What I mean when I post something like „Fuck Gender Norms“.
If you follow me on my social media profiles, epecially my tumblr, you might have noticed my stand on gender norms. Whether it is a post with pictures of an editorial with a beautiful boy in a glamourous evening gown or - less ambiguous - a post that merely reads „Fuck Gender Norms“.
Regarding the reblogs and notes of these posts, most of tumblr is onto this and getting the whole issue. However, it has happened more than once that someone asked me whether I „didn’t want to be a boy anymore“ after I posted something like that.
Before I continue, in defence of all my transgender friends, I want to correct sayings like „you want to be a girl/boy?“ and tell you that it is better to ask whether someone „IS a boy or a girl“ (IF in any case you really feel the need to ask which can be already rude, at least use the right question). Being transgender and deciding to get gender-conforming surgery or starting a hormone treatment isn’t like wanting a new handbag or a pair of new shoes. Neither is it a trend or „cool at the moment“ - although mainstream media thinks it’s pretty cool and trendy to write about it right now. Plus you can be transgender without getting any surgical operation.
Gender is a part of everyone’s identity. Whether you are aware of it or not.
However, in our society gender is still too seen often as binary and not as a spectrum. On the day you are born, there is someone you don’t know and will never meet again who assigns your gender and decides if you are a boy or a girl merely depending on your sex. No one will probably ever ask you after that again if you identify as a boy or a girl. Maybe that’s somehow excusable because in most cases the assigned gender is the gender you are identifying yourself with, which still doesn’t mean that it is right that you are never asked again.
There’s a beautiful distinction in the English language that makes it pretty easy to see the difference between „gender“ and „sex“ because these two different things have two different words. I don’t know about other languages, but in German there is only one word for it – „Geschlecht“. To be able to describe the difference we have adapted the word „gender“ here. Gender is your identity whereas sex is merely your biological body.
If you are assigned the gender „boy“ because you have a penis and testicles and you identify yourself as a boy, you call that cis-gender. Same goes for „girl“ because of your vagina and ovaries.
Good for you; That’s the norm in our society and you can consider yourself privileged. Still, this fits perfectly into our society’s binary gender definition and doesn’t deal in any way with the spectrum that gender is. Society has its problems with spectrums and fluidity of identities because it is so much easier to deal with a world that is black and white. That’s also the reason why prejudice and streotypes exist. It’s just so much easier to deal with it that way. No matter if you talk about gender or sexuality.
Gender norms are the result of people thinking in binary gender identities and gender stereotypes. You have both physical and personal characertistics that people regard as „traditional masculine or feminine“. These gender norms dictate which behaviour is appropriate and acceptable according to our gender:
Girls wear skirts, have long hair and smooth skin, should behave well and take care of children, be soft and tender. Boys wear pants, cut their hair short, aren’t supposed to groom their body hair, are wild and loud and provide.
From the day we are born we are supposed to fit into these stereotypes and act like them.
When I was a little boy, I loved playing both with dolls and cars. Most children don’t care about grown-ups telling them that dolls are for girls and cars are for boys. Well, I didn’t and why should I have? My father, the patriarch of our family, was the one who was upset and fighting with my mother about the toys I wanted to play with. He didn’t care about the fact that dolls made me as happy as cars. I’m glad at least my mother did.
However, I didn’t realise that at the age of 7 but it subconsiously made me question my identity and wonder if something „was wrong with me“. When my parents got divorced, I even thought that it might have been my fault because they have been fighting about the toys I was playing with quite frequently. Nowadays I know that their divorce had nothing to do with me but I am sure there are many children who are forced to go through similar experiences.
It isn’t 1995 any more and I have already outgrown my days as an introverted, self-conscious teenager in the conservative South of Germany but many things could have been so much easier for me if I knew then what I know now.
It is okay that I identify as a boy and wear my hair long and dye it blonde.
It is okay that I identify as a boy and like to wear make up.
It is okay that I identify as a boy and feel pretty in a dress.
It is okay that I identify as a boy and embrace my feminine chatarcter traits.
Fuck yeah, it is okay! It’s even great!
I identify as a boy but still feel like a girl sometimes. That’s okay too. And there is not the tiniest reason to feel ashamed for it. Does that make me gender-fluid? I don’t know.
All I know is that this is my life and my identity and I am not backing down because some people feel uncomfortable around me or get confused.
I’m not changing because of someone else’s confusion and neither should you. That’s what I mean when I say „Fuck Gender Norms“.
jbbartram-illu
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
annaxmalina
kaledo-art
germansingergirl
