As sweet as peach

Mostly void, partially stars

[hymneminium]

Not that there's anything wrong with having something wrong with you

[probablyautistic-definitleygay]

[tongue-twists]

age gaps are actually not a problem in themselves (as long as both participants are adults blah blah you know the drill). the potentially harmful dynamics between two partners with a big age difference arise from other factors that are associated with age. more wealth. more stable life situation. a big gap in relationship/dating experience. this is of course worsened if you add gender and/or racial dynamics to it. age in itself doesn't create this imbalance, we just exist in a system where older people are more likely to have other forms of privilege over their younger partner.

if you're both 30 but one of you has a job and owns the apartment in which you both live, that is a lot riskier than if you're 20 and 40 but both have independent income and housing. ya know?

[touchhorse-deactivated20250131]

the best porn i ever watched was about these two argentinian monks in a monastery during WW3 who witness the end of the world and then have sex in this candlelit stone grotto while nukes rain down outside and it was really emotionally earnest and played super straight i loved it. and like not just because i have a fetish

[touchhorse-deactivated20250131]

both of the monks have eyebrow piercings

[sergal]

hello this is your google account. did you know that you are trying to log in. to. your google account. would you like five emails about how you logged in to your google account.

[etirabys]

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

[argumate]

hello, fellow apes

[spitoutthedaisyhoratio]

The lead up to that sentence is gold:

[consistantly-changing]

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

[roach-works]

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

[obeliskthetormentorsfeetpics]

Addition approved

[orchuris]

op disabled reblogs but i still want this

[soppingwetratboy]

Being told what to do is great because then you know what to do

[infectiouspiss]

you're mommy's good little printer aren't you? you'll print whatever mommy tells you to because otherwise mommy gets sad and leaves you for one of those free use library printer sluts

[memewhore]

[decellie03]

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the 30-50 feral hogs joke phase, I think about it at least once a week

[dripped-in-my-pearls]

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day

[cringeunworthy]

I'm gonna get so much mileage out of this one

[galileosballs]

Job Interview Tip: if you come to the end of an interview and your interviewer asks if you have any questions and you don't, yes you do, your question is 'what does the timeline look like going forward'.

This demonstrates a) your interest, b) your attention to relevant detail, and c) that you're treating this like a professional whose time is valuable. It's also useful information for you, since it means you will have at least a loose sense of when to expect news about your success or failure. And unless the interviewer has already explicitly discussed it, it's always relevant.

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[steampowerednarwhal]

The (Un)official Tumblr Census 2026

This census was not written by and is not endorsed or sponsored by or affiliated with @staff in any way whatsoever. Your personal data will not be gathered by this census beyond your responses to the polls. Participating in the census is voluntary, but strongly encouraged.

[steampowerednarwhal]

1. Please select your age

< 18

19-30

31-40

41-50

51-60

60>

Voting ended onAug 5

[steampowerednarwhal]

2. Where do you live?

North/Central America (Outside the United States)

The United States

South America

Western Europe

Eastern Europe

Middle East/North Africa

Sub-Saharan Africa

North/Central Asia

Indian Subcontinent

East/Southeast Asia

Oceania/Polynesia

Voting ended onAug 3

[steampowerednarwhal]

3. Describe your living situation

Live with parent(s)/guardian(s)

Live with other relative(s)

Live with partner(s)

Live with friend(s)/roommate(s)

Live alone

Homeless/unhoused

Other

Voting ended onAug 5

[steampowerednarwhal]

4. Describe your employment status

Unemployed

In part/full time education

Working part/full time

Both working and in education

Self-employed/Freelance

Other

Voting ended onAug 5

[steampowerednarwhal]

5. Which religion do you follow?

Agnostic

Atheist/irreligious

Buddhism

Christianity

Hinduism

Islam

Judaism

No specific religious beliefs

Other religion(s)

Prefer not to answer/Results

Voting ended onAug 5

[steampowerednarwhal]

6. Describe your gender identity

Cis man

Cis woman

Trans man

Trans woman

Nonbinary

Other gender (s)

Prefer not to answer/Results

Voting ended onAug 5

[steampowerednarwhal]

7. Describe your sexual identity

Straight

Gay man

Lesbian

Asexual

Bisexual

Pansexual

Queer

Attracted to multiple/all genders

Other

Prefer not to answer/Results

Voting ended onAug 5

[steampowerednarwhal]

8. Where would you place yourself on the traditional left-right political spectrum?

Far Left

Left Wing

Centrist

Right Wing

Far Right

Voting ended onAug 5

[steampowerednarwhal]

9. When did you join Tumblr?

Pre 2010

2011-2015

2016-2020

2021-2025

2026

Voting ended onAug 5

[steampowerednarwhal]

10. How would you rate the (Un)official Tumblr Census?

5 stars

4 stars

3 stars

2 stars

1 star

0 stars

Voting ended onAug 5

[aviovaimoke]

"Aikuinen mies käyttäytyy kuin pikkuvauva"

- Aviomies, leikatessaan kissan kynsiä

[kidzbopdeathgrips]

coming up with sexual roleplay scenarios about growing up Upper-Middle Class

[kidzbopdeathgrips]

Hey, it looks like your parents aren't home because they're still at their Well-Paid White Collar Jobs...why not stop playing with that New Videogame Console and come have some real fun with me in your Bedroom You Don't Share With Any Siblings ;)

[kidzbopdeathgrips]

[kidzbopdeathgrips]

tumblr users can't appreciate the subtle eroticism of the drink fridge

[sexboobomb]

I want to learn more exclamations that aren’t strictly just religious stuff. “Jesus Christ” this, “oh my god” that, nah I want something fresh.

What are some of y’all’s favorite exclamations that aren’t about god?

[sexboobomb]

first submission and we're already off to a fantastic start. absolutely love this one thank you

[sexboobomb]

ok its time for the challenge round now we want nominations that arent about sex either actually

[mbrainspaz]

had a friend who used to make new ones up on the spot. The only one that stuck with me was 'good golly jelly beans'. If something catastrophic happens I go for 'that's not ideal.'

[foldingfittedsheets]

@chekhovs-tantrum

Absolutely not letting you leave these in the tags.

[adamsmasher]

WE WERE ON JEOPARDY!!!!!!!!!!

[rouge-the-bat]

thank you for coming to my this #mythis