I think this is so much the feeling many of us have, when we think about suicide, or even just “not wanting to be born”. It’s not death that attracts us -- certainly not us with thanatophobia -- it’s change.
Death is an easy change. It’s really very easy to die.
Once we realize this, we can begin to pursue change that will make our lives better, and I think it’s important to mention here. So much of what I’m doing now, is making changes to the way I think, the way I act, even my day to day.
It’s not always exciting, adding meditation to my day to day was not exciting. Sometimes it is, though -- planning for trips, even years away, is exciting, and is more in line with the life I want to live.
Some situations are much harder to get out of. Finances are a difficult thing, I come from a trailer park, and I got lucky as hell to even be in my current living situation. Not everyone gets that, and just making ends meet is hard. My mom still struggles even without two kids to care for.
I’m not saying recognizing you have a struggle, is going to magically fix that particular struggle.
Recognizing that you want change, doesn’t magically mean you can get a better job, or allow you to start taking risks to have a better life -- I know what it means to need money.
What I’m saying is, it allows you to look, and start to consider what steps could be safely taken, to improve your situation. That won’t mean those steps can be done today. You might have to wait three months, or a year, to do it.
But those three months will come.
Death is always going to be here, waiting around. You’re going to get there eventually, we all are.
Until then...why not look and see where you can start making changes?
There used to be a day in my life, when a McD’s Happy Meal was “too much”. I could go get one now if I wanted to. Every day. I could eat McD’s every day for dinner if I wanted to. I don’t, but I’m just saying...there’s time, and time promises change.
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