Me, trying to flirt
this is how i talk to people in the flesh verse
the comedy of him going “what do you bet its in my hand right now” while it rolls behind him cannot be done in any form of scripted media.
Keni
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
tumblr dot com
The Bowery Presents
RMH

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Xuebing Du

Game Changer & Make Some Noise
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titsay
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Fai_Ryy
★
Claire Keane

Product Placement

Andulka
Sweet Seals For You, Always
almost home
cherry valley forever
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr

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@prplmonky
Me, trying to flirt
this is how i talk to people in the flesh verse
the comedy of him going “what do you bet its in my hand right now” while it rolls behind him cannot be done in any form of scripted media.
IM GONNA START SAYING THIS
I love these comics by Nathan W. Pyle.
please watch jenna marbles fuck around with a green screen im literally pissing myself
Did the cat just give–
this is the wholesome pure content we need more of
Dance to anything
Things come along like this that make the internet so special, I AM IN FUCKING TEARS
IT’S BACK
i want this on my blog at least once every 6 months until the day i die
mulan dont give a shit
mulan has run out of fucks to give
Mulan no curr
Mulan: “Gurl had it coming.”
Mulan: ” One less bitch, to worry about “
Mulan: “Who’s next?”
Mulan: “Look at all that dishonor”
I’M LAUGHING TO HARD AT THIS OMG
MULAN NO CURR
Mulan: Are you fucking serious Snow
Mulan: I fought in a motherfucking war
Mulan: I saved motherfucking China
Mulan: And you get taken down by a motherfucking apple
DISHONOUR ON YOU! DISHONOUR ON YOUR COW!
If one day I no longer reblog this it’s because I’m no longer in this world.
These people went from lifting chips to pulling off some action movie shit
Kitten thinks she is a dog after being raised by a Husky.
I know I’ve reblogged this before, but it makes me happy every time.
Same.
i bawled watching this
I love that she’s raising a pack of puppycats now.
push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.
Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.
I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.
*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about
*leans over and whispers back* Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst
consider the coconut
this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”
i love how you say “it reminds me of that time” like you were there.
listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them
This post is a journey
1 Reblog = 1 Respect
I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing.
Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It’s gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It’s a mammal. But. It lays eggs!
Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous
Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits. Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses. Poseidon: It should be aquatic.
I MEAN where’s the lie
Demeter: … And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Everyone: Australia.
Reblogging for that last exchange.
@shanastoryteller
The meanest crip walk I have ever seen
Smooth as fuck
Why can’t I stop watching this
I swear to god I’ve watched this like fifty times and I can’t stop laughing
He l p m e
I forgot I reblogged this to my main and I’m dYING