Reflections

my thoughts need a place

[poetryheart]

So many people,

yet I'm alone

Heart of the city,

Silence is all I hear

Crowded classroom,

middle of the desert,

What's the difference?

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

growing up as the fat girl is something else.

It doesn't matter what else you are. The first thing you think of yourself as fat. Not smart, creative, artistic , absolutely nothing else.

The shame builds up till that is all that you are. You are fat, that is all that you are. You're not even human at one point. It's kinda ironic that you can take so much physical space but in essence, you are still invisible to the entire world. I'm much thinner now, at the border between overweight and normal and it's just insane. That yes, i was ugly, I had poor self control, and according to people maybe I didn't respect my body enough, maybe I wasn't disciplined enough,but I was still human underneath all the ugliness. Sorry to all those people that I ruined the aesthetic of their environment.

[poetryheart]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Conrad doesn’t leave early on Christmas.

Canon divergence showing how things would have progressed if Belly and Conrad had kept in touch with each other after spending Christmas together.

[poetryheart]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

  Summary:

𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘯 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘢𝘩, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳… 𝘢𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘢- 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦, 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘪𝘯

Short vignettes about Belly's feelings and how she could never really let go of Conrad.

I was listening to Guilty as Sin and i couldn't help but think it was such a perfect song for Belly's feelings towards Conrad when she is with Jeremiah and then well, I kinda started sketching these vignettes .

These are short, but well ,med school has a way of keeping a girl busy.

[poetryheart]

Guilty as Sin is such a Belly song

[poetryheart]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Summary:

“This is 100 percent your look, Connie baby"

Her joy is infectious and he can’t help but chuckle, “Oh, is it?”

“Yeah” He must look utterly ridiculous, but its all worth it as she is still giggling. 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦.

 A look into Conrad's thoughts in S2 E6 when he and Belly are in the store.

This is the first fic I wrote. Please check it out. The show has taken over my life and i literally can't think about anything else but Conrad 

[poetryheart]

They tell me black eyes are boring. Nothing special about them. Even mine are black. But darling, in your eyes resides the entire cosmos. And when you smile, the galaxies themselves beam down at me. Your eyes are pools of infinity, and all I can think about is drowning in those waves. You are the night sky, and i can only admire your beauty. They've all got it wrong.

You wonder why I can't hold your gaze, if you look at me too long , I'd be lost in your universe, no one would find me here again and I wouldn't ever want to return.

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

I'm headed towards ruin, baby,

Chose that train at 6, honey,

The world shamed me for loving you,

And I always knew,

this road would only break me

But every time, when you called,

You were the only choice I could make

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

Oh, sweet nature,

How I beg,

To disappear within you.

Mankind can hold no candle to you,

yet he continues to dirty you so,

As if you could not

let out a mighty roar

and destroy him entirely.

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

Glad I was young when I met you,

Growing up would have ruined everything good between us

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

Ocean waves,

Blue sky,

Home, home,

My heart cries out.

City noises,

People everywhere,

Mom, how do I tell you,

You sent me to hell

and told me not to cry

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

The lesson life taught me so far,

their skeletons might be different,

But no matter where I'd go,

I'd always meet the same people

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

City skyline fooled me so brilliantly,

For a few days I thought,

Maybe this time I'd belong,

Fate must have wanted to slap me,

How could I forget something

she told me over and over again

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

Even after all this time,

I still dream about you

- Nikki A

[poetryheart]

You could care more,

that's true,

I try to care less,

but somehow,

I'm still stuck on you.

I could blame you for all eternity,

but I know it's my fault for falling

when I knew you wouldn't catch me

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

Memories....

No matter how few or less,

they're the only piece of you

I get to keep with me

-Nikki A

[poetryheart]

In the morning I want to

conquer the world,

but every night I wish

I didn’t exist

-Nikki A