Talking with a friend about her last relationship.
An ex of my friends really messed her up some with his mental issues. Always needy and demanding attention. Maybe this isn’t the right platform for this type of post but I can’t post it on facebook because my family will see and they’re all cucks, lol. But this is what I said to my friend.
“I never date people with mental problems. Like it’s a rule I’ve got. It’s fine to have baggage, everyone has issues, but the people with serious problems I stay away from. I need to focus on me. I’m up for helping when I can once in a while but I’m not the guy that’s gonna take care of someone. I’m mentally stable as fuck. Like I have no issues at all in my life. I’m happy, confident, know where I’m going with my life, happy with my living situation for the most part, I’m in college, I have friends that care about me, and I’m motivated to continue becoming better every day. I need someone who is at least half as together as I am. I’m not looking for a fixer upper. I’ve been there and done that. I want a woman that knows what she wants and is going for it. Someone strong, independent, smart, funny, and beautiful. And maybe it comes off cocky but I’m confident that if I wait I’ll find someone who is worth me. Because I deserve to be happy and I know that whoever ends up with me won’t be disappointing because I work hard on relationships. I make sure my partner is happy and I make them a part of my activities. So if you know what you want then you should definitely never settle. Go for what you want. Make sure you are happy in your relationships and not just making someone else happy.”
And maybe I should clarify a few things here. When I say fixer upper (that’s a pretty offensive term probably? But I don’t really have any better term.) I mean someone struggling with mental illness. And I know it’s probably not their fault they’re dealing with things. I’ve struggled with mental illness myself. PTSD, depression, suicidal thoughts and actions, as we all abandonment issues. I’ve overcome all of those things almost completely. The only thing I still have a small problem with is abandonment and that’s coming along. So when I say I’m not trying to be in a relationship with someone with these types of problems it’s because I know what being on the receiving end and giving end of that type of relationship feels like. Receiving feels like a lot of pressure. You have to try and do everything right all the time and it’s very hard. Giving feels like you’re a burden and you want to be better for them but don’t know how. I know if I went into a relationship with someone who was still struggling I wouldn’t be satisfied. I wouldn’t be happy. I would do whatever I could to make them happy but I know that it wouldn’t be enough because they’re not okay. And maybe I would help them eventually but how long would it take? It took me years to overcome my problem. I’m 25 and only got over my shit like 2 years ago. How long would it take for me to help someone else? Now I’m not saying others aren’t willing to take the time to help, more power to them, but I’ve helped so much already. I just can’t anymore, not all the time at least. Like I said, I’m willing to do what I can but as a friend. I can’t be someones main support all the time.
This brings me to another thing. If I ever end up having to struggle with mental illness again then I know what I would do. I would work on myself to overcome my problems. I also know what I wouldn’t do. I would never date someone if I felt I wasn’t at 100% It’snot fair to them and it’s not fair to me. Unless I’m already in a relationship and then develop problems. That’s an exception. There are exceptions to every rule.
I know it can be hard to deal with your problems. But let me be an example to you. My first memory is of my dad beating me in my living room, mom crying in the corner not knowing what to do, and my sisters looking in the doorway at the age of 6. My second memory is of him dragging me by the neck out from under the table I was hiding under in the middle of my schools cafeteria. That was 2 or 3 years later. I’m still missing huge gaps of memories that I’ll probably never get back. I don’t really consider that a problem though. I’ve been abused. I’ve been the abuser as well. Maybe my pain is different than yours but I believe if I can overcome years of physical and mental abuse from my dad and teachers than so can you overcome the things you’re dealing with.
The way I overcame my problems was by, I know it sounds cheesy, first admitting I have a problem. For a long time I didn’t know I had a problem. After that I needed to figure out why I thought that way. That I learned only a few years ago. I learned it by taking sociology, psychology, and studying philosophy on my own. I learned what made people tick. Why I acted the way I did, how best to change, and how I could always be better than the day before. And you don’t need any formal education to study btw. Just read books on your own or online. You can figure that out, it’s 2017, lol. Internet has everything. What I learned was when I was a child I thought hitting someone that was doing something you didn’t like was how you got them to stop. I didn’t realize that was wrong for quite a while. I learned why I thought that as well. I was always being told by my dad that he was hitting me so I would do better. Get better grades in class, don’t back talk your teachers, don’t hit your sisters, everything I did wrong I was hit for and told to do better. So I thought that’s what you did to make someone better. Well it kind of did the opposite, lol. I was messed up from as far back as I can remember all the way up to my late teens. It took a lot of hard work, dedication, and, yes, help from friends to overcome my problems. But I did it. I’m better for it. I’m strong. I’m really strong now. I really believe that all of you can as well.
I’m really rambling now. I feel like I had more to say but I honestly can’t remember. I feel like this post is a bust honestly but I’m going to post it anyway because I’m interested in others opinions. I’m interested in if I’m thinking of something wrong or if there’s another way to look at this.
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