BACK TO LIFE | Z.M.
by: PRNCSSPARKLWT
THIS STORY IS COMPLETE FICTION. ZAYN MALIK AND NIALL HORAN HAVE NO RELATION TO THIS STORY. THEIR NAMES AND LOOKS ARE USED FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MY STORY TELLING. I DO NOT HAVE ANY CONNECTIONS TO EITHER OF THEM. I RESPECT THEM AS ARTISTS AND AS INDIVIDUALS. THIS FANFIC INVOLVES UNDERAGE DRINKING, DRUG USE, VULGAR LANGUAGE, AND YES, SEX. IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM AM I TRYING TO PORTRAY ZAYN AND NIALL PERSONALLY AS THE CHARACTERS IN THIS FANFIC. ONCE AGAIN, THIS STORY IS COMPLETE FICTION. IT WAS MADE UP BY ME AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL. THANK YOU, I TAKE FEEDBACK AND KINDLY STATED CRITICISM. ENJOY, BACK TO LIFE.
PILLOWTALK
The sun is starting to rise and the sheets are already starting to feel cold against her bare legs. The alarm clock flashes the time and maybe she's surprised that he's still here, the weight of his arm heavy and real against the bottom of her back. His hand is pressed up by the swell of her hip, she feels his nose resting at the top of her head. Moments like these remind her that time she shares with him are like sunsets, they start off so beautiful and vibrant, yet end in darkness.
She should probably get up and make it seem as though she doesn't even care that he's still in her bed as if he actually wants to sleep beside her. She should push his arm off and act as though he isn't important even when the slightest contact from him lights her up like matches long forgotten at the start of the summer. Zayn always had the power to make her feel like she was worth watching when she'd walk in the room. His eyes would always cast themselves up and down the length of her body and she wouldn't feel self conscious, she'd feel fucking august with the energy that would fill her.
"Adelina," his soft voice that raises goosebumps along her neck disrupts the silence. She knows if she answers her voice will go against her and whimper his name like it does on nights like last night. The arm that took homage on her hip snakes up her side and settles to curve at her stomach, the skin covered in delicate hair, his fingers press into the pudge and a giggle escapes Adelina's lips. "There we go, I can feel your thoughts in the air."
At least I know you can feel, she wants to say but bites her tongue. All she does is wiggle and suck in her stomach to escape the prodding fingers. Zayn takes the hint and lifts his hand away for it to change its path up to her neck, her throat being stretched when his hand angles her chin up. Her black hair cascades against the pillows as he slowly turns her towards him. His golden eyes like flickers of flame are soft. The pink of his tongue glistens in the disrupting sunlight as he licks his bottom lip. Adelina knows she should hate the man that makes her a stranger in her own bed, but that's just it, in her bed, he's in her bed. His hand loosens at her throat and the brown of Adelina's eyes grow a shade darker as his face leans closer to connect their lips. As their lips find refuge and his hands find their way to parts of her that they know so intimately, she is reminded that this is not her forever. This is his goodbye.
So she lets him and his tongue make her pliant just as the sun is kissing the sky hello and darkness that settled in her room says farewell. She tries to imagine a world where this is hers and for her to keep, a world where Zayn does not leave so he can hide just as the moon does in daylight. A life where he is hers and she doesn't have to wonder if tonight she'll see him as he knocks on her window or if she'll get to see him at the skatepark where it seems he's actually a real person.
Zayn leads his mouth down to her neck and along her collarbone, he kisses over the marks he's left just under where the collar of her shirts will end. Zayn believes she is his in all aspects physical but as he lifts himself up to start getting dressed, Adelina struggles to accept the fact that she is his, in all ways physical, mentally, and emotionally.
He picks up his sweater to pull up over his head and Adelina watches his tattoos disappear as they get covered by pale yellow. His hair is messy and stuck up in all the wrong places and Adelina lets out a small huff of a laugh and Zayn turns to her from where he's standing at the foot of her bed.
"What's so funny?" He asks and places a knee on the bed, the light purple duvet dips underneath his weight.
"Your hair is messy." Adelina comments as she pulls the duvet up to her nose to hide her smile and he mocks a frown to run his fingers through his hair.
"And yours is any better?" He laughs and Adelina's eyes go wide and her hands shoot up to smooth out the baby hairs that have decided to stand up from her scalp like stubborn weeds. "You don't look any different, really." Zayn smiles as he leans closer to her, his legs between hers over the duvet, hips pressing down on hers.
"Zayn Javaad finally being seen not looking perfect? The horror, the rarity I am witnessing is aston-" Adelina gets cut off by his lips on her neck that makes her laugh because his stubble has begun to tickle her. He pulls away from her neck and looks down at her, their eyes meeting.
"You need to get ready before your dad comes to wake you up and sees a tattooed muslim in your bed." He tells her and she rolls her eyes. Her dad would not be up for about two more hours, Zayn knew this, but she feels it's just a ploy for him so he can leave. I should be used to him leaving, Adelina thinks.
"I think he'll be more disappointed to see his son's best friend in his daughter's bed." When the words leave her lips, she can feel him detach physically and mentally. Her brother Yousef has been friends with Zayn since they could both barely crawl, their mothers were close friends when they attended university and stayed in close contact. Zayn was even more around when their mother got sick, him and his mother were over a lot to help Adelina's father take care of them. He eventually became like a brother to them and a son to their father. Zayn looked up to their father a lot for guidance as his father had left them about seven years ago. Adelina knows she's struck a nerve, she reaches up to place a hand at his jawline, her thumb rubbing along his cheekbone. "I didn't mean to upset you, it was just a joke."
"One that holds truth, if your dad ever found out about us, if Yousef ever found out." Zayn shakes his head and gets up completely and Adelina wishes her mouth waited for her mind to decide on something before saying it. The warmth Zayn's body supplied is gone and she sits up and the duvet pools around her, her chest is slightly exposed and she ignores the glance Zayn gives her.
"They won't ever know, we've been smart about this. Besides, Yousef doesn't even care about what I do." She says and she knows it's a partial lie. Her brother does care about the things she does, especially if it means it puts him in higher graces with their Baba. Yousef always wants to be the favorite, and he kind of is. She tells this lie though in hopes it'll stop Zayn's thoughts of stopping what they have, she might not be able to have him completely, but she's not going to give up what she does get.
"He might not care when it comes to you but he's always on my ass." Zayn exhales and he's slipping on his skidded up white vans. "Constantly reminding me that I need to get a job, making sure I worked out, did I eat, were my final grades at the university good enough." He finishes up his rambling by standing up and finally turning towards her again.
"It's like he's your boyfriend." Adelina widens her eyes in case of Zayn's reaction and all he does is glare at her and she laughs with her head thrown back. "I'm just saying, oh my god, what if he's gay? Has Yousef said anything to you?" She suddenly questions and thinks about how good her brother dresses and now she's thinking about the time he literally got voted the prettiest his senior year in high school.
"Adelina, he's not gay!" Zayn remarks and throws something soft at her face. It's an old shirt of his, she wears it to sleep sometimes, like last night. Though he peeled it off of her before she actually got to sleep in it.
"It's a possibility." She starts to put the shirt on.
"I think I would know if my best friend is gay." Zayn explains as Adelina gets up and pulls the shirt down over her butt. "That's not even the point here, the point is, I should not be sleeping with my best friend's little sister in the first place."
"But you are, we both agreed to it, there's nothing wrong with liking our privacy in what we do when we're alone." Truth is, Adelina doesn't know how she would react if her family found out about them. Everyone is so sure Zayn is going to marry a beautiful muslim girl and have a few kids while he sells his art and his wife becomes an actress. He may be laid back and talks gently, but he's still gorgeous and pretty people marry pretty people. They see the three of them as a trio of siblings since their mom passed and they all ended up growing together. Adelina has pictures of all of them in kiddie pools and them eating mud pies.
"I know," He says quietly. Zayn walks over to Adelina's bedroom window and pulls the soft white curtains away to slide open the glass. "I'll see you at Toni's later." Is all he says as he leaves out the window to walk home, about two blocks from Adelina's.
Adelina just smiles because the words that want to come out of her mouth are, stay, please stay. When he doesn't turn back as he walks towards the front of her house she knows to just shut her window. He doesn't ever look back, no smile to say goodbye or a wave to acknowledge her one more time. When the glow of his yellow sweater disappears she turns away from the window and looks at her room. The bed has indents from where their bodies found solace within each other, her covers thrown around. She notices his beanie on her beige carpet by the side he slept on and how there's one of his rings on the bedside desk. It's the ring he usually leaves here so he has some excuse to be in her bedroom again, she always tells him he doesn't have to have a reason to come back, he can just show up. He would just shrug and she wishes she could understand his logic about any of this because he never wants to express how he feels about anything unless he accidentally lets it slip out.
"Lina!" The sound of Yousef's voice is heard from outside her door. She doesn't get to answer before he's already rattling her door knob, as if she'd have it unlocked while Zayn is over. "Why is the door locked? You know Baba doesn't like when we do that."
She quickly yanks up a pair of grey sweats from the floor and pulls Zayn's shirt away from her chest so her breasts aren't as noticeable. She yanks open the door. "I was about to change for the day, which is why it was locked. You didn't even wait for an answer or even knock before coming in. What if I had been naked?" Adelina says annoyed and Yousef rolls his eyes.
"Baba isn't up yet and it's our turn to make breakfast." Is all he says.
When the sun is finally setting and Adelina has showered, she stands in her room and watches herself in the mirror. Her olive toned thighs touch, meshing together, her stomach has a pudge that she tends to hide with high waisted jeans, her breasts are C cups that she has a hard time fitting into the cute tops she likes, and her arms are not as toned as she'd want them. Yet she finds beauty in all of this, her long wavy black hair and thick browed big brown eyes, prominent cheekbones, even the slight chubbiness under her chin all look beautiful to her. Her Baba always tells her she is. She also knows Zayn wouldn't even waste his time on her if she wasn't. It's not like she's ugly and he's using her, she gets the same attention he does in the end. They both get the same ending.
She's wearing dark high waisted bell bottoms, black long sleeve tucked in, she's left her hair down in waves, and she's put on eyeliner along with some highlighter. She's also sprayed on her best perfume for tonight because she'll be around a lot of people.
"Alright, we have to be home before midnight, unless I say I'm spending the night at Zayn's and you're staying with Emelia next door." Yousef says as he walks in dressed in a white t-shirt, black jeans, his black hair styled up out of his face. He plops down on her bed. Emelia is Zayn's neighbor and also Adelina's best friend since freshman year, if Yousef stays out, Adelina can as well. Which bothers her because Yousef's been able to go out on his own since he was sixteen and she's eighteen while he's now twenty-one. She still needs Yousef's supervision usually if they're "going out" with friends when in reality they're actually going to a party.
"I can stay at Emelia's, she'll be at the party anyways." Adelina reaches for her jean jacket that's about a size too big but she likes that it hangs off her shoulders sometimes. Yousef gets up and waits for her to slip on her red vans. He leaves the room expecting her to follow but Adelina reaches down to her bedside table and grabs Zayn's ring and beanie. He can find a better excuse to see her.
Their father is sat at the kitchen table, auto body magazines splayed all around him, he owns one of the best mechanic shops in town. His hair is peppered black and silver, his eyes are piercing green like Yousef's. His tan face, also much like Yousef's, is adorned with a dark beard, he smiles at the both of them. "You both look great." Their father says and brings his mug to his mouth.
"Thank you Baba," Yousef smiles back. "We've decided to stay at Zayn and Emelia's tonight, if that's okay." Their father contemplates this but he agrees that it's okay, they go to him and Adelina kisses her father on the cheek and Yousef does the same. He bids them goodbye as they walk out the door with their overnight bags slung on their shoulders.
"He's so quick to agree with the things you decide." Adelina comments as Yousef starts the car.
"He trusts me." Yousef says and Adelina rolls her eyes and glances at the sky. The sky is starting to get dark even when it's already after eight in the afternoon. Summer days always seem longer.
"Baba can trust me if you're implying he doesn't." Adelina remarks and she turns her gaze to Yousef, he turns the blinker on to turn the street.
"Not saying he doesn't, Lina. It's because I'm older so he's positive that I have better judgement." Her brother tries to give her a small smile but she's already looking away again.
"It's because you're a boy, Yousef, not because you're older." The pettiness is thick in her tone and she knows it's the truth. Baba trusts Yousef more because he doesn't think Adelina can make decisions or think clearly on her own if she doesn't have a male input.
"Well if that's the case, I'm sorry, I don't think he does it intentionally. It's how he was raised too." That's the only explanation her brother can give her and for now she takes it. They've arrived at Toni's.
Toni graduated a year before she did, his parents also own a batting cage facility since his dad had the chance to go pro but had an injury in college. Since then Toni's dad invested in batting cages and coaching a little league and the high school's baseball team. It also serves as a great place to have parties when his father is out of town for sponsorship conventions. The building is lower than the streets, as it was built into a dip for the batting cages to have more height than length. The netting can be seen from the parking lot, where other cars have already parked to start the night. Yousef parks towards the entrance so they can make a quick leave if they need to. Adelina isn't the type to get black out drunk or insanely high at these sorts of things, but Yousef, he'd enjoy forgetting his name for the night.
When they finally make it to where a crowd has been formed and there's people handing out red cups by the kegs, Yousef is quick to leave her side. Adelina doesn't care if her brother drinks, he's of age, and she could care less that she definitely sees two girls who obviously are barely becoming juniors passing a blunt with a group. It's high school, the world would be lying if it said teenagers don't drink and smoke. Adelina barely did the summer before her senior year once she started hanging out with Zayn and Yousef more. They brought her to parties that graduated seniors were throwing and now she was out even more because she's eighteen, Zayn is twenty, and Yousef is twenty-one. Baba was okay with this because he didn't know they were actually parties, and he trusted Yousef and Zayn. The sleepover at Emelia's while Yousef at Zayn's was their go to plan these past months.
"Lina!" Adelina turns towards the voice and it's Emelia in high waisted shorts, a bright red bralette, and a vintage looking jacket on. Her short brown hair is curled and her pale skin glows under the batting cages' lights. "Please tell me you're spending the night so I have someone to make sure I don't drown in the toilet as I vomit all my mistakes from tonight." She comes up and throws an arm around Adelina's shoulders.
"I am at your service." Adelina smiles and Emelia cups her mouth and woo's into the air twice. "I'm guessing your parents aren't home?"
"Nope, my dads are at their three day anniversary spa with Ronnie and Kenny." She shakes her head and makes a funny face. "You think they didn't take me because they're all gonna have some sort of orgy?"
"Ugh, Lia!" Adelina shouts and they both start laughing. "I wouldn't put it past them actually... remember what we found in their closet?"
Emelia's face contorts into exaggerated horror. "Oh god, the fluffy handcuffs and endless amounts of rope, why did they need so much?"
"Your dads will never cease to amaze me at how different they are compared to all of our parents." Emelia just shrugs at Adelina and pulls her closer.
Her voice settles into a whisper. "So am I going to be sleeping alone while you and Zayn get it on in my guest bedroom?" Adelina's mouth drops and she playfully pushes Emelia at the shoulder.
"That was one time!" She laughs. "Besides, Yousef is staying at Zayn's so I hardly doubt he can make it over to yours unnoticed." Adelina doesn't tell her that he already left her bed this morning and she doesn't know if she can handle him leaving her in a bed they both don't know. Or worse, him leaving her and then going to hang out with her brother as if nothing happened.
"Bummer, I was so excited to hear the noises through my wall." Emelia fains a sad face and Adelina just rolls her eyes at her best friend.
The night continues with Adelina sipping two cups of beer and watching Emelia go through three and a few shots after she's played a game of beer pong as Yousef's partner. They won but Emelia still blames Yousef for her missed shots and blames Adelina for not being her partner. Yousef acts offended.
When Zayn finally arrives he's with two other guys who don't look at all happy to be there. Adelina watches him walk through the people who are dancing and trying not to spill their drinks more than they have already. His hair is gently pressed down and falling over his forehead, he wears a white long sleeve with the sleeves rolled up and tight black skinny jeans. He looks so soft, Adelina thinks. But the guys he's arrived with look rough, anyone paying them attention could tell they're not people you want to mess up with. Why is Zayn around those sorts of people? Adelina questions.
"You look really nice tonight." Her thoughts are cut off by a boy to her right, he's leaning against the table she's been sitting on waiting for Emelia to come back with another drink. The boy is Niall, she graduated with him and he looks at her with a soft smile. He's being genuine.
"Well thank you, Niall, how have you been?" She asks him and he decides to pull himself up on the table and sit beside her. Adelina doesn't mind.
"Good, getting ready for college. Where's Emelia?" He says and his gaze flickers around the lot to look for her erratic fireball of a best friend.
"She went to get more drinks for us, why what's up?" Adelina knows what's up. Niall and Emelia have been talking since the school year ended, they both really like each other.
"I just got here and haven't seen her." He laughs and that's when she comes walking from the keg. "Ah, there she is."
"There she is." Adelina nods.
"Here I am!" Emelia shouts.
Niall gets up to help her with the cups she's holding as she has a can of something else held to her side using her arm. By the looks of it, it's some sort of fizzy alcoholic drink. Emelia ends up taking her cup back from Niall and handing him the fizzy canned drink and he smiles appreciatively at her.
"He has to be home tonight, he can't be drinking beer, they'll smell it on his breath." Emelia says and tries not to make eye contact with Niall. Who's smiling at her all big and his blue eyes are wrinkling at the sides. Adelina tries not to be jealous over seeing others have what she wishes she did, especially Emelia and Niall. They're her friends and she should be happy for them, she is, but she can't stop the sour taste in her mouth when Niall's arms wrap around Emelia's waist while they all laugh and Zayn is only about twenty feet away drinking with her brother. They could be this, Adelina thinks, they could be in each other's arms and she could laugh with her head settling back on his shoulder. He could hide his smiles in her neck, his hands playing with her belt loops, her hands caressing his hands under hers. It's hard trying to ignore what you so desperately want when you're given more behind closed doors for the wrong reasons.
The thing about Zayn, it's easy to tell when he wants Adelina. His eyes will flicker to her while he laughs softly at something her brother says to him. He'll hold himself up straighter and push his shoulders back to make a show of himself because he knows she's watching. God, is she always watching. Adelina wants to make herself seem uninterested because even if he displays himself as someone who could care less about who's watching him, he does like knowing Adelina has eyes on him. So she turns towards Emelia and Niall as they let her into the conversation. Adelina sips her cup, maybe she should stop, but as she brings it down there's already a hand on her cup. Her eyes trail from her cup to the hand that's over hers. The rings click in recognition first and then it's the tattoos, to the long arm and lean torso.
"Zayn." Adelina looks up at him and he gives her a delicate smile.
"We're going to dance!" Emelia suddenly announces and drags Niall with her and Adelina laughs at her best friend's antics again. She looks back up at Zayn.
"Dance with me," Adelina smiles and Zayn's mouth opens to protest but she speaks again. "Yousef is occupied and he won't care anyway."
"Yeah okay," Zayn rolls his eyes and that's when he sees Yousef lead a girl away from the crowd and is starting to make his way to the sheds where they keep all the bats and helmets. "People will talk to him about what they saw."
Adelina shakes her head and laughs. "You act like we haven't danced before in front of him."
Zayn gives her a look.
"Okay yes, that's at family parties where we're trying to avoid our parents setting us up with their friends' kids but seriously, everyone is dancing." Adelina throws her arm out to reference the crowd and Zayn follows where her hand points. Adelina blames the alcohol in her system for acting this way, she wants to dance and Zayn is near her, so why not dance with him.
"I don't think it's a good idea." Zayn says and Adelina just huffs while she stands up from the table and straightens her jean jacket out and fixes the waist of her jeans. She throws her hair behind her back and stares at Zayn's expressionless face.
"'Kay well I'm gonna dance then." And maybe this is all a plan to see if Zayn cares about what she does.
"Adelina," His voice dissipates as she makes her way to the crowd of people that are all dancing next to the make-shift DJ set Toni had set up. There's a few LED lights flashing into the crowd of people and the music is echoing around the lot but no one cares as the alcohol is settling in their bones.
Adelina pushes herself to the middle of the crowd where strangers have decided to dance cohesively together. She sees Emelia and Niall's faces through the other bodies and she can tell if Niall didn't need to be home tonight, she would have needed to stay in the guest room anyways. When the music blocks out everything she can hear and she feels the beat in her chest. The colors of the lights flicker when she closes her eyes and she's moving her hips to the sound of the song. Hands find her waist and she doesn't push them off but she turns towards the body that owns the hands. She's met with a tall guy with quiffed up blond hair and he smells nice, Adelina doesn't actually mind her dance partner. There's no harm with dancing with someone, besides, Zayn didn't want to dance with her.
LIKE I WOULD
When another song is about to start she feels another pair of hands on her waist that pull her back and she almost stumbles if it wasn't for the steady hold of the new set of hands. She's about to voice her surprise when lips press up against her ear. "Dancing like that and thinking I wouldn't come here was really bold of you."
The guy she was dancing with quickly found comfort in another part of the crowd and she wants to roll her eyes because come on, Zayn isn't that intimidating. Nonetheless Adelina lets his hands snake their way to the front of her body and settle at the top of her thighs. His front is pressed to her back and her mind takes her back to the moments they're in this same position but their skin is touching and his breath is ragged in her ear.
"Thought you cared if Yousef saw us." Adelina tilts her neck to the left and lets Zayn's face rest on her shoulder. He bites his lip in thought and shakes his head after the thought has passed over his mind.
"He was occupied." Is all he says as the song reaches its chorus and he pulls her closer and she lets her hips press back into his. They're covered by the crowd and everyone around them aren't familiar faces and if they don't know them then Yousef won't. Zayn's hands have tightened their grasp and she takes it as a good time to turn towards him. Their fronts are now close and her arms have woven themselves around his neck and he settles at the bottom of her back to pull her even closer. They can't ever be close enough, Adelina thinks. His eyes are hooded and their noses are pressed together gently and meet in a eskimo kiss as their bodies move. She can't help but glance down to his lips and he wets them with his tongue. Her mouth parts as one of her arms slide from his neck and settle on his bicep. Adelina's jean jacket hangs slightly off her shoulder and exposes the skin where her neck and shoulder meet. Zayn brings his face from hers down to her neck and presses his lips there. She lets her head fall back. If anyone looked at them, they would see two bodies pressed tightly together, arms wrapped so desperately, faces hidden from the shadows the lights create. They probably look like lovers. Adelina's mind tells her and she agrees. They're never this close in public, never the way they are in her bed, late at night, catching their breath. She wants to remember this moment, keep it locked away in the center of her chest, the moment Zayn felt like he didn't need to hide her. She's in his arms and there are other people here to witness this too, the thing she wants all the time, in the refuge of her own room and in the presence of a million eyes. She wants this, she wants him, she wants everything she wishes they could be.
Zayn gets pulled from her and her heart drops for a second. Expecting Yousef to be there angry eyed and hurt, but it's the guys Zayn arrived with. Zayn looks to Adelina and then to them, his expression hard to read. Who the hell are they? Adelina wonders. She opens her mouth to speak but they whisper something to Zayn and he quickly follows them as they walk away. Zayn leaves Adelina without a word as the music suddenly gets louder and all she can feel is the ghost of his lips he's left on her neck. The ghost he always leaves.
