whose line is it anyway?

drunk as a skunk

[whitepeopletwitter]

[alarajrogers]

I think this is a logical endpoint of the mindset that came up with “The police have no obligation to protect you.”

Will right-wingers give us “You have no inherent right to use the road for anything” next?

[katzish]

[ratfuck]

[quepajaeltambler]

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

cats’ instinct to smack the shit out of anything and everything is honestly one of their best traits

[wiigiwaamcore]

This video is so top notch, it has so many good things in it: the squinty eyes, the background music, the smack, the fall

[gif87a-com]

[klubbhead]

Please unmute this

[waywardexpressions]

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this 

[shoeknight]

[shutupmerlin]

A series of events:

1. I put in an Annual Leave request form almost 3 weeks ago and my boss has not approved it yet

2. I went into my office today and replaced every single writing utensil with crayons in preparation for April Fools Day on Monday

3. Whilst searching for pens to remove, I found my unsigned Annual Leave form in my boss’s drawer

4. I placed my unsigned Annual Leave form in a photo frame and put in on his desk

5. The frame I used was from a photo of his kids that I deemed less important than my Leave form

6. My boss sometimes goes into the office on Saturdays to work

7.

[booasaur]

The Bachelor: Vietnam - Contestant confesses to another contestant

[afronerdism]

They ended up getting married so safe to say she doesn’t regret it

[slinkanora]

Can we discuss how fucking cute they are tho?

What Minh Thu and Truc Nhu have, I want for myself with whatever woman I find to put up with my annoying ass.

[bando--grand-scamyon]

FUCKING GOOD FOR THEM!!! 😭

[killue]

[approach]

[hotboyproblems]

really makes u think…

[diet-poison]

makes me think he could just walk around the pipes and goombas but loves the thrill of the kill

[micaxiii]

[hustlerose]

does anyone else remember that post that was like “i can’t go to bars or clubs because there’s too much disgusting sexual energy there. everyone at those places is there to fuck. i can see it in their eyes.” 

because i honestly feel the exact same way about bowling alleys 

[ysabelmystic]

I just heard my mom tell my brother, “when you die, you will go outside and garden until your father says you’re done” and it took me a second to realize that my brother was playing a videogame and this was not a theological discussion.

[martianaviator]

Purgatory

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

here’s a hot take: giftwrap is dumb, 95% of the time you can just hand someone the thing and accomplish the same task. Society has conditioned us to love wrapping shit up for no reason, probably by gift wrap industry people.

[dunkstein]

Counterpoint: monkey instinct says uncovering secret bounty from colorful shell good as fuck

[minervafloofderg-migrating]

(x)

[peanutbutterandjeri]

I’ve been saying this since I saw the movie

Im glad I’m not the only one

[pinkisbitter]

My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and I leave all my doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to. I wake up where they want me to be. I trust their decisions.

[90stvqueen]

my favorite thing about the spanish harry potter translation is that instead of calling voldemort “the dark lord,” they call him señor tenebroso, which basically means “mr. spooky”

[ironinkpen]

“that’s just the way the world works” it literally doesn’t have to be but okay

[ironinkpen]

if anyone ever tells you “humans are just selfish / life is cruel / that’s just how the world is, get over it” be critical of them bc there’s a 75% chance they’re just using that as an excuse for their own shitty behavior so that they don’t have to put an effort into being better, kinder people

[ojoroto-deactivated20180906]

[imthemuthafuckingcricket]

Academic text writer, cracking open Thesaurus: ha ha ha, try and get through THIS unreadable pile of boiling hot nonsense, fuckers