ladybug. 🐞

she/her. mdni 18+. black-caribbean. mid 20s. usos and kpop lover.

[piinkbenjamins]

“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”

⤷ ゛WELCOME TO LADYBUG’S LAIR ˎˊ˗

are you ready to embark on a magic whirlwind of smut and romance? click on the options below.

⋆.˚𖦹 masterlist. ⋆.˚𖦹 taglist. ⋆.˚𖦹 about me!

[piinkbenjamins]

currently trying my hardest to bang out spoiled rotten then i'll work on my other wips.

writers block is kicking my ass. after all these wips your getting drabbles.

[jeysslut]

The audio is actually what my you guys know what is doing right now!

[piinkbenjamins]

TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF JIMMY LEMME LICK IT

omg who said that?!

[piinkbenjamins]

i have bought and will be acquiring the new macbook today so you may get these wips sooner or later. my normal chromebook was big asf and too damn bulky.

ALSO

does anyone prefer like headcannons and the drabbles i make? im currently still in writers block but would like for y’all to be fed properly.

[piinkbenjamins]

do sum more shit like that and triple k and papa hbk getting a roundhouse kick to the groin.

keep that shit in the writing room next time.

[zariaph0bic]

Running On E🪫

Synopsis: Staying may be easier, but it isn't always the answer. Pairings: Zilla Fatu x Black!Fem oc Disclaimer: this is a piece I published last year September, from my Wattpad story. I wanted to introduce some of my previous writing to you guys before actually committing to sharing my new pieces, advice and feedback are greatly appreciated💗! WARNINGS: mentions of depression, angst, infidelity, and strong language.

Listen while ya read🖤

Zilla and I have been together since we were basically kids, I've known this man since kindergarten so I knew him and everything about him to the T.

Or so I thought…

Lately, he’s has been very distant, claiming he was wrapped up in work and training—just lying to me in my face like I don’t know the ins and outs of his schedule. This was a non-normal kind of distance, something I never would've expected from my husband, and this was not only unusual to me but it was also suspicious.

"How did you get that way?"

Every time I look at him or even speak to him, (which I barely do anymore) he's either too caught up on some bullshit on his phone or he just seems very "mind quiet" in a way, which is normal but not when you can't even look nor speak to your wife.

Zilla was always affectionate and always displayed all 5 love languages with me. words of affirmation, acts of service, gift giving, physical touch, and the one I crave the most; quality time.

There was a familiar feeling that greeted me every time I failed at distracting my mind, My conscience had been eating me alive these past few weeks, I keep having dreams of infidelity, or another woman whose face I can't see, but her voice— I know all too well. something about all of this is familiar, it's gotten to the point where I can't eat or sleep. However Zilla has failed to notice, an indication that he doesn't care and it's obvious.

"How did it get this way?"

I decided to finally confront and face the problem, I didn't want to believe anything was going on with anyone else, but I just can't shake this; vile cruel, and familiar feeling.

I made my way to the bedroom of our beautiful shared home in hopes of seeing Zilla, but as suspected he wasn't there. I took a deep breath before making my way downstairs to the living room, and there he was sitting at his desk on that damn phone.

"Baby," I called out for him but was greeted with nothing but silence, I sighed in return I hated repeating myself, and not only that but I was right in front of this man. Am I really that invisible?

“Zay.” I called out a second time expecting a response, but was left feeling disappointed.

“Isayah.” I called out again tapping the back of my hand gently against his chest, but this time with bass in my voice that showed that I wasn’t fucking around.

"What do you need to talk to me about y/n? And Stop tapping me like that, that shit hurts." He snapped in a harsh tone without looking up from his phone.

This nigga dramatic as hell, I barely touched him.

I rolled my eyes and let out a deep exhale before responding.

His tone irked the shit out of me and honestly threw me off, but I need answers—now.

"Can you put your phone down so I can talk to you?" I responded matching his harsh and nonchalant tone.

"Just talk, I'm listening."

He really finna piss me off now.

"But you're not, listening would be you giving me your undivided attention and showing some respect." I quickly snapped looking dead at him and waiting for a response.

I watched in annoyance as he tapped away on his phone before setting it down, who the fuck could he be texting?

I then pulled up the spare gaming chair Zilla bought me last Christmas when he taught me how to play, and sat in it. I glared at him, and with exhausted eyes, I was trying to understand what the problem was— although my gut had already told me weeks ago.

"What's going on with you Zay?" I asked him in a now soft tone. Maybe I was just tripping and he’s going through it behind the scenes as well, hopefully me being more gentle will help.

"What do you mean?" He carelessly responded. His hands laced loosely in his lap as he returned my eye contact, but seeming uninterested like I was disturbing his peace or something.

"You've been distant with me, we don't have basic conversations anymore, you've barely said "I love you" to me, and you won't even look at me or touch me,"

I explained as my voice cracked at the final sentence I spoke, but my sadness was quickly replaced with irritation while I watched Zilla break eye contact and stare at his phone, almost as if he was awaiting a text from someone.

Silence, something I hated when we'd have talks like these, it was almost as if he was spewing up some type of excuse or lie. I absolutely fucking hate uncertainty, this the type of silence that makes you go crazy and overthink. I sat forward resting my elbows on my knees, pressing my lips into a thin line as my leg began to bounce and I just stared at him. My hormones have changed so much throughout the past few months, and the doctor did say that the new medication would give me mood swings. Maybe I’m just tripping for no reason—

Suddenly his phone lit up, chimed at the sound of a text message from another, and my stomach began to toss and turn. he quickly picked up his phone and began tapping away; as if I wasn't just speaking to him about how I felt.

Then and there I felt something in me just snap, i had been holding everything in. The sadness, my overthinking thoughts, handling all of the stress on my own. I genuinely couldn’t do it anymore, I mean I’m coming to my OWN HUSBAND about my feelings and I get disrespect in return.

"Isayah is there someone else?" I blurted out as I fidgeted with my wedding ring, my chest rising and falling in anger and anxiousness while I stared waiting for my answer.

"Jasmine, what are you talking about?"

My stomach formed a knot at the sound of another woman's name, Jasmine? AGAIN? That same bitch I caught him fucking around with years ago, before the marriage and all this fame came into play?? My face turned into pure disgust as I sat back in my chair watching the gears turn in Zilla’s head when he quickly realized what he had said.

“I- fuck that was a mistake-“

I ain’t mean to call you th-" He quickly attempted to save himself by giving me some sorry bullshit ass excuse.

I shook my head and snapped almost immediately.

"I don't wanna hear that shit Isayah! After all these years I've spent forgiving you and forgetting what you had done, you turn around and cheat on me again and with the same trifling ass bitch?"

I shouted in rage as I made my way into the kitchen to get away from him, but of course, he followed after me still spewing lies to get me to come down.

"Baby it's not what you think I swear!"

Zilla gently grabbed my wrist in an attempt to get me to understand and look his way, but to me it felt rough. Everything I was feeling felt rough.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

I shouted harshly pulling away before my knuckles clashed with his chest, delivering a blow. Tears began to form in the water line of my eyes, no matter how much I tried to make them go away, they just wouldn't I had reached my breaking point.

"Y/n let me explain," Zilla groaned through the pain of the hit attempting to grab my hand, despite my efforts to deny his touch.

I stood with my hand on my hip, unable to look at the man I loved my whole life. Why would he do this to me? Right now when I’m going through it the most? How could he do this shit period?! In this moment, I found myself feeling many things. Anger, disgust, disappointment, and hurt.

"How long?" I asked fully defeated at this point, I was feeling so many different things—so fast to the point where I felt like I was going to spiral.

"Y/n come on-" he pleaded with me to hear his excuses.

"How long?" I asked again locking my eyes with his, my eyes and overall face said what I couldn’t in the moment. I just wanted my answer

"Y/n baby, let me talk please—" Zilla continued to plead as he moved inches closer to me

"HOW FUCKING LONG ISAYAH??" I shouted as I threw the closet object at him in a state of rage. A mug I assume from the sound of crashing glass that followed behind.

He dodged it, of course he did.

He was testing my patience at this point and I refused to let this shit slide again. The silence between us became louder as he hesitated to answer.

"4 months, almost 4 months now."

Four months, 122, A hundred and twenty-two days.

"You say you're seeing someone else."

"Who can love you better than me?"

"I'll leave you two alone."

Everything just began to hit me at once, he promised to clean up his act since the first time with Jasmine. We were kids at the time— but it's been five years since then. I put my all into this relationship, I held this man down when he was behind bars. I mean we have a kid now.

TWO KIDS AT THAT, I HAD JUST GIVEN BIRTH TO AYLA TWO MONTHS AGO.

I felt betrayed, hurt, angry, like my world was ending. It all started to make sense now, the coming home late claiming he was with Jakob, the distance, the late night phone calls, the random love bombing, the dreams, the running straight to the shower right after getting home—because he smelt like her.

My whole world shut down, everything around me was silent, his pleas, his callouts for me, the distress in his voice. It's like I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, everything I needed to say verbally was gone, my mind did all the talking for me.

"Baby say something please." None of his pleads meant a damn thing to me.

"I'm done." I finally found the words to speak, there was more to say but the words "I'm done" were the only thing my body allowed me to say.

"W-what? Y/n- mama you don't mean that." He's so fucking delusional.

Those words triggered a switch in my mind, I slipped my wedding ring, and promise ring off of my finger and threw them both at him.

"Give them to her, I don’t want this shit no more." I mumbled making my way upstairs, this shit was ending TODAY.

Those rings ain't mean shit to me anymore, and I was foolish enough to stay the first time, but it was all for Junior, my son, my heart, my baby. I wanted him to have that fully present father, that two-parent household I never had, I wanted to fix things, all for the sake of my son and his future.

"You messed up a good thing."

But I just can't, I’ve been putting everyone and everything above my happiness and mental health. I matter too, and it was time I realized that.

I don't want my babies to think that it's okay to settle for someone who can't remain faithful.

"So there's no coming home."

What about Junior? I don't want him dogging out someone's daughter who has nothing but pure intentions. And Ayla? I don't want her to think that this is love, what kind of parent would I be setting a terrible example like that?

Postpartum was killing me from the inside out, and I need love and support. I hadn’t been myself at all and I’ve really been struggling, This isn't love. Staying in this marriage was adding onto the emotional baggage, this was hurting me.

"I can't tell where your heart is."

"It's nowhere, it's nowhere to be found."

Everything I was doing right now was based on impulse, my body was moving on its own. No thoughts to guide me, just on auto pilot. I was packing bags of my things and my kid's belongings.

"Y/N PLEASE JUST LET ME EXPLAIN!"

All I could do was shake my head and laugh

fix things??

Fuck I look like Bob the Builder?

Besides I tried already,

I'm gone for real this time.

"Boy remember my face, while you're out there all alone."

The next thing I know I was downstairs dragging my bags to the front door, of the home we once shared. The home that made me feel at peace, the home we dreamed of when we were broke sitting on the floor of our old studio apartment we could barely afford.

"Made your decision”

"You gon regret it for the rest of your life."

"Now there's a consequence."

"Y/n please don’t do this to us, what about Junior and Ayla? Don’t do this to them y/n." He pleaded and asked with concern, I hated that pitiful and “I’m loosing the best thing that ever happened to me” look he had on his face.

Crazy how this selfish mothafucka was thinking about our kids, when he didn’t even consider the family he had at home when fucking that other bitch. I had spent this past 5 years since giving birth to our son considering everyone else’s feelings BUT MINE, that shit is dead now. I can’t be a good mother to my kids if I can’t even get my own shit together.

He had no right to be hurt right now, he put this one himself. Ain’t no damn mistake when you repeatedly put that much effort into doing what you did.

“DO WHAT TO US? YOU BROKE THIS FAMILY APART! YOU DID THAT ON YOUR OWN!”

“YOU THINK IMMA SIT HERE AND HAVE MY KIDS WATCH A NIGGA DOG ME OUT?”

Every word, every shout, every syllable that came out of my mouth just flew. I couldn’t take it nor control it anymore, I’ve been by his side since the sandbox. Accepted him as my boyfriend when I was just 15, then he went away, I waited—I was so naive.

“They may not be old enough to understand now, but if they ask in a couple years I’m not lying for you. My babies not gon think that this is a some “perfect” love story.”

I hated that helpless look his displayed, that strong confidence and aura he usually held was now gone. He hadn’t said anything, it was my turn to talk.

"I can take care of MY kids just fine, you can see them whenever you please.” My voice was strong for once, no tears getting in the way of me breaking my silence.

Despite the negative thoughts due to my postpartum depression, I know that I'm a good mom. I'm the best mom that I could ever be to my kids, And I damn sure don't need a man to keep me sane.

All I could think about was how glad I was that the kids were at his mom's house and not here to see all of this.

"See, I don't need you." 

I loved Zilla, he was my world, my husband, my lifeline, my baby daddy, and my best friend all in one. I hated how much I loved him in the moment, I also hated how part of me still wanted to stay.

"And I don't want to, want you.

"If you step out the door,"

"I won't wait up for you."

Thank you guys so much for reading! Again, this is an old piece I freshened up and brought here from my wattpad. This is a pretty emotional story so I do apologize 💀, you will notice in the future though that my stories are all inspired by songs.

I would like to thank one of my fav mutuals @piinkbenjamins for helping me figure out the picture layout, (Ya girl was struggling🫩) also @cursed-carmine for the dividers!

And everyone else from my last post that sent encouraging words to help me get started on writing here💗!

I hope you enjoyed reading my story, you guys have a great one🫶🏽!

[piinkbenjamins]

me when im daydreaming in my delusion over jey and bronco and my mind reminds me i have a wip and homework i gotta do before work tmrw :

[piinkbenjamins]

dont mind me, gotta finish these wips, but trick!zilla or trick!jimmy?

lemme know lemme know

[wisteria-bae]

My vote’s on Jimmy but regardless…. you betta write it down before God gives it to me

[piinkbenjamins]

girl im not even finna be done in a timely fashion you better off stealing it from me!

[pvtypyt]

Do you only write for black writers...?

Well I'm a black writer so I write purely for my black queens, hope this helps !

[piinkbenjamins]

i follow you because love a black a woman from infinity to infinityyyy and i love your work 🫶🏿

thank you thank you 🫶🏽 black woman forever snowbunnys never or whatever dr umar said

[piinkbenjamins]

i follow u bc u have amazing taste, chefs kiss

thank ya thank ya 🤏🏾

tell me why u follow me on anon

[piinkbenjamins]

also if you finna say trick!jey, thats what that wip is, everybody finna be a trick at this point messing with y’all lol

[piinkbenjamins]

dont mind me, gotta finish these wips, but trick!zilla or trick!jimmy?

lemme know lemme know

[piinkbenjamins]

alright don’t piss me off now, pick please

🤔

trick!jimmy

trick!zilla

both

Voting ended onJul 25

[piinkbenjamins]

dont mind me, gotta finish these wips, but trick!zilla or trick!jimmy?

lemme know lemme know

[deadbranch]

Reblog if you're okay with receiving asks for backstory info on any/all of your fics.

If not all, specify which ones in the tags.

[piinkbenjamins]

jailbird, one

synopsis: theres something bout a nigga in jail that gets riyah hot and bothered. pairings: bronco nima x black!fem oc warnings: mdni 18+, felon!bronco, mean!bronco (not in this part) brothers childhood bestfriend!bronco, rude!oc (not in this part), dirty talk, kissing, groping

dividers by @uzmacchiato authors note: still in my writers block, but pls tell me if you like it! its short on purpose, the rest will be longer! tags: @punksyeet @xnightmarexpunkx @555sage @lovelikebuttahbaybee @lovelyjay45 @moxley99 @v4mpteija @skyesthebomb @grxmmkxttie @sualeo

for the longest, edwin grande had been sariyah’s brothers partner in crime. figuratively and literally at this point.

if amari told him to jump, he’d ask him how high. if amari wanted him to go rob a bank, he’d do it.

and when her brother told him to take the fall of a drug charge for him? edwin did it no questions asked.

now it was ten years later, and a lot has changed. especially because sariyah kept in touch with edwin while he was in jail. at first amari asked her specifically to put money on the man’s books and writing to him about the outside.

though one letter that spoke about how mentally and physically tired he was still being here, and the letter she sent in turn being encouraging, it forever changed the trajectory of the friendship into something more.

he somehow smuggled in the latest phone and for four months its been constant texting and video calling, it just never stopped.

it had been two weeks since they last talked, with the man telling her he had to stop talking and he’d give her a explanation later. part of her was scared he was in trouble, but a part of her knew what it actually meant.

he was finally coming home.

sariyah gasped as she was roughly woken up by her brother. “damn what was that for?”

“i need you to be up and dressed, im gonna pick bronco from the halfway house, take him to get some clothes and then get him to drop his stuff off at his apartment before taking him to get sumn to eat.”

the woman would roll her eyes, not fully registering what the man was saying. “and you’re waking me up because?”

“oh word? if you don’t wanna see edwin that’s fine, i’ll tell him that.” sariyah’s eyes slightly widened, every word waking her sleepy brain.

“shit i wasnt awake. i’ll be more than ready by the time y’all come back.” the woman started to immediately clean and look for something to wear, her mind going a mile a minute. “you’ll tell me what color he’s wearing right?”

“eww i know y’all close and all but matching colors? yo ass better tell me if he hit on you or sumn because matching colors mean together.”

she never told amari how romantically close her and edwin got, and she would never tell him either. he spoke multiple times about ‘being okay’ with the idea, but this was before the sentence, not now.

god knows how he feels now.

“pleaseeeeee? its platonic, i just wanna look cohesive and not a hot mess like you are.” she giggled, sticking her tongue out after her reply. amari simply scrunched his face, rolling his eyes.

“aight thats much better, ugly ass. im charging some stuff, so i’ll let bronco come up here once we get here to get em before we leave. knowing you, you’ll still be getting ready by then.”

sariyah hated hearing edwin’s nickname. they only called him that back in the day due to his tall and wide stature. although he gotten much slimmer, the nickname still resonated.

to her, it just still sounded gang affiliated, and she wasnt really a fan of it.

as soon as the man would close the front door, sariyah sprinted out of the bed. even though he’d only be in here for a few seconds to say hi then to wait downstairs, but a girl can still be nervous. knowing he was almost always wearing a white shirt and black shorts, she decided just to wear something brown and simple, and it would match anyways.

by the time she picked out her clothes and showered, it had been almost thirty minutes. the halfway house wasnt far, so she knew that they would be here soon.

as she stared at herself in the mirror, all the feelings would rush back. the first time she told him she had feelings for her, the first time she saw him while he was inside, and the last time they spoke.

she was scared, not of him, but how it would be after the fact.

she didn’t realize she wasnt fully paying attention until her door closing and a voice scared her back into reality.

“mama you finished up? your brother said its hot as hell and he dont wanna wait for you.”

it was him. his voice was obviously much deeper, but the jail calls and facetimes did not do it justice. sariyah could barely move, much less talk.

the moment her body finally decided to move, her eyes locked immediately on edwin, a small grin on his face once locked in on the woman. “god riyah.”

“what?” she softly spoke, her eyes softening as the man gently and slowly walked towards her. edwin was silent, gently walking up to the woman. he barely let her back up before pulling her into a kiss.

it was rough, and hungry. likes hes been waiting a decade for her. sariyah couldn’t help but melt into the mans arms, her hands gripping onto the edge of his shirt. a soft moan would escape his mouth, his hands moving to harshly grope her backside.

a phone call would break their steamy reunion, the man letting out a low groan before answering. “yeah your sisters almost done, we’re about to come out now. aight, peace.”

sariyah glanced at herself in the mirror, her clothes semi disheveled and her lip combo barely there, mostly on edwins face. she gently wiped his face off with a makeup wipe, softly giggling. “i think you got something on your face.”

“oh that’s funny yeah? see when he drop me back off here, i hope you didn’t forget i got an apartment in this complex.” sariyah simply smirked, giving an innocent nod before walking past the male towards the front door.

ten years have passed since they had both seen each other, but it definitely didnt feel like that. sariyah was obviously nervous of what would come next, but that wasnt what she should worry about.

hoping her brother didnt pick a nasty ass food place was.