Aaron Burr and his umbrella misfortunes
Home at 4. Caught in the rain, having yesterday left my umbrella at Brentfordâno doubt lost. Dinner, B. and K. Read out the review of the âLife of Washingtonâ by Marshall and Ramsay. The review is full as stupid, and as illy written, as either of the books.
Loses umbrella for the first time. (Bonus throwing shade on Life of Washington and its review.)
Rose at ten. Such is the mode in London. Sor. at 1. Going up Haymarket, met Madame O., and walked with her half an hour. Went to the stage-house in Piccadilly to inquire for my umbrella, but with little hope. It was there, brought by the coachman; 1 shilling 6 pence. How very honest people are here, and yet I am cheated most impudently every hour!
Finds the umbrella, has to pay to get it back.
Rose at 6. Set off at 7. I sleep very soundly in these stage coaches. By sleeping, however, forgot to ask for my umbrella, which I had left at Stanmore.
When he seemingly forgets it again.
Stayed to dinner. Out at 10; raining, took K.âs umbrella, having lost my own. Koe overtook me, having run all that way in the rain; sent by Bentham to bring me back to sleep, he not suspecting that I was going off. Apologized.
As I was writing the concluding line of the preceding page last evening (about 1 o'clock) an ill-looking fellow opened my door without knocking, and muttering in German something which I did not comprehend, bid me put out my candle. Being in no very placid humor at the moment, as you see, I cursed him and sent him to hell in French and English. He advanced and was going to seize the candle. My umbrella, which had a dirk in the handle, being near me, I seized it, drew the dirk, and drove him out of the room. Some minutes after I heard the steps of a number of men and looking out at my windows saw it was a corporalâs guard. It then occurred to me that this Erfurt, being a garrison town with a French governor (de Vismes), there might probably enough be an order for extinguishing lights at a certain hour, and I had no doubt but the gentlemen I had just seen in the street were coming to invite me to take a walk with them. So I bundled up my papers and put them in my pocket to be ready for a lodging in the guard house. It was only the relief of the centinelsâ going round and who the impertinent extinguisher was I have not learnt.
So much to unpack here I donât know where to even start. I donât know if my favourite thing is
that there was a stranger barging into his room insisting he puts out the candle,
that he crankily attacked him with a knife,
that the knife was hidden inside the handle of his umbrella,
that he suddenly remembered there was a law forbidding light after a certain hour
and was afraid the guards passing by might be coming for him
âŠor that he had a rare stroke of luck and nothing happened
Sor. 11 to the umbrella-mender; nothing done.
I had no parapluiÂČ and was resolved not to take coach if one had offered. Got home wet to the skin, from head to foot. Jul. made me a good fire, for my chimney was reformed a little. Changed clothes. Caf. blanc, and am quite refreshed.
2 For farafluit. Umbrella.
Deliberating on the state of my finances, found that this sans sous state was not only inconvenient, but dangerous; for instance, this morning I hit a glass window with my umbrella, and had nearly forced it through one of three large panes. In such a case you have only to pay, and thereâs an end of it; but had I broken the pane and not been able to pay for it, I must infallibly have been taken before a commissionaire de police to abide his judgment.
Thence to Vanderlynâs to get more newspapers. While there it set in to rain; had no umbrella, and got wet.
A brilliant morning. Sun shining bright for this hemisphere. Went out without my umbrella. Before I got one hundred yards it began to rain. Went back for the umbrella.
At least you went back for it this time I guess?
Very grave and philosophical, and full of good resolutions. Have lost my umbrella! But it is better to begin in the usual form.
Had breakfast at 6. Was sitting in the parlor below reading a newspaper. Received a smart click on the head. It was Madame. âMais vous etes la tout tranquille. Vous laissez tous vos hardes pele mele. Voila votre paraplui. Vous ne pensez a rien. Vous etes come un enfant. Le diligence va partir et vous ne faites rien"ÂČ.
2 For âMais vous ĂȘtes lĂ tout tranquille. Vous laissez toutes vos hardes pĂȘle-mĂȘle. VoilĂ votre parapluie. Vous ne pensez Ă rien. Vous ĂȘtes comme un enfant. Le diligence va partir et vous ne faites rien.â âBut you are quite at your ease there. You leave all your clothes lying pell mell. There is your umbrella. You don'tthink of anything. You are like a child. The diligence is going to leave you and you are doing nothing."Â Â
After the fireworks were done, Mr. L. proposed that he and I should walk along the river and about the palace, to see the various illuminations. F. recommended this; we saw her in the carriage, and she went off; we were to take our chance for a hack. Mr. L., not being well acquainted with the ground, and the confusion produced by the variety of light, led us astray, and when we reached the river found ourselves œ mile above the bridge. It now began to rain hard; we had no surtouts or umbrellas. When we reached the bridge, there was nothing to be seen which we had not before seen from a better point of view. We, therefore, took shelter in the first house we could get in ; but the crowd was so immense that even this was difficult. At length we had room to stand up under cover. Mr. L. then went out to hunt a carriage. All were engaged. He went in another direction, and, after an hour, returned without success. He was not to be discouraged. Out he went again. A guinea was asked for a seat to town, about six or seven miles; and then you must be crammed in with six or eight drenched people. At œ p. 1 he returned with a carriage; at what price I know not, for he would not let me interfere.
I should say this was the same day as, or shall I say directly after the âgot brain freeze and thought he was dyingâ episode. Burr just canât catch a damn break.
The chevalier led me au P. R., after strolling an hour, in a caffe into a cellar, which I will describe as well as I can. We took ice-creams. There was music and a ventriloquist. We agreed to neglect Madame F. At œ p. 10 I got home.
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Mem.: Left my new umbrella at that confounded ventriloquistâs and am sure shall never see it again.
My umbrella is lost; lost 32 francs. Paid for our ice-creams 3 francs.
To near Luxembourg 5 to get an umbrella which some one, unknown, left in my room a fortnight ago, and which has, therefore, become my property by prescription. Paid for mending it, 3 francs.
Score! Gains an umbrella instead of losing it for once.
The morning appearing fine, went out without my umbrella and got well wetted. It is against my conscience, you know, to hire a hack.
Set out for Lincolnâs Inn Fields, but hard rain coming on, and having taken no umbrella, the morning being fine, turned about and stopped a few minutes at Godwinâs. Continued in all the rain; by musing, lost my way and got wet to the skin. Home at 4. Changed and made a great fire.
And here is where the fun begins:
Got home at 4, and discovered that I had lost my umbrella; a most serious misfortune, and little hope of recovering it, as I have no recollection where I stopped. It is impossible for me to buy one or to do without one.
Slept near seven hours last night, and did not rise till 8. My umbrella hung heavy at my heart. Went to hunt for it. Walked back on the track I came from J. H.âs yesterday, and called at the places I had been; but no umbrella. It is finally lost, and IÂ must submit to the inconvenience of getting wet and of spoiling my clothes.Â
Then home, following again the track of my poor lost umbrella, but to no purpose.Â
I had intended to have breakfasted at J. B.âs, for the purpose of taking the retorts early to friend Allen; but in the first place I slept till 9, and in the next it rained in torrents and you know my umbrella is on a voyage.
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The rain setting in again, bought me the cheapest umbrella I could find that was large enough. Cost 10 shillings and 6 pence.
