Realistic Relationship Headcanons
Alan/Mr. Curtis (Inside No. 9) x f!Reader
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of smut
GOD can u tell I love writing these sm I <3 being able to type like my true degenerate self
- Pls laugh at this man’s jokes he’s trying so hard 😣
- Type of bf to wake u up at 6 a.m. doing his morning routine and choking to death while brushing his tongue
- SIT IN HIS LAP HE LOVES IT
- Would try to kick a football back to a group of kids in the park and miss and then get scared for the next hour bc he thinks he’s given u the ick
- Lowkey probs makes u help him mark the kids work when u have nowt else to do
- One time you found a sticker that said “well done!” on your arse and you just KNOW it was him
- Whines with his head in ur lap when he gets a passive aggressive email from someone’s mum
- Horny but polite wid it 🙈
- Uses his teacher voice in bed
- U js know the dick is SO good too like it acc pisses u off a bit
- WILL cry at the John Lewis christmas ad every year
- Say “recycling is a myth” in front of him just to feel something
- Once got a boner bc u kissed him on the cheek 🤭
- Fully a slut for nature documentaries
- If his students wanna waste time they’ll 100% ask him about u and he’ll yap for half the lesson
- Will ask for a “nicer tone, please” when you call him a twat
- Takes ages to initiate a shag cos he’s too busy being SWEET like, “is this okay?” like babe stfu and put it in
- Does that thing where he rests his chin on top of ur head and sways slightly when he hugs u HNNGHFGHH
- Unironically has a “wine o’clock” sign in his kitchen
- Sometimes he’ll get baby fever then one of his year 3s will sneeze on him and he’s like nvm 😐
- U gotta give this man a warning before getting ur tits out bc he’s one wrong move away from a heart attack at any given moment
- Def leaves passive aggressive post-it notes around the house
- Would try to drink pints to impress u but physically gags as soon as it touches his lips
- 10000% snores like an old man soz I don’t make the rules except I do and he snores
- Thinks facebook reels are peak comedy, probs sends u those ai cat videos thinking they’re real and is like, “they’re so brave xxx”
- Def nosey as hell like bro will stand at the window staring out the blinds if he hears commotion down the street
- Always tucks ur clothes tags back in when they’re sticking out awwwww
- Claps when the plane lands 🥴
- Will be like, “I’m resting my eyes,” and then 5 mins later he’s fast asleep
- I js know he’s watched u try to parallel park before and it genuinely gave him a migraine
- Forgets he’s allowed to swear at home
- Probs wants u guys to get a niche fuckass pet like a newt or a chinchilla or some shit
- Facetimes u in the pad aisle straight after walking into the shop cos he’s already forgotten which ones u asked him to buy
- Thinks Michael Bublé is “one of the greatest minds of our generation”
- He’s SO sweet and gentle with u when ur upset
- “Yes ma’am” is part of his everyday vocabulary atp
- Refers to u as “the wife”
- Pulls ur legs onto him as soon as u sit on the sofa like bro give me a MINUTE