today's little rant is many things and long yay! We have always had symptoms of ocd but they r greatly exaggerated by our partner! Most of the hosts have like debilitating RSD and then BPD presentations of various degrees and types and we are constantly being told we are being racist which OBVIOUSLY makes us feel like we are?? But I, rational and brave, disagree because, not only are we simply not fucking racist hello, not only have we been *actively* working to be not racist and an ally to POC since we were around 15 (early 20s now), they believe SO many racist stereotypes (we r talking "Asians smart" ts not, necessarily negative ones, but positive racist stereotypes still impact those races negatively), and also they make snap judgements on whole groups CONSTANTLY and one of their new ones is "EVERY WHITE IS BAD FOREVER", with no exceptions (even the ones they claim 2 have, they recently cut off a friend of ours and they went on for like an hour abt how they should have known better bc shes white) so we are currently on eggshells ANYWAY and I feel like a lot of these accusations come from that place and not actually anything we've done bc they never explain well what we've done, it should all be self explanatory.
Gang. Our body is white. They are also MOSTLY white and were raised culturally ENTIRELY white. They are a native person and I will not take that away from them, but they also arent working to decolonize themself and instead of researching and learning (because "feeling stupid", which has a crazy low bar, sets off their bpd and GENUINELY ruins their day), they take practice from tribes that arent theirs (including white sage, btw, and they give other ppl permission to use it) - Im not native and I haven't researched MUCH but I managed to find a reservation for their tribe in 20 minutes after a year, maybe two, of them claiming their tribe has none. It's been open since either body was born.
One of the only reasons I put up with them, personally, is because the options are homelessness or returning to our primary abusers. They Refuse to go to therapy bc they dont think it'll help (our material situation isnt the best but their mental state was declining WAY it did, PLUS they went through a breakup with their fiancé after the last time they've gone), they won't even try having an ounce of a positive mindset. We constantly bite our tongue and they say whatever it is they want. Theyre transphobic asf and even our hosts think that (most of the other negative stuff is things they think our partner can work on ??? Like they want to at ALL??)
Anyway lalalala I am forbidden from saying any of this to them but one of our higher ups is going to talk to them, because THEY got upset that we dont look at them with as much love since they started actually actually lowkey abusing us. Maybe we will get to express our negative thoughts for once but probably not !! -
Hi anon. I don't intend to make a habit of commenting on submissions, so I will (try to) keep this short. This situation sounds frustrating and I'm sorry you have to deal with it, but I wouldn't feel comfortable posting this without addressing your second paragraph.
As a white person, it is not and will never be your place to decide if a person of color is telling the truth about their culture, heritage, etc. especially not when it come to groups that have been systematically erased and assimilated into white USAmerican culture and the dominant cultures of other countries across the globe. I say this as an Asian person with Indigenous Asian heritage. Indigenous communities have faced an extreme amount of pressure to assimilate into the dominant cultures, and in the US, their status as Native is constantly doubted. They're the only group that has to legally "prove" they're actually part of the culture they belong to, and that is another tool of oppression used to further sever ties to their cultural identity.
It is also none of your business to be telling others they must decolonize themselves or hold them to a certain standard of, for lack of better terms, white liberalism. Decolonization is a difficult process, emotionally and mentally. It can be challenging to face everything that has been taken away from you and the ways society is structured to keep you "in line" with what's considered acceptable (white, Western, normative). "White people are racist" means everyone is born into a racist society, and has to actively unlearn this. This is especially applicable to white people, who are the ones most benefitting from systemic racism and are often most blind to "minor" forms of racism like microaggressions. It doesn't mean you're always racist, nor does it mean you'll one day reach a point of Not Being Racist. It is a continuous, lifelong practice.
it is also highly invasive to dig into someone's personal life and heritage in an attempt to catch them in a lie or spreading misinformation. Again, not your place. Why did you have to take a possible learning experience for both of you and turn it into something you could hold over their head?
I can't speak on the white sage & taking from other tribes issue. I know from conversations with my wife that many tribes in the same region share concepts, traditions, etc. while also maintaining their own but I don't consider myself familiar enough to speak any further on it.
