kind of a vent blog

a general trans blog from a general trans man

[uglypaw]

so i'm 9 days post op and i wanted to share some ways i made recovery easier. i'm a bit of a clean freak when it comes to hygiene, and i get bad texture feelings when i haven't showered, so i came up with some ways to feel clean without getting my vest or drains wet.

number one was this stuff. it comes out like a foam and smells really good, which was perfect the second and third day after surgery when i was still too sore to wash myself. i felt super clean using it and it made me smell much better too, which helped in the heat! ***you can combine it with baby wipes (one or two pumps-- a lot comes out) and use that to scrub yourself more thoroughly. having someone to help makes it much easier

baby shampoo is great for thick hair that gets greasy easily-- it lacks sulfates and parabans that may make your hair feel slimy or "heavy", and using it without conditioner has kept my hair feeling cleaner longer, and i can go two or three days without using dry shampoo.

i'm a big fan of not your mother's brand stuff, and i like that their dry shampoo doesn't feel like hairspray. i ended up only using it for a day or two before i could start giving myself sponge baths, but it did help!

with bathing--

this method i used works best if you have an actual bathtub and not just a stand up shower. i bathed myself because i wasn't comfortable having someone in my family do it, but i'm sure it'd be easier to have someone help.

i turned on the bath water and kneeled facing towards it (sidenote, make sure your drains -- if you have them-- are safely pinned back) almost on my hands and knees. i used a big cup to pour water over my head while i was facing down towards the tub drain, and i used a loofah on a stick to scrub my extremities. *i didn't use the cup of water for my upper body (except my hair) because i didn't have enough control to guarantee it wouldn't get on my vest or my drains.

it was pretty easy to get clean this way, and the baby shampoo has that "no tears" guarantee so it wasn't a big deal if i got it in my eyes. getting out of the bath, i would just make sure my head was facing down so the water wouldn't run back into my vest.

*once i had my one week post op, i felt comfortable undoing my vest enough to wipe myself in the underarms/shoulders with a combination of the shower in a bottle + baby wipes. i still had drains in at this time so i couldn't officially shower.

pure aloe vera gel works really well as a skin moisturizer. i get dry easily in the california heat, but this stuff is amazingly hydrating and feels good on the skin. not necessarily surgery related, but it did help me from going crazy when i couldn't properly bathe myself.

i hope this helped someone!

[gelledratte]

y'all realize that... It's not transphobic to not want to have sex with a trans person, right? If a lesbian doesn't feel comfortable having sex with a pre op trans woman? That doesn't make her transphobic. If a gay man doesn't feel comfortable having sex with a pre op trans man? He's not automatically transphobic. Yes, there's a LOT of transphobia within the LGBT community, and it sucks, but you should never guilt someone into having sex with someone that they aren't comfortable having sex with just because you think they aren't being "progressive" enough.

[warmbrightedits]

This is Pat Manuel, an athlete who made history when he competed (and won) as the first transgender man to fight at a professional level in US boxing.

He is a hero of mine, and exemplifies the goals that I have for my transition. He is masculine, proud, strong, and– most crucially– a man. People on this website, when talking about trans people, seem to be fond of saying ‘trans women and trans boys’, feeling the misguided need to infantise grown adults by using language they’d never apply to cisgender guys of the same age.

I want you to look at this man, who has demonstrated more fierceness and strength than many cis men are capable of, and think about why you insist on saying ‘boy’ as the default for trans guys. I do not want to be considered feminine, androgynous, or somehow inferior to my cisgender counterparts. I want to be seen as a man, and have my masculinity celebrated just as much as the femininity of trans women.

If a trans guy is thirteen, then yeah, call him a boy. That’s what he is. If a trans guy is thirty years old and just beginning HRT, his physical changes therefore minor and not yet cis-passing, don’t mock his journey and identity by saying he’s a ‘boy’. He probably has a job, probably has sex, maybe owns an apartment. He’s a man.

If a guy says that he’s comfortable being called a boy, then that’s fine. But, the rest of the time, reserve that language for children. See us as men. See us as who we are. We already have crowds of cis people delegitimising our identities by saying we’re not ‘real men’, and we don’t need allies making the same mistake. As unintended and unconscious as this attitude may be among well-meaning cis folks, it’s equally as damaging. Check your language, and listen to us.

Pat Manuel is a man.

We are men.

[warriormale]

Trans Men are Men.

They deserve to be shown Respect.

Always.

WarriorMale

[imanireo-deactivated20220408]

hi some tea that i didnt feel like retyping

[artemiswasamerf]

No offense but everything down to your hair follicles and skin flakes are either XX or XY coded. No amount of surgery, hormones, makeup, wigs, or any other altrications will change that. Your blood runs with your biological reality - I just wish people would stop feeling like they have to reject it to feel secure.

[bofa-gender]

Do you really think we don’t know this? Do you really think we go into transition under the delusion it’ll make us the opposite sex? Most people don’t go into transition with a delusion that it changes their biological sex, only their sex characteristics and social reality. I completely and totally understand I’ll always be biologically female. Transition was about using medical and other means to give the appearance of male sex characteristics. I’ve tried coping with dysphoria through other means for several years, and this is what worked. No amount of throwing facts I already knew about the reality of transition and my body changed that. I was never in denial of my femaleness, if I was, I wouldn’t have had dysphoria.

[c-the-transman]

Believe me, I’m plenty aware of my biological sex. The distressing thing is the fact that others see me as a “girl” when that is 100% not what I am. I know hormones and top surgery and phalloplasty won’t change my chromosones. Nothing can change that. But it sure as hell will bring me a lot closer to how I feel my body was supposed to be the entire time.

[archivedtdp-deactivated20240111]

*But it sure as hell will bring me a lot closer to how my brain feels my body was supposed to be the whole time.

Fixed that comment up a little bit there.

Transexuality exists because the shape of our brains didn’t develop correctly in utero so biological females ended up with a biologically male brain and vice versa. We all know we can’t change our chromosomes and we’re not delusional about that fact, but we also all know that we can’t change the shape of our brains so there’s nothing to be had except transitioning to be as close to the opposite sex as possible and living out our lives that way. It’s the only way to treat our neurological condition and to deal with it. 

[artemiswasamerf]

A quick Google search will show you that you have been lied to, “brain sex” is a myth. Females and males have what is referred to as “mixed brains”, there is no definable “female” or “male” traits in the brain it’s all just a mixing bowl of different strengths and weaknesses. “Brain sex” is a myth created by men to keep women out of schools, the workforce, and many other places. “She can’t go to school, her female brain is too weak to handle education.” It is a sexist belief that has been used to oppress women for decades. You are not trans because your “brain is developed differently” simply because that is not a viable or proven conclusion.

[archivedtdp-deactivated20240111]

No, actually, that’s not the case at all. You’re the one that’s been lied to or just not wanting to listen, so much so that you don’t even seem to understand the position of those you’re arguing against. There are male and female brain traits, yes, and indeed most people have a mix of these traits to some extent, however most have a mix that does not affect their gender identity while 0.3% (or was it 0.03%?) are not that lucky. Even with all the mixing, neurologists can still tell the difference between male and female brains at least 75% of the time (as one of my sources states, which was the result of a scientific study). 

Brain sex is not sexist - it’s a simple biological fact when it comes to humans, which are a sexually dysmorphic species. Neither male or female traits are stronger or weaker than the other - each sex just evolved to do different things during most of humanity’s evolution and existence. Males were the hunters, the providers, the warriors, and the defenders. Females were the gatherers and the caregivers. Both of these roles were vitally important to the continuation of our species, which is a clear fact otherwise we wouldn’t have kept evolving to be this way. There’s nothing wrong or sexist about the sexes being biologically different.

Here’s the newly updated/released guidelines about transexuality according to the Endocrine Society which states the following (bolding my own):

Although the specific mechanisms guiding the biological underpinnings of gender identity are not entirely understood, there is evolving consensus that being transgender is not a mental health disorder. Such evidence stems from scientific studies suggesting that: 1) attempts to change gender identity in intersex patients to match external genitalia or chromosomes are typically unsuccessful3,4; 2) identical twins (who share the exact same genetic background) are more likely to both experience transgender identity as compared to fraternal (non-identical) twins5; 3) among individuals with female chromosomes (XX), rates of male gender identity are higher for those exposed to higher levels of androgens in utero relative to those without such exposure, and male (XY)-chromosome individuals with complete androgen insensitivity syndrome typically have female gender identity6; and 4) there are associations of certain brain scan or staining patterns with gender identity rather than external genitalia or chromosomes7,8.

And here’s some more sources on brain sex:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-relationships/201402/brain-differences-between-genders

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150107082133.htm

http://www.journalofpsychiatricresearch.com/article/S0022-3956(10)00158-5/abstract

http://www.journalofpsychiatricresearch.com/article/S0022-3956(10)00325-0/abstract

https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg23230954-600-transgender-people-have-different-brain-activity-when-touched/

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150213112317.htm

http://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2016/gender-lines-science-transgender-identity/

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/beyond-xx-and-xy-the-extraordinary-complexity-of-sex-determination/

https://thinkprogress.org/endocrine-society-transgender-health-coverage-4e0dfc96c652/

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/dec/02/men-women-brains-wired-differently

https://www.repository.cam.ac.uk/bitstream/handle/1810/266031/Ruigrok_2014_NBR_A%20meta-analysis%20of%20sex%20differences%20in%20brain%20structure.pdf?sequence=1

https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4987404/#!po=12.2340

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25667367

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26637450

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27070350

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4585501/

https://www.nature.com/articles/378068a0

http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2017/04/study-finds-some-significant-differences-brains-men-and-women

http://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/males-and-females-differ-in-specific-brain-structures

http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/men-women-brains-difference-1.3473154

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4987404/

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-17352-8

http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0083947

https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2011/01/26/scans-show-difference-in-transgender-brains/

https://ftmaustralia.org/resources/factsheets/brain-sex-theory-neuro-biological-sex-differentiation/

https://login.medscape.com/login/sso/getlogin?urlCache=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubWVkc2NhcGUuY29tL3ZpZXdhcnRpY2xlLzg0MDUzOF8z&ac=401

http://www.religioustolerance.org/why-are-some-people-transgender-3.htm

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.3109/09540261.2015.1113163

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/7477289/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/20562024/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/18980961/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/24904525/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/27255307/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/10843193/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/18056697/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/19341803/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/21467211/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/23724358/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/24567168/

http://m.eje-online.org/content/155/suppl_1/S107.full

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/17765230/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/25929975/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15724806/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15854782/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/18962445/

http://dujs.dartmouth.edu/2010/05/sex-and-cognitive-differences-are-they-real/#.Wsg44i7wbIU

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4129348/

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-there-something-unique-about-the-transgender-brain/

https://digest.bps.org.uk/2017/08/21/trans-men-show-unusual-connectivity-patterns-in-brain-networks-involved-in-self-perception/

(These links are taken from this post so credit goes to these guys for compiling the list)

And here are my own:

Sex Differences in the Brain

Hormones, Sexual Dimorphism, and the Brain—A Primer

Brain Connectivity Study Reveals Striking Differences Between Men and Women

Transsexual differences caught on brain scan (and another)

Girl Brain, Boy Brain?

Neuroscience of sex differences (wikipedia but still worth a read)

Male brain versus female brain: How do they differ?

Caught Between Male and Female (When Brains Reveal the Truth About Transexuals)

Is There Something Unique about the Transgender Brain?

The Transgender Brain

A Sex Difference in the Human Brain and its Relation to Transsexuality

Structural Connectivity Networks of Transgender People

Male-to-Female Transsexuals Have Female Neuron Numbers in a Limbic Nucleus

Regional gray matter variation in male-to-female transsexualism

Study Links Brain to Transsexuality

Between the (Gender) Lines: the Science of Transgender Identity

Or in other words, I’m totally trans because my brain developed incorrectly. This is very much a viable as well as a proven fact, one that has been repeatedly proven by scientists. No offense intended here, however I’m pretty sure the people who dedicate their lives to the study and research of the human brain understand their source material better than you do.

There’s a reason why anti-vaxxers are mocked so much by pretty much everyone. That reason? For ignoring known scientific fact so that they can continue to cling to their own beliefs, sticking their fingers into their ears while screaming so they can’t hear anything else. It’s the same thing you’re doing here. Please be better than anti-vaxxers. Nobody needs to be on their level.

[beelzeboofo]

DEADASS NUKED FROM ORBIT

[knight-of-vengeance-deactivated]

SHAZAM M************

[bisexualmanifesto]

HOLY ShIT

[arachnethena-deactivated2020121]

F to pay respects

[i-changedmyusername-deactivated]

F

[inactive-archived]

F

[untroubled-dalliance]

F

[thetransmedtruscum]

F 👀

-TTMTS

[turgidscum]

F

[acediscoursed]

I feel like people don’t get that cishet aces/acearos being present in irl lgbt spaces is actually harmful? After i came out i was in a local pflag youth group thing for a while (i forget the actual name) and after a few months i was starting to kind of feel comfortable there and then like a bunch of cishet ace/aro ppl starting coming,,, within like 4 meetings it became far too uncomfortable for me and many other lgbt members to come anymore.

It’s scary to talk about issues of homophobia and transphobia when half the group has never dealt with either and never will. It stops being a safe space bc sga and trans people are not able to speak freely about issues that help them. People got upset that we had a meeting dedicated to lgbt sex ed and asked us to stop because we weren’t being inclusive to ace members. Where are sga and trans people meant to go if cishet aces are going to be in our spaces from now on? I know i personally was robbed of something that really could’ve helped me and i know this happens to plenty of others as well. It isn’t okay and has actual real world consequences

[misandryapologist]

Ace people “coming out” as ace to their coworkers, their boss, or anyone they dont have a personal relationship with is not revolutionary or brave in any way, in fact it is mostly just weird that you think you need to tell these people about how much or how little you feel sexual attraction. It is never going to be the same as a gay person’s employer finding out about their relationships and it is never going to carry the same consequences, you guys just really wanna feel special.

[scorpiorisingfemme]

the idea that anyone who approaches sex in an unconventional way (asexuals, kinky people) is LGBT is a direct product of the perception of gay sex as deviant and strange

[princessbubblegumandjustice]

“Straight people are boring”

Being gay makes you gay, not interesting.

Being bisexual makes you bisexual, not interesting.

Being pansexual makes you pansexual, not interesting.

Being asexual makes you asexual, not interesting.

Your sexual orientation doesn’t determine how entertaining, interesting, or engaging you are. If you think only thing about you that makes you interesting is your sexual orientation then you need to pick up a hobby or something.

[rad-cat-dad]

personally speaking as a trans man (i cannot speak for trans women on this cause); these are some things that happened to me when starting hormones. if none of these seem appealing to you – as you do not want any of them; then whether you have dysphoria or not you should not start hormones. you cannot pick and choose what hormones effect. if you do not want to be a man and be seen as a man, then do not ruin your life by going on hormones. the effects and rate it goes at that you receive these effects are not negotiable.

increased appetite

sex libido goes way up (might not for you)

body smell changes

body fat moves around (more to stomach and waist)

clitoris growth and more sensitivity

body hair is darker and more in mass on arms, legs, genital area, hands and feet, and body hair appears on stomach and chest and facial hair

start of a receding hairline

voice drop which includes the second puberty of voice cracking and sore throat

Adam’s apple more pronounced and obvious

filled out face and more squared off

more muscle mass and easier to gain muscle

acne increase at first but eventually dwindled down

people now see me and view me as a man. which is how it should be but if that’s not for you then do not start HRT. obviously that’s not all that can happen but those are the more major changes. a lot of changes and how quick they hit you depend on your genetics as well – so if you look at the men in your family you can get more of an idea on what could happen. essentially, testosterone turns you into a man (the best it can) and there is no in between. if you somehow find some in between that you got lucky with then good for you but don’t lie to others and say it will happen to them. changes vary from person to person.

overall, if you are nondysphoric: do. not. start. hormones.

[turgidscum]

fight me about it

[waluigi-in-clownworld]

I genuinely feel so awful for transgender people who suffer daily with crippling dysphoria only to be lumped in with edgy teenage girls who make up for their lack of discernable personality by calling themselves panromantic transmasculine agender foxkin and all of that fucking bullshit. I cannot even begin to imagine being a person suffering from a horrible mental disorder only to see it turned into a fashion/political statement.

[turgidscum]

fight me about it

[transebs]

Ya know what

We’re gonna say it.

Headcanoning someone as trans because they are slightly smaller, softer or fit the ‘soft twans boi’ aesthetic go fuck yourself because we are not small uwu boys. We are men.

[tooiconic]

Just here to remind everyone that he/him lesbians are 100% NOT valid in any way, shape, or form. If you do not even indentify as a woman [who is attracted to other women] you’re not a lesbian. Pronouns and sexualities are not just fun little things for you to play mix and match with…

…Words mean things.

Stop.

You’re all giving me fucking hives.

[ororomunroedontpullout]

I’m going to share why I think tumblr has made the topic of sexuality difficult in some ways for young people:

When I was like 15-16, I used to identify as a demigirl which is feeling mostly like a woman at times but also feeling like a nonwoman at other times. I thought it fit very nicely because how I had always interacted with my own gender. But upon closer introspection, I wasn’t really that. Because I am and always have been a fat Black Woman, throughout my life my womanhood/girlhood was denied to me. I wasn’t allowed to be feminine and I had been so far removed from my own womanhood that I thought it was an appropriate label.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with anyone indentifyibg as demigirl/demiboy (its “valid” so to speak) but that kind of microlabels can be harmful because it blindly applies validity to every corner of an unhealthy/personally harmful conception of gender or sexuality. If I hadn’t dig deeper, I would have thought I was something I’m not because the label allowed me to hide from interrogating something that was actually really important for me to learn about myself.

I think mogai hell stops people from developing healthy understandings of themselves because everything is “valid” and nothing can be questioned. This obviously doesn’t mean no good cancome from them. Sure people can feel less alone, get on the right path to finding out their real identity (maybe that word is great for them and always will be maybe it was a stepping stone to something better maybe it will change as the grow) but some of the created sexualities are pointedly bad things that pathologizes shit that should be challenged and worked through, probably with a therapist.

Not everything is good and I think because it’s like 13-15 yo trying to find “what’s wrong with them” and wanting to feel at home, the message that whatever feelings/desires they have is healthy and okay and an identity, it’s very tempting to cling to these new creations. And having a bunch of “kweer elders” tell them that it’s valid isn’t good at all. Teenagers need to be very careful as they transverse this website because this shit can fuck you up and as someone that grew up with unsupervised internet access, it really really can cause some trauma if you aren’t careful.

[ororomunroedontpullout]

This is good to reblog!

[sevenbillionlunatics-deactivate]

I think this problem can be better solved/addressed with making it more acceptable to try on labels and not have to stick with them forever rather than trying to keep younger people away from these concepts all together.  

[ororomunroedontpullout]

Not really the problem I’m speaking about on talks about people identifying with microlabels that obscures trauma and self hate. While it’s related, freedom to try on different labels doesn’t fix the problem at hand: people are cultivating communities around unhealthy behavior and understandings about themselves.

[dreambutch]

In addition to being a brilliant & important point on its own, this touches on what I believe is the core problem with MOGAI theory which makes it so damaging to many people.

If you are LGBT you are raised in a world that tells you that you sick, broken, and damaged.

What MOGAI offers is a diagnosis. Micro labels encourage you to itemize the ways that you deviate from an impossible, idealized model of colonial, hetero-patriarchal sexuality and gender. These differences are then summed up to create a micro-identity that describes where you are at. These identities are valid to your experience because they have been designed to pathologize your experience.

It is a very comfortable model. You are told that you are sick, you find your diagnosis, and you are told that total self acceptance is the proper course of treatment.

The downsides to this process are that firstly, you may implicitly accept the premise that you are sick. That isn’t true for every person on an individual level, but it is true on the level of the MOGAI system of theory.

More importantly, you are taught (as OP demonstrates) that every part of that itimized list of differences is fundamental to your identity and true self.

In reality, they are often the consequences of trauma you suffer from under racism, homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny - and their many unique intersections.

There is a lot of resentment from people toward their former micro-labels because they became obstacles in their self-realization. As people grow and process the traumas that they once accepted as their identities, they suffer the pain of not only the initial trauma but also of unlearning harmful internalized beliefs about that trauma and of deconstructing (and reconstructing) their identity.

[ororomunroedontpullout]

An amazing addition thank you

[thatclassicalliberal]

Demisexuality isn’t a sexual orientation; it’s a preference. You can’t just invent a new word and come up with a pride flag for every preference you have and expect it to be taken seriously.