OH!

call me karl, or faggot if youre cool | it/its | 18+ | pfp was found under a rock in the woods | freaks only zone

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[xxbl00dy-m4wxx]

I’m sorry I called your boyfriend flaccid

It's okay that's my favorite thing about him

[tredlocity]

[adonischildsupportcase]

[punished-venom-solitair-e]

spider-woman (petra parker) villains react to her coming out as trans

kingpin: ...this changes nothing.

electro: [very clearly uncomfortable but not willing to interrogate what that says about himself] so is this, like, a permanent thing?

rhino: you are...AH!! [drops the bags of money he's holding and gives spider-woman a bone-crushing hug] MY FRIEND!!! YES!!! my cousin's wife, she is like you as well! beautiful woman. maybe you know her? you do not? is not how that works? i see. you two must meet. we will arrange dinner after i break out from raft again. uhp--no arguments. i have decided.

vulture: this is exactly what fox news warned me about...

green goblin: good for you, bug! though don't think i'll go easy on you because of this. after all, you and i both know i don't have a problem killing girls! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

sandman: [after five minutes of failed explanations] oh, like the thing rhino's cousin's wife has

white rabbit: girl!!! me too!!! no way!!! you know, this is perfect timing actually, beetle and i have been looking for a third, if you're interested...

lizard: [really not getting it] ssssso you have to inject yoursssself with girl DNA how often? seemssssss inefficient. you know, connorsssss only injected himself with lizard DNA the once. maybe you ssshould assssk him to make girl DNA for you.

doc ock: [known the whole time] so...you finally figured it out.

mysterio: [trying to fuck with her] so...you finally figured it out.

mr. negative: [gives a single, curt nod and doesn't say anything but makes sure to gender her correctly during their fight]

morbius: HISSSSSSSS!! spider-man!! vhat brings you to zhis dark corner of the city, at so late an--vhat? spider...woman now? [drops the accent] oh hey that's sick. listen if you need an endocrinologist i know a guy. he's over in brooklyn so it's a bit out of the way--oh you're going to diy? no that makes sense. hey, i really appreciate you telling me. no it's no problem at all. thanks! [starts doing the accent again] NOW BEGONE!!! FROM MY LAIR!!!!

electro again: [still really uncomfortable] i just don't think it's an unfair question to ask. remember that time you were like all mean and had the four extra arms and you said shit like "the die is cast?" how do i know this isn't another one of your phases?

carnage: [sprinting down the street on all fours holding the first syllable of a slur like piccolo charging his special beam cannon] fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFAGGOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

black cat: don't get the surgery

[humiliationvictim]

The wedding is in 24 hours. A lot of people want me to get married and a lot of people don’t.

[humiliationvictim]

Give Humiliationvictim the followers blessing?

BLESSING!

OBJECT!

Remaining time: 3 hours 55 minutes

[wineconnoisseur]

I can’t believe I’m doing this but…. I OBJECT to this wedding because well, I’m in love with you wine seller. From the moment I first came into your store. I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t get married to Humiliationvictim. I know this is sudden, but please give me a chance.

[wineseller]

Wine connoisseur… I had no idea… 😓

[humiliationvictim]

What’s going on

[wineseller]

Wine connoisseur… I don’t know what to say. The idea of spending my life with someone else… I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say is that. I love you too, but I don’t think I realized it until this moment. This trip to the country (wine country) has made me miss you more than ever. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I also OBJECT to this wedding. I want to be with you, but ultimately it’s up to the followers like you to decide.

[humiliationvictim]

What

[humiliationvictim]

so are you seriously asking tumblr if u can get married or is this a bit im not in on?

I don’t want to upset my followers with this decision

[gondorrevealparty]

being a Bandit is pretty great. Just got a new place with a couple friends, in Doghammer Cave (long history of hammering dogs there). It's pretty nice for the area! Zero bedrooms zero bathrooms, but it's got a falling spikeball trap in the entrance and a couple big linear multipurpose rooms full of barrels. I put a couple gold coins in each barrel. Really makes it feel like home.

Our leader is Klade Doghammer (long history of hammering dogs). He's the only one of us with a name. He likes to sit in the last room (our house has a last room because it's linear) at a desk with a half-finished page of notebook about how he'll get revenge on the town someday. My best friend Female Archer Bandit said the people in the town don't even consider us human. She says if you stay a bandit long enough they kill you for money. Sometimes when she and I are alone on watch late at night I get a funny feeling in my bandit parts. I think I just heard the falling spikeball trap go off. We didn't invite anyone over today but I hope it's someone friendly. Being a bandit is pretty great.

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

[cyanocittae]

my friend keeps sending the groupchat voice notes of her eating bussy and calling it "asmr"..... bro go study for your physics exam 😭

[cyanocittae]

hi sorry uh. incredible miscommunication on my part lmfao.

my bad yall

[artbyblastweave]

My conduct this year landed me on Santa Claus's fabled and controversial "Kill-at-all-Costs" List. Turns out the reason the big man and his people don't exercise that option more often is that they really aren't good at following through on it. Well outside their core competency. He's delegated to the elves, and they've got this ingrained assembly-line mindset that doesn't translate at all to the adaptable and fluid mindset needed for siege breaking. They just haven't adjusted their playbook at all from when they're doing rote deliveries. Armed Elves have been rappelling down my chimney one at a time into the roaring fire I've kept going nonstop for the last week. They haven't even thought to try my front door yet. Whole house smells like peppermint, which it turns out is what burnt elf meat smells like. Thought I was being super clever putting cyanide-laced almond milk out with the cookies as a last line of defense, but none of them have made it even the scant few feet to the side table where that's sitting. At the rate things are going the real danger is that I'm gonna forget what I did with that and accidentally drink it myself while I'm watching the show

[artbyblastweave]

Part of what I think is going on is that the fire and elf-infused smoke is fucking with the pheromone trails they lay down to tell other elves where it is and isn't safe to walk, hence why they're all just lemming it up like this. My buddy at fish and wildlife told me that it's sad but I'm legally in the clear as long as I don't cause undue injury to a fertile queen, and obviously they couldn't fit one of those in a sleigh. So ecologically my hands are clean

[pissvortex]

[internalriot]

I never lock my car door bc I never have anything worth stealing in there so Id rather someone just go in and peek than break my window or something just to be disappointed. coz then we’d both be mad

[mangonetics]

dnd is bad dude you gotta play this other game called findings. it's based on the worst version of dnd and it's made by a company called paizuri. even parents like it.

[monstermoviedean]

truly no video game moment will ever surpass the part in portal 2 where glados says "well, this is the part where he kills us" and wheatley says "hello, this is the part where i kill you" and you unlock the achievement titled "the part where he kills you" (description: this is that part) and the chapter title appears on the screen and reads: chapter nine: the part where he kills you

[fliesinthescreen]

mom called me a fag yesterday by accident

[fliesinthescreen]

she was going to call me a bitch (playful) and i saw her gears turning like no but he's trans i need to call him the male equivalent. and then say fag and look so so surprised at the word that came out of her own mouth. it was like watching someone fail a disco elysium skill check irl

[fliesinthescreen]

AUTHORITY - One of your sons is being annoying to the other. Make it clear that you think this is unfair.

YOU - "Stop being a b--"

REACTION SPEED [Challenging: Success] - Wait a minute.

DRAMA - Sire, the word you're about to use is historically feminine! Applying it to your transgender child is tantamount to misgendering him.

1. [Suggestion - Legendary 14] Think of a masculine equivalent to "bitch."

[evilnicegirl]

all those posts about being vulnerable are just trying to trick me to come out there so a bird can swoop down & eat me