there's a platypus controlling me

22. she/her. i have a stuffed platypus collection.

[platypusperchance]

hello, it’s bee! 🐝🩵

⬦ she/her ⬦ 22 ⬦ yes the collection is real ⬦

⬦ mostly nsfw blog, some sfw

⬦ multifandom. reader-insert.

⬦ must be 18+ to follow (mdni!)

⬦ about

⬦ not currently taking requests! my inbox is always open though!

⬦ ao3

divider credit: @/starrlightt 

[rybajek]

Vash as the wanted brimmed cap, and Wolfwood as a different branch of the Knights Moralis!

[weaverofink]

Forgot how funny vash and wolfwood are in the manga. Imagine u save this guy in the desert, and he tells u that u have a nice smile and then immediately fucks off to who knows where and ur like. Ok probably never gonna see that guy again. And then 2 years after that when you've gone into retirement u find out that that one random guy has been looking for u the whole damn time and somehow he knows about ur evil brother??? So suddenly ur traveling together and this guy is acting like he's known u forever and casually insulting ur entire lifestyle and ur pretty sure he is maybe actually working for ur evil brother but like. What can u even really do about that. And then he becomes the most important person in ur life and then dies about it

[mystixx-xoxo]

Late Nights & Heartbreak

Hey, did anyone order an angsty oneshot with lots of praise and Vash being pathetically sweet despite the inevitable, gut wrenching ending? Causeeeee I’ve got some right here. 🧍‍♀️

[platypusperchance]

been thinking about spider-man!vash au and reader...

spider-man!vash who crash lands quite ungracefully onto your fire escape at 2:24 AM

spider-man!vash who realizes a little too late when you open the window with a baseball bat at the ready that he misjudged the aim for his apartment window and instead crashed into yours, the one directly to the right that belongs to you, the cute next-door neighbor he's had a crush on since he moved in four months ago

spider-man!vash who just had a particularly nasty fight with a villain and is injured and exhausted and just wants to pass out in his bed for who knows how little hours of sleep he has left before he needs to be up for work, but hesitantly accepts your offer for first-aid anyway

spider-man!vash who feels terrible for waking you up but is immensely grateful for your hospitality, and he swears to make it up to you in any way he can

(even at your insistence that his work as a hero is more than enough, he still feels he owes you something for your kindness. maybe if he was a better Spider-Man, he'd be deserving of it, to receive the warmth you give freely with nothing expected of him in return. but not yet. not when there is still so much left to be done. so many left to save. so much he still has yet to atone for)

spider-man!vash who lets you patch him up and send him on his merry way, telling him to stop by next time he gets his ass kicked by a villain (he tells himself there won't be a next time, that he should keep his distance for your safety, and for his own good)

spider-man!vash who can't stay away, and, against his better judgement, sheepishly returns to your fire escape with fresh injuries, a hot pizza, and an apology on the tip of his tongue in the aftermath of the next battle

spider-man!vash who is welcomed into your home with open arms and gentle hands all the same, even if he gets an earful about his personal safety (he takes it in stride; it's been so long since he's had someone care enough to lecture him on his wellbeing that he can't help but grin under the mask. you can't see it, but you know it's there)

spider-man!vash who returns the next time. and the next. and the time after that, too. (each time he tells himself will be the last time. he always knows it's a lie)

spidey!vash grabbed me by the neck and will not let go

[platypusperchance]

spider-man!vash x reader is an untapped market like man i need more of that

[platypusperchance]

actually, trigun x spider-man au as a whole is something i'm suprised there isn't more of. or just modern superheroes au in general. there is just so much you can do with it

[platypusperchance]

spider-man!vash x reader is an untapped market like man i need more of that

[paleo094]

I still think the plants having bioluminescent patterns in Stampede was one of the best design choices out there. Just saying.

[isaut]

finer things in life - tenya x f!reader. 1.7k. just for fun....

reader has a cat quirk with little ears and a tail. and she's the apple of tenya's eye.

Today you’re wearing a brown wool dress that comes just above your mid thigh, which as a sensible turtle neck and sleeves that bell out at your wrists. It’s tailored for you quirk, allowing your cat-like tail to peek out of a comfortable little hole (it matches the cute little ears on your head). Atop your sleeves, you wear your bracelets: a tennis bracelet (blood diamonds), a charm bracelet (Pandora) and a gold bangle (Cartier). Your glasses are Prada, and your shoes are nude and black mules from Chanel with a little bow on the side. 

On your desk is a little Sephora bag, black tissue paper sticking out of it. Smiling, you set your large bag (Dior, Galliano) on the ground and round your tidy desk to sit in the ergonomic chair. 

There’s no little envelope leaning against the bag this time. You pull out the tissue paper, delighted to see the box for a pretty pink Dior lip oil. There’s also a Charlotte Tilbury lip liner. 

How sweet. You go into your desk drawer, filled with pink sticky notes and black ball tip pens, and pull out your Chanel compact mirror, located in its velvet case. Then, you move to your lower desk drawer and get out a Kleenex (name brand, with lotion infused) and the travel micellar water, setting about taking off your current lip combo. 

You put on the new combo with little hesitation. Tenya’s always getting nice things for you— little gifts here and there. A bag or two. Shoes, dresses, skirts. But makeup is always in passing. 

The assistant who sits in the desk across from yours, a middle aged woman named Saeko with some sort of bubble quirk, types away on her computer. 

She doesn’t comment on your tardiness. She doesn’t wear labels. 

“Iida needs you to accompany him on his lunch,” she says, looking away from the computer and over her glasses. “You’re going to Yoko with Uravity and Deku.” 

“Oh!” Your eyes light up. “I didn’t know Yoko did lunch. When did that start?” 

“A few weeks ago. He’s also asked that you pick out a birthday present for his grandfather.” 

“Oh! How sweet, Genshiro is so nice,” you hum, and open your laptop. It never comes home with you. “Where is he now?” 

“He’s talking to some sidekicks in the Action Room.” 

“Genshiro’s turning 88 this year, isn’t he?” You wonder out loud, opening up the internet browser. 

“That’s your job to keep up with.” 

“I think he is, because he was born in the year of the Snake,” you continue. “Hm, what would an 88 year old man want…” 

“Your job to figure out,” Saeko reminds you. 

Today, Tenya Iida is in a custom made suit in his preferred shade of navy blue. His tie is striped, fun for today, alluding to his good workout that morning. He comes up to his office and nods at you and Saeko, before turning to you. 

“Let’s get to lunch early,” he suggests. 

“Oh!” You close your computer, from where you’d been knee deep in Rolex’s website, with no hesitation. “Sounds good!” 

You open your bottom drawer and procure another, smaller bag. She’s Coach, with a little cherry charm on her. As you transfer your essentials from your larger work bag, Saeko takes Tenya’s ear. 

“I left files for you of some prospective work study students…” she drones on. How boring. 

The minute you stand, Tenya’s eyes are back on you. “Thank you, Saeko,” he’s saying. 

“Is this a business lunch?” You ask as you step into the elevator with him. 

“No,” Tenya says, pressing for the ground floor and then hitting the door close button repeatedly. The second they close, Tenya wraps an arm around your waist and places a chaste kiss against your oiled lips. He pulls away as quickly as it happened, lest someone else come in. “I just wanted to get lunch with you and my friends.” 

“Are we not friends?” You pout. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Tenya replies. “Do you like the lip products?” 

“They’re very trendy,” you say. “How did you pick them out?”

“The sales associate,” Tenya says. “I thought the color would look pretty on you.” 

“And? Were you right?” 

Tenya smiles softly. “I was.” 

You grin widely. The two of you step out of the building, heading towards the restaurant. Yoko is in the area, does simple, homemade meals that taste good with a beer. 

The two of you do not hold hands on the street. As you pass a jewelry store, you linger in the window. Tenya pauses alongside you.

“Those diamonds are gorgeous,” you say, pointing at a pair of earrings. “It looks like they have peridot with them.” 

“Duly noted,” Tenya says. 

You smile up at him. “You’re so sweet to me.” 

Tenya hums. “I’ll fire you soon.” 

Giddy, you turn back to the showcase. “Will you do it before summer? So we can go to Fiji? I don’t know if you saw— I sent you the excel sheet of that trip I planned.” 

“I saw it,” Tenya says, ushering you along with a hand on your lower back that lingers for only a moment. “It looks like a relaxing time, but you know I can’t take off work like that.” 

“That’s no way to live,” you frown. “When we go back to the office, I’m going to book you something to do.” 

Tenya leans down to whisper in your ear as you enter the restaurant. “Just make sure you book for yourself too.” He rises, addressing the hostess. “Iida, for four. We’re a bit early.”

Once you’re seated, you launch into telling him about how you found these nice lacquered wood chopsticks that would be perfect for his grandfather.

“That sounds great,” Tenya says, looking over the menu. “Just get whatever you think he’d like.” 

“I’ll make sure he has a nice note, too. I’ll write it and then you can put it in your handwriting.” 

“He won’t notice if it’s in your handwriting.” 

“It’s the thought that counts!” You insist. “Would you want your grandchild to handwrite you a card?” 

That brings pause to Tenya. He looks up from the menu, then looks over your body. He opens his mouth to say something, reconsiders, and chooses: “I suppose I would.” 

Ochako arrives in tandem with Izuku. When she sees you sitting at the table, she lights up. 

“Oh! I didn’t know we were bringing our partners! I would have brought Miko.”

“[First] isn’t my partner, she’s my assistant,” Tenya says. 

Izuku shares a look with Ochako, who rolls her eyes. She reaches her hand over to place it atop of yours. 

“Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t mean it,” she says with determination. 

Tenya looks at Ochako tiredly. She ignores him. 

“So, how is the painting going?” She asks you, remembering your hobby from last time. Ochako and her girlfriend, Miko, both like you. Like you. They make it known every time they see you. 

“It’s going really well!” You say excitedly. “Tenya got me in an exhibit! It opens on Thursday. At Palais.”

“Miko and I will be there! Will you send me the ticket information?”

“Oh you don’t have to pay,” you say. “I’ll let you in for free.” 

“Don’t be silly! Just text it to me!” 

You do, just as Izuku strikes up conversation about the latest development to his hero suit with his old friends. It’s hard to jump into the middle of, but you’re saved when the server comes over to take your order, causing an abrupt end to the conversation. 

Of course, Tenya orders for you. A nice little salmon dish with… you’re not sure. You never looked at the menu. 

After the meal, you and Tenya head back to the office. It’s rather warm out, so he gets you a taxi. Once you’re seated back at your desk, placing your small purse back in its spot and putting your belongings back in your work bag, Tenya speaks. 

“Place the order for the chopsticks, and then go home. Use my card.” He gets his wallet out and hands over the mirrored card, which you accept gladly. 

“Can I buy wrapping for it as well, and a card? Maybe Genshiro needs some teacups to go along with it? Maybe a tea pet?” 

“Whatever you want,” Tenya says. 

“Whatever I want?” You press the card against the fat of your cheek. 

Tenya takes his eyes over you. “Just bring it to me when you’re done and then go home.” 

“Okay!” You chirp. He turns to head back into his office. 

You order all the bits and bobs you need for Genshiro’s gift, sending them to the office. When they arrive, you can wrap them for Tenya. Drumming your nails on the Amex, you wonder what you’re going to get. 

fleurdumal .com. The babydoll you buy is a sheer light blue with embroidered hydrangeas on the bust. You send it to your apartment. 

Then, you stand and head to Tenya’s office, not bothering to knock. He looks up from his work. 

“I have your card,” you say, holding it out. 

Tenya looks at the card, then looks at your nails. Heating up from embarrassment at how grown out they are, you set the card on his desk. He picks it up and hands it back to you. 

“Go get your nails done, and then meet me at Yallah at eight.” 

You blink at him. “But we’ve already had a meal together today.” 

He blinks back. “Can we not have two?” 

“I— I suppose we can…” you trail off. Then, you blurt out: “I just spent a lot of money on your card.” 

Tenya stands up, and your breath hitches as he does, as you have to tilt your head back to look up at him. He reaches for your hand, taking it in his, palm up. He places the card back in your hand closes your fingers around it. 

“Go get your nails done, and then meet me at Yallah at eight.” 

You squeak a little bit at the moment, but then nod quickly. He’s so tall. You turn on your little heel and clop out of the office, the back of your mule lightly tapping against your pantyhose-clothed foot with every step. 

“Oh, [First]?” Tenya calls, your hand on the door. 

You turn. “Yes, sir?” 

For one awful, horrible moment he’s back in your father’s office, closing a business deal. Your father has one of those offices with dark oak and cognac leather, shelves lined with books he’s probably never read and a stash of bourbon. 

And you’re there in a pretty little sundress to as your daddy— you were grown— some mundane question. In turn, he had turned you away and then stopped you— prompting the yes, sir?— and asked for you to get them some ice. 

And in that awful, horrible moment that he remembers the past, he likes the way those two words make him feel. 

Tenya flicks the edge of the folder he’s looking over. 

“Get them done French.” 

You beam at him and nod. Then, you close the door behind you, gather your belongings, and head to your nail salon. 

[foxygrll]

the bf of the freakiest girl u know

[platypusperchance]

beefy iida is important to me

[mintmatcha]

love hotel with tenya after he pulled up your skirt in that one drabble you posted that I cannot stop thinking about

stop stop stop this is so goooooddddd

you've been teasing him for weeks. little winks and pokes, comments about how badly he must have loved you in high school, implications that he might still. you've started wearing skirts more often much to his... chagrin? delight? and everyone has noticed.

"Man, we should have told you years ago," Sero says to you. "Maybe you two would have actually fucked."

The way you laugh echos in Iida's chest like his ribs are windchimes in a storm.

The two of you happen to be alone for once, walking back to the train station. The conversation has been normal: talks of work and the mundane. Sometimes his knuckles brush against yours as you two walk, but he doesn't think too much about it until you stop dead in your tracks.

"Hey." You hook a thumb to the side. "Wanna get this crush thing out of your system for good?"

He looks up. The bright pink neon sign shines on your skin, catching the sparkle of your highlight. The curve of your smile is sinister and he loathes looking away from you. The building is rather insane, to the point he is shocked he didn't notice it earlier. It's a terrible shade of bubblegum, painted with hearts and a zebra print door that beckons him in with 'themed room specials.'

Iida has never been in a hotel hotel before. It never seemed wise to, bring a public figure and all. it's not like he's a virgin -he's fit and attractive, women want him- but his hands are suddenly shaking.

"Come on, let's go in," you tease. "We'll just bang it out and move on."

You laugh again and go to tell him 'you're kidding' for the millionth time, but Iida beats you to the punch.

"Okay."

You pause, smile changing.

"What?"

"Okay. Let's go in." He steps towards it. "We have three hours until the last train."

"We won't need three whole hours."

"I will. I have a lot I need to get out of my system."

[asmogorna]

when comedy anime logic fucks ya over

i just think it would be hilarious if smth like that happened

reigen: omg your psychic powers are insaaaane do you wanna work for me for like 6 or 7 dollars a day

saiki: no

reigen: WAIT can we play rock paper scissors and if i win you work here for a week alright

saiki: [oh you poor clueless moron. sweet summer child. the tragedy of being so naive. i almost feel bad] alright and if i win you buy me coffee jelly

and then reigen won 3 times. that i dont have a logical explanation for. his mind works in mysterious ways that saiki is yet to wrap his head around

[asmogorna]

A lazy one today

[asmogorna]

Witches ..

[platypusperchance]

my toxic trait is that i think knives would have calmed down a bit if he just sat on my face

[princessmo]

blogging away again in tumblritaville

[marmoraskeith]

do you ever just love a fictional character so much that you see a picture of them and your heart squeezes and drops EVERY time? like dam you aint even real and you got me weak