Secret Admirer for @spamanoweek
This took me all day. Warning for Lovino’s vocabulary.
It only read “I like you” and it was written in Arial font, perfectly printed on a pure white piece of paper.
Antonio found it in his school agenda, under the page: February the 14th.
It was carefully placed so that Antonio would find it, and he briefly forgot to realize someone have had to mess with his things to put it there. Not that he cared, he was too shocked and overjoyed.
He wasn’t unfamiliar with people liking him, but nobody had ever put him in such a situation. He felt like a response was necessary, but the message got him speechless. He was also without any kind of clue. What was the point of telling him something like that when he had no idea who to picture in his mind?
Antonio decided to do the next best thing: he responded hoping his secret admirer would leave another note soon (not that he was secretly hoping for it). He searched for his pen and turned the note over: “who are you?”
Antonio’s hopes were let down when after almost a week he had yet no answer. People told him to let it go, but he had already got to the point of losing sleep about it. And he was mad, because it was so stupid to get upset about something so meaningless. But he honestly wanted to know.
Francis was thrilled at first, but then he quickly forgot about the thing to focus on the size of the bouquet of roses that Rodrick Edelstein had bought to his girlfriend Erzabeth. Gilbert had called him a show off and had been too depressed to listen to Antonio rant about his personal dilemmas ever since.
When he told Lovino about it, he waved it off and told him something along the lines of “probably someone that hasn’t the guts to say it to your face. Why do you even care about it? You have a long-ass queue of people ready to throw themselves at you”
Antonio differed and Lovino snorted. And that was the end of the conversation.
Antonio had lost any hope at this point, thinking that his secret admirer didn’t really care that much after all, and that he would never hear from them again. So imagine his surprise when he opened his agenda and another carefully folded note slid from one of the pages.
“I can’t tell you who I am, what would the point of leaving you a note be, then?”
Antonio wanted to be mad, but his admirer had actually answered to him, and he just couldn’t bring himself to.
He quickly turned the paper over and wrote: “I’m so happy you answered me. Please never stop” It sounded stupid, he knew, but at least he had been genuine.
When Lovino asked him why he looked so damn happy later that day, Antonio told him the news, and Lovino shook his head.
“You asked me to keep writing, but what do you even want me to say?”
Antonio smiled. It was the third time his admirer wrote him. He considered it a success.
“Anything at all. I love your notes.
P.S. please leave your answer in the red agenda under my desk. I bought it for us, I figured it’ll be easier for you to leave it there than on the other one. I promise I’ll check it everyday”
When the day after Antonio did check under the desk and found yet another note, he was quick to read it.
“You bought an agenda for my shitty notes? Wow that’s commitment”
Antonio chuckled. The note was funny, but he wanted more. He had a plan to make his admirer properly talk to him. He pinned the note to the page and wrote down:“Yeah, of course I did. I really like talking to you. And they’re not shitty, otherwise I wouldn’t have kept them. Can’t you give me a clue? Your initial, the color of your eyes, anything. Oh, and answer to this: what are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day? Is that why you left me the note? Are you a romantic soul?”
Usually having a night out with his friends was a fun time, or at least it was most of the times, but right now the only thing he could think about were love notes and red agendas.
When his friends found out about his ongoing correspondency, they told him to man up and make his admirer tell their true identity. But Antonio was so worried he’d scare them away, he preferred to keep writing them love notes again and again.
“Antonio man, come back to earth”
Antonio smiled and rolled his eyes.
“What are you thinking about?” Gilbert said, reaching for Francis’ drink.
“My admirer. I don’t even know if I should call them that anymore. At this point, I’m the one writing love notes. They just leave sarcastic replies”
Antonio watched as Francis moved Gilbert’s hand away and kept drinking, unbothered.
“That doesn’t sound very promising” Gilbert said, going back to his seat.
“I know but, there’s something about them, that, uhm, I don’t know how to say this… makes me feel happy. Here”
Gilbert shot a confused look at Antonio, and then at Francis, who got up and sit right beside him.
“It’s ok to have fun Antoine, but don’t put your heart on the line just yet. I wouldn’t want you to end up hurt”
Antonio nodded, but his heart was already reaching that line.
“I think it’s way overrated. First of all, it should be dedicated to people who are in love, not solely to people in a relationship. And yet nobody gives me chocolate, what a scam. And no, I am not romantic at all, sorry if you expected that. I gave you that note because it was my way to celebrate, you could say. But I do stand by what I said. You’re pretty amazing.
P.S. I don’t want to give you clues, I’d probably mess up and you’ll figure out right away. Sorry.”
“I don’t mind at all, and yeah, I think you’re right. Never saw it under that point of view, though. I’d love to buy you all the chocolate in the world, but since you don’t give me any clues I’ll have to eat it all by myself. What kind of chocolate do you prefer?
P.S. I think you’re pretty amazing, too”
“Dark chocolate is definitely the best. It’s bitter, reminds me of myself. Just kidding. But actually I like it because you can make lots of things with it, you know? Like hot chocolate and cakes. Have fun eating it all up.
P.S. Thank you, but if you found out who I am you wouldn’t think that anymore.”
“Of course I would. You became so important to me in such a short time, it amazes me. I really want to meet you, but if you don’t feel comfortable, I’ll respect that. Do you bake? Sounded like it. I’d love to taste the things you do.
P.S. If possible, I like you even more. Don’t doubt yourself”
“Oh my God, did you actually leave a bar of chocolate for me? You’re an idiot, but it was delicious. I’m happy you respect that. Yeah I bake. Nothing’s too good though so don’t get your hopes up.
P.S. Thank you for everything. I love you”
He sit with Lovino at their usual place, watching as his friend argued with his laptop and cursed group works. According to him, he always had to do everything on his own.
Antonio sipped his iced chocolate and fidgeted with his shoes. Too much, maybe.
“Hey, stop moving the table” Lovino said, and reached out for Antonio’s drink. He always claimed to not want anything but Antonio had learnt to always ask for two straws. “What’s wrong with you today? You’re up in the clouds”
As Lovino sipped his half of chocolate Antonio crossed his arms and buried his head in them.
“My admirer. I can’t continue like this. I want to meet them, but they don’t feel comfortable to”
Antonio quickly got up and stared at Lovino. “I can’t do that. I like when they write me. We get along and” Antonio bit his lip. “They told me they love me”
Lovino moved his gaze from the computer and stared at him. “So what? You don’t even know them”
“We talk, and a lot! I absolutely adore them, Lovi. I lose sleep over it! My heart beats faster over a fucking piece of paper!”
Lovino stared at him, shocked at his outburst.
“It’s been months. I fell in love with them, Lovino. I can’t pretend like nothing happened”
Lovino seemed to understand, but shook his head and put the cup on the table. “Listen, you’re reading too much into this. It’s not that big of a deal. Someone likes you. That’s it. There’s a million more people out there”
Antonio shook his head and claimed his chocolate back. “You don’t understand…What if they’re my soulmate?”
There was the tiniest bit of sadness in his voice. Antonio went for his chocolate again, before realizing he was just sucking in ice.
“We’ll see” he said, standing up to find a bin.
“I can’t go on like this. I know you told me you don’t agree with this and I still respect that, but I can’t hide that it’s hurting me. You are the most beautiful thing that has happened to me. I think about you all the time, and I can’t think of any reason why I wouldn’t want you. Please, just think about it. You told me so much these past few months, you said you loved me, that you trusted me. I love you, too. The last thing I wanna do is hurt you in any way. If you decide you rather not, then it’s ok, and I’ll respect your decision, but I don’t know how much I can continue like this. I’m sorry if this note will upset you, but I can’t lie to you”
“I hoped this note would never come. Antonio, I love you so much, but I know for a fact you won’t hold the same feelings towards me if that happens. And that would destroy me, because I’ll lose you twice. See, the thing is, you know who I am. And I’ll die of mortification when you’ll see me walk trough the door. I love you so, so much, and will forever, but I don’t deserve you. You have all the right to call me selfish, but I don’t wanna risk losing you, even if that means you’ll never love me back. Please forgive me. L.”
“Mi amor, I would never think you’re selfish to do this. I respect it, but I’m still going to insist one last time. Please, believe me when I say you can trust me. I would never hold this against you. I’m sure I’ll still love you unconditionally. In case you change your mind, I’ll wait for you in the cafe down the road all day. If you decide not to come, I’ll never bother you again about this. I love you.
P.S. Whatever happens, my heart is yours to keep, forever”
Antonio sighed and checked his phone for the umpteenth time.
18.27. The cafe would soon close, and he should have probably got up and left hours ago. He had been there since morning. But he refused to let it all go. Maybe, just maybe, his secret admirer would show up. He knew there was only a little possibility for it to happen, but that tiny hope was all he had.
The staff was already preparing to close.
18.48. Antonio shook his head and got up.
So it had been all useless in the end. Everyone else was right. He shouldn’t have put his heart on the line.
He got up to collect his things, when the little bell on the door rang. Lovino’s eyes met Antonio’s. He stood on the doorframe, shaking: he’d been crying. Antonio stood shocked in his place. Lovino tried to make some steps forward but a loud sob made him halt, and when Antonio still didn’t move he turned around and went for the door.
It was in that moment that Antonio got back to reality. “Lovino, no! Wait!”
Lovino froze in his place, facing the door.
Lovino turned around, a hand over his mouth to silence his crying.
Antonio cut the inches between them until he could hear Lovino’s shaking breaths next to him, and then he gently wrapped his arms around the other, laying his chin on top of Lovino’s head. He rocked him back and forth until Lovino’s crying stopped, his face hid in the space of Antonio’s neck.
“I’m so sorry I scared you Lovi” he whispered “I had no time to realize. I’m so sorry”
Lovino distanced himself from Antonio, rubbing away his tears with his sleeve, but Antonio kept his arms firm around him. “I’m sorry it’s me” he whispered.
Antonio widened his eyes, and quickly rushed to dry the tears that silently fell from Lovino’s eyes. “What? Why? Lovino I’m so happy”
“Of course. Lovi you’re my best friend. I couldn’t have wished for anyone else”
“But it’s just me. I thought you wouldn’t ever feel that way with me”
“Lovi, are you kidding? I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time, I thought you didn’t feel the same way and I gave up. Lovino, I’m so happy it’s you”
Lovino snuggled his face in the other’s shirt, Antonio’s hands lovingly caressing his back.
“Yeah” he said, placing a kiss on Lovino’s forehead. “I love you so, so much, my dearest secret admirer” he whispered to him, painting Lovino’s cheeks red.
Antonio brushed some of Lovino’s hair away from his eyes and smiled. “There’s technically 5 more minutes before they close up” he started “An iced chocolate, two straws?” He asked, looking sincerely at the other.
Lovino smiled back and nodded.
“My dearest Lovino, I’m so happy to finally write your name. I think we should keep writing to each other, because you know too well I have a weak spot for your love notes. And you can’t say no, because I’ve already bought enough agendas to last a lifetime. You were so beautiful today. I hope your group project turned out great, I know you care a lot about it. Would you like to come over tonight? We could make that new recipe you saw online. I love you so much.
Your not-so-secret-admirer”
“Dear Antonio, I’ll agree to writing you more cheesy notes only if you promise me to not hold it against me. I would love to completely destroy your kitchen with my cooking skills, as long as we both share the blame. I realized I still haven’t thanked you for the other day. I was so scared you wouldn’t talk to me ever again. I debated all day wether to meet you or not, you know? When I got there I was still unsure about it. But when I saw you about to leave I got scared of losing what we had. You told me to trust you and I did. I should have trusted you a long time ago when you said nothing would have changed. But I’m sure that if things wouldn’t have worked out you would still be my friend, because you’re not like anyone else. I love you now more than ever, and I fall in love with you again and again everyday. Thank you,
“I would have never hurt you, amor. You don’t have to thank me. I loved you, and I still do. I can’t wait to see you and blow up some cakes together. Don’t worry, I bought some extra dark chocolate just in case. I am so grateful you left me that note.
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