sage ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

vent sideblog they/he

[princelymenhera]

swim in cyber euphoria, internet boy .ᐟ.ᐟ ⋆˙⟡

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sage ᛝ they 𓈒 he ᛝ nonbinary ᛝ 20

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ʚ about me ɞ

i am a jirai danshi, this is a sideblog for venting and triggering topics such as ED, suicidal ideation, trauma, and more. please be mindful that this is my space for triggering topics and it may contain upsetting materials for those who are sensitive to these issues

i have NPD, STPD, MDD, and more

i don’t have a lot of interests but i love diabolik lovers, cinnamoroll, j-fashion, and birds

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DNI: narc abuse believers, pro/com/darkship, radqueer, ramcoa deniers, lolishotacons, basic DNI, and more. i block freely

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#˚₊‧꒰ა the prince speaks ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ┊ original textposts

#˚₊‧꒰ა the prince's toy chest ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ┊ support resources, coping skills, etc

#˚₊‧꒰ა the prince's stage ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ┊ cluster B related

#˚₊‧꒰ა the prince's night light ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ┊ cluster A related

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i’m just here to reblog and vent, i’m not a very fun person. don’t mind me

i fb from @/angelic-pigeon

dividers by @/astrivion .ᐟ.ᐟ

[princelymenhera]

im pissed off as hell. this is really how you want it to end?!

[princelymenhera]

its not that im not active here anymore because i feel better, its that im not active here anymore because im so settled into this sorrow that i dont want to cry on anyone’s shoulder anymore

[hjartasalt]

Mods are asleep post forbidden tits

[hjartasalt]

Huh

[hjartasalt]

Huh

[hjartasalt]

Huh

[hjartasalt]

Hhhhhhh

[anothermarkiplierfan]

Perfectly balanced as all things should be…

[0v9]

[lexeirikrleif]

[fruitloopghosty]

[offbrandbeethoven-blog]

i

[immortalcheesewedge]

balance

[cluster-a-culture]

technically "suspected" but i and everyone with expertise i know is 90-100% sure STPD culture is: No I will not seek a diagnosis, I like living NOT under constant surveillance and without any sedatives other than the occasional marijuana in my system. I've had direct experience with and heard other horror stories of the psych system they put people with my and similar conditions threw and enough self knowledge to know It Would Make Me So Much Fucking Worse. being put in the psych ward has been my worst fear since i found out it was an option at 13 and i know damn well my paranoia levels alone would get any Shrink to condemn me in a heart beat, not to mention sensorial phenomena or whatever its called and having to talk myself out of thinking the TV's talking to me. Ironically enough, most of said paranoia is about being watched, denied autonomy and losing access to the things and people i care about, AKA everything they do in. a psych ward, see the problem here? Do you see why I do not see any benefit in receiving a diagnosis on my medical records? I have a framework for understanding my brain, and as everything stands things are under control and i do not need help from anyone other than my own damn community I chose and who do not financially benefit from me staying bad enough to keep seeing them about it, I have the framework to understand my brain, If (knock on wood this never happens) I wind up in a bad enough position to need medical intervention, I or my partner can share "oh, his sister-in-law with a psychology degree who worked as a therapist for a couple years said she thinks he has this" as a last resort.

[cluster-a-culture]

stpd culture is constantly struggling with how to explain that my schizotypal-based social anxiety is not the same as regular social anxiety. i don't have anxiety in social situations because i'm afraid of rejection, i'm not afraid of people hating me because i just want people to like me, i'm afraid of those because i'm afraid of people trying to do actual literal purposeful harm to me or my reputation. like to a comical degree. every time i see a blog where the person has a particular name, i get scared it's my ex seeking to block evade (which there is no evidence nor history of her doing to my knowledge) and harass (ditto) me, and to ultimately ruin all of the very fragile relationships i have with my mutuals via blackmail (she would never go through the effort). in any social situation online, i am afraid that the people i'm interacting with will hate me, and then go through the effort to dig up all of my information and doxx me and convince everyone in the world that i am evil and deserve to die. and i know that there is a difference because i've experienced regular social anxiety before! this is different! i do not just have regular social anxiety disorder!

[princelymenhera]

i thought things would get better, but now im more sure than ever of what i ought to do

[princelymenhera]

maybe the frames look better flipped.. i think so LMAO how embarrassing

[princelymenhera]

if i kmys, what will i do with all my stuff beforehand? i have a lot of stuff.. and no one to give it to.. and no one wants it, its all too niche and esoteric to appeal..

[princelymenhera]

my house doesnt have weaponry, rope, dangerous medication, or even a bathtub 😭 its too damn safe in here,, i wish i could just ask someone what method i should use !!

[princelymenhera]

i guess i could just take a really big knife and try to gut myself.. but that doesn’t have a high success rate and knowing myself, im not gonna be in the 2% who succeed LMAO id definitely chicken out or not do it right

[princelymenhera]

i feel guilty about leaving good people behind, but i think theyre getting sick of me anyways

[princelymenhera]

ppl love to try and talk you down from death but get real mad when you start debating them on their points. like damn you think i dont believe in my choices like that? 😭 💀 im not easily swayed

[princelymenhera]

isnt 20 a little damn old to get into cutting for the first time.. im such a fucking loser chud

[princelymenhera]

“dont kys, if you die now they’ll bury you under your deadname!” i lowkirkenuinely dont care dude. because id be dead 👻 besides, what’s in a name, i dont care what label people stuck on me,,,,

[princelymenhera]

my house doesnt have weaponry, rope, dangerous medication, or even a bathtub 😭 its too damn safe in here,, i wish i could just ask someone what method i should use !!

[cluster-a-culture]

cluster A culture as a whole is not caring about people BUT also being afraid of harm.

i’m a professional hater but i can’t stop catering to people anyway ma like the cuckold i am. siiiigh

[princelymenhera]

i finally stopped being a pussy and made my plans