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@polyamorous-bpd
Remember, you can have a loving supportive relationship with your partner(s) without controlling what they do or who they love. It’s okay if it feels scary right now, but you are safe and it will get easier.
I don't believe that I have bpd anymore, not sure if I ever did. But it turns out my partner was not very loving or supportive, I was not safe, and it didn't get easier :/
BIG ONE: you're enough on your own. It's okay to be alone. As cheesy as it sounds, you are an entire amazing spectacular universe in and of yourself. Spending time with you is a real treat.
Remember, you can have a loving supportive relationship with your partner(s) without controlling what they do or who they love. It's okay if it feels scary right now, but you are safe and it will get easier.
Everyone who is polyamorous and has bpd is awesome, and poly bpd lesbians are exceptionally fantastic
try not to let your heart get too heavy. there’s a lot of fucked up things in this world but there is also joy and people who love you and good things to come
Just because your partner is doing something fun with other people while you are not, doesn't make you a loser or bad at polyamory. It doesn't mean your life is boring. It doesn't mean people don't like you.
You're not alone in the world, or worthless or forgettable, even if people aren't directly paying attention to you right now.
There are many people who love you now and will love you in the future. This is is not a threat to your partner(s), and other people loving your partner(s) is not a threat to you.
Masterlist BPD Resource Post
Hello! This is a post I’ve been working on for a couple of hours, trying to go through all of the helpful and most resourceful BPD posts on Tumblr and bring them all together in a nice little BPD Resource Masterlist!
I’ve done my best to categorize these, but if you think something belongs in another category, or I should make a new category for a specific topic all together, feel free to send me an ask and I’ll do my best to do that!
Also, it’d be nice if you guys would let me know when links are broken/not working anymore. I’ll do my best to fix them without removing the resource completely.
This list will change constantly, so if you see somebody reblog this, visit the ORIGINAL POST to make sure that you reblogged the more recently updated list! Anything that is new or recently added will have a * next to it!
Do you have a loved one with BPD?
What is a FP?
PSA For FP’s created by a Borderline.
Dating someone with BPD.
How to validate someone’s feelings.
Tip #1 to help someone with BPD.
Helping your BPD pals.
My friend told me they have BPD… Now what?
Guidelines for non-borderlines.
Tips if you are someone with a friend who suffers from BPD.
Loving someone with BPD.
What to do when someone tells you they’re mentally ill; Do’s and Don’ts.
How to help a friend with BPD.
How to help me.
How to have a healthy relationship when all parties have a mental illness.
Favorite (Person) tips.
Stimulation Posts
For people who like pleasant sounds.
“Cutting” simulator (self harm TW)”
* Flow.
* Silk.
* Line.
Coping Mechanisms
Anxiety coping tools.
Self care journal.
Digit - Help save money.
Emergency cleaning.
You feel like shit.
Your FP loves you.
* My Positive tag.
How to make a comfort box.
How to let go of a past relationship.
Booster Buddy.
Breathing exercise.
Advice for people not having a very good day.
Grounding yourself.
22 “less difficult” ways to practice self-care.
Dissociating? Ground yourself.
50 Alternatives to self harm. (Ordered by mood!)
* Anxiety and Panic masterpost.
Glossaries/Definitions/Masterpost List
BPD Glossary
Mental Illness Glossary.
DBT Resources Masterpost.
DBT Skills Masterpost.
Some BPD Terminology.
The Reality of having BPD.
Different types of Borderlines.
Splitting
What does BPD feel like?
BPD Blog List (VERY good list of resourceful BPD blogs).
BPD Subtypes.
Causes of BPD
Checklists/Self DX Websites
Personality Disorder Diagnostic Checklists
Some online BPD Self DX tests.
How can I start finding out whether or not I have BPD?
Tips for Self DXers trying to get an official diagnosis.
What is similar to BPD?
Diagnostic Checklist (This is for multiple mental illnesses, not just PDs).
BPD Checklist
just because you are having conflict with your partner does not mean they don’t love you, and aren’t grateful to be with you anymore. it also does not mean that they love their other partner(s) more, or that they are going to replace you, or that you’ll be abandoned. conflict is normal, especially in a very close, intimate relationship.
When you're partner spends time with someone else, even if it's in a romantic or sexual way, they are not abandoning you.
My partner hooking up with someone new is not a slight against me. I may feel angry and hurt right now, but that's okay. I know that these feelings are coming up because of our culture of monogamy, which teaches us that our partner having sex with someone else is the ultimate betrayal, and I'm supposed to be angry. But this is not a betrayal, a slight, or a threat.
Tips on dating for when YOU have BPD
I’ve seen so many articles and posts on “how to date someone with BPD”, or worse “warning signs your partner has BPD” or “how to recover from dating someone with BPD”. But I could only find ONE article giving advice to people WITH BPD in relationships. So, I’ve made my own. Here are some tips on maintaining a good relationship when YOU have BPD:
Be open. I know you’ll be scared that if you’re too honest, you’ll scare the partner away. But you need to be truthful, or you’ll end up bottling things up, and then they explode.
Saying that, sometimes it’s okay not to express your fears. Small fears such as how your partner hasn’t texted back as fast as normal, don’t need to be expressed when they occur. Once you’ve calmed down, take the time to express it. Say “It makes me a bit sad when you don’t reply fast, but I understand that sometimes that happens” This way, your partners understands your fears, but also knows that you understand their limits too. Sometimes our fears are small and go away if we wait, so take a minute to thing logically (if you can).
It’s okay to show symptoms! Don’t be mad at yourself if you have a mood swing in front of your partner, it;s not your fault
Avoid expressing when you’re splitting. It’s hard not to let every things out when we’re mad and splitting, but try not to if you can. Try and suppress for a little time and express your feelings once you’ve settled. This way you can express them neutrally, without bias, and make sense when you do so.
Keep reminders of your partner’s care for you. Screen shot texts and keep them in a folder. When you feel unloved or the person isn’t responding, read through these to remind yourself that they love you
Ask your partner to give you small reminders. Ask “every now and again, can you remind me you love me?”. This isn’t a big ask- a small text once a day is not manipulative or needy, and your partner should be ahppy to as this makes you happy
Set guidelines. It’s okay to have certain things you get paranoid about. Tell your partner that there are some things you don’t like- e.g. “I don’t like it when you use full stops, it makes me think you’re angry, could you avoid doing so? I understand if you mess up though.” A relationship is about caring for each other and making each other comfortable, so your partner should be ahppy to make small changes to make you happy, just as you’ll make small changes to make them happy!
Be prepared to compensate. Sometimes we get paranoid about things that we just have to let happen. We get worried when our partner talks about other people, when they see other people. It’s okay to express this, but we have to learn that we can’t stop our partners doing this. This is hard, and something I struggle with myself, but it’s needed to make our partners feel comfortable. If your partner is out doing something you don’t like, distract yourself.
Find someone else, with BPD is best, to vent to. I have a close friend or 2 who I vent my worries to, and they have BPD as well. They understand and validate my fears, so that I don’t feel needy or mean. This way you can express these fears without controlling and hurting your partner. E.g. I say to my friends “My partner is seeing his ex today. I get that’s his right to but it’s pissing me off and I just wanted to tell someone.”
Remind yourself it’s okay to express yourself. Telling your partner you’re scared they’re going to leave you isn’t automatically abusive or manipulative, it’s true.Tell them you feel suicidal isn’t manipulative, you deserve support and love.
When splitting, learn to distance yourself. If you notice you’re splitting for an unfair reason, it’s okay to distance yourself. It’s okay to walk out a room, to stop replying for a minute to compose yourself. This way, you won’t lash out, and you can avoid getting more angry. Inform your partner you are splitting, so they can give you space.
Don’t let yourself be invalidated. If your parter says something invalidating, mean, or hurtful, tell them. We get scared that if we tell our partners they hurt us they may leave, but it’s important not to let our partners hurt us.
Tell your partner about your BPD- and if not that- about your symptoms. Tell them you split (you sometimes hate people for no reason), tell them you have abandonment fears (get scared they’ll leave you). This way your partner can adapt and help you. Give them tips to help you. e.g. “If I’m scared you’ll leave me, tell me you love me, and tell me why you love me”
Learn to say sorry. Sometimes we lash out, sometimes we get irrational and hurt our partners. this may not be our fault, but it is our responsibility. Learn to say “I’m sorry I lashed out”.
You deserve someone who’s willing to help you. You deserve someone who is willing to send you little messages, who is willing to validate and support you. Don’t settle for someone who gets mad at you for your mood swings or invalidates your feelings. We deserve a kind, loving, supporting relationship as much as anyone else.
it is okay to feel scared, angry, and entitled sometimes. this may cause you to want to control the actions and feelings of your partner(s). but you can realize when you are stuck in these emotions, what triggered them, how you are perceiving the event, what your action urge is, and what other perspectives you might take. but remember, you’re feelings are always acceptable, they are just not always the truth.
you do not need to control things to be safe. you don’t need to control other people to be safe. you don’t even need to control your thoughts and reactions. but you can calmly look at the root feeling behind those thoughts and reactions and it will help you learn and grow. most likely your fear/anger is based on past experiences, which are not happening right now. your past experiences are not the current reality.
you are safe. your partner’s other relationships are not a threat to you. you may feel scared sometimes, you may even feel overwhelmed by panic. but remember, take a few deep breaths, you are not in danger and your metamours are not a threat to you.
you are not replaceable. no one can be you. you are not in competition with your metamours, because your partner appreciates you for exactly who you are.
