wasn’t there like a short where bridget sees her evil reflection in the mirror or something? that led to… nothing… right…? like was it just for drama or did they just forget about it lol

chloe’s villain arc was rushed but i will get behind it… red did one thing to her but it was in fact nasty and movie has too many worse sins anyway

i feel like the writers want to surprise us with red’s father next but i wish king of hearts was addressed at least, even if it’s not him (and i don’t think he will be). imagine how funny it would be if he shows up and he’s some celebrity like rita ora and they are divorced

THE SONGS!!! massive improvement here. theater kid ranting

perfect princess was very catchy and a nice re-introduction to the world auradon prep i missed you so much why does prince charming have zero lines next song

mad goes so hard honestly. leonardo nam is great i loved him. it was also fun to see wonderland unfold while the gang runs

did you hear about them was so fun i LOVED the latin spin because madrigal!!! hazel was also crazy good in this i died at the tinker bell thing lmao

dancing with the enemy wanted to be night falls so bad but i get that. it was still funny to watch. i wish the guys had a part in this. what red did to chloe here was crazy lol

for once in my life is gonna be my new obsession save me (tho they wanted to be nova and victor so bad but i get that)

the girl i used to be is. the duet we deserved but. i checked the soundtrack to listen to the second verse and chorus which of course were cut from the movie because they hate fun and they also did it with space between and. there isn’t. why isn’t there a second verse. why is it verse-chorus-bridge-chorus. you have a godsend rita ora / brandy duet and you make it 2 minutes long? seriously? i will hunt you down for this. it’s still iconic because these two women have spent the whole movie locked inside a throne room and have resorted to sing about their shared high school years AND their parenting fears all in front of the hatter who keeps them trapped who is like what is happening rn

heartless serves its purpose, i actually liked the transformation (despite all of it being rushed also it feels like chloe takes the bracelet just because she has nothing better to do). i believe it didn’t need to go as hard as “there’s no beating in your chest, just the sound of emptiness” ??????????? ok linkin park

who i am oh my god does this franchise hate solo songs. WHY 2 MINUTES LONG AND NO SECOND VERSE. it’s even worse here cause it’s like. it ends abruptly after the bridge then there’s a montage with no music and then there’s an abrubt final chorus between her and liamani. it’s all so random!! the song per se is very basic imo but kylie is great as always and i liked the coreography. i also liked the plot here and i will say the moment red called for pink was emotional. the character development was there i just wish we got to hear some full version on the soundtrack.

go live it is of course the obligatory we’re all in this together song but i enjoyed it. i like that the boys have a verse. also rita and brandy sing again??? they’re spoiling me

true to your heart from mulan in the year of the lord 2026??? sung by liamani????? crying but what has mulan have to do with any of this

FINAL THOUGHTS

solid movie with this i just mean better than 4 which wasn’t hard to do

it’s so crazy to me that i was like let’s write one thing or two about this stupid movie i just witnessed (affectionate)

i’m sorry if you read this far but i’m also grateful and i hope you never have generational trauma

[angeldrawsstuffs]

Shoutout to Disney’s Descendants for having the most vibes based worldbuilding I’ve ever seen in my life. Legitimately thinking about any of it for more than two seconds makes everything crumble apart logistically and I think there’s an art in that.

[pickypickypeak]

seeing tiana live action spin-off movie is announced: that actually makes sense this way they can do something new with tiana without keeping her as a frog for 3/4 of the movie

realizing they cancelled the tiana hand drawn, 2D animated, original movie style sequel show because they wanted to do it in live action form: disney i’m at your doors

[pickypickypeak]

who knew, out of all the 237 new descendants characters, 230 of them barely had speaking roles in the film

[lisosa]

Bees~ 🐝

[lisosa]

Some people asked, and I had to draw it!

[adobe-outdesign]

It's really hard to explain to non-Pokemon fans that the anime doesn't adapt the games so much as just sample the general premise, resulting in the characters and plotlines being completely different EXCEPT ☝️ when they're not

[adobe-outdesign]

Also each spinoff game is also its own continuity as is basically every manga series. Not confusing at all

[jessaerys]

hate when im reading and theres a word i dont know so i search it in the dictionary and its like: beuperer. noun. a person who beupers. i'll fucking kill you

[charlesoberonn]

Or you get the 2-loop:

beuper. verb. "to form ponsilza"

ponsilza. noun. "the result of beupering"

[agentduckorico]

You know, I really hate jokes about "how fast Demi Lovato dropped they/them pronouns" because like. A) they didn't. Demi has they/she listed on her social media pages. They still use they/them, and B) the reason they added she/her back and the reason you think Demi "dropped they/them" is because people are transphobic and exorsexist and never used their pronouns in the first place! It's literally because people were exorsexist to them.

[queenburd]

this is the stupidest goddamn thing i've had to lay my eyes on today.

[pickypickypeak]

people saying diversity doesn’t belong in tolkien’s work when brown hobbits are literally described on like page 1 of lotr will always be funny btw

[viscountessnila]

me when 'when does a man become a monster' isnt playing in the background of the odyssey movie:

[pickypickypeak]

i cannot wait for the epic edits

[pickypickypeak]

no offense but some of you literally consume remakes and adaptations in general as if you’re correcting homework. like let alone disney remakes which are a whole different thing. but everytime i see a post criticizing live action one piece or natla or percy jackson it’s like. “they didn’t even do *insert every single minor thing that happened in the original* so they don’t understand the source material at all”. bro sorry but what the f are you talking about. with this mindset the httyd and moana remakes are masterpieces then. i mean which book adaptation features the exact same lines to the millimeter? why has this become the standard? i’m not saying we cannot criticize movies and shows obviously and i do have my own complaints about the stuff i mentioned but. if you choose to watch i think you should try to engage with it? instead of just… calculating the number of the differences? i mean yeah of course i’m a fan too and i too get mad when they change my favourite characters or lines but like it’s in the very nature of adaptations. if i want to see or read the original i’ll just see or read the original. this is why i’m always miffed when people try to justify changes by going like: “well the original text never explicitly says helen wasn’t black-” that’s not the point. that’s like saying: “everything that’s not in the text is up to interpretation, while the rest, of course, is not”. i disagree. even if the original text did explicitly say that, an adaptation should be allowed to change it because that’s what it is. an adaptation. you’re allowed to dislike it. but saying it’s bad because it’s not 1:1 is missing the point for me.

[imwiremother]

‘‘shipping is fucking up how some of yall consume media‘‘ i do not ‘consume media’ i read books, i watch movies. like a normal person does. when was this term mass adopted, why is every work of art ‘‘consumed’‘. along with ‘’creating content’’ its terms the little lad on the monopoly box would use