Pseudosurgeon

| Michel/Mickie/Misha | he/him | 28 | Ukraine | I draw | currently obsessing over Dispatch and Murder Drones | COMMISSIONS ARE SUPER OPEN | reposts are allowed with credit (esp if you share the link with me) | If I'm gone for long - I'm not dead just tired

[pseud0surge0n]

SLAY BESTIES Full disclosure: this is traced from a photo Also it's super messy n I genuinely dunno what's going on w light on this pic but I kinda don't care how technically well made or not my art is anymore as long as it looks like smth I would've saved if I saw it while browsing. And this thingy I'd save in a heartbeat so yeah. Live mental breakdown over, time to get Dispatch obsession outta my system

[pseud0surge0n]

Returning to the trans community after 8 years of denial is like going back to an online game you've abandoned like

- "Woah they made old content (binders, testogel) available in my region!"

- "AND added new content? (trans tape) Wow this makes the experience so much more comfortable"

- "Wow, the new locations (gender-affirming care clinics) are amazing!! Back in my day there was like only this one spot all the people hung out around (a single surgeon everyone knew)"

- "Ah. The mods (committee*) are still the same shitty bitches disconnected from the community. Great."

-"Damn, our fandom sure is hated out there. But at least people know about our existance!"

*for those blessed to live in a country that doesn't pathologize being trans: in my country, there's a committee that decides whether you're trans enough, and without their permission, you can't get surgeries and can only do hrt illegally. "being trans enough" includes: identifying as a binary man/woman (whatever is "opposite" to your AGAB) since early childhood, never doubting your identity, having strong aversion to your body, being straight as a line (but also not have intimacy with anyone bc youre so repulsed of your body), living in stealth mode, preferably being on hrt already (yes despite it being illegal without a paper - that shows that you needed transition THAT bad) and having no mental illnesses or neurodivergencies whatsoever (bc then they will assume your identity is a product of your disorders).

[pseud0surge0n]

Also I just need to talk about all this because I haven't felt remotely this good for the past 8 years.

CW: EDs, mentions of suicide

For the padt 8 years (after I chose to detransion socially), I felt miserable. I had bipolar before that, but my depressions became neverending since that decision. I was drinking so much I don't remember 2 whole years of my life. I tried to change my body and style in a hope that I might like myself as a woman if I just look a certain way. So I tried losing weight - didn't help, became anorexic. Then I decided maybe if I exercise to build a more hourglass figure I will start liking myself - didn't help, became bulimic, hated the result, started overeating.

Then I experimented with style a lot, and you know what - it's cool, I still love my fun wardrobe and I love doing makeup occasionally but it didn't help me accept my body or my face.

And ofc I "reflected upon my internalized misoginy". 8 years, 5 therapists, no help. Because it was never the issue.

All my pictures from past 8 years are heavily edited to the point where you can't tell that tge person on the pic is supposed to be me. It was my way of coping - disassociating from my body. That is not me, that is a character.

But now I can look at myself in the mirror and not hate myself. I didn't even start hrt, I just put a binder on and think of myself as a man and immediately I like how I look.

And thoughts of ending my life were so often they became just background noice. "I want to die" on repeat at the back of my mind . For years on end. Until I just accepted it as the norm.

I am not embarrassed of wearing things that I did before bc they "looked ugly on me". They don't, I just hated myself. I look great in them.

I am taking a billion pics of myself daily, like I did before that stupid decision (failed to mention: I was out of the closet as a teen, I just pushed mysself back in there), and I feel confident about sharing them.

I started caring about my health - signed up for the gym, cut back on the alcohol, made appointments with various doctors (I was never checked whatsoever since I was in my mid teens) because now I ACTUALLY CARE IF I GONNA LIVE A LONG HAPPY LIFE!!!

I have a rough path ahead. Doctors, committee, coming out to my parents.... again, spendings spendings spendings. But I feel motivated to actually work for it. I feel alive. I want to live a life I denied myself.

[pseud0surge0n]

Returning to the trans community after 8 years of denial is like going back to an online game you've abandoned like

- "Woah they made old content (binders, testogel) available in my region!"

- "AND added new content? (trans tape) Wow this makes the experience so much more comfortable"

- "Wow, the new locations (gender-affirming care clinics) are amazing!! Back in my day there was like only this one spot all the people hung out around (a single surgeon everyone knew)"

- "Ah. The mods (committee*) are still the same shitty bitches disconnected from the community. Great."

-"Damn, our fandom sure is hated out there. But at least people know about our existance!"

*for those blessed to live in a country that doesn't pathologize being trans: in my country, there's a committee that decides whether you're trans enough, and without their permission, you can't get surgeries and can only do hrt illegally. "being trans enough" includes: identifying as a binary man/woman (whatever is "opposite" to your AGAB) since early childhood, never doubting your identity, having strong aversion to your body, being straight as a line (but also not have intimacy with anyone bc youre so repulsed of your body), living in stealth mode, preferably being on hrt already (yes despite it being illegal without a paper - that shows that you needed transition THAT bad) and having no mental illnesses or neurodivergencies whatsoever (bc then they will assume your identity is a product of your disorders).

[loveridden1999]

bring back shame

[loveridden1999]

peer reviewed tags

[vanillastar66]

ugly boy is colorful

[pseud0surge0n]

*Shouts off the top of my lungs*

📣📣📣I LOVE MY DISABLED CAT!!!!📣📣📣

May I present to you

✨Cinnamon✨

in case anyone's conserned abt anything in this video:

1) Cinnamon is a dwarf (she is 1 year old but the size if a 3 m.o. kittten), blind, half-deaf rescue cat. Her head is permanently tilted to the side due to the damage to her inner ear. Her ear has long been treated but due to muscle atrophy developed while she was sick, her head posture can not be fixed.

2) You can see a wound on one of her eyes in some shots - this is due to her scratching a place of a recent surgery. She is fine and healing ♥️

3) A lot of cats in the shots are rescues I am fostering. The lil black baby with bald head had a fungal infection and didn't grow out her fur yet

[pseud0surge0n]

I don't believe in supernatural but it feels right now like the Universe is trying to test how much I can take before walking out of the window.

She is severely sick. I'm broke as hell. Everything in my life is falling apart, like every aspect of living one can think of, and now this on top. I can't take this anymore but I have no right to quit because my cats need me and several people will be very upset by that.

I literally don't feel like there's anything I want to live for, nothing I'm looking forward to in the future, I just MUST because of obligations I have.

[pseud0surge0n]

I've lost her tonight. I will forever love you, my little monkey. I'm broken by this. I can't describe how unfortunate the circumstances in my life have been these past months, and if I hadn't a shelter to provide for, I'd quit life after this one.

I fought for her to the end, spared no funds to make sure there was no option not explored, but sadly some things just depends on one's immunity.

Thank you for everything, Cinnamon. You will live forever in my heart.

[pseud0surge0n]

*Shouts off the top of my lungs*

📣📣📣I LOVE MY DISABLED CAT!!!!📣📣📣

May I present to you

✨Cinnamon✨

in case anyone's conserned abt anything in this video:

1) Cinnamon is a dwarf (she is 1 year old but the size if a 3 m.o. kittten), blind, half-deaf rescue cat. Her head is permanently tilted to the side due to the damage to her inner ear. Her ear has long been treated but due to muscle atrophy developed while she was sick, her head posture can not be fixed.

2) You can see a wound on one of her eyes in some shots - this is due to her scratching a place of a recent surgery. She is fine and healing ♥️

3) A lot of cats in the shots are rescues I am fostering. The lil black baby with bald head had a fungal infection and didn't grow out her fur yet

[pseud0surge0n]

I don't believe in supernatural but it feels right now like the Universe is trying to test how much I can take before walking out of the window.

She is severely sick. I'm broke as hell. Everything in my life is falling apart, like every aspect of living one can think of, and now this on top. I can't take this anymore but I have no right to quit because my cats need me and several people will be very upset by that.

I literally don't feel like there's anything I want to live for, nothing I'm looking forward to in the future, I just MUST because of obligations I have.

[neo-exploded]

my mind knows no bounds and i fear this information

fun fact list while i can

- roberts necklace is supposed to look like the astral pulse but pretned its a dna thingy idk

- ALL the girls have dyed hair (alice is a given, mandy has brown roots but dyed it blonde or bleached it, courtney thinks she looks badass with hair dyed)

- herm has those. like those kinds of glasses with the lanyard to keep em around ur neck that u normally see on granmas because he would (i couldnt think of a replacement for the dork pouch)

- beef is probably gonna be bumpy but i havent thought this out fully soooo idk

[pseud0surge0n]

Yknow I've been very self-depricating lately so today I'll do the opposite and compliment myself on how little fucks I give about my hobbies. As in - I categorically don't care if my art is clean, if it's unique, if it's high-effort, if I'm drawing fast, if I'm progressing, if it's better than it was years ago, if it's better or worse than someone else's, if people like it or not, if I have a lot of notes or not, if I have a high subscriber count or not. I only care about 3 things: - feeling happy while I'm drawing - feeling happy when it's done (which is very easy to be if you don't care about all things I don't care about) - making fellow fandom people happy (doesn't matter really if someone dislikes or hates my art or whatever - I know that no matter what you're making tere's at least 1 person out there starving for that art specifically, and they're worth posting your stuff for)

[pseud0surge0n]

I could do things back in 2018 that I genuinely dunno how to do anymore - soft shading on painted art. I was really upset about it for some time because I felt like I regressed and therefor my art is now inherently worse. I am not anymore - why being upset over not being able to draw in a style you DON'T enjoy drawing in anyway? Cause that's the reason I've lost that skill - I just didn't wanna draw that kinda art. The results looked pretty and I was proud of myself, but the process was killing my love for the craft. My current art can be a step down from that, hell its not even a very well-made example of cell-shaded art tbh. But it's fun to draw and I am equally proud of myself when Im done. And like it's valid if someone hates the process but feels like the end result is worth it all. But it's not for me. I don't want to feel any sort of stress when I'm doing my hobbies - I have plenty of that in my normal life.

[pseud0surge0n]

Yknow I've been very self-depricating lately so today I'll do the opposite and compliment myself on how little fucks I give about my hobbies. As in - I categorically don't care if my art is clean, if it's unique, if it's high-effort, if I'm drawing fast, if I'm progressing, if it's better than it was years ago, if it's better or worse than someone else's, if people like it or not, if I have a lot of notes or not, if I have a high subscriber count or not. I only care about 3 things: - feeling happy while I'm drawing - feeling happy when it's done (which is very easy to be if you don't care about all things I don't care about) - making fellow fandom people happy (doesn't matter really if someone dislikes or hates my art or whatever - I know that no matter what you're making tere's at least 1 person out there starving for that art specifically, and they're worth posting your stuff for)

[pseud0surge0n]

Release

He must`ve not believed his eyes at first when his mother appeared out of nowhere to free him from his imprisonment

[long-lost-toenail]

tysm for the new scenario that will be playing repetitively in my head for the next 3 hours... or more

(I LOVE YOU-)

[pseud0surge0n]

You welcome!

And thanks :>

[tectoniccyborg]

FYI The Boys fan peeps, they WILL be for sale but hush hush, please tell literally EVERYONE except prime 😩😫✨

[sotrias-labyrinth-deactivated20]

I feel like when I say ‘relatable’ what I really mean is ‘resonant.’ I don’t want characters who I feel are like me, I want characters who have emotions so strong I can feel them through the page.

[secretlyatargaryen]

I think this is important because a lot of us forget the power of stories to make us feel things about characters who are not like us, who have experienced things that we never will. The purpose of listening to someone else's story should not necessarily be identification, but understanding.

[vyvilha]

please help my friend who's house was hit by a missile this night

PayPal - [email protected]

[fascinationstreetmp3]

answer generated with ai! create a playlist with ai! ai can create art for you! let ai analyse your face to decide how old you are! your ai assistant can generate a summary of that text message or email! use ai to make a fun new lockscreen for your phone! write a new chapter for that abandoned fanfiction you love with ai! ai can make your favourite celebrity say whatever you want! i asked meta i asked grok i asked chatgpt

[pseud0surge0n]

Never get lonely with your new AI girlfriend

We added a new AI-tool to your favorite app

Check out world's first AI-generated- *gunshot*

[pseud0surge0n]

Kite sketches

bc I have 0 time to finish them and it`d be a waste to just NOT share them + I know y`all fellow Kite simps are hungry for any new content rly (I would know, I`m a Kite simp and I am checking daily for new content lmao)

3 is him squeezing water outta his hair - it`s gonna be a big piece w him and the kids at the river

bonus: Kite and Pitou as aliens from my sci-fi orig (naravi) species most known for their scientific hubris, lack of medical etiquette and being long space monkeycats

[pseud0surge0n]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ZEKE AND REINER I don't have any art of Reiner (which is a crime bc he's my 2nd favorite) and ran out of colored Zeke art so today I bring you a SKETCHDUMP instead

More below!

They`re all frames from an OCXcanon comics so pardon the awkward cropping on some Timeline (canon + headcanon)

from a silly winter funtime comic

ModernAU teen (+1 adult) Zeke

And some emotions from another lil comic