tony winner ben platt

maya

[playlistlucas]

who broke the coffee machine?

Marvin: I’m not mad. I just wanna know.

Cordelia: I did. I broke it.

Marvin: No. No, you didn’t. Mendel?

Mendel: Don’t look at me. Look at Jason!

Jason: What?! I didn’t break it.

Mendel: Huh. That’s weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Jason: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Mendel: Suspicious.

Jason: No, it’s not!

Trina: If it matters, probably not… Whizzer was the last one to use it.

Whizzer: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Trina: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Whizzer: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, Trina! Everyone knows that!

Cordelia: All right, let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Marvin.

Marvin: No. Who broke it?

Jason: Dad, Charlotte's been awfully quiet…

Charlotte: Really?!

Jason: Yeah, really!

-

Marvin: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Marvin: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

[lesbeet]

the chant was not "we will not be replaced," it was "jews will not replace us"

i see all of you writing the former over the latter in your posts and comments and so does every other jewish person on this website.

[lesbeet]

please reblog this, especially if you’re not jewish.

[theblasianbarbie]

im sick of having crushes its time for the tables to turn and ppl to have crushes on me!!!!!

[jonbutter]

[did-you-fall-or-did-you-let-blog]

i fuckinnn NUTTED

just… wait… for… it…

creds to @/itsbenplatt on instagram

[charlottewinslow]

the LAST person you should ever compare yourself to is a celebrity. they have the ability to spend thousands of dollars a month on the most perfect organic food, diet plans, workout plans, and have access to the most high end personal trainers. little old you is doing just fine! make your goals realistic and don’t get bummed out if you aren’t progressing as fast as someone else. 

[prideprejudce]

so today a public health official guy came into my class to give a lecture on disaster awareness and he was talking about house fires and mentioned that the reason people most likely die during a house fire is because they refuse to leave their pet inside or they go back to get their pet. and right when he said this my friend immediately turned his head and looked at me and in that moment I had the most complete and genuine acceptance take over my body. I would 100% in front of my family and Jesus himself walk straight back into some raging inferno that was once my house to go get my fat cat. I nodded back

[prideprejudce]

the best part of this post is reading all the tags from animal people who would also go back to save their pets. like no hesitation. walk backwards from heaven straight back into hell. someone even said they would go back for their fish. amazing

[cages-boxes-hunters-foxes]

This is so important.

[clonettroopers]

au where I’m productive

[sheholdsyoucaptivated]

[chromolume]

when i was a child i used to think the church opposed homosexuality because judas betrayed jesus with a kiss and it went so badly that time

[a-few-small-plants]

it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?

it was only a kiss

it was only a kiss

[tonyrackstonx-deactivated202110]

Y'all better be drinking water.

[berniesrevolution]

[corvid-420]

also where’s that source about America farming Samoans as bodies for their auxiliary soldiers and labor and they still don’t get citizenship

[kuttithevangu]

Honestly the mere fact that some people refer to Daddy Long Legs as “harvestmen” is creepier than 90% of all deliberately created horror but like the worst part is that the alternative is calling them Daddy Long Legs

[pipistrellus]

#WHAT ARE THEY HARVESTING #I AM HAUNTED AND VEXED

[apinchofsanity]

They are harvesting our sorrows

[sweaterweathercub]

True harvestmen, and not cellar spiders which are the other Daddy Long Legs, are truly omnivorous- known to eat everything from spiders, to fecal matter, to leaves and fungus… But one of the singularly most interesting habits of a particular European species is their almost symbiotic relationship with beehives– particularly man-made beehives. When a bee dies inside the hives, workers will remove the the corpse to just outside the hive just before dark. And the harvestmen? Well, they live up to their name.

[feynites]

So what you’re saying is that they are the grim reaper for bees.

[morrithal]

The grim beeper

[iameverysparklywoman]

there’s something so iconic about drinking any substance that is not wine out of a wineglass

[the-quasar-hero]

There’s a huge difference between mimes and clowns, but oh so little does that matter when either and/or both of them are suddenly in your house late at night.

[the-palemoon-presence]

Are you ok? like do you need help?

[realitytvgifs]

[hissmetaylor]

I actually think this was pretty responsible. Rather than banning it outright, which would result in kids wanting to rebel even more, she offers it in her home where she can control the amount people drink. Good on ya, Mrs George. You’re a cool mom.

[mytimeisnevertoday]

She also offered her daughter a condom when she was hooking up with a guy instead of freaking out and kicking the guy out of the house.

[cloudcuckoolander527]

It’s kinda funny how she is simultaneously an out-there parent, yet not a bad one. She might actually understand that her daughter is a anger-ridden teenager who can’t be easily controlled and restricted, so instead of telling her what she can’t do, she tries to guide her to a safer decision. I’m not saying I’m 100% cool with how she executes it, but hey, not a bad parent when you think about it. 

[hipster-trichster]

next up on tumblr: psychoanalysing the mean girls mother.