[prettyredleadandpaper]

Sometimes when I close my eyes to sleep I write poems in my head but I wake up in the morning and I can't remember, so this one's to my brain being overstimulated at 3am always working at the wrong time and the visions of paper and words buried somewhere in the file of thoughts before I dream: to be erased before morning

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Just bared a small piece of my heart to a boy and I'll go to sleep not knowing, only wondering what his reaction will be and what will be with us

This is new and scary to me I won't lie

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Anxiety

starting on the long roads leading home those are usually my favorite today they weren't

Stretches of highways throwing curveballs and inclines they keep coming

And so do the cars

And so do the rains

Falling in heavy sheets and that's what scares me the most

Unclear views we can crash at any moment and I dont feel safe

Its not up to me to keep us safe that's the driver and I worry for her too

This was the course of my day and I cried and didn't like the memories that resurfaced with this storm

Nobody else understood because I didn't share the tumult of my mind and after that car ride I just wanted silence

Didn't have a happy place to come home to and so I went to another house where there was

Somehow my day got turned around and this isn't a happily ever after

It's just some type of day where bad things got a little better

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

His laugh, I want to hear more of it and hear more of him

Keep talking to me darling I'm sitting here smiling to myself like an idiot and I do not mind

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

He's an aquarius/pisces cusp baby and I wonder what it'll be to get along with a gemini like me Fireworks and butterflies long talks and the night skies Brief interactions failed attractions and a never could have been doomed from the start I won't listen to any of it I'm listening to the sound of him calling me beautiful and the sound of my voice reading him to sleep Only time can tell me what we will be

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Incoherent brain mind I talk too much and threads and threads of stories with no endings Dont mind me

I'll be here

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

I dont care too much that I don't have any friends celebrating with me now I just wish my sister was home with me or that she would have called me tonight but she didnt. I know she's doing well I just want her to remember my birthday and call me but ill have to wait till tomorrow at 8

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Making a wish on the moon

For summer to come soon

Promise I'll treat it well

Promise me universe and I shall

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Mothers day:

is the current topic of conversation we’re all crowded in my friends small room talking about-  my mother who told me she didn’t know what she ever did to deserve a child like me and my friends mother who almost gave her up to foster care and my other friends mother who told her she wished she wasn’t born and this is how we celebrated our mothers day this is how we bonded and we knew that one day we would make the best mothers and we promised that our kids would never have this conversation, would never know why we talk about belts and slippers and hands like that and we laughed when we should have cried but this is our normal and normal is relative and we aren’t children anymore we understand and we move on but we never forget we gather strength in groups we help each other and the next morning when the world is out celebrating something we cannot, we celebrate ourselves for we are the ones who taught ourselves everything we need to know we raised and nurtured our own damn selves when no one else did; we the warriors, the strong, the independent, the children turned adult way too fast we claim this day ours we may not be mothers through giving birth but every single one of us has earned this title maybe even more so than some mothers and their babies so this is to all the girls who weren’t prepared for adulthood. we stepped into a role that needed to be filled it was our way of survival and now it’s in our nature we deserve a pat on the back for that we deserve a hug we deserve a standing fucking ovation we deserve recognition and this day is just as much ours. to all of you strong women- happy mother’s day

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Sunrise and a pretty view but the view is blocked and the girl is lazy. She watches from the bed She isn't ready to start the day she wants to sleep but she isn't. she listens to the early morning birds chirping and the stillness of the rest of the world. The room is slightly chilly with the window open and the curtains too but she isn't bothered from her spot under the covers. She smiles and she knows she is happy to be awake and that is all that matters. The end

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

I have the notification telling me it's your birthday and I dont want to swipe it out. I dont want it to go away because that means your name being gone from my screen and the green heart next to it too. You were born 18 years ago today and it's been exactly 1 year since I saw you last since i bumped into you; i hugged you and laughed and told you happy birthday and in 1 month and 2 days it will be a year since you died. I've memories and stories I only wish they were documented more and that there were more of it. You barely made it past your 17th birthday yet In as many pictures and videos I find, you are smiling, you are laughing; it's the most purest of happiness and I laugh and I cry watching them. Do you see? Do you know what a difference you being born has made in this world? The next world? I hope there's a celebration up there

Happy birth day tziv 💚

[prettyredleadandpaper]

15 minutes extra curfew if we ask nicely

Dance on the sidewalk under the stars and scream along to the happy lyrics of our childhood favorites

No shoes, some of us no socks

Feet numb in the cold but it goes unnoticed and we are unbothered during these moments

The neighbor pokes her head through the shades, the one who usually yells at us

This time I think she saw our harmless fun and she let us be

I cannot begin describe my love for these humans who I live with,

When we are all together and we laugh;

These nights are bits and fragments of my happiness and love for humanity restored.

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

...You can see it in the sadness of our eyes and the formation of our mouths when we smile too often or not enough

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Is he lonely?

Maybe he doesn't have another creature, like me

Maybe he likes being alone but isn't that what we all say?

We say we like being alone cuz we tried and tried and tried and gave up on trying and learnt to be okay on our own and even enjoy it sometimes but the loneliness never goes away

We don't really like it

You can see it in the sadness of our eyes and the formation of our mouths when we smile too often or not enough

The writing in a notebook, always reading, sleeping too much-

(it's just a hobby)

(I'm really enjoying this)

(I didn't get much sleep last night)

I'm simply lonely

I crave interactions and affections

I feel like this lil creature dude who's all alone in his species in this house in this moment

yet curls up in the arms of another one and maybe that is enough not to cure the loneliness but to leave it in the cage put it on a shelf for now

And revel in this moment

for lil creature dude can't smile (he makes excited squeak noises) but he gave a human back her smile and it was real and it was the teanyist bit less lonely

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

I stalked your girl's VSCO link. She's super cute, in another time I think we could have been friends. Does she know about me? I stopped talking to you as soon as I found out you were with her and you seem okay with that. I'm not. But I have to be. You told me you missed me while you were on the way to her house- I listened to that voice note a lot of times over being so naive. You told me to take care of myself and I told you I will. I wanted you to also, but for you I guess that means going back to living with your ex and for me that means changing your contact name and convincing myself that I used you as much as you used me.

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Feed on my brain so this sadness won't go to waste; rip it open and pull the words out raw if you have to, at least it'll be something

HG

[prettyredleadandpaper]

Don't want my heart to flutter when your name pops up on my screen I know you're with your ex and that's that. Don't tempt me. Don't make me miss you more than I already do. Damnnit my inner hoe tryna make you miss me but then you'd just be missing my body. I think I would fine with that cuz at least it'd be something.

HG