Rise, If You Would

The fire linking curse, the legacy of lords, may it all fade into nothing Leo / he/they / 26

[prokopetz]

It's fine to disagree with the IAU about the definition of "planet"; however, if your definition includes Pluto but not Ceres, Orcus, Haumea, Quaoar, Makemake, Gonggong, Eris or Sedna, you don't actually care what a planet is – you just want the exact list of nine planets you learned in primary school back. Your cute little Pluto-including orbital distance mnemonic ought to be at least seventeen words long, and good fucking luck with the Q!

[thefiresontheheight]

My Very Exciting Magic Carpet Just Sailed Under Nine Orphic Palaces, Slandering Hungry Quaker Matrons Going Erotically Southward.

[prokopetz]

I appreciate that you included Salacia but not Charon – really threading the needle pedantry-wise there.

[ewaneneollav]

last night i did a drawing of a game state in hangman. i wasn’t playing hangman, i was just drawing a moment in the game, like a still life. my friend tried to guess a letter & i had to tell her, no, we’re not playing it, it’s just a drawing of hangman, you’re losing the distinction between reality & fiction

[ewaneneollav]

last night i did a drawing of a game state in hangman. i wasn’t playing hangman, i was just drawing a moment in the game, like a still life. my friend tried to guess a letter & i had to tell her, no, we’re not playing it, it’s just a drawing of hangman, you’re losing the distinction between reality & fiction

[cutecipher]

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

[enthusispastic]

I don't think this is true, but I will wait for a ruling by the sacred boar that lives in the center of the earth

[termagax]

Hello there. Guess how much money I made last year? $28. I’m an investment banking analyst at a boutique firm, in M&A. I have my undergrad from the University of Chicago, one of the top schools in the country. With bonuses, sometimes I make even more. Are you jealous of that? Most people on Tumblr are usually jobless or they decided to major in the humanities and are poor.

$28?

[metamorphesque]

The Death of Glaurung, Elena Kukanova

[irondive]

[lakevida]

im imprisoning one lucky follower on my tomodachi island

[lakevida]

how hard do you think it would be to make the salt your stink puppet

[puppetshell]

You will do this.

And + you will show me

And + you will do a good job

Or - you will get in trouble

[lakevida]

i feel ill

[shock]

only like my posts if you want to be part of my pirate crew

[shock]

this dude having a public breakdown on my post about being a pirate of the seven seas

[nayrring]

How it feels like everytime i make another annoying silmarillion reference while watching lotr/ hobbits movies around others

[coughloop]

Under communism the wait staff will not ask if Pepsi is okay. You will not even find out that's its Pepsi instead of coke until you take your first sip. Unless you train like me, to know the difference from the sound of the Fizz alone, that is the only way we can beat communism and I can teach you. Take my hand. Not like that you grabbed it gay. Stop. Giggles. I SAID STOP

[deirdreskye]

Another commercial I would produce as an advertising executive:

A husband and wife eat a bland dinner together in a dimly-lit kitchen. They don't speak or look at each other. The meal: a pathetic Salisbury steak.

Cut to their bedroom at night. The wife lays sleeping in the bed while in the background the husband is putting on her dress, pantyhose, pearl necklace, heels, makeup, and a wig. When he's done he quietly leaves the room. The wife opens her eyes as soon as she's sure he's gone.

Now we're in a seedy dive bar. A small crowd of mustachioed men wearing leather jackets, black boots, and sunglasses sip beers and puff cigarettes while the "show" unfolds. Camera pans down, then pans to the side. Between the black boots we see the husband on his hands and knees, greedily eating a Chipotle Chorizo Burrito Bowl with Cilantro Lime Rice from a plastic dog bowl on the floor. His makeup is ruined, face smeared with sour cream and hot sauce.

A man steps forward. The husband looks up, and his expression changes to that of a deer in the headlights. Cut to reveal that the "man" standing before the husband is none other than his wife, in elaborate drag as a Tom of Finland biker, false mustache and officer cap and all. She smiles warmly, and nods. The husband smiles too, and resumes his meal.

Chipotle: Own Your Fantasy

[penny-anna]

imagine you're a mechanic in the Transformers universe and you have a car come in with engine trouble so you open it up and the engine is just full of some kind of weird fast-spreading rust. never seen anything like it before

so you're like. hmmm. and you call the Autobots like 'hi I know this number is supposed to be for reporting possible Decepticon activity but I've got some kind of alien bullshit going on and I don't know who to ask'. they hand you over to Ratchet and Rachet is like 'hm I think I know what that is but let me come run some tests'

SO Ratchet comes over and has a look at the engine and is like yeah as I thought. its crotch rust. and you're like 'crotch rust??' and he's like yeah its crotch rust. its a. well I think humans call them STIs? its like that.

so you're like '..........are you telling me a Transformer fucked this car' and he's like yeah. looks that way. and you're like 'what in the world' and he's like I don't know. people are freaks. anyway we don't want this stuff spreading so I'll be back tomorrow with the right nanites. keep it away from the other cars.

he comes back the next day like okay so I have good news and I have bad news. you're like 'well what's the good news' and he's like WELL I spent last night testing all the autobots for crotch rust and they're all clean. so you're like 'does that mean the car wasn't fucked' and he's like oh no the car was definitely fucked there's no other way this could have happened.

so you're like 'wait. are you saying a Decepticon fucked this car?' and he's like yes. we have a Decepticon fucking cars. and they are giving the cars STIs. thank you for bringing this to our attention here are the nanites goodbye.

[wavetapper]

[sexuallyfrustratedavocado]

everyone talks about how strong and great Aragorn was for refusing the ring when Frodo offered it to him as if this man has not spent his entire life dodging leadership and responsibilities like bullets in the matrix 🙄

[bobbole]

Leslie Levings, An Effort to Release It

[saltshroud]

one more for the road