Where I’ve been, what’s going on, and the future of this blog.
Hello everyone. I’ve been gone from here for about 4ish weeks, I believe - I’m sorry for dipping with no warning, but something came up and it’s taken a bit of a toll on me and it’s taken me a while to get if all out into words. I appreciate you all for taking the time out of your day to read this post.
A few weeks ago, someone came onto another blog pretty much ‘blackmailing’ (if that’s the right word) me to either leave the internet or have this leaked out.
It’s something I can’t change, but I can handle how it is broadcasted to the world.
I’m going to keep this brief as I do not wish to cause anymore harm - so forgive me if this sounds blunt/to the point. When I was 19, I was in a online relationship with someone who was 16. About 6ish months into our relationship, I turned 20 - and two months later they turned 17. So we were 20 & 17 respectively for the rest of our relationship (I did turn 21 during the last two weeks of it, but by this point our communication was low as I was on vacation). Whilst in this relationship, we engaged in nsfw acts both on call and over text throughout the year and a half we were together. The age of consent in their state was 16, as is the same in the place I live.
It’s a situation I feel incredible guilt over every day, and I have been in multiple types of therapy to make myself a better person after this has all happened. I am owning up to it - and it is my biggest regret, and I would do absolutely anything to change what happened and to take the pain away from those I hurt with my actions. This is not something I am trying to hide, I’ve been very open about it to those who have asked/those around me irl as I am trying to be the best version of myself I can be.
I understand that by posting this I will loose friends - and that is okay. I would never hold that over any of you; you curate your online experience, and if my past is something that makes you feel awful then please do unfollow/block. You guys come first to me, always.
This situation sparking back up again after I thought it had all been somewhat resolved during the middle of this year caused a big spike in anxiety for me - hence why I’ve been gone from here for a bit. I’m so sorry to anyone I worried with my sudden unexpected absence. Thank you to everyone who sent me nice messages whilst I was gone - it meant a lot to know people cared about me.
I hope you guys can look past the person I was and focus on the person I am now - the much nicer and kinder version of me that I aspire to be everyday on here.
As for the future of this account, I will be taking another week or so off just to - ground myself in reality and the people I have around me irl, I’ll probably be back in January. I will be turning off anons for a bit, but I will probably turn them back on when I return. Any hateful comments will just be deleted - please remember there is a person behind this account. I’m undecided on if I will be clearing my inbox completely to start a fresh, as I wouldn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable by answering fic requests from a month ago after all of this has come out.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
