ä˝ ĺĽ˝ďźćç弽ćĺ! â greetings, my friend!
â it don't matter how your love feels anymore âÂ
â olivia rodrigo, death by a thousand cuts
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âĄÂ [k. tetsurou] â kuroo x gn!reader
âĄÂ cold steel â atsumu x gn!reader
âĄÂ haikyuu boys as things i did with my guy best friends â tsukishima, kuroo, akaashi, kenma
éťĺ°ž éć ⌠in all of these places and corners
hate is a strong word for how you feel about your department's latest hire, kuroo tetsurou, but it's the only word you can think of right now.
tags ä¸ kuroo t. x gn. reader, post-timeskip, office rivals to lovers, slow burn, friendship (lots and lots of it), jackadlers after-party, emotions: just in general, growing up, a spoonful of canon liberties taken and headcanons
You wouldnât say you hate Kuroo Tetsurou. Heâs but a mild inconvenience.Â
You could never feel that strongly about any of your co-workers. The JVA pays you well, but too little to spend any of your valuable energy agonizing over the new hires. Not with end-of-quarter reports due in two weeks at 4 PM sharp, back-to-back Monday morning meetings at hours ungodlyâwith irritating executives even moresoâcoupled with the fact that you have to train your new mild inconvenience in the open timeslots where youâd, preferably, like to breathe.
On the training part, heâs not so much of an inconvenience. Kuroo picks up the work easily and learns faster than others in seats you know rank much higher than his. Heâs eager and wide-eyed about his first assignments, and even if he slips it beneath smooth words and a shit-eating grin, you always catch the enthusiasm that runs through his expressions as he finally takes the first steps in his dream job. He never told you that, but you could tell. You can always tell things like that.
Itâs that youthful eagerness that gets him a spot at your Monday morning meeting, sitting right next to you. Itâs what gets him a coffee hour with one of your ungodly, irritating executives from the Olympic Committee, and despite being hired years before he was, youâre the one picking up the actual coffee.
Itâs good. Itâs fine. You need people like that in your zombie post-apocalypse of cubicles; chronically overworked, overtimed, overlooked.
âA personality hire,â you tell him, blunt.
Kuroo doesnât look at you with offense. You expect him not to take any. If he canât, heâs good to put in his two weeks and pack up the tiny volleyball charm hanging off his shiny new desk.
All silver-tongued and white teethed, he grins. âAll we do is connect with people. Sounds like a valuable asset.â
You smile back, despite yourself.
âIt is. You better use it.â
You donât hate Kuroo Tetsurou.
You donât.Â
You donât.
ââââââââ
And use it, he does. God.
In the span of a couple quarters, you just now think maybe Kuroo Tetsurou took that âpersonality hireâ comment to heart. Not to spite, you donât thinkâhope, he's already proven himself to be a powerful man in spoken word alone. Heâs probably using it as his motto, hung in his mindâs visionboard of JVA success, and youâre not sure how you feel about being the catalyst.
âItâs been less than a year and he's playing them like fiddles!â You exclaim over your coffee, cold in comparison to your blood, broiling over.
Akaashi only hums in response, softly blowing his latte and taking a sip as he listens to your grievances. Youâd think your favorite former junior (which may soon turn into former favorite junior) would be a good ear, but each complaint is returned with its own origin story from high school and serves to piss you off even more.
âIt took me ages to get Mr. Kanasawa to so much as glance at my presentations, but twenty minutes with him and a spontaneous proposal with Raijin is automatically stamped?â
Thatâs the worst of them, and itâs only the beginning. The cliques that make up your office building split like the sea for Kuroo, clawing at his former varsity athlete muscles and inviting him for drinks every evening. All the while you log more and more overtime, sipping at canned coffeeâwhich is terrible for taking off the edge.
âThatâs Kuroo for you. He did the same thing with Bokuto when they first met: played him like a fiddle.â
Akaashi continues. âYouâd have thought theyâd just clicked, you know? And it did look that wayâbut Kuroo tries when it comes to people. He tried for notoriously moody high school Bokuto Koutarou, and he's not stopping now.â
Akaashi laughs at the memory, light. Nostalgic and fond, warm as the latte he takes another sip of. You click your teeth.
Itâs then that you realize youâre not a catalyst. Nothing close to it. Youâre not, and have never been, a part of this at all.Â
Kuroo Tetsurou has always been this way. More than mildly irritating and more than sufficed to be his own chemical reaction.
Itâs then that you scratch off the âmild inconvenienceâ label on Kurooâs mental file in the back of your mind and write down âhateâ instead. With mental pencilânot pen. Because you do not feel so strongly about a simple co-worker. You're not paid nearly enough to feel much about anything. It is simply the only word thatâs strong enough for now.
ââââââââ
The campaign is supposed to be with EJP Raijin and it is supposed to be Kurooâs. It is not.
It is an exhibition match with EJP Raijin and the MSBY Black Jackals, and it is both yours and Kurooâs. Shoved in your hands and sent to your email in a matter of seconds as how most things that belong to you have been delivered lately.
Kuroo comes with the coffee this time, pulling you into an unscheduled meeting room in the spaces between occupied timeslots and in the spaces where youâd, preferably, like to be away from him and preparing your own presentations due tomorrow. He hands you the latte and two large folders and gets to work.
âItâs still in small meetings and talks. It wonât actually be held until after the season starts.â
He has about three more stacks of paper than you, and he flips through them for a couple of seconds before stopping. A long finger points at some player profiles. Black and white ink, environmentally and budget-conscious.
âSuna Rintarou, Tatsuki Washio, and Komori Motoya all signed with Raijin at the beginning of the year. Inarizaki and Fukurodani graduates respectively, and high schoolâs best libero from the great Itachiyama Institute."
âAnd just this summer, an infamous little crow who wore the number ten is trying out with the Jackals. Home to some old friends and a cousin of whom I just mentioned.â
The volleyball nerd acts like you should know all of these names, and most of them, you do, but he also acts like you should be just as excited. With one of your superiors peeking through the windows as they pass by, you indulge him anyway.
âWhat does this mean for us?â For you, you want to say. How much more does this mean for him and heâs just dragging you along and unknowingly humiliating you?
âIt means,â Kuroo taps two of his fingers on the table in a self-serving and somewhat pathetic kind of drumroll. âWeâre about to get a V. League season of Monster Generation players. And if all goes well, a national team full of them.â
âYou come up with that branding yourself?â
âYes. And I want it all over Japan before the seasonâs over. Ideally in time for the Olympics.â
âStarting with EJP Raijin v. MSBY?â
He smiles. âExactly.â
You sarcastically fanfare, blank, âAnd time for the million dollar questionâŚâ
âHave any of them actually agreed?â
Kuroo smirks. You want to smack it off him and make him pick it up.
âThatâs what I have you for.â
You briefly glance at the window, and your superior is long gone. Then, you look back at Kuroo and take the folders and coffee. You donât tell him that slideshows are already being crafted in your mind, emails drafted across your frontal lobe. You simply decide.Â
You wonât be humiliated.
âYouâre insane.â
âIâm a genius whoâs about to get us both a raise, thank you.â
ââââââââ
Youâve come up with two reasons as to why youâve gotten pulled into Kuroo Tetsurouâs nonsense exhibition match. He didnât tell you, but you didnât need him to. You could always tell things like this.
One of the two reasons Kuroo needs you is because he canât be in two places at once. Otherwise, heâd have these teams wrapped around his finger and dancing in the square of his palm, which they already are, courtesy of high school connections.Â
Heâs been best friends with Bokuto Koutarou since they were seventeen, and newcomer Hinata Shoyo, freshly tanned and back straight from Brazil, can sweet talk teammates and adversaries alike even better than your co-worker. You never thought youâd see the day.
With each of them, you coax an agreement just by mentioning something about Kuroo, or 2012 to 2013, or that fated Spring Tournament, and they're in. Itâs just like back at the office. Speak his name like a spell, and here comes the cavalry. It annoys you more than you could imagine, but itâs a check off the to-do list.
EJP Raijin and the Black Jackals are secured.Â
The second reason, which is something Kuroo canât make up for overnight and the one thing you have over him, is company seniority, and the privilege to present his updated proposal to the main conference room.Â
Unfortunately for him and you both, thatâs only the first step.
Youâre but a cowardly lion in this circus ring, except the circus is a rectangular wooden table, ergonomic office chairs, and made up of executives twice your age, half your hair, and voices with power. Power (and money) you and Kuroo needed.
âPreparations for the Olympics are already starting, and the V. League season is busy as it is. Where are you getting the time and money?â Says one of the men on the farther end of the ergonomic circus table.
You. Jackasses.
Another comments, âI suppose the Black Jackals have been a dark horse as of lately, but these teams arenât in any significant rankings right now. The JVA likes certainty, not sports betting and high school nostalgia. Can you guarantee enough success from both of them during the season to garner interest?â
Your stomach swirls, a little sick. Thereâs already interest! And success! Three slideshows, countless highlight reels and hundreds of crazed Twitter fan comments worth of it! Most of them about Miya Atsumu, yes, but it's interest all the same.Â
Your nails dig into your binder. You switch to the next slide showing the charts instead of voicing your thoughts. It gets some vaguely neutral-positive hums, but itâs not enough.Â
An older woman on the right off-handedly comments on Hinata, who you forget is practically an unknown. A notion you never wouldâve guessed by the way both teamsâand even Kuroo himselfâseemed to have the back of his high school jersey etched in their heart and behind their eyelids. It makes your brow twitch for him. The man was a total sweetheart when youâd met, and if the buzz amongst the teams was true, a total monster to the soles of his reputedly powerful feet.
âYou graduated from Fukurodani, the same year as Mr. Kuroo, correct? I admire your respect for your alma mater, especially with such talent that had come from it.â
She continues. âI know youâre young. We appreciate ambition, but weâre not charity workers.âÂ
Someone drops a pen as soon as the words leave her mouth. It hits the ground with the weight of your meteor heart, falling to your feet. You glance at the clock.
âThank you for your time.â
And after, if you wait for the bathroom to clear so you can scream into your hands and scorn Kuroo Tetsurou, no one can say. Does an overworked sports promoter truly make a sound if thereâs no one around to hear?
ââââââââ
âSo howâd you get to know Tetsurou?â Bokuto asked you the day you came in to propose the idea to the teams, which doesnât take much time at all, so youâre spent in the middle of this reunion between men who, in all their own ways, all know each other. High school volleyball can somehow make this world feel incredibly small.
âWe met when he got hired. I went to Fukurodani.â You said flatly.
âReally?! Didja ever watch any of my games?! You know anyone from the team?â
âYour best friend, also my best friend?â A weak chuckle escaped you. âAghaashi Keiji?â
His owl-like eyes went wide and he bursted into a fit of laughter, followed by some nostalgic stories similar to the day you and Akaashi went out for coffee, only they included him this time. You cared enough to keep some details in the back of your mind to tease Akaashi the next time you two meet.Â
Your computer screen goes black from inactivity, snapping you out of your daydreams, which could be considered actual dreams, what with the late hour glaring at the corner of your monitor when you turn it back on again.Â
Thereâs a singular pathetic light at the corner of your desk, in the corner of your pathetic cubicle, while the rest of the night outside your window is more warmly lit. The open air is likely buzzed from better office workers unlike yourself sipping sake.Â
Meeting some alumni of your old high school had you thinking these past few days. Much more thinking than youâd like to do in the spaces where work had to be done. An old professor back in college, when youâd asked him why he chose what he did, said:
âI simply chose a mistake I could live with.â
You thought he was stupid. You took the advice, but young, possibly (re: definitely) arrogant, and fiery you made a deal with yourself. Youâd never live with a mistake. Youâd make your decisions and prove they were right and youâd see them through until the end.
But the thing about mistakes is theyâre much like surprises. You donât know what they are until youâve ripped off the ribbon like a bandage, and after sifting through confetti, the wound spills of consequences and youâre sitting in its puddle.Â
Your puddle looks like overtime and a trash can full of mediocre canned vending machine coffee. And it reeks of jealousy.
Stupid, petty jealousy and Kuroo Tetsurouâs cologne, and the JVA does not leave expense for jealousy. You know this enough because they did not leave expense for your perfect, seemingly seamless proposal. They donât leave enough for you to feel, but they spark these feelings in you anyway and expect you to curb them so itâs not taking up the budget.
If Kuroo tried for people and heâs been trying since he was in high school, you wonder what youâve been doing.Â
Itâs the caffeine you blame for these thoughts, so to deter them, you sit up and try to make better use of the energy in your veins, flowing with the anger in the torrents and bursting beneath your skin.
The hot rushing anger suddenly turns cold at the back of your neck. You scream and jump from your chair, turning around and ungraciously hitting the figure responsible with a flimsy folder.
âWHAT THE FUCK?!âÂ
âAghâ!â
You didnât think speaking, or even thinking of the devil was real, but here he is. Not a devil, but with what youâd imagine owns a similar smirk and irritating laugh. Kurooâs spooked, from what you could tell from his heavy breaths, but he looks more amused if anything.
You chuckle yourself, half-heartedly, in the way a horror movie protagonist stares at the shadows. âI thought you went out drinking with the others.â
Once Kurooâs settled from his laughing fit, he answers.
âForgot something.â
He waves around a small pencil case, cylindrical and black cat themed with yellow eyes and a zipper to open where its head should be. A little brutal, but surprisingly cute and in his image. In his other hand, he holds the culprit of your mini panic: more cold mediocre canned vending machine coffee.
Kuroo places it on your desk and peeks at the spreadsheets on your computer screen.
âI heard from Bokuto that your meeting went well.â He says. âAnd I also heard the budget meeting didnât go quite so well.â
You stare at the ground.
âSorry for messing up your proposal.â It was pretty good, after all. With your edits, of course.
âDonât apologize. I know it was ambitious.â
âThatâs what the lady said. Then she threw it in the trash.â
Kuroo opens his mouth, closes it again. Youâve pulled him into your wallowing, in the dim light, and you almost feel a little bad. You hear yourself speak, nothing louder than a mutter, but in the dark, it reaches him.
âI havenât made a mistake, right?â
Your breath hitches. You want to take it back, but it makes no sense to anyone else but yourself. Thereâs a beat of silence thatâs much too loud.
âWhat got you into the job?â Kuroo suddenly asks.
You squint. âWhatâs gotten you into small talk?â
âJust humor me.â
Humor, you do, despite yourself.
âI watched Fukurodaniâs match in the finals. 2013 Spring Nationals.â
It was a favor for your only friend, their starting setter at the time, though it mightâve been more of a favor to you. You couldnât care much for volleyball, but you enjoyed the atmosphere and the feeling of school spirit. You could pretend your social life wasnât as bland as it was normally, waving to Akaashi from the stands and getting perhaps one stare wondering how you two knew each other. Plus, the tickets were free to the student body.
Of all the sports you knew, volleyball looked so seamless. Connection by law of the basic rulebook. Three touches, none by the same man in a row; bump, set, and spike. You watched your schoolâs team fight, and they lost, yes, but that day, you knew you witnessed true connection.Â
It looked easier than any other type of connection you knew. So you went into college for business, did well in your courses, and scored an entry-level position with the JVA as young as twenty-two all on your own, and that was enough.
Sure, you still werenât a fan of people, but you liked numbers and clearing off a task list, and for a while, that was enough. Not until Kuroo walked through those doors, a brand new suit in tow. (He never told you, but you could tell.) And you realized it was never just numbers.
It was always going to be about people. People you just didnât know if you could try hard enough for.
âI got into it because of that but,â you bite your lip. âI donât know why I stayed.â
âI donât think I was ever passionate about connecting people to the sport. I think I just saw that connection that day and wanted that for myself.â
This is a concerning amount of vulnerability in front of a co-worker youâve spent hating in place of insecurity, and youâre not sure how you feel about unravelling this wound and laying the bandage in front of him.Â
You swivel back in your chair, like ripples in a puddle. If youâve already accepted this as a mistake, is this one that you want to live with?
Kuroo leans over your desk. Maybe itâs the low light and blue gleam, but his feline gaze isnât quite so sharp at this hour.Â
âYou donât want to quit, do you?â
You blink. âNot really.â
He hums.Â
âYou know, itâs our job to help people learn to love volleyball. For me, I always just liked the feeling when I knew people saw it the way I do.â
He looks at you then, that gentle feline-like gaze.
âYou can learn to love volleyball. Doesnât matter how much time it takes. Trust me, itâll get easier after that.â
And maybe itâs the low light and the caffeine, and the soft way he looks at you, but you want to believe him. And maybe, mistakes, like wounds, will heal in time and become appreciated scars. They are mistakes all the same, but the skin won't be as tender.
Itâs then that you realize something, and make a small update to your little mental file.
You donât hate Kuroo Tetsurou.
You donât.Â
ââââââââ
And you do listen to him. Trust him. Itâs more learning than loving at this stage. In your mind and chest, in your heart, youâre conjuring up something similar.Â
The numbers are easier than the people, but the people are fun, or at the very least, entertaining. You return to the training centers in Osaka and Shizuoka regularly to keep the teams updated, and they pull you in for some drills regardless of your work wear.
You trade your own stories about Akaashi with Bokuto. You trade passes with Hinata, and no matter how terrible you are, heâs quite the gentle teacher. Suna sends you the funny videos heâs always recording through Instagram and you find the drinks that you share with Kuroo and these men taste sweeter than caffeine and go down easier than any of the evenings youâve spent with the people from the office.
You donât love volleyball as much as they do, but you think itâd be an incredible thing to inspire the same love in others. Great news for you, because thatâs been in your job description for the past two years. Everything you learn laces your presentations and assignments with something fresh, and it even gets you in a couple rooms and meetings with more important executives, not nearly as irritating as before.Â
Your supervisor says thereâs something different about you. The way you carry yourself these days. You simply reply that youâve made some new friends.
After a while, closer to the seasonâs start, you learn to bring an extra change of clothes, or if you canât or forget, dress in more casual than business on the days you go out to see Raijin or MSBY. When you finally escape from their grips and let them (re: make them, because your job is dependent on their success) go back to their regular training, Kuroo is at the door.
âWhat are you doing here?â
âI was in the area with the other division,â replies Kuroo.
He takes out a tablet and taps three times. Running fingers through his dark hair, it tussles out the way to show both of his eyes clearly.
âIâve got some bad news and some better news.â
âJust call it all news and say what you have for me.â
âWell, the exhibition match isnât gonna happen when we want it. It could be as far as until after the Olympics.â You hold your breath. Kuroo continues. âBut the proposal isnât rejected. We can still work at it.â
âAnd whatâs the better news?â
âI got the season match-ups before anyone else could get their grubby hands on it, and guess whoâs the kick-off?â
You tilt your head, reaching a hand for the tablet, which he gives with a small smileâalmost giddy, like a little boy. Your eyes widen.
ââââââââ
So, EJP Raijin v. MSBY Black Jackals isnât scheduled to happen when it should, but the folders are kept open by yours and Kurooâs sheer will and some smooth, silvered words, and the nickname âMonster Generationâ actually sticks. Itâs plastered on all of the articles and flyers and Kurooâs definitely going to lord that over you for as long as you live.Â
In place of your paused proposal, the first match of the season between the latter and the Schweiden Adlers takes center stage, and you greedily capitalize on its success like youâre in America instead of Miyagi Prefecture and three tiers higher than your job title.
Hinata Shoyo makes an incredible debut, and youâre reminded of the finals back in your third year of high school, as you watched man fly. Fly, he does. Not just him, but Hoshiumi Kourai is absolutely incredible, and there seems to be a new light in Kageyama Tobio and Ushijima Wakatoshiâs gleaming eyes.Â
Thereâs new light and love and just now, you think you understand what Kuroo means when he talks about how volleyball makes him feel and what it feels like when others see it and feel it like he does.
You go to the Adlersâ section to get their contact information, and what you hear is Kageyamaâs surprisingly adorable autograph, which leads to Kuroo dragging you to meet all his old friends and rivals, and somehow, it leads you into a crowded bar with both teams and a few others.Â
âItâs true!â Kuroo exclaims. Heâs sat across from you while youâve been squished between two Karasuno alumni and old friends of his: Sugawara and Sawamura, who insists you call him Daichi.
âReally?â You huff through your nose, leaned over the table and a few empty shot glasses. âYouâre not speaking from a previous life or anything?â
âOh my godââ Kuroo scoffs, appalled. âHow hard is it to believe I was a shy kid? Really, I couldnât even look Kenma in the eye!â
He turns to Daichi on your right, whoâs still howling with laughter.Â
Sugawara giggles. âYou know, Iâd believe you if not for that. Everyoneâs a little shy as a kid, but Kenma? Worse than Kenma?âÂ
âOh, come on!â
Itâs all fake anger and mirth in Kurooâs gaze, hazy laughter ringing through your ears. His smooth dark hair, which heâs just revealed to you as bedheadâand you believe that as much as you believe the stories of his shy childhoodâis tussled unevenly in his hands.
âWe should play volleyball again, sometime,â Daichi finally says, settling down and sipping from his drink.
âOh, really?â Competition sparks in Kurooâs smile. âYou sure you can take it, penalty king?âÂ
Sugawara interjects their taunting. âLet me start working out again first! Iâm not built like you two!â
Kuroo flexes his muscles to you three through his suit, making the other two men roll their eyes. You playfully gag and turn away, distracting you from the heat converging across your cheeks. Itâs the alcohol, and you try taking another sip to dispel the heat with a stronger burn. When you lift your head, you hear his flexing accidentally knock Bokuto in the head with his biceps.
âYou know, that reminds me,â Sugawara turns back to Kuroo. âI never expected you to go into business. I really thought youâd go pro too!â
Kuroo tilts his head up from his drink. âReally?â
âOh, donât gas him up,â you groan. âHe gets enough of that at work already.â
The man across gives you a look, somewhat pitiful, and you look back, sticking out your tongue.
âHe does dress more like a conman now, though! Youâve always had that look to you,â Daichi remarks.
âNo, I donât!â
And the bar bursts with laughter again, buzzing.Â
Kurooâs softâlike this. Surrounded by people you know he loves more than anyone else in the world. That, he doesn't have to tell you. You could always tell things like that. In the way he rubs Bokutoâs back before he runs out of the bar, keeling from a speed drinking competition with Miya Atsumu. In the way he continues to taunt Daichi and who he playfully calls âSuga-chanâ, and itâs all for naught because thereâs no malice laced in his words or his soft feline-like gaze. In the way he brought you canned coffee with that same look you forget how many nights ago.
Itâs all love. All in the way he just is.
He hears Bokuto gagging outside and runs to the door, and all you can do is smile and take another sip.
In that way, too. And inâ
Andâoh.
Oh.
âAlright,â Kuroo soon enters the bar again with Bokuto hanging off one of his shoulders, mouth washed and exhausted. âWeâve gotta get this guy back to the hotel. You coming with?â
You blink. Slow. Itâs the alcohol, you tell yourself.
âYeah,â you pause. âYeah.â
The early winter breeze washes over your skin, sobering you up a little more. Kuroo makes you take Bokutoâs other side, and you both give each other a look and share a laugh when you nearly collapse beneath his muscle. The pair of you fall into a rhythm after getting used to it though, walking to the street corner where the car will be waiting.
âI never realized how much I missed them,â says Kuroo. He looks at Bokuto, whoâs half-asleep mumbling drowsily, then at you. It makes your breath hitch.
Thatâs the thing about connection. âTheyâre here. Theyâll always be.â
Kuroo smiles at your response, and his laughter, softer this time than in the bar, sings with the sounds of the night life.
God, you need to see Akaashi. Maybe invite him for drinks instead of coffee this time.
ââââââââ
Unfortunately, Akaashi is still in Tokyo. Youâre still in Sendai. Fortunately, phones exist.
âYou knew this was gonna happen?â You deadpan.
Akaashi mumbles through the speaker. âYeah. Thatâs how Kuroo is. He was gonna get you one way or another.â
âWhich way was this?â
âNot exactly what I expected, but it was one of the possibilitiesâthe way you constantly complained about him to me.â
He pauses. âAre you complaining?â
You think back to the bar. That overtime night at the office. The laughter, the coffee, the alcohol, the night and the moonlight against his skin and what canât possibly be bedhead because how does it look that soft?
âNo,â you laugh.
âThen enjoy it, but make sure to say something when it feels right.â
ââââââââ
The next meeting youâre in, on a warmer Monday morning, itâs closer and closer to the Summer Olympics, and the conference room is full of names youâd have only dreamed of. The national team selection is being shown to you in its own branded packet. Color and cardstock, this time. You trace the names on the sheet beneath your fingers.
Most of them are men youâve been acquainted with, some youâve seen on the regular on your trips to Osaka and Shizuoka, some youâd gotten to know that night after the Jackals-Adlers. Most of them are people youâve connected with, one way or another, and the names or faces you donât know, youâre excited to make connections with.Â
This time, it's actual connection, like that winter afternoon in your third year of high school at Tokyo Arena. For the first time in your life, it's the connection you've always wanted to make.
The meeting ends later than you expect, shaking hands and adding a few new numbers to your work phone. You don't mean to be proud, but really, it's getting a bit much at this point. Out the door, amidst the small crowd, you move down a quieter hall.
Kurooâs waiting for you in one of the break rooms, still not enough seniority to have joined that meeting, though you can vividly picture he wouldâve been buzzing in his seat. He's even doing it now, tapping two fingers against the table.
The roster would be going public soon, and all who were chosen were already notified, so you were told itâs not completely confidential. Technically. But Kuroo can keep his mouth shut.Â
You hand him the papers wordlessly. He scans it carefully, and you watch his eyes move slowly from one side to the other. Across the table, you can't tell where he's actually looking. You think heâs pausing at certain names, and his breath hangs in the air for some special ones. What you believe are special anyway, the way his gaze widens and glimmers and the grin he just canât hold back turns dopey and boyish.Â
Proud. Thatâs more like it.
âItâs all you wanted,â you say.
He finally speaks, breathless. âYeah, it is.â
Kuroo looks up at you, and his dopey, boyish grin turns smug. More annoying than proud. âAnd guess what the Official Olympic Committee is calling it and all subsequent advertising?â
âWhat?â
âThe Monster Generation,â he gloats. âAnd even more branding all to do with describing them as monsters.â
âOh, fuck off.â
âIt was genius, thank you.â
You roll your eyes, playful.
âTheir first practice is next week,â you sing-song.
âYeah?â
âGuess who got invited to supervise?â
ââââââââ
Ajinomoto NTC isnât new to most of the members, many of whom you learn had gotten invited to one of the Youth Intensives back in high school. It shouldnât be so grand, but the tall ceilings, high tech equipment, fills you with something new. A light feeling, rushing against your clothes like a soft breeze.
Itâs new to you and Kuroo, of course youâd be amazed.
âThe floor isnât hardwood,â Kuroo mutters. Itâs a fact he shouldâve known by now, been to more professional matches than he could count, played at Nationals with the same synthetic ground, but it seems to fill him with wonder all the same.
âTobio-kun said the same thing the first time we were here!â Atsumu laughs, walking in from behind you two. The rest of the team follow close behind, and the young suns of the bunch (itâs just Bokuto and Hinata) nearly bounce off the walls, while the others carry laughter and determination in their stride.
Youâre supposed to be in the corner with the other staff, taking notes, keeping track of stats, things that are part of your job. Information you can relay back to the JVA and the duties you were sent here to do.Â
That lasts about until after lunch.Â
Maybe itâs the enthusiasm of new beginnings that keeps the energy levels just as high as they were in the morning, but itâs worryingly infectious, and itâs reaching your co-worker.Â
âPlay a set with us!â Bokuto pleads, pulling at Kurooâs dress shirt sleeves.Â
He looks at Coach Hibarida for aid, who only looks at the two like theyâre children with a content smile. Kuroo then turns to you, and itâs definitely the enthusiasm infecting you as well, and you return his glower with a teasing thumbs up. He doesnât say âfuck youâ but his eyes communicate something close.
All of Kurooâs further excuses are dismissed. Clothes? About the same size as Ushijima-san, Yaku deflects like a perfect serve receive, shoving him into the locker room. Unfit? The team takes one look at him and the shoulders that want to escape his suit vest, says bullshit, and pulls him onto the court.Â
Itâs all fake denial from Kuroo. You can tell. Heâs practically vibrating in his borrowed volleyball shoes like heâs a middle school boy playing volleyball for the first time again. (You punch his arm when you notice heâs a little too proud about being able to share clothes with Young Cannon Ushijima Wakatoshi. Your knuckles sting a little and your face goes warm when you realize thereâs a reason heâs able to fit the clothes of the young cannon.)
You move your chair closer to the court to watch, admittedly a little curious to see Kuroo play. For someone presumably out of practice, it takes less than a few rallies for Kuroo to fall into place. Youâd never admit this to him, but you understand what Sugawara meant when they thought heâd go pro.
He loves volleyball in this way too. Loves in the way the rest of these men have dedicated their lives to the sport, but in a suit and once, years ago, in a jersey. How his eyes gleam getting a quick set from Kageyama, and the setterâs eyes shimmer in turn. Kurooâs sprinting across the court, receiving serves and spikes from the best in the country, occasionally blocking the nastiest hitters to step foot on this linoleum ground, and it feels no different than a hardwood high school gym. As sweat drips from his forehead and he takes a glance at you, you think this is one of the few times youâve seen true, unbridled joy on his face. It looks gorgeous on him.
âDonât you dare tell him this, but I really do miss him.â Yaku says, standing beside your chair and taking a sip from his water bottle.
He introduced himself to you just this morning as Nekomaâs and Kurooâs former libero. Kuroo introduced him as the infamous Demon Senpai and consequently had his ass kicked by a man no taller than five-foot five. You didnât know if the moniker âdemonâ was warranted, but watching their banter had you see some resemblance.Â
You didnât have the pleasure of meeting him until this spring. Apparently, heâd been playing in foreign leagues as young as twenty-one, over in the snowy cities in Russia. He speaks again, and the words slip so gently beneath his breath, you donât think theyâre for you.
âI loved having him in front of me.â
You blink. âHeâs still here.â
âYeah,â Yaku smiles, yet his cheekbones seem like theyâre held up with a little more weight. Bittersweet, how his voice lays on his tongue, and ever so heavier. âI know.â
ââââââââ
In the end, they definitely played more than one set, and Kurooâs thoroughly sweated through Ushijimaâs athleisure and volleyball shoes. They werenât new or truly beloved, the spiker reassures, but Kuroo takes them with him in a bag to wash and return at the next practice. Beneath his smooth words and an exhausted smile, you catch the enthusiasm at the possibility of the ânext timeâ.Â
You glance at the training center behind as you leave, and the lights of the surrounding city remind you that the night is far from over. Just as you think that, you hear a little commotion from the men walking in front of you.
âNo drinks!â Iwaizumi, newly hired trainer, warns. Thereâs some groans in the crowd, but they concede.
âWe could at least get dinner,â Komori offers. âAnyone weâre missing?â
âKageyama and Hinata are still in there, but they promised Hibarida-san theyâd help close up,â sighs Suna.
Ushijima comments. âHoshiumi-san is still inside as well.â
âIâll check in with them,â you say. You hadnât had the chance to get Hoshiumiâs number, not at the game or at the Jackadlersânickname coined by yours trulyâafterparty.Â
You walk back into the sounds of court squeaking and Hoshiumiâs high voice scolding Kageyama and Hinata, possibly getting a little raspy from doing it for so long.
âI thought you guys grew out of this!â Hoshiumi chides, both hands on his hips. Kageyama and Hinata are practicing their signature combination, which you know theyâve been doing for a while, blue-and-yellow balls decorating the floor of the other side of the gym and the complete opposite of helping Hibarida close up. For a moment, you wonder if it was mistake or Japanâs greatest weapon on the committeeâs part to have them be on the same side of the court again.
The shorter spiker sighs when the duo insist on fiveââNo, ten!ââmore minutes. By his age in comparison, you suspect Hoshiumiâs grown rather doting towards his teammate and longstanding rival.Â
âThey really try harder than anyone else,â you chuckle into your fist.
Hoshiumi sighs, coupled with a tired grin that softens his features. While he does agree, the flames of rivalry that glint in his gaze tell you he wonât be left behind. You suspect itâs the same for the rest of the team.
âItâs because we love it so much that itâll only get even harder.â
Once Hoshiumiâs had it, and you think perhaps these demon-like qualities come with being under 180 centimeters, you leave your response to that unsaid and unheard. Youâve learned something. Just today, this past month, these last quarters. Youâve learned about connection all in the way you watched Kuroo play. Bump, set, and spike. Connection in the way Hoshiumi takes the dynamic duo by the earsâsomewhat affectionately, what you suspect is his love language, anywayâand helps them clean up.
Itâs precisely because of that love that youâll be able to persevere.Â
ââââââââ
You donât join the team for dinner, and surprisingly, Kuroo doesnât either. Then you get ten more emails sent to you, and you hear ten more notifications coming from Kurooâs suit pants that next morning and it doesnât surprise you much at all.
But these, like all the things that have been shoved in your hands and sent to your emails, belong to you now. Volleyball, in some way, belongs to you now. It wouldnât be polite to not take care of them. Gently polish and refine, as one does with a volleyball and other precious things.
You donât ride the bullet train to Osaka and Shizuoka anymore, instead, you circle a few buses until you get to Ajinomoto Training Center and supervise their training every day. And supervise is but a strong wordâHibarida has asked you to leave the room multiple times a day so they donât get distracted trying to impress you. Kuroo joins a few more sets during their free practice, less than before due to the work piling on your backs, but enough to exhaust him and keep his friends happy. He returns the clothes and shoes to Ushijima and starts bringing in his own, and youâve even caught him scrolling online stores on your breaks looking for new pairs.Â
Eventually, every day turns into every other week to none for Kuroo, much to Bokutoâs dismay, but it canât sting the team for long. Their first match is dawning over the horizon. You try not to let it sting you either. Your tasks still need taking care of and thereâs three more campaigns for some of the national team members youâve just been assigned. You take a sip of canned coffee from the vending machine at the training center, which is surprisingly better than the one at the office, and continue working at your laptop.
And if there are two extra tabs open, one for a nicer sports store with volleyball shoes recommended by the team, and a few fancy restaurants in this area of Tokyo, including the place the players went to after that first day of practice that you and Kuroo missed, no one knows. No one sees.
ââââââââ
âI am so sorry, Keiji,â you exclaim, crashing through the doors of the small cafe without regard for the rest of the occupants.Â
At a table near the entrance, thereâs two new guests included in your coffee hour, which youâre fifteen minutes late to: Bokuto, and a tall, bespectacled blond youâre told is another old friend from high school and in Tokyo for the matches coming up.
Akaashi waves his hand around in reassurance, patting the seat beside him.
You sit down, reaching a hand for the blond and introducing yourself.
âTsukishima Kei,â he responds. âYou work with Kuroo-san?â
âDoes he have to be the common link between everyone?â You groan, though lighthearted.
Akaashi smiles into his mug of coffee. âHeâs quite the charmer.â
Tsukishima rolls his eyes and you think youâve found a kindred spirit in the mind behind those glasses. Bokuto catches that look and puts his arm around his shoulders.
âOh, donât act like you werenât charmed too, Mr. âJust A Clubâ Sendai Frogs Blocker! Why didnât you tell us?!â
âCongratulations,â Akaashi says. âI hear theyâre about to breach Division 1. Itâll go far under your guidance.âÂ
âItâs not under my guidanceâagh!â Tsukishima tries to spit out the words beneath all of Bokutoâs smothering. He gets something out, and you empathize with his attempts. You knew how it felt to be carrying all that muscle.
âYouâre still the cornerstone blocker, right? Learned against the best around!â Bokuto proudly puffs out his chest.Â
âKuroo-san?â Tsukishima smirks, and the spikerâs face drops. The words leave his mouth too quickly for Akaashi to record the indirect admission.
âAh, thatâs where Iâve heard your name! At the Jackadlersâ party,â you suddenly realize. âHinata sings your praises, you know?â
âTell me something I donât hear everyday.â
His scorn comes out all too soft. A light flush dusts his cheeks, no matter how bitter his tongue.
Akaashi huffs a noise. âJackadlers?â
âThe Black Jackals and the Adlers.â you explain, pulling out your phone and a few posts. âI made it up, you know. Convinced the Enaga Fumi and her intern to start using it in their articles. Itâs going around on social media.â
Akaashi nods, then looks back at the other two. Tsukishima, who finally escaped from Bokutoâs coos, only to have to comfort him for hurting his feelings.
âYou know who made up the nickname Monster Generation and convinced the JVA to put it all over their branding?â The former setter goads, and the other two figure it out just from his mirthful smile.
âThat was not his idea.â Tsukishima deadpans in denial.
âIt was,â you confirm. âPisses me off as much as you.â
âWhat I hate even more is that heâs throwing that fact around every chance he gets.â You look back at Akaashi, and you make sure to ask him when the last time he even saw Kuroo was that heâd be able to tell him. Knowing their history, itâs probably been conceptualized as far back as their mindless conversations in high school, when all those players first made their mark all those years ago.
âSpeaking of Kuroo, he was supposed to come today,â Akaashi comments. âI havenât been able to get a hold of him.â
You hum, a finger to your chin. âYou and I both. I think he got put on the front lines for marketing the first match, and I honestly havenât seen him since. Still, it shouldnât be that hard for him to answer his phone.â
With a frown, you turn to Akaashi and sigh, âIâll try to catch him at work.â
ââââââââ
And catch him, you try. And Kuroo tries not to blame you, but you are being terribly obvious.
It helps that his superiors keep pulling him left and right, tacking more work and reports on his desk with a smile, and Kuroo feels everything except joy. It keeps him away from you and your invitations to go back to the training center and watch the team again.Â
Sure, his phone keeps blowing up. Not just from work, but from many of the others too. If not for their match this weekend, heâs sure Koutarou would be texting him every hour, on the hour. Akaashiâs invited him out multiple times, on his dime, and though free food and drinks are tempting and the exact things he needs to take the edge off, his mental to-do list shields his brain from getting any respite. (And itâs not even food and drink he needs, itâs just Akaashi.) Even Kei and Kenma have sent him a text or two, and lord knows how difficult it is for them to look at their messages.
They wouldnât blame him, would they? You wouldnât blame him.Â
Of course, heâd take that promotion.Â
He was pulled into one of the bigger offices, its own room made for one person. He was given the position and the sizable pay raise from his work in the aftermath of the Jackadlersâhe saw Enagaâs articles, heâll give you creditâgame, and was promised even more if the marketing for this weekendâs match went well and he took it.Â
Now, a small lamp flickering in the corner of his desk, and his monitor screen about to go black from how long heâs spent staring and not working, he wonders if it was worth it. Itâs close to midnight. The skyscrapers outside of the JVAâs building replace the stars, blinding the corners of his vision and giving him a small headache.Â
Closing his eyes, the rest of his senses come forth. Thereâs footsteps behind him. Yours, heâd know blind. The assertive way your presence struck the earth, or the gray carpet at least. Youâre probably trying to pull the same trick he did all those months ago, and heâs proven right when cold metal presses the back of his neck. It doesnât surprise him as bad as it did you back then, but he does jolt. A little.Â
Kuroo opens one eye. You place the canned coffee on the desk, right next to his black cat-themed pencil pouch. He vaguely remembers you mentioning that the vending machine coffee at Ajinomoto NTC tasted better than the vending machines here, which you wouldâve followed up with an invitation to return when you were ungraciously interrupted by another meeting he had to run to.Â
He opens both eyes when he realizes his monitor had turned off. You donât say anything, leaning over the desk and lit by the dim, yellow lamp. The edges of you are warm, soft against the dark office and skyscraper-lit night through the windows. Your expression is anything but, but he sees the softness in your features anyway. He can always find it. Things like that.
âTheyâre asking about you,â you say, finally.
âKou?â
âAll of them.â
He takes a breath. âI figured.â
âSo why are you not answering?â You badger, firm.
âThereâs still more to do,â replies Kuroo, reaching for his mouse and clicking around to start the computer again. You place a hand over his, making his breath hitch. He hopes it isnât heard over the tension, just as the warmth blooming across his body isnât seen over the dark.
âHow much more is there to do?â You fume, keeping an iron grip over his knuckles. âIâve seen your work, you know?â
Kuroo stays quiet.
âI saw the campaign you did with Bouncing Ball. I saw you nudging sponsors and scholarships towards that high schooler on the roster. I see it all.â
God, of course you do. How does anything escape you? Nothing does. Youâre in and out of the office, on the buses to the training center and on the bullet train to Osaka and Shizuoka, and youâre still getting all your assignments and presentations done on the hour sharp. Youâre on your laptop and in the big meeting rooms heâs still not allowed in, and youâreâ
Everything. He isn't.
âCan you just leave me alone?â He snaps, jerking his hand away and making yours return to your sides.
You scoff, jaw slack. Kurooâs blood suddenly goes cold.
âSorry, sorry, Iâve just been in a mood lately, andââ
âNo, no,â you sigh, exasperated. âDonât apologize. Just tell me whatâs been up with you.â
Your hand moves to the desk, and it hits his nameplate. You blink, taking it and lifting it to your gaze as you read it over.Â
âWhen did this happen?â You turn it over to him, like itâs not his nameplate and he hasnât read it a million times on nights just like this, showing off the shiny new engraving.Â
âSince I stopped going to the practices with you.â
A huff of disbelief escapes your throat.Â
âThatâs what it was,â you mutter. âYou never told me you were team lead.â
âYou never asked.â
âHow was I supposed toâjeez, why didnât you tell me?â
âItâs all still new. Itâs really only in name. Iâm the youngest one in the group.â
Itâs now that he realizes you were probably thinking the same things that night of overtime as he is right now. Lit by this same light, staring out this same window and starless night. Itâs that realization that finally grabs his thoughts out of his throat.
âI thought I was ready. I spent so many all-nighters for this, you know, and I knew this was what I wanted to do with volleyball in my life.â
âThen the proposal got put on hold, and everything was still technically fine, but it hit me. And work began piling up, and thereâs so, so much more to this than just going around schools in Tokyo and holding workshops.â
He looks up at you. The monitor turns off again, and all your soft edges are warm once more.
âYou saw me play with the guys, right? I was back in it. I was blocking some of the best in all of Japan! God, one set, I made Kiyoomi lose his damn mind. Sakusa Kiyoomi.âÂ
âThey were talking about how much they missed playing with me, or playing against me. The ones I didnât play back then wished they did when we were in high school and I wished I couldâve as well, andâŚâ
He finally takes a breath. It heaves out of his lungs like burning rope, in and out of his throat and still trying to grip and pull something out he doesnât yet want to release. Kurooâs next words come out warbled and shamefully watery.
âIâm doing the right thing, right?â
Kuroo Tetsurou hasnât wasted anything by trading his captainâs jersey for a suit, has he? The shadows or threads of fate havenât looked down on him for moving their places, spending his nights in a college library now a corporate office instead of a gym, and sweat, and synthetic ground?
In teaching others how to love, he hasnât lost his own, has he? He still loves volleyball, not as much as he did at eighteen, or at eleven when Tokyo and the world was so large and unfamiliar and volleyball was his everything and maybe, itâs not as everything as before, but volleyball knows how much he loves it, yes?
The peopleâKoutarou, Kei, Kenma, Nekoma, you, all of themâknow how much he loves them, yes? Because he does. So damn much. Despite the diverging paths of life and fate, shadows and threads, despite everything, he does. He loves. More than anything heâs ever known.Â
Even if he never returns to the court, he loves volleyball and everything that it gave him. How it blessed him and held him so gently. That, yes, connection can come in just three touches. Bump, set, and spike. Body, brain, heart. Connection is as simple as this and yet as complicated as can be, how it flows through his veins and the atoms that make up his blood and the oxygen within, but Kuroo wonât ever care about the technicalities because itâs brought him everything.Â
Heâs shown his love, hasnât he? Donât they know?
A tear falls down his cheek. Kuroo tells himself itâs the headache and sleep deprivation.
With all your soft edges, yellow light against your skin and warming the pads of your fingers, you wipe the wet salt away, hand lingering against his skin and his tussled bedhead. It doesnât linger for so long, but the touchâyoursâis phantom on his face.Â
You lead the silence away with your voice, like a firefly on a summerâs night like this one, so unnatural in the middle of urban Tokyo.Â
âI had a professor once say to me, when I asked why he did what he did,â you quote, âI simply chose a mistake I could live with.â
Kuroo squints.
âI thought he was stupid.â
He smiles, wetly. That sounds more like you.
âBut,â you add. âI understood what he meant. Just recently. Weâre all made of some bad decisions. The things we love will only hurt so much more, but thatâs what it takes to love them with all our hearts.â
âYou can decide the things, the mistakes if you will, thatâll feel easiest to carry. Or, you can carry what you want anyway, because you know itâll be worth it. Itâll be worth it even if it hurts like hell because itâs yours.â
Kuroo finally looks up at you and youâre staring back. In the way your gaze softens, in the way your eyes are glassy too, just as his, he sees an emotion heâs not yet faced on you yet. He canât give it a name, but itâs kindred. It belongs to you both. To this night, and it probably belongs to that last overtime night too, when the positions were switched and you were in the chair and he, on the desk and lit by another flickering lamp.
It looks gorgeous on you. If itâs on him too, somewhere in the glass of his gaze, Kuroo hopes you think the same.
Your voice turns light. âYou know, youâre wracking your brain over these two things, but really, youâre just choosing between volleyball and volleyball, arenât you?â
That seems to crack you up, lifting your shoulders with rejoice. âItâs all still volleyball, no matter which way you look at it.â
Your joy pulls out Kurooâs own, squeezing his stomach with laughter, and the rest of the tears that laid in waiting fall still, but not from the emotion they were born to. When youâve both settled down, he smiles. Smaller, soft.
âItâs still volleyball.â
ââââââââ
âSo, whoâs Oikawa Tooru?â You ask, turning to Tsukishima on your right.Â
Kurooâs sat on your left, with Akaashi to his, knuckles resting on your knee and branded with Team Japan all over him. Heâs wearing Bokutoâs number 4 with Yakuâs number 17 underneath in case the former misses any spikes, and vice versa for the libero dare he botch a serve receive.Â
âThe most annoying bastard to live,â the blond responds. âI need those two idiots to crush him.â
That doesnât answer your question in the slightest, but you find you donât quite care. You wave around your flag and cheer when Japan and Argentina come out on the court, and a few of them spot you four in the stands and wave back.Â
Youâre not with them. Youâll never know what it truly feels like to stand on that court, behind the net and in that heat. Youâll always be in these stands, back in that winter afternoon in Tokyo Arena in 2013, and now. Kuroo wonât step onto it in the same way he did at eighteen. You both wear business casual, leaning towards business these days, and despite it all, this still belongs to you.Â
This is still volleyball, and this is still yours.
This court, the shrill whistle, the cheers. Volleyball belongs to you both, not in the ways it did or couldâve before, but in all the ways it needs to.Â
Thatâs all the both of you ever need.
ââââââââ
You pull at Kurooâs dress shirt, pleading. âCome on, itâs important!â
âWhatâs so important we need to go back to the office again?â Kuroo tries tugging you off of him, looking back and forth between your insistent gaze and the Japan team, seconds from walking off to the restaurant without the pair of you.
âVery important!â You insist, âwe can see them after, but I need to show you something!â
He sighs, allowing you to take his arm and drag him back to the JVA building. Itâs all cleared out, association members partying just as you two are supposed to be tonight, but then he watches your eager eyes as you dig through your desk for the surprise you have prepared, and he thinks he can hold off on caring. Just for a second.Â
âAlright, close your eyes,â you command, though you do so for him anyway, palm grazing over his eyelids.Â
Kuroo concedes, holding out his hands. Something weighty and cardboard rests on his arms, and he nearly drops it when he realizes his muscles are too relaxed for the item youâve given.
âOkay,â you finally say. âOpen them.â
He looks down. He can tell as soon as he sees the box but he opens it anyway. Theyâre volleyball shoes.
State of the art, the same brand as all of the players on the national team, and in mature dark red and black detailing. He traces the material beneath his fingers, and looks up at you, somewhat giddy. The way you look at him feels soâeverything.
Volleyball isnât so everything anymore, but it still belongs to him. It might not take up his heart anymore, large as the moon and his frame, but itâs the smaller, precious things that are held most gently, arenât they?
This, this moment, feels like everything. Everything heâs been given by you, and life, and volleyball, and he loves it with all his being. Instead of everything he's thinking, he says something else.
âYou know how much these cost?â
You roll your eyes. âI know, jackass, Iâm the one who bought them. On the recommendation of the best jumper weâve met too.â
âHinata-kun?â
âHoshiumi.â
Kuroo gasps. âTraitor! Kouâs his teacher, you know!â
âWhat can I say? I became a fan.â He did have quite the highlight reel during the Argentina game, which Kurooâs currently planning to edit and hopefully post in time.Â
Kuroo jabs your arm playfully, setting the box down and smiling at you. You scoff in faux disbelief.
âThatâs what you get for calling me a personality hire,â he says.
Your eyes widen. âOh my god, how long have you been holding that in? Did that actually hurt your feelings?â
âOf course, it did! Itâd hurt anyoneâs!â
âAre you serious?â You chortle with amusement. âWait, wait, wait, now I feel bad!â
âNow?â Kuroo huffs, but itâs all jest and false anger. He knows you can tell. âI was repeating it to myself in the mirror everyday before I came into work like it would curse you.â
âHow could I have known? You replied to me all smug, like it never bothered you.â
âWell, I didnât internalize it that bad. You told me to use it well.â
You think about those words, all that time ago, and maybe you shouldâve taken your own advice much earlier. His, as well. All you do is connect. Thatâs what he said that day.Â
âUse it, you did,â you say, breathing into the night.
Itâs closer to midnight. The monitor sitting on your desk isnât on, and neither is the small pathetic light in your cubicle. All thatâs present is what little space lay between you and Kuroo, and this same feeling, present then, both times in this place, and now. Maybe, it's always followed you both.Â
The sky is starless in the big city, but thereâs constellations to be formed in the way everything has fallen into place to connect you both. And so, you take Kurooâs tie, pulling him in, and letting his warmth seep into the empty spaces, and maybe youâd like to breathe, but not right now.Â
He returns your kiss eagerly, pressing you up against your desk. Thereâs a moment, a silence where you both stare into the softness around the edges of your gazes, yours not warmed anymore without the dim light, but Kurooâs is all hazel and honey and glowing, and then he kisses you again.
After youâve indulged, and his tie comes a little loose, with your own clothes disheveled, you speak again.
âYouâre incredible, Kuroo. No matter what you do from here on out. You know that, right?â
âOf course, I do.â
He repeats your words. âYou know that yourself, yeah?â
âOf course.â
All you do is connect. Maybe connecting, in threes, in people, in heart, body, and mind, is all you both know how to do.Â
Right now, itâs all you both want to do, for the rest of your lives.
note. there's a lot here. so much. i just want to say thank you to the user who asked if they could expand on the bl tropes headcanon in their own fic, which had me think about expanding the popular office worker kuroo headcanon, and it turned into this. somehow.
if you enjoyed, please let me know! it makes me happy to read comments, and this is probably my favorite work of mine yet (it's also my longest, 10k whoof) i also recommend you read this kuroo character study, which inspired much of the themes in this fic.
endlessly, i tell you
how they tell you "i love you"
cw: some spice (you can use your imagination)
ft. oikawa tooru, miya atsumu, tsukishima kei
there are few things oikawa tooru is bad at. controlling himself is one of them, at least when it comes to you. right now, perched on his bed and the prior topic of conversation long forgotten, he is peppering kisses onto every exposed surface of your body as if he needs his lips to learn you just as much as his hands.
as for the parts of you that remain unexposed? well, he could take care of that very easilyâand that he does.
he nudges the collar of your shirt down just enough, his breath searing hot against your bare skin. this time, instead of exploring your body, he lingers, and his chaste pecks turn into deep, slow kisses. you can't help but let a noise bubble from your throat at the sensation.
"don't leave a mark, tooru," you plead, your voice straining with effort to remain steady. "i have to be presentable tomorrow."
"you're always perfect," he murmurs, still pressed against your neck. "screw the work dress code."
just as you were about to rebut with a that's not how it works, you feel a sharp nip at your collarbone, and you yelp in surprise.
hours later, when you emerge from the room, you're pleasantly surprised to find that just like how he executes every set for his ace and the way his hair lies after he wakes up every morning, he's perfectly hidden a reminder of himself on you for the next couple days.
miya atsumu is the bane of your existence. or, he might be the reason for itâyou'll never know. all you know right now is that his hands, perched precariously on the hem of your shirt, are dangerously closed to exposing more than you were willing to share at the moment. you feel a slight tug on the fabric, and a whisper in your ear:
"is this okay?"
if you were standing, your knees would have given out from the weight of your heart swelling with adoration. thank goodness you were sitting in his lap instead, legs wrapped around his waist.
you nod, and he wastes no time slipping his fingers under your shirt. his hands rest in the space between your waist and your hips, slotting perfectly into place. the gentle brush of his thumbs sends shivers down your spine that burrow into the furthest reaches of your body. as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, you feel the beginnings of a smile forming on his lips, and on yours, too. your hands are on his, guiding it further up your body, and he takes the liberty of mapping the uncharted hills and valleys of your body. the sounds you make are telltale; there are still things he hasn't made you experience before.
fret notâhe's set on changing that very soon.
you know things are going to get serious when tsukishima kei takes his glasses off when you kiss. long gone were the days of bumping noses and awkwardly clacking teeth, of giggles and hiding burning cheeks. the same hands that concealed your face in embarrassment are now tangled in his hair, pulling his body closer in an ache for more. a roiling sensation sparks and sputters within your abdomen, though it was far from foreign for you. (the only thing is, it was usually felt when you laid alone in the darkness of night, waiting for the overwhelming heaviness of sleep to subdue its consuming fire.) before you could do anything about it, your lips unexpectedly meet air, limbs untangling. you're met with the sight of his face, blond locks disheveled. (what could have possibly been the reason for that?) oh, how pretty he looks. you're about to pout in protest, but his body anticipates your objection. his arm firmly holds you at a distance, and with one swift motion, takes his glasses off with his spare hand.
"look at me," he rasps. be it softly, you knew him well enough to know that it was a command. "i want to see you properly this time. without this in the way," dangling his glasses from his fingertips.
it's ironic, because you spend the better part of the next hour seeing absolutely nothing except stars.
a/n: this marks my return back to this app... i hope the spice is just right because i'm not giving y'all any more ;)
started this tumblr account about 6 years ago in high school and now i'm approaching my last year of college and applying to grad school.... there is no way time works like this in any universe
and if you're seeing this yes i may or may not be going back to writing (extremely) sparsely
shouto todoroki becomes a pro hero believing that there is no other greater accomplishment in life, until he meets an elementary school teacher who makes him think otherwise.
genre: strangers to lovers au, pro hero!shouto, teacher!yn | fluffÂ
warnings: aged up characters, a side midoriya/uraraka relationship, slow burn, all slice of life cutesy shitÂ
word count: 8.8kÂ
a/n: this fic marks my request to join the anime writing community, because iâm trash </3Â
People like Shouto Todoroki are bred for fame, glory, and status. After all, it is all he has ever known. It is the blood, sweat, and tears of his being, the only goal heâs ever had, the dream heâs been trained to say since he was a child. Itâs hard to fantasize beyond expectation. So he has spent his entire life working towards those goals, merely filling out a mold that has been cut out for him. Sure, his exposure to certain influences has allowed for certain adjustments and trims here and there, but Shouto has always been a hero first and an individual second.Â
what kissing him feels like â fluff ; spice ; gn!reader ; 0.4k words
kissing him is like not realizing you were so deprived of oxygen in the same way you both pull away, breathless, hiding faces in heaving chests. kissing him is a tentative meeting of lips, and the subsequent yielding of all inhibitions, of melting into strong hands. they roam your body, mapping out the hills and valleys of the small of your back, your waist, the nape of your neck, your jaw, your soul. itâs as if you were cursed to disappear into mist and he is trying to imprint every inch of your body into his memory to keep you safe there forever.
there is a bottomless well of hunger that he is trying in vain to fill when he moves in sync with your lips. he anticipates you and you, him â until his tongue meets yours. a jolt of surprise ripples through your body. you hum words of incoherent pleasure into his lips, but he understands and the vibrations of his murmurs respond:
âiâm here.â
âiâm so lucky to have you.â
âi love you.â
all at once.
you revel in the knowledge that you have that sort of effect on the boy youâve loved for what feels like your entire life.
he pulls away with half-lidded eyes, drunk on something more potent than wine. the space where the lingering remnants of his kisses are feels cold, blown by a slight breeze. you suddenly feel his lips on your neck and you draw a sharp breath thatâs more reminiscent of a whimper, this time too loud for the wind to conceal as a mundane gasp. your grip on his shoulders loosens, hands trailing down to his chest as you arch your back, pressing body against body.
his kisses travel from the crook of your neck up to your jaw, tracing its outline until they meet your lips. he leaves no room for repose as your gasps continue to be swallowed, fanning some innate spark in his core into an uncontainable blaze.
kissing him is like not realizing you were so deprived of oxygen in the same way you both pull away, breathless, knowing that even an eternity wouldnât be enough to express the wholeness of the love between you. but in that moment, you believe you can.
what kissing him feels like â fluff ; spice ; gn!reader ; 0.4k words
kissing him is like not realizing you were so deprived of oxygen in the same way you both pull away, breathless, hiding faces in heaving chests. kissing him is a tentative meeting of lips, and the subsequent yielding of all inhibitions, of melting into strong hands. they roam your body, mapping out the hills and valleys of the small of your back, your waist, the nape of your neck, your jaw, your soul. it's as if you were cursed to disappear into mist and he is trying to imprint every inch of your body into his memory to keep you safe there forever.
there is a bottomless well of hunger that he is trying in vain to fill when he moves in sync with your lips. he anticipates you and you, him â until his tongue meets yours. a jolt of surprise ripples through your body. you hum words of incoherent pleasure into his lips, but he understands and the vibrations of his murmurs respond:
"i'm here."
"i'm so lucky to have you."
"i love you."
all at once.
you revel in the knowledge that you have that sort of effect on the boy you've loved for what feels like your entire life.
he pulls away with half-lidded eyes, drunk on something more potent than wine. the space where the lingering remnants of his kisses are feels cold, blown by a slight breeze. you suddenly feel his lips on your neck and you draw a sharp breath that's more reminiscent of a whimper, this time too loud for the wind to conceal as a mundane gasp. your grip on his shoulders loosens, hands trailing down to his chest as you arch your back, pressing body against body.
his kisses travel from the crook of your neck up to your jaw, tracing its outline until they meet your lips. he leaves no room for repose as your gasps continue to be swallowed, fanning some innate spark in his core into an uncontainable blaze.
kissing him is like not realizing you were so deprived of oxygen in the same way you both pull away, breathless, knowing that even an eternity wouldn't be enough to express the wholeness of the love between you. but in that moment, you believe you can.
kuroo x reader ;Â fluff ; lots and lots of it ; gn!reader ; 0.6k words
kuroo tetsurou, who never needs to look at the periodic table to remember the atomic masses for elements. he spends that time staring at you, apparently. but you wouldnât know, you donât have eyes on the back of your head. (he swears itâs the prettiest back of anyoneâs head heâs ever seen.)
kuroo tetsurou, who displays his goggle marks like a badge of honor to everyone in the class, but when you walk past him, he asks you if itâs noticeable. (it accentuates his eye smile, you think, but you would never say that out loud.)
kuroo tetsurou, who ties his apron extra tightly before every lab just so he can ask you to help untie it after. you try not to look down any further when youâre undoing that stupid knot â really, you do.
kuroo tetsurou, who hounds everybody who eats in the lab but asks you for a piece of gum every day. thatâs not strange at all, right? or, at least, thatâs what you tell yourself.
kuroo tetsurou, who swears his heart skips every time he sees you smile in triumph at your test grade. he wouldnât mind if the teacher made more exams if it means he gets to see you smile every time.Â
warnings: pretty suggestive, youâre in a closet together, plenty of playful banter
a/n: i wanted to try something a little different than my norm and experiment with some light elements to see how it goes <33
pspsps; @kage7ama
reblogs and opinions are always appreciated <3
you can hear his breathing.
it comes out in its slow breaths, an inhale, followed by a feathery exhale that somehow caresses your face.
itâs nothing more than a gentle sweep of your cheeks, and the nervous shuffling of kuroo, who attempts to find space between you in the narrow closet youâd been placed in together.
the truth was: you werenât mad about this at all. not in the slightest. sure, plans for the evening werenât made expecting to be placed mere inches away from the handsome face of the boy you could only dream about, but the reality of it wasnât startling.
didnât change the fact that you were nervous though.
âiâve never seen you so quiet,â kuroo chuckles, âcat got your tongue?â
âwhat would you want me to say?â you ask, voice peaking curiously at the end. it was a genuine question. you werenât sure what he expected.
âanything,â he responded simply, âi like your voice.â
the silence continued within the walls of the closet, and you could faintly register the thrum of your heart beneath your chest. the air was tinted with a hint of the cologne heâd always worn, and unsaid secrets that begged to be shared.
âwe should figure this out,â you began, âwhatever this is.â
âiâve been wanting that for a while actually.â his hand brushed your own, tangling his fingers into yours. âhow long have we danced around it?â
âa while,â you laughed, âwhere do we even start?â
he shuffled slightly closer, his knees knocking against your own. âthe day we met,â he smiled, âyou were so genuine.â
âand you were insufferable.â
âhey! i was not!â he protested, âi wanted to see if youâd cave.â
you had caved. caved for his knowing grin, the light in his eyes, and the way he seemed to memorize your very presence.
âwell i didnât.â you said instead.
âcome on, weâll get nowhere if youâre this stubborn,â kuroo teased, reaching his hand to poke your cheek. âdonât get me wrong, i love you holding your ground, but i just want to hear it.â
âwhat? that i like you?â you laughed, âdidnât think you were one for sappy confessions.â
kuroo leaned forward, and even in the darkness, his eyes glowed with something you couldnât quite place. âwellâŚ.iâm not. but youâre different.â
you felt a little heat rise to the tips of your ears. âdo you really think a little proximity is going to make me actually say it?â
his lips brushed the shell of your ear. âno, but i like you.â
you paused. you couldnât believe what youâd heard. âsay that again.â
âi like you y/n. for the way you put up with me and are someone who i can truly rely on. i have for months.â
you hesitantly reached for him and cupped his cheek. it was just as warm and solid as youâd imagined, and you whispered your reciprocation before gently brushing your lips with his.
he slowly leaned forward, placing his hand on your side and kissing you softly, as if you were a figment of his imagination came to life. his hands wandered to your cheek, and you found yourself pulling him closer.
his lips traveled onto your ear, nibbling softly and trailing his way down to your jaw. his lips met yours again, and you pressed into him, relishing in the small gasp he let out.
you could kiss him forever. he felt the same.
the door busted open.
âright times up lovâ oh.â
kuroo pulled away with a smirk, only to meet the eyes of yaku who looked embarrassingly at the floor.
âthat was definitely more than seven minutes,â kuroo grinned, wrapping his arm around you.
âoh yeah.â yaku nodded, âi expected this would happen, but didnât actually prepare me for it.â
you simply laughed as you shot an apologetic smile at the libero and made your way out of the stupid closet that had finally resolved the lingering tension.
kuroo settled next to you, his fingers intertwined with yours. a look into his eyes told you everything words could not, and as he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, you knew in your heart that heâd meant every word.
you were his support, and he was yours, discovered by a closet rendezvous and the promise of yet another kiss.
Šmysterystarz all rights reserved - please do not plagiarize, translate, or modify my fics even if credited
the way my most recent drabble/scenario got notes so much faster than all my other previous works is,,, w h a t
i genuinely spent so little effort on it that if i spent less effort iâd be in the middle of REM sleepÂ
and i havenât posted anything in like a year ?????? i thought i was shadowbanned wtf
kuroo x reader ;Â fluff ; lots and lots of it ; gn!reader ; 0.6k words
kuroo tetsurou, who never needs to look at the periodic table to remember the atomic masses for elements. he spends that time staring at you, apparently. but you wouldnât know, you donât have eyes on the back of your head. (he swears itâs the prettiest back of anyoneâs head heâs ever seen.)
kuroo tetsurou, who displays his goggle marks like a badge of honor to everyone in the class, but when you walk past him, he asks you if itâs noticeable. (it accentuates his eye smile, you think, but you would never say that out loud.)
kuroo tetsurou, who ties his apron extra tightly before every lab just so he can ask you to help untie it after. you try not to look down any further when youâre undoing that stupid knot â really, you do.
kuroo tetsurou, who hounds everybody who eats in the lab but asks you for a piece of gum every day. thatâs not strange at all, right? or, at least, thatâs what you tell yourself.
kuroo tetsurou, who swears his heart skips every time he sees you smile in triumph at your test grade. he wouldnât mind if the teacher made more exams if it means he gets to see you smile every time.Â
kuroo tetsurou, who takes the lead in his lab group when doing experiments, except when heâs assigned to one with you. youâre taken aback when the top student in the class asks you for your opinion on how to write the lab procedure, not knowing that itâs just an excuse for him to listen to you talk.
kuroo tetsurou, who pretends to not understand acid-base equilibrium just so he can ask you for help. itâs too late by the time you realize that he basically invited himself over to your house to talk about anything but chemistry for two hours straight.
kuroo tetsurou, who catches you staring at him instead of the solution in the flask when your lab group was doing titrations that one time. the corner of his lips tugs into a mischievous smirk, and your other group members yell at the two of you for overshooting the titration â by a very long shot.
kuroo tetsurou, who reaches his hand for the stopcock on the buret at the exact same time you do. thankfully, you manage to successfully complete the experiment this time, but not before you accidentally brush your hand with his. the shade his face turns almost matches the pink indicator, and this time, itâs your turn to smile wryly.
kuroo tetsurou, who asks you out to prom with an iodine clock reaction. somehow, he gets the entire class in on the secret (except you, of course). you say yes with a smile so stunning everything else pales in comparison.
kuroo tetsurou, who is extremely baffled at the fact that you can ace every one of your chemistry teacherâs tests but you still havenât realized his feelings for you. it turns out he was wrong, because one day after class, you tell him about your year-long self conducted experiment. hypothesis? kuroo tetsurou is head over heels in love with me.
kuroo tetsurou, who gives you the last data point you need with a yes and a kiss. conclusion? youâre now dating the best kisser and lab partner in the entire world.
a/n: i apologize in advance for all the chemistry terms; i miss chem class so much and iâm still salty about my 4 on the exam </3