Poly Positivity

All-inclusive positivity for polyamorous / non-monogamous folks, because the world needs more love. Note: please be respectful of post sources. Don't add on other genders to mlm or wlw blogs' posts, don't add "and cis" to trans posts, etc.

[polytivity]

Ok so my little sister (6 yrs old) watches this show.on netflix called pinky malinky, and I was just in the living room the one time while she was watching it and I found out one of the main characters has 3 dads in what looks like a poly relationship (i'm not 100% as it was just a glimpse). And that made me so??? Happy??? I'm not poly myself but seeing just even small bits of rep like that, especially in kids shows gives me so much hope for the world :))

That's so cute! I've never heard of it before, but according to a quick Google search, all 3 really are his dads and their names are Jim, Jim, and Jimmy.

Thanks for sharing!

[polytivity]

(1/2) So I’ve been in a poly relationship w my boyfriend for a while now. He has a boyfriend and the relationship is open (all consensual), n I just told the first person outside of the relationship abt it and they said they’re glad I found somebody “EVEN if it’s an open relationship”. And that just really hurt my feelings? Like they thought my relationship didn’t mean as much because it didn’t fit the mold of mainstream relationships you know? I care abt this person but I’m really unsure on how

(2/2) to approach the topic without it seeming like I’m overreacting. Which I might be and I’m sure they didn’t mean it like that, it just feels really shitty of them, you know? I mean if you have nay advice on how to approach the topic without putting them off it’d be greatly appreciated. Even if u don’t thanks for letting me vent ig lmao

Monogamous people - especially ones who aren’t familiar with what polyamory is - have a lot of internalized bias against nonmonogamy. Our culture bombards us with ideas about monogamous fidelity being morally superior. It’s all nonsense, but very few people are ever given a reason to examine why they think that. It’s completely valid to feel frustrated, angry, disappointed, or hurt when someone devalues your relationship (or anything that’s important to you), especially when you care about that person.

If you would like to educate them from a safe distance so that you have minimal risk of coming off too strong, you might consider giving them a copy of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert, or The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. If you want to go even more casual (and free) than that, you could just drop them a link to MoreThanTwo.com or even the Polyamory section on Wikipedia, which is surprisingly depthy.

It can be very difficult to educate someone directly about a controversial subject when you have a personal stake in it. If you decide that you want to approach it that way, the best advice I can offer is advice I’d give when approaching any situation that rose from conflict. Start off gentle, avoid accusatory statements like, “You hurt my feelings because you think my relationship isn’t valid,” in favor of personal ones like, “I felt hurt by the way you spoke about my relationship, it felt to me like you were implying it wasn’t as good as a monogamous one,” and make it clear that your intention is to educate, not argue, because you weren’t angry, your feelings were hurt.

Either way, the most important thing here is that you’re happy with the relationship you have and that you would like for your friend to support you, which, in my opinion, is a fair thing to say to them verbatim.

I hope that helps, and I’m sorry it took me a minute to answer, I don’t tumble as much as I used to. :)

[polytivity]

So I’m 17 and have realized I’m crushing on 2 of my coworkers at the same time. How do I know if I’m poly or just… kinda slutty lol

One of the most revered works of literature in the poly community is The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. This is not a community that concerns itself with the mainstream notion that promiscuity is bad or wrong.

As long as what you're doing is done with proper respect to the safety and consent of your partners, you're not hurting anyone. Will some people look down on you for that? Yes. Their opinions only carry the weight you give to them, though.

What you're feeling is normal and natural and there's nothing wrong with it. Whether you choose to label yourself as poly, to reclaim the slur "slut" as a label, both, or neither, is a personal choice. The only moral issue that you need to concern yourself with is communicating those feelings with honesty if you choose to act on any of them, so the person or people involved have the ability to provide informed consent.

[polytivity]

I’m a minor, but I find that I can love more than one person at a time. I would be okay with dating one person or more, it would depend on what my partner wants and I’d be okay with either. Does this make me poly? Can minors be poly?

The only person in the world who is allowed to decide how you identify is yourself. Whether we're talking about your gender, your orientation, or your relationship preferences, these labels are all things we give ourselves, and anyone who tries to gatekeep you from one of them is doing it out of an ulterior motive.

If you feel like you could be happy in more than one relationship, or in a relationship that involves more than one person, that's all the reason you need to try out the label and see how it fits. It doesn't matter how old you are. If you wear it forever, good on you for figuring yourself out young, and if not, it's no big deal, you're always free to change your mind.

[polytivity]

Ugh ok so literally the hottest, most adorable and sweet couple that run @thespacecadets are looking to open their relationship to another person 😍 im crushing hard 🤤 sorry I just needed to gush a little but I have zero friends and you're my favorite blog 😂

Aaa thank you!! Gush at me! Tell me about your crushes! And 👏 tell 👏 them!! @thespacecadets you have a suitor!

[polytivity]

I'm 25 and only just really exploring the potential of polyamory, though I'm inexperienced in any form of relationship. two things I'm sure of is that I am hetero and would feel most comfortable in a polyfi-triad, is there anything about this arrangement that can be seen as restrictive or selfish? I just don't think I would be comfortable with an open-relationship dynamic. Thank you

There is nothing inherently wrong or selfish about wanting to be in a polyfidelitous group, no.

That said, ‘restrictive’ can be another story. What you have to remember when seeking a poly relationship of any kind is that every potential partner is a person first, with their own goals and desires and feelings, and whatever they are or could be to you comes second to that. Saying that you want a polyfi-triad in advance is one thing, but what happens when you start meeting people who you like, and who like you, but don’t want the same dynamic, whether it be because they’re open to a larger fidelitous group, or are into relationship anarchy, or have another partner already who isn’t interested in dating you, or any number of other things?

If your answer is, “That’s fine, we’ll just accept that we aren’t romantically compatible,” or, “I’ll reevaluate how I feel about my desired relationship dynamics if that happens,” then you’re ptobably on the right track. If you have any thoughts to the effect of, “Anyone who really wants to date me should be okay conforming to the relationship style I want,” you need to take a step back and critically examine your goals and biases.

In short, the more you build up a picture of what you want your relationship to look like with theoretical people who do not exist, the more likely it is that you’re building a fantasy and trying to force real people to fulfill it for you than you are to be looking for partners with respect for who they are and what they want.

[officialfemme]

bisexual mlm moodboard [requested]

credit

[polyamandhellaglam]

Unicorn hunting and seeking a polyamorous partner are VERY VERY DIFFERENT. They mean different things and they have different connotations. I want to address this because some people do not know the difference. Lets be clear.

Seeking a third sexual or romantic partner is totally okay. Whether the relationship is closed, open, no matter your genders, no matter your sexualities, no matter the level of commitment, polyamory and nonmonogamy are beautiful and valid no matter what other people think.

Seeking a person to act as a sexual object for you and your partner is not okay. Humans are humans. You can want a third person for casual sex but you must remember they are a person. They have needs. They have desires of their own. You don’t own them, they are not an object you can simply share them with your partner. You have having sex with them and they are a person who can always, always revoke consent, deny your sexual advances, and change their mind. They are not your sex toy, they’re your sexual partner. 

The difference between nonmonogamy and unicorn hunting is respect, consent, and humanity. Don’t objectify your partners.

[kedreeva]

Soulmates are not your ~other half~, that’s just nonsense. You are a whole person already, not half a person. A soulmate isn’t even inherently romantic. A soulmate is just the other sock in a matched set. You’re still a whole, complete sock on your own, you are perfectly functional paired with any other sock, it’s just that it’s even better when you match. A soulmate is literally just the person (or people) who makes your soul go “!!! Same hat!!!” and wave excitedly.

[polytivity]

If you're poly, you may or may not be a sock fit for an octopus.

[polytivity]

can I ask for relationship advise? So I am not poly but my boyfriend is, and he just told me that he has a crush on one of our mutual friends. Also sense I'm the worst person ever, I feel really jealous, because he's telling them that he has a crush on them. I don't know how to feel, cuz we haven't talked about this, also the person he has a crush on is also poly. AGH PLEASE HELP I WANT TO BE SUPPORTIVE BUT IM SO BAD AT IT

Okay, so, first thing’s first: you aren’t a bad person for feeling jealousy. It’s a very normal emotion that both mono and poly people have. How you feel never dictates what kind of person you are, it’s how you behave in response to your feelings that does.

As a mono person dating a poly person, you have some introspection to do. Your relationship can work, but you need to figure out if you are alright with your boyfriend seeing other people or not. There is no right or wrong answer to this, it’s just how you feel. I would suggest that you think about it and read up on it on your own until you have at least some idea of where you’re at, then bring it to him and talk it over.

If what you ultimately decide is that you’re okay with him seeing other people, you’ll then need to have the same sort of relationship conversation with him that two poly people would, figuring out your boundaries and how if at all you’ll interact with his other partners. That’s another subject all to itself, though.

If you decide that you aren’t okay with him seeing other people, then you need to make sure that he understands that is a hard limit for you, and it will be his turn to figure out whether or not he can maintain a mono relationship without having negative feelings about it.

One last thing that I’ll say is that I, personally, wouldn’t be happy if I were in your position right now with him telling other people he’s interested in them before having talked about how if at all our relationship was going to work with other people. To me, that looks like a red flag. Whether or not you ultimately feel the same way is something I can only guess at, but it sounds to me like you feel it was a breach of trust, and you wouldn’t be wrong to think so.

[genderqueerpositivity]

Okay but, shout out to everyone in queerplatonic and/or polyamorous relationships.

Aromantic, asexual, and polyamorous people (who wish to) deserve to be able to build families too.

You are not wrong just because your relationships and families might look different from what other people expect.

Your relationships are not less valid if they do not involve romantic love or sex. Your relationships are not less valid if you love more than one person.

You are not wrong for wanting to raise children in a family with more than two parents. You are not wrong if you wish to have relationships that don’t involve marriage as an ultimate goal.

Your relationships and families are beautiful, and they are no less real or valid for being nontraditional.

You deserve just as much respect as alloromantic, allosexual, and monogamous people so.

[cinderfell]

remember when forming polyamorous relationships you should take team comp into consideration, make sure you have at least one healer–

[polyreassurance]

Feel comfortable in your alone time. Being too dependent on one person isn’t healthy. Do something for yourself, something just for you. Take a bath, buy a new outfit, just something to treat yourself. Enjoy your time without your partner

[ithelpstodream]

[polyamoryfacts]

Three rules for couples opening up their relationship

A lot of polyamorous relationships start with a couple opening up and laying down some ground rules to ensure their safety as an existing couple. After all, it is a dangerous world out there, and you never know who might want to threaten the home you spend to much energy building.

I have distilled for you some of the most important rules you NEED to have if you are a couple opening up your relationship.

Do not go out with people whose inhumane beauty makes you want to grovel at their feet. Chances are they are an angel whose sight was simply not meant for us humans to behold, whose very radiance burns into your retina even with your eyes closed, and whose piercing voice will haunt your dreams for seven years.

Don’t invite new partners into your home unless you have been dating for a while. There have been a lot of vampire sightings lately, and once you invite them in, they will crash on your couch for days, promising to leave “tomorrow” whenever you address the subject.

Do not have sex with your new partner in the spousal bed. It is your most intimate place in the whole house, and both werewolves and nighthags can pick up your spouse’s scent from there. (Also, werewolf fur is bloody hard to get out of your sheets).

Communicate, communicate, communicate! Personally, my favored method of communication is telepathy, but others prefer divining their partner’s intentions from tea leaves or the shape of clouds in the sky. There is no right or wrong way, you do you!

That’s it for today, folks! Remember to renew your wards and stay tuned for a new issue of polyamory facts!

[transfaer]

Polyamory Facts™ 😂

[herdirtylittleheart]

One of the things I didn’t realize would happen as we became more experienced with non-monogamy is that dates with other people would be less of a big deal. 

In the early days when it was all new and exciting/terrifying I would have to cheer myself on to build up the courage to tell my husband I was planning a date with someone else. I would cringe when he told me he was going out with that hot bartender. I never knew what to say when he was walking out the door for a date. I pouted sometimes while he was gone. We would carefully prod and poke after we returned home, wanting details but also being kind of hurt by the details. It all seemed like so much work. My insecurities and fears made it such an effort. 

It makes sense that it’s so difficult at first, it’s a new and frightening skill that our current culture hasn’t given us many tools for. Women are socialized to see other potential partners as competition, men are socialized to feel ownership over their partners, everyone is socialized to feel like we should be “enough” for one person and fulfill all of their needs, these are deeply rooted things that take time to unlearn.

Now, just a few years later, it’s as casual as any other details we cover when we talk about the week’s schedule. Telling him I have a plans with another partner takes no courage at all. I look forward to his dates so I can catch up on shows he’s not fond of, or movies I like to watch alone. Instead of an anxious “how was your night, tell me everything that happened” it’s more like “hey there’s some pizza left in the kitchen”. If there is any grilling for details it’s questions like “did she love the flowers you brought?” “how was his vacation?” and “did you invite them to that thing at the club in a few weeks?” To be honest, these days I probably ask for more updates about his partner’s pets than I do about his partners. 

It used to take so much energy just to endure this challenge and process all of the feelings involved, and now it’s like any other facet of our lives, it’s manageable. It’s functional. It’s a lot less stressful. Sure there are snags now and then, but they don’t feel like the world is crashing down around me, and I know that we can talk things out and hear each other. 

What did it take to get here? Trust and good communication. But those things have to be learned, like any other skill, through trial and error and practice. Sure I trusted him when we started dating other people, but I didn’t trust this process yet. I had all kinds of anxieties about our own sexual relations being impacted, about upholding boundaries and about comparing myself to the women he dated. Time and practice have shown me that none of these things are worthwhile concerns. 

There was no shortcut for us, we had to learn through experience that he will tell me even the tough things, that I can be honest with him and he can handle it, that our respect for each other won’t waver. Time has reassured me like nothing else could. 

[cali-cocaine]

this is good

[embyrr922]

I’d just like to add, see how they behave when they’re angry/frustrated/exhausted, and if you see something that concerns you, wait until they’re calm, and then talk to them about it.

My husband used to yell when he got frustrated, but after I explained to him that I found it upsetting, he stopped yelling and started consciously working on asking for help before he got to that level of frustration.

When I’m upset over something, or just in a bad mood, I tend to withdraw. My husband explained to me that it makes him feel like I’m mad at him, so now when I need some space, I’ll tell him what I’m upset about, or that I’m in a bad mood for no particular reason, and I need to be alone for a little while.

See your friends and partners at their worst, but don’t assume that their worst is immutable. If someone loves and cares about you, they’ll try to accommodate you to the best of their ability.

[ladylike-foxes]

^^^^ This is the best advice I’ve ever seen on this site, and it is so important. Communication is everything, and is 80% of the reason my husband and I have such a healthy, strong, and supportive relationship.